FabSwingers.com forum: A few jokes to brighten up your day

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm not saying my wife has a hairy fanny but the first time I saw her naked I thought she was wearing a sporran

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My mate said to me: "Are you still seeing that girl?"

"No, she bled to death from gonorrhoea."

"You don't bleed to death from gonorrhoea."

"You do if you give it to me." I replied.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Porn films are nothing like real sex in my opinion.

For example, where's the half an hour of laughing at the man's cock?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I turn into a right wanker when my girlfriend's not around.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I drove up to a fit woman in the street and said, "Hey babe, do you fancy a spin?"

She looked at me like I was a kid and replied, "Not really, no."

"Aw what's wrong." I said, "Don't you like Ferraris?"

"Yes", she said, "but not remote controlled toy ones."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I was stood at the bar when two ugly women came over:

"How do you two know each other?" I asked.

"We're pen-pals" they replied.

I said, "well it's getting late, you'd better get back in there you pair of fucking pigs."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't give up your day job.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was stood at the bar when two ugly women came over:

"How do you two know each other?" I asked.

"We're pen-pals" they replied.

I said, "well it's getting late, you'd better get back in there you pair of fucking pigs."

Is it just me or is that offensive?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *woofuslondonCouple
over a year ago

london

Personally I hate the way people feel jokes need swearwords, they dont.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There jokes some people think there funny n others don't

Each to there own at end of the day

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a Premature Ejaculation Anonymous meeting the other day but nobody was there.

I think I came too early.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oddyncokeMan
over a year ago

carlisle

whats the difference between erotic and kinky ?

erotic you use a feather

kinky you use the whole chicken

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Give the guy a break his only trying to cheers someone's day up! Crap jokes but made us smile!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was stood at the bar when two ugly women came over:

"How do you two know each other?" I asked.

"We're pen-pals" they replied.

I said, "well it's getting late, you'd better get back in there you pair of fucking pigs."

Is it just me or is that offensive?

No Siman not just you both of us.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I went to a Premature Ejaculation Anonymous meeting the other day but nobody was there.

I think I came too early."

Lol I've got a lot better than that

There tame lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Give the guy a break his only trying to cheers someone's day up! Crap jokes but made us smile!!!"

Thank you

)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My girlfriend nearly won the 'cocksucking championships' at our local swingers club.

But she choked in the final.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oungHotWild18Man
over a year ago

Essex

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I thought I’d get a fetish; they seem to be all the rage,

I’ve seen it in my girly mags; it’s on almost every page.

Rubber masks and blow-up dolls, and all that freaky shite,

A plastic shlong that’s 12 inch long and keeps you up all night.

Well, first I thought, a swingers club, that would be just the job,

All those ladies, going crazy, hungry for my knob.

So I found one in my area, and gave those girls a call,

But members can’t be members if their members are too small.

So I thought of Tantric Sex, you can shag for days and days,

But if I found someone who’d stay that long, I’d be fuckin’ well amazed.

And I didn’t like S&M as I found out to my cost,

Whips and chains cause now’t but pain, and my short-term memory’s lost.

I’m not into self-mutilation; it would leave to many scars,

And being gay just and ain’t my way but I do enjoy the bars.

I guess I’ll just have to face it; perversions aren’t my scene,

So, if it’s all right, I’ll stay home tonight, and just play with my jelly bean

Fair dos I can't really think of owt for the last but but worth a try

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My wife said "I know you're shagging someone else!"

I said "you've not been to many swingers clubs before have you?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I phoned my mate up last night. "Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm on the 8th hole," he replied.

"Eh?", I said, "I didn't think you played golf."

"I don't.... But I do like a Swingers party."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estless in batterseaMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

What do you call a Nymphomaniac Kleptomaniac?

A fuckin' thief!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Employee : Sir, you called me?

Boss : Yeah,go to the rest room and masturbate.

Employee : (After few mins) ,done sir

Boss : Do it again.

Employee : Done again, sir.

Boss : Do it once more

Employee : Now I don’t have

stamina for it, sir.

Boss : Very good,here are my car

keys, drop my daughter at home.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're about as funny as lobsters on a piano

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial.

After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the best sex I've had in years! I wonder how the girls are doing?"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do gay horses eat?

Haaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy

Cue all the gay horse lovers to troll (but loving gay horses is perfectly normal!!!)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anda man.Man
over a year ago

Stockport

Condoms were first invented by the Greeks.

500 years later the Romans re-invented them to use with women.

In 1808 a Yorkshireman invented the first re-useable condom using the intestine of a sheep.

40 years later a Welshman refined the condom by removing the intestine from the sheep.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought I’d get a fetish; they seem to be all the rage,

I’ve seen it in my girly mags; it’s on almost every page.

Rubber masks and blow-up dolls, and all that freaky shite,

A plastic shlong that’s 12 inch long and keeps you up all night.

Well, first I thought, a swingers club, that would be just the job,

All those ladies, going crazy, hungry for my knob.

So I found one in my area, and gave those girls a call,

But members can’t be members if their members are too small.

So I thought of Tantric Sex, you can shag for days and days,

But if I found someone who’d stay that long, I’d be fuckin’ well amazed.

And I didn’t like S&M as I found out to my cost,

Whips and chains cause now’t but pain, and my short-term memory’s lost.

I’m not into self-mutilation; it would leave to many scars,

And being gay just and ain’t my way but I do enjoy the bars.

I guess I’ll just have to face it; perversions aren’t my scene,

So, if it’s all right, I’ll stay home tonight, and just play with my jelly bean

Fair dos I can't really think of owt for the last but but worth a try "

Hahahahaha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?’

To which he responded: ‘I found the remote.’

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rbadguy64Couple
over a year ago

bangor

There was a Swedish, an Irish and a Scottish golfing couple.

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of of under-wear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?' Ove demanded.

'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any'

'The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's 50 Euros. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

'Blessed Virgin Mary woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'

She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's 20 Euros. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

'Sweet mother of Jeasus, Aggie! Where ta’ friggin’ hell are yer drawers?'

She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta’ affaird any.'

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yersel up a bit’.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread