FabSwingers.com forum: Site Etiquette

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi I would like to ask for the Forum participants for their thoughts. Obviously us Single guys have a huge amount of competition. I imagine many couples and females get inundated with messages, especially when looking for a meet, so lets say you have messaged a couple/female and your message gets deleted, ok no harm done, but it could be for many reasons, a) they do not like the look/sound of you, b) they are inundated and just do a mass delete, c) they have already made their arrangements, so is it the correct etiquette to message again when they put another meet up ? No one wants to be a pest, so can I ask for people's thoughts ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope!

If you've messaged re a specific meet and they've deleted - take it as read they're not interested full stop.

If they've already made plans/found someone - and your profile has caught their eye - most will message to say thanks, and either feel free to contact again or they'll be in touch when next free.

Deleted really does mean no interest. If any couples feel differently i'd be suprised but wait and see who else posts.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

[Removed by poster at 09/05/13 17:48:48]

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Nope!

If you've messaged re a specific meet and they've deleted - take it as read they're not interested full stop.

If they've already made plans/found someone - and your profile has caught their eye - most will message to say thanks, and either feel free to contact again or they'll be in touch when next free.

Deleted really does mean no interest. If any couples feel differently i'd be suprised but wait and see who else posts.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news! "

But what if they got 50 messages and couldn't be arsed to reply thanks but not this time to the 49 unlucky messengers? Ill be interested to see what people say. Because even tho it annoys me when people message over and over if I'd put a meet today up I wouldn't mind people messaging again the next time I don't think xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd suggest that if a message gets straight deleted then the recipients are not interested in you and that the best course of action is to not message again.

....but that's just me!

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By *leasurexxWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

If i delete means not interested..if i am id wink or say hi..x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As with others if i send message and it got deleted straight away i assume not interested i do not dwell on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If i delete means not interested..if i am id wink or say hi..x"

Same here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually get to meet and chat to peeps who have fabd my pics.

I don't keep single male block off for very long but always reply no if not my type .

If message deleted straight away you have your answer , you may have been on someone's hotlist ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As with others if i send message and it got deleted straight away i assume not interested i do not dwell on it."

The note function also helps save wasting everyone's time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nah if they are interested, they will have messaged back after initial message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope!

If you've messaged re a specific meet and they've deleted - take it as read they're not interested full stop.

If they've already made plans/found someone - and your profile has caught their eye - most will message to say thanks, and either feel free to contact again or they'll be in touch when next free.

Deleted really does mean no interest. If any couples feel differently i'd be suprised but wait and see who else posts.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news! "

has to agree with the above ^^^^

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

If I send a message and don't get a reply, I keep sending 'why?' ones until they give in. It's the drip drip drip effect......well, the drip effect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A little while ago I conducted a survey on here into the number of unsolicited messages couples and females got each day. I do not remember anyone getting 50 unless they had been away on holiday or something. Most, including some very attractive couples peaked at 10 to 15 a day. Some had none.

I believe that if you positively turn down unsuitable applicants with a message (as I do with Bi and gay men) they should stay away as required by the rules of Fab. I certainly do when it happens to me.

The problem comes for the sender when you get a "read" left open for days or weeks. Or an immediate "delete". You wonder if they are either still considering or made a mistake in clearing their inbox.

I really appreciate a turn down note and always honour their wishes. I would suggest more should do the same. But they won't because "On Fab the pussy has the power" so single men just get over it and appreciate those few who do write and say no thanks!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I add a private note to their profile saying something like 'straight delete + date' and then block.

No point in dwelling - that way you don't waste time or (considerable) effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I add a private note to their profile saying something like 'straight delete + date' and then block.

No point in dwelling - that way you don't waste time or (considerable) effort."

If they say no to me in a message I thank them, wish them well, and then block. That way I do not bother them again.

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By *leasurexxWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

If a guy or couple has taken the time to write me a proper msg...i will take the time to say no thankyou x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say they're not interested and not to message again but having said that, if you do message again, the worst that can happen is you get deleted and blocked! We tend to save messages from people we're interested in but everyone uses this site differently.

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By *reedy_for_funCouple
over a year ago

My House

"Nope!

If you've messaged re a specific meet and they've deleted - take it as read they're not interested full stop.

