FabSwingers.com forum: Saying No

By *eftofthedial OP Man
1 week ago

Taunton

Something that never gets easier for all my time here is saying no to somebody. Whether that be after a quick back and forth of messages or worse still having had a social. In sure I'm not the only one but I am interested in other perspectives.

I'm somewhat embarrassed to say under previous fab profiles at least 3 or 4 times I have ended up being with people I really didn't fancy because having spoken so much and them having been 'nice' I couldn't bear to tell them.

As someone with RSD themselves I can't help but put myself in their shoes. Frequently when someone says not my type sorry I've taken it to heart. That's despite my rational brain knowing we pretty well all have a type and someone without any care or interest in who they're with isn't somebody I would want to meet anyway.

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By *ellhungvweMan
1 week ago

Cheltenham

Getting comfortable with saying no is the biggest life skill most people still have to learn.

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By *eftofthedial OP Man
1 week ago

Taunton

"Getting comfortable with saying no is the biggest life skill most people still have to learn. "

I think you are pretty much bang on here tbh. The difficulty with sites like this is it almost encourages a detached and cold approach. While it's uncomfortable usually I try and force myself to tackle it head on.

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
1 week ago

Leeds

Id hate for someone to meet me who wasn't interested just because they didn't want to hurt my feelings, give me the No anyway than a pity fuck.

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By *eftofthedial OP Man
1 week ago

Taunton

"Id hate for someone to meet me who wasn't interested just because they didn't want to hurt my feelings, give me the No anyway than a pity fuck.

No I know, it's equally awful to have chatted to people who patently don't care at all. It can make meets feel incredibly clinical and inhuman.

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By *avenjane7Couple
1 week ago

colne

Does not bother us if someone says no,all got to be comfortable with each other. We sometimes say no and some people can spit their dummies out. We love swinging and no means no, it's not often we say no.

Jane

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By *ellhungvweMan
1 week ago

Cheltenham

"Getting comfortable with saying no is the biggest life skill most people still have to learn.

I don’t think you need to be cold but at the same time you cannot be doing something you don’t want to. It is possible to say “Thanks for the offer but it is not for me” in a pleasant way.

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By *Silver-Man
1 week ago

Mold

Its ok to say no..

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By *osh bitch n hornyCouple
1 week ago

Warrington

We just say sorry you are not for us. Have fun. Most are happy to get a reply rather than just deleting the message

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
1 week ago

Carlisle usually

Saying no is one of the best things I ever learned to do.

That and actively approaching the people who interest me instead of just making the best of whoever was willing to approach me 💜

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By *aciamiCouple
1 week ago

Hertfordshire

"We just say sorry you are not for us. Have fun. Most are happy to get a reply rather than just deleting the message "

This is exactly what we do.

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By *TWboyMan
1 week ago

Norwich

"Something that never gets easier for all my time here is saying no to somebody. Whether that be after a quick back and forth of messages or worse still having had a social. In sure I'm not the only one but I am interested in other perspectives.

I met a couple in Peterborough. Social first in a pub, she’s attractive - he’s not someone I’d choose to mix with really. After 30 mins she has barely spoken (just ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers) he does all the talking and says ‘back to ours then…’

We go to their flat (not in a nice area) and upstairs to their room. She sits on the bed and starts undressing- he says he’s going to the loo and then going to get his camera from downstairs. She just sits there, none of the usual chit-chat ……. I say ‘are you alright with this ?’ And she says ‘well he likes it…….’ At that point he comes back in the room and I make a split second decision and say ‘sorry mate - it’s not going to happen - I’m afraid I can’t get it up’ - he looks at me and is a bit shirty saying ‘wasted our time then’ - I apologise again and do my trousers up and put my shoes on. He is clearly unhappy but I make sure he knows it’s my fault. I manage to make eye contact with her and wink discretely and for the first time that evening she smiles at me and mouths ‘thank you’. I leave as quickly as I can and for the first time ever, felt dirty leaving a meet as I drove away……… it would have felt wrong.

Their profile disappeared off of FAB shortly after…….. often wonder what happened.

But I did the right thing - I’d like to think most people on here would too……

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By *eftofthedial OP Man
1 week ago

Taunton

[Removed by poster at 26/12/24 09:23:32]

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By *ay W. BeauWoman
1 week ago

Wolvo

More guys on here should say no, rather than feeling obligated to pity meet someone, or indulging in any holes a goal behaviour, it would change the dynamic of the site.

Ive been told no on here and i just accept it and move on. 😁

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By *agicroundabout3100Couple
1 week ago

Camberley

"We just say sorry you are not for us. Have fun. Most are happy to get a reply rather than just deleting the message "

We’ve had a few no thanks over the years.. it’s inevitable but this is exactly the way to do it. A polite no and everyone just moves on. xx

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By *eyeYCouple
1 week ago

Nr Leicester

Feel it's the respectful thing to do rather than waste peoples time.

But always as polite as possible, the worst though, was being introduced to a couple by 'friends' on paper exactly our type, but on meeting at a club there was no connection and didn't find them attractive..

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By *ccasional_LoversCouple
1 week ago

Peterborough

We realize we aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, so we never mind getting the “thanks, but no thanks” message. It’s way better than nothing at all.

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By *ifewantstoplayCouple
1 week ago

somewhere

"Getting comfortable with saying no is the biggest life skill most people still have to learn. "

So true

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By *eftofthedial OP Man
1 week ago

Taunton

Pleased to read the replies here so far. FWIW I have always found it worse in saying no to a couple than a single girl. This probably says something about some men. While I understand the sensitivity around another man effectively saying they don't want to be with someone you've actively chosen, it's still difficult when a guy gets funny about it.

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By *andPextraCouple
1 week ago

North West

Do try to say no thank you to all we are mot interested in, bar the ones who send grim messages or the “hi” brigade.

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By *nomeforyourboneWoman
1 week ago

Birmingham

Other people's insecurities are not your issues to take on, anyone who can't handle rejection has no place being on the scene. I'm okay with saying no and I'm also okay with being said no too, it's really not that deep. I also think some people put theirselves on a pedestal and think someone's world will crumble if they say no, most of the time they somehow manage to carry on!

Do what's best for you, as long as you do it kindly.. there's nothing wrong with saying no.

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By *ealitybitesMan
1 week ago

Belfast

In almost 9 years here I've had 5 profiles including a couples one that runs alongside this one.

On the 4 single profiles I've probably met 60-70 people and about half that number have been one to one meets.

Only 6 of those meets have gone beyond an initial social so I've had to say no lots of times and had it said to me a handful of times also.

It has never been an issue because anyone I've turned down has respected me more for doing so than if I'd just fucked them for the sake of it.

I have also said no to quite a few that I've never met or even chatted to beyond their initial entitled introductory message and many of those haven't taken it well and made various threats but all that does is reinforce my determination to do fab my way and for me rather than pleasing others.

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By *ice_couple2012Couple
1 week ago

Leicester

Being able to say no and likewise being able to handle being rejected are essential skills for the swinging lifestyle. Anyone who cannot cope with these experiences is never going to be happy here as they are unavoidable.

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