FabSwingers.com forum: When do you tell a potential partner?

By *leafordian75 OP Man
over a year ago

Newark

Apologies if this had been asked before - and I'm sure it has!

When do single folks on here tell their date that they swing?

I've been divorced for almost ten years and had a couple of long-term relationships since then where I've simply stopped swinging.

However, on Saturday night I was on a second date with someone who seemed very sexually open and I happened to mention that I swing (rarely!) and the conversation died. She said, "I'm not sure I'm okay with that." She grabbed her bag and left.

I've messaged her over the weekend and no reply so I think that's dead in the water.

When is the best time to tell someone? I feel it should be before sex occurs, but not if they're going to ghost me....

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

What's more important to you- the chance to build a nice relationship with someone as you get to know them and then some regular sex, or an occasional foray into the swinging world?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What's more important to you- the chance to build a nice relationship with someone as you get to know them and then some regular sex, or an occasional foray into the swinging world?"

I think this is unfair as part of a relationship is being your whole self. Imagine dating someone who isn't on your same wavelength even if they don't want to swing at least they should be able to see it as not some sordid activity that vanilla people can be guilty of.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Oh I keep all my weirdness front and centre so everyone is forewarned before we get that far.

Nothing worse than getting attached to someone and then finding out they've been hiding something all along because they didn't want to put you off sex with them.

I want informed and enthusiastic consent in all my sexual encounters, not deceiving people into fucking me who wouldn't if they knew who I am 💜

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Would've just brought it up as a topic have they ever heard of the swinging lifestyle and what their own opinion is of it then carefully asked questions re it. From that you'd know better which way you'd like to go

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By *xfordjohnMan
over a year ago

Oxford

"Oh I keep all my weirdness front and centre so everyone is forewarned before we get that far.

Nothing worse than getting attached to someone and then finding out they've been hiding something all along because they didn't want to put you off sex with them.

I want informed and enthusiastic consent in all my sexual encounters, not deceiving people into fucking me who wouldn't if they knew who I am 💜"

I agree 100%. I told my late wife about my swinging with my previous wife before we got close to being in bed together and she was happy to accept me as I am, so I ended up with the best of both worlds, a happy marriage and eventually a return to meeting others for fun.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Apologies if this had been asked before - and I'm sure it has!

When do single folks on here tell their date that they swing?

I've been divorced for almost ten years and had a couple of long-term relationships since then where I've simply stopped swinging.

I've messaged her over the weekend and no reply so I think that's dead in the water.

When is the best time to tell someone? I feel it should be before sex occurs, but not if they're going to ghost me.... "

You'll hold information back if it might stop you getting sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Right at the beginning, if they bolt then they were not the one anyway 🤣

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By *aturalisimoMan
over a year ago

london

Thats a shame. If her problem was not wanting to swing then giving you a chance to accept it wont happen in this relationship would be reasonable. Especially as it seems youre okay with that.

If her problem was with people who swing then maybe its good she left

To be honest sounds like you got a lucky escape.

Regarding when to say it. From my experience if the person is open to it or even at least accepting then the first date can be appropriate depending on how it goes. I bet if she was open to it the conversation couldve gone completely differently.

Just carry on being you and when you find someone that accepts you 100%, dont let them go!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Apologies if this had been asked before - and I'm sure it has!

When do single folks on here tell their date that they swing?

I've been divorced for almost ten years and had a couple of long-term relationships since then where I've simply stopped swinging.

I've messaged her over the weekend and no reply so I think that's dead in the water.

When is the best time to tell someone? I feel it should be before sex occurs, but not if they're going to ghost me.... "

Personally I think you should tell them asap and definitely before sex. The female in question did the right thing and made her feelings clear by taking her bag and leaving. You should now do the decent thing and leave her alone. By telling her that you swing you are

1) telling her you are going to be fucking around during your relationship with her

2) telling her you want her to join in your fucking around.

I don't blame her for leaving, it's clearly not her scene.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"By telling her that you swing you are

1) telling her you are going to be fucking around during your relationship with her

2) telling her you want her to join in your fucking around."

That's a pretty rough interpretation of swingers. I hope you can find the right people for you 💜

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By *ISSchievous CoupleCouple
over a year ago

County Durham

"By telling her that you swing you are

1) telling her you are going to be fucking around during your relationship with her

2) telling her you want her to join in your fucking around.

That's a pretty rough interpretation of swingers. I hope you can find the right people for you 💜"

Was thinking the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends if you want that in your relationship. If you are looking for an open relationship, they need to know from the get go so they can decide if its something they want to pursue. If you are looking to date exclusively with one person, they dont need to know any private business before them.

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By *ISSchievous CoupleCouple
over a year ago

County Durham

"Apologies if this had been asked before - and I'm sure it has!

When do single folks on here tell their date that they swing?

I've been divorced for almost ten years and had a couple of long-term relationships since then where I've simply stopped swinging.

I've messaged her over the weekend and no reply so I think that's dead in the water.

When is the best time to tell someone? I feel it should be before sex occurs, but not if they're going to ghost me.... "

If swinging is important to you promote it front and centre to attract the right ladies. Doing this also allows ladies to self exclude themselves.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When is the best time to tell someone? I feel it should be before sex occurs, but not if they're going to ghost me.... "

Put it on your dating profile so that they’re aware from the start.

Then you can be comfortable and confident that any woman you date is already accepting of it, or at least aware of it.

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