If they've already made plans/found someone - and your profile has caught their eye - most will message to say thanks, and either feel free to contact again or they'll be in touch when next free.

Deleted really does mean no interest. If any couples feel differently i'd be suprised but wait and see who else posts.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news! "

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By *ucycuteTV/TS
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

I sometimes delete as too many to reply too, especially if its specific to a meet date I have listed.

Not being rude but just not poss to reply to all - it wouldn't bother me if guy requested next time I listed a meet infact it would show me that he was keen to see me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope!

If you've messaged re a specific meet and they've deleted - take it as read they're not interested full stop.

If they've already made plans/found someone - and your profile has caught their eye - most will message to say thanks, and either feel free to contact again or they'll be in touch when next free.

Deleted really does mean no interest. If any couples feel differently i'd be suprised but wait and see who else posts.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news! "

I agree with this also

(well put too)

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By *enny PR9TV/TS
over a year ago

Southport

If at first you don't succeed, try again, then give up. No point in being a damned fool about these things.

Jenny.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I tried sending turn down notes, and sadly some guys see it as a challenge or an opening of a conversation, fab FAQs state its not rude not to reply, so noone should feel they "ought to", and sadly its not appreciated by everyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ooh no...not the best move a sgl male could make...I take it as "no Ty"!! Repeat messaging means "fab stalker" , thus ,most who have been on the scene for a while know a delete is as good as a "halt " hand being shown in a club/party environment. They will contact if interested.Think respect & be respected !!

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By *eekenderzCouple
over a year ago

London

"Ooh no...not the best move a sgl male could make...I take it as "no Ty"!! Repeat messaging means "fab stalker" , thus ,most who have been on the scene for a while know a delete is as good as a "halt " hand being shown in a club/party environment. They will contact if interested.Think respect & be respected !!

Surely the best way to avoid unsuitable people contacting you over and over again is providing them with a straight answer. Replying a "no thank you - please don't contact me again" is a lot clearer than just ignoring a message. Copy and paste replies are really very quick...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If people are genuinely not interested in you at the time and they've read your profile it maybe a case of not this time but maybe another.. I find it's best to block if you have no intention at all in messaging and meeting.. cuts out future timewasting and reduces messages to your inbox..

Never take it as a personal insult as couples and single fems do get flooded with messages, winks and friend invites so it's totally understandable why they do it..

Don't sit there pondering on the reasons why.. move on... next!!

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

I agree with Olive Hot Bot. Obviously don't message them again for the same meet request. However, if they posted another in say a weeks time, then why not try again. After all, they may have deleted the first time due to already finding someone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shouldn't take a genius if a female dosant reply there not intrested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi I would like to ask for the Forum participants for their thoughts. Obviously us Single guys have a huge amount of competition. I imagine many couples and females get inundated with messages, especially when looking for a meet, so lets say you have messaged a couple/female and your message gets deleted, ok no harm done, but it could be for many reasons, a) they do not like the look/sound of you, b) they are inundated and just do a mass delete, c) they have already made their arrangements, so is it the correct etiquette to message again when they put another meet up ? No one wants to be a pest, so can I ask for people's thoughts ?"

Unless you get blocked or told specifically they are not interested - try again another time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope!

If you've messaged re a specific meet and they've deleted - take it as read they're not interested full stop.

If they've already made plans/found someone - and your profile has caught their eye - most will message to say thanks, and either feel free to contact again or they'll be in touch when next free.

Deleted really does mean no interest. If any couples feel differently i'd be suprised but wait and see who else posts.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news! "

disagree!...msg at a later date..Ive had a few meets...end up they have read and responded and a meets ensued..

pestering is when u realize ur mail has been deleted and then ask why...or mail again every day... leave it a month or so..

perhaps change how u may have worded the original mail..and please make sure u are what they ask for...if not...ur in the wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Unless you get blocked or told specifically they are not interested - try again another time."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I'm happy to take a quick no thanks message, not sure why others find it such a challenge.

Although if a message doesn't get deleted and I just don't get a reply, I take that as a "not right now too busy"... Might message them later if I fancy doing so...

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"A little while ago I conducted a survey on here into the number of unsolicited messages couples and females got each day. I do not remember anyone getting 50 unless they had been away on holiday or something. Most, including some very attractive couples peaked at 10 to 15 a day. Some had none.

