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Knowing someone

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By *ollyPocket75 OP   Woman
7 weeks ago

Aberdeen

Recently I split from my partner of 3 years, I have found he wasn't the person I thought he was at all. This has made me question whether we actually truly know someone. He changed his personality to whoever he was with and this has left me feeling empty

Has anyone else experienced this ?

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By *issmorganWoman
7 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

I haven't with partners, but I've known friends who do similar.

Ie their views and attitudes changed depending on who they were hanging around with.

It's then hard to know which part of them is authentic, so it's easier not to bother with them anymore.

Sending you a hug and hope you're ok x

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By *ove2LurveCouple
7 weeks ago

Dartford

I'm sure lots of people have had something similar to yoiur experience, I know I have. In my case, there was an element of building the woman up to the person I wanted her to be, rather than the person she actually was. But yes, there was deception on her part too; it's difficult to see clearly when emotional involvement clouds your vision. All the best to you, 'time is great healer' is a cliche, but it is still true IMO.

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By *litoratieMan
7 weeks ago

beckenham

Yep. Twice.

1st turned out to be a complete narcissist. And I mean a real one. An amazingly deceptive person.

2nd my recent ex. Came over as decisive confident and so on. In the end highly insecure and paranoid but also highly manipulative. 13 years later all exposed.

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By *ollyPocket75 OP   Woman
7 weeks ago

Aberdeen

Funny how we can see it afterwards. I knew he was kind of fake and controlling but didn't realise the extent, and the lies he told. Everything comes out in the end, and I know I will be a better, stronger person for it.

Thanks all for sharing and caring

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By *reenleavesCouple
7 weeks ago

North Wales

We had a friend who did this. Seemed nice for ages and then completely changed over the course of a few weeks once she started seeing a new guy (who was awful). We then realised she didn't have a personality of her own. She'd take on the personality of whoever she was closest to at the time.

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By *inkys_profileWoman
7 weeks ago

Glasgow


"Recently I split from my partner of 3 years, I have found he wasn't the person I thought he was at all. This has made me question whether we actually truly know someone. He changed his personality to whoever he was with and this has left me feeling empty

Has anyone else experienced this ? "

Sending 🩷🩵

I have experienced this to the point I got diagnosed with C-PTSD due to the absolute shit show of a relationship and behaviours afterwards. It is the most difficult thing to navigate because you didn't not just lose trust in others. You lose trust in your own self. Questioning your own perceptions and reality.

You are disassociating. Very normal for your body to do. It shuts down to protect you. I did this for 6 mths then boom, the whole grieving process started. Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this. I am only a message away if you feel like just shooting the shit to help you process this 🩷🩵

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By *ndymac888Man
7 weeks ago

Dumbarton

Split with a partner last year, its different seeing them without the rose tinted glasses on, I still think she is a good person but the retrospective view of the last decade has had me questioning a lot of our relationship.

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By *attooboy100Man
7 weeks ago

Sedgley

I've been there with my last partner.Its so different when you view the relationship with fresh eyes

All I can say is the tendancy to blame yourself for not picking up on things along the way is real and not a path to go down. No-one can pre-empt someone doing a 180 on there values and personality.

You can only deal with what's in front of you and if it doesn't align with what you want then it's best to do you alone.

Hope you're ok beaut, it's not fun going through all that.

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By *ollyPocket75 OP   Woman
7 weeks ago

Aberdeen

I'm questioning whether any of it was ever real, whether I actually mattered to him. He never took responsibility, it was always someone else's fault. He could be vile one minute and just flick the switch and play happy couple in front of people. It's the oddest thing, I've never experienced a relationship like it and never want to again.

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By *aramel.desiresMan
7 weeks ago

Laleham

He does not sound like a very nice person. Switching to please the crowd could mean lack of confidence and hiding it. You probably question his integrity all the time. Good news is, he is your ex and you can hopefully find a good partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago

This happens naturally. Relationships deteriorate slowly over time from people changing slowly over the years from stresses, work, kids, different life scenarios etc. It hurts still... I didn't mean to come here and waffle some generic slop. I just wanna say that it's not always done out of malice or from direct influence

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By *lueDressWoman
7 weeks ago

Bath

I've sadly and unfortunately known quite a few people who have represented themselves in a manner that was fictitious.

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By *ollyPocket75 OP   Woman
7 weeks ago

Aberdeen


"This happens naturally. Relationships deteriorate slowly over time from people changing slowly over the years from stresses, work, kids, different life scenarios etc. It hurts still... I didn't mean to come here and waffle some generic slop. I just wanna say that it's not always done out of malice or from direct influence"

Unfortunately this wasn't the case for me. I understand people grow apart, however, the carrot was kept dangling. That to me says intention.

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By *attooboy100Man
7 weeks ago

Sedgley


"I'm questioning whether any of it was ever real, whether I actually mattered to him. He never took responsibility, it was always someone else's fault. He could be vile one minute and just flick the switch and play happy couple in front of people. It's the oddest thing, I've never experienced a relationship like it and never want to again.

"

That sounds very narcissistic and I hate using that term. I think it gets banded about far too much. But this sounds classic scenario for narcissism.

You almost feel like your questioning yourself because they take no responsibility, but that's absolutely the result wanted by their actions.

If he is narcissistic then unfortunately it won't of ever meant anything to him, but if not it will and maybe he just hasn't ever been thaught to look inward and take accountability.

Sorry your experiencing this bab

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By (user no longer on site)
7 weeks ago


"I'm questioning whether any of it was ever real, whether I actually mattered to him. He never took responsibility, it was always someone else's fault. He could be vile one minute and just flick the switch and play happy couple in front of people. It's the oddest thing, I've never experienced a relationship like it and never want to again.

"

Yes I have been there in that kind of relationship. It's very demoralising But there's life after, you have to be positive and move forward from it .

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By *ucka39Man
7 weeks ago

Newcastle

Only had one with similar experience and I still question why and you never really do know someone unless you've spent your entire life with tbh.

As people can do things unexpectedly and they don't understand at times why

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