FabSwingers.com forum: What are your tips for BDSM newbies on Fab?

By *rsTrellis OP Woman
24 hours ago

Cambridge

Hi kinky folks

I’ve been chatting with a woman who’s keen to explore BDSM as a sub. She’s joined Fab.

I’m have lots of swinging and BDSM experience myself but I wanted to ask you to share your advice about how to have fun, how to stay safe, how to express what you want, how to use Fab etc.

What are your top tips for BDSM newbies on Fab?

MrsTrellis x

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
23 hours ago

Carlisle usually

Don't listen to anyone claiming they're a Dom on here. Get yourself to local munches and peer events. Learn about safety and vetting and all the important bits before taking any big steps 💜

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By *orny PTMan
23 hours ago

Peterborough

Go in with an open mind,be brave and learn to trust others and stick to your guns. Always say it's your first time, as this is important and will allow you to keep things light, until you are ready to go much more intense. Question away. No such thing as a daft question.

London alternative market and similar events are a great place to start: you can see the books, toys, tools, clothes and chat to the traders. Later on some guests buy the after party tickets and get to try out things in a safe, friendly manner.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
21 hours ago

York

There are so many wannabe Dom's on here. Anyone who wants to get stuck in without first meeting, discussing everything at length, setting boundaries, understanding limits, expectations, experience etc etc. should be well avoided.

It's easy to slip into the eroticism of it all, however the reality of being at the mercy of someone who doesn't understand consent on these very special terms, is very dangerous!

I've spoken to women who've sustained lifelong injuries at the hands of an abuser, under the guise of a sub/Dom experience, so it's really not to be undertaken lightly.

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By *bitofaslutWoman
20 hours ago

Cannock

Trust and communication is EVERYTHING. 99% of Dom's are abusers looking for victims.

Watching or reading 50 shades doesn't make you a Dom and being a doormat isn't subbing.

What it is, is a meeting of EQUALS where one person cedes control to the other, with caveats. Submission is a gift to be treated with care and respect. It's never taken and it's never demanded.

Always play safely, sanely and with consent. Never play without discussing the sub and the Dom's limits and needs.

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By *rsTrellis OP Woman
20 hours ago

Cambridge

I was lucky enough to have some fantastic experiences with Doms on Fab.

Your questions should be welcome and answered fully before any play takes place.

It should be very easy to say no, without consequences.

It takes time for someone to become your Dom/Domme or Master/Mistress. If they’re calling themselves that from Day One, they’re going too fast.

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By *enelope2UWoman
20 hours ago

Doesn't matter cant block distances

Don't use fab for your education or experience. Those who state they are knowledgeable generally aren't on fab nor are they generally honest on their abilities etc.

Start dealing and interacting with real people you can trust friend on and who aren't in to tick boxes.

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
20 hours ago

your head

Do your own research. Read everything, find out everything you can. If you are lucky enough to have people you already trust ask all the questions. Yes, be open minded but be cautious too.

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By *orny PTMan
20 hours ago

Peterborough

You need to see your future dom like a hairdresser or tattooist.

They are working on you for you

When done right the effects are amazing. If done wrong you be left scarred and scared.

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By *opey_JohnMan
20 hours ago

Dudley

There is a lot of great advice.

Munches and public events are a great place to meet people and learn. And after parties are also good to watch people play.

Don't be too quick to jump into something and see what takes you fancy and research it first!

Also, anyone insisting that you call them Dom, Sir or Master within a few messages is a huge red flag! Unless their name is Dominic, but still, check first!

All the usual safety, dating safety, meet safety applies!

There's a lot of experience and it's easy to get carried away. But take your time and find something amazing. Any good Dom/Top will happily take the time to explain why and what they want to do!

As all the usual "Scam" advise goes, if you're be pressured into making a decision right now, walk away! If it looks too good to be try, walk away.

Close the message, think about it, come back to it and read it again with a clear head! Does it still sound good? Trust your gut!

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By *pankingNorfolkCouple
20 hours ago

Norwichish

Watching or reading 50 shades doesn't make you a Dom and being a doormat isn't subbing.

What it is, is a meeting of EQUALS where one person cedes control to the other, with caveats. Submission is a gift to be treated with care and respect. It's never taken and it's never demanded.

Always play safely, sanely and with consent. Never play without discussing the sub and the Dom's limits and needs.

This is spot on.

The amount of messages we have had saying things like…..”bring her over so she can feel my belt”, “I’d love to have a go on her” etc etc

Guys that really don’t get it. We did have a long explainer on our profile.

Just because M is sub and I am Dom does not mean I own her, control her or have the say of what happens between us.

I’ve often said M has more power than me in a D/s scene because the second I overstep her boundaries is the second our relationship is over.

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By *rsTrellis OP Woman
17 hours ago

Cambridge

Thanks all for the great advice. X

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By *ensualMan
15 hours ago

Sutton

I have an alternative view.

First get yourself educated. There are a number of great books on the area from the classic but dated Screw the roses, to anything from Jay Wiseman. There are great YouTube broadcasters such as Evie Lupine and Michelle Thorne.

Take a self inventory. Are you someone that can stand up to a chancer. If you can't advocate for yourself the BDSM scene is tough. As an example would you be willing to interview the future Dom, and take references from them and follow them up.

Have you worked out your hard limits and your boundaries.

Do you know the difference between a Top and a Dominant,

I am not a believer in gut feeling because it works well in stopping taking part but not so good in determining to take part.

The current view is that submission is not a gift. There are a dozen reasons why, but a simple one is a gift does not meed to be returned submission can be revoked any time for any reason.

Everyone has different ideas of what a "Dom" or a "sub" should be. Most of the time it is personal preference and can be discounted.

There are no guaranteed safe ways to do BDSM, it is a question of determining what is a within your personal risk matrix.

The only thing I would agree with is take your time. There is no rush and noone should rush you into anything.

Good luck

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