When visible, my profile clearly sets out the type of man I'm looking for and what I'm offering: there's no ambiguity on my profile.

I also state I will not respond to anyone outwith my criteria. If men are unable to exclude themselves but feel they'll chance it anyway, go them, but they won't get a response from me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nope!

If you've messaged re a specific meet and they've deleted - take it as read they're not interested full stop.

If they've already made plans/found someone - and your profile has caught their eye - most will message to say thanks, and either feel free to contact again or they'll be in touch when next free.

Deleted really does mean no interest. If any couples feel differently i'd be suprised but wait and see who else posts.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news! "

Sorry to disagree, Obi, but - if you message about a SPECIFIC meet someone has advertised, then I would take a delete as meaning it applies to that advertised meet ONLY.

Quite often, people put up meets looking for something different to what they say they are looking for in their profile, and I would only be messaging them if I thought I met the criteria for that meet - not for anything else. Hence, I'd take a delete as applying to that meet only.

If, on the other hand, I messaged someone as a general intro and it got deleted, then I certainly would take that as a 'not interested, ever' and I would block at my end so I don't inadvertently bother them again.

Just another area where everyone has a different interpretation and where some guidance from Admin would be helpful to all...

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Unless you get blocked or told specifically they are not interested - try again another time."

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"I agree with Olive Hot Bot. Obviously don't message them again for the same meet request. However, if they posted another in say a weeks time, then why not try again. After all, they may have deleted the first time due to already finding someone. "

Bahahahahahha!! Just seen this. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Well thanks for everyone's input there is clearly a few differing thoughts on the matter ! I hope everyone has a happy swinging weekend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For whatever reason if my message gets deleted without a response. I no longer want to meet that person anyway. So it's an automatic block from my side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I add a private note to their profile saying something like 'straight delete + date' and then block.

No point in dwelling - that way you don't waste time or (considerable) effort."

ok i wanted to do this but never knew how , sooo how do i ta xx

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By *anetandNickCouple
over a year ago

Ross-on-Wye

We usually just delete messages which are text-speak, or where it's obvious the guy has not bothered to read our profile.

We always reply to messages that are properly composed, and refer to some of the things on our profile.

Even so, there are more guys than anyone could cope with!

Janet

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By *1ckeyMan
over a year ago

Camberley

As a married bi male I probably fall into all the no no categories, so I try and read profiles carefully to make sure I don't post in the first instance. However, it must be possible to use all those check boxes we all fill in to auto screen suitable people, so no ones time is waisted. As an IT bod that lack of function does erk me.

Have to agree though, if you're deleted, assume it's a no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"However, it must be possible to use all those check boxes we all fill in to auto screen suitable people, so no ones time is waisted. As an IT bod that lack of function does erk me."

The above is sensible but I have found when reading profiles a statement like "want to meet slim, Bi women ONLY. Others butt out!!!" Yet in their preferences I see "M".

On occasions I have, as politely as possible, pointed out this inconsistency. The usual response is "Go do one!" Whatever that means. So life goes on unchanged.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"However, it must be possible to use all those check boxes we all fill in to auto screen suitable people, so no ones time is waisted. As an IT bod that lack of function does erk me.

The above is sensible but I have found when reading profiles a statement like "want to meet slim, Bi women ONLY. Others butt out!!!" Yet in their preferences I see "M".

On occasions I have, as politely as possible, pointed out this inconsistency. The usual response is "Go do one!" Whatever that means. So life goes on unchanged.

If they have M ticked in their preferences M's will come up when they do a search so it could be as simple as they will find what they are looking for. I untick what i'm looking for so I dont come up in search results and hence then get less emails! I only block groups when I have to (Because of numpties that dont read the profile) You dont fit their criteria and email them anyway, then with a criticism of their profile and ask what it doesn't go down well?

For all you know they enjoy knowing single men will get them listed and will be looking at their pictures

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By *an and wifeyCouple
over a year ago

n lincs

We messaged a couple for fun who was advertising a meet. We got no reply and left it. Then may be a month went by and they were advertising again so instead we winked and they messaged us nigh on straight away. Out met up yet but at least they acknowledged ha ha

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