FabSwingers.com forum: Getting partner into scene

By *ageme OP Man
3 weeks ago

wigan

Hi guys.

Be interested in how people introduced partner to the scene. We have whilst tipsy taken female partner to lap dancing bar and she had a dance. Not really into women but did it to try.

Looking to see her enjoy herself with other men. Has cheated on me once before we got married about 10 years ago so has it in her i think. Suggested clubs etc but said she finds it a bit 'weird'. How did other guys bring it up to partners?

And female perspective also?

Seem to have lost bit of interest in sex. Gained some weight so may be confidence issue. Tried to get her into chastity play for another element of sex life but not interested.

Says she is fine if I want to get it elsewhere bit think she doesn't really mean it. Women test?

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By *pankingNorfolkCouple
3 weeks ago

Norwichish

Show her your profile you made on here to explore possibility of sex with others. That will answer the question of whether it was a test or not.

For the other stuff she has said it’s not for her. So that’s your answer. If you want it and she doesn’t then perhaps the relationship has to end.

For some swinging may be the way of keeping your relationship alive, but in our experience of meeting couples on the scene most are very stable and comfortable in their relationship, and enjoy sex with each other, they are not looking to add a dynamic just because they aren’t interested in each other anymore.

There are obviously exceptions to that but they are not the majority of couples we meet on the scene.

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By *irsSubCouple
3 weeks ago

Darlington

I think given that you've raised the issue there isn't an awful lot more you can do.

If she has a confidence issue maybe work on helping her with that without pestering her sex (not saying you do).

If there are issues swinging is most likely going to make them worse not better, it's kinda like having a baby to save a marriage.

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By *aron Von RingsplitterMan
3 weeks ago

Mottram St Andrew

A couple of red flags here fore me...

The title seems to be about encouraging her which isn't a respectful approach in my mind.

Also, from what you've said she's not really interested so pushing it will likely become an issue. Again, lacks respect.

For me, we watched a prog on TV about swinging and chatted about the possibility of inviting other people into our already fantastic sex life. You mentioned that she isn't as into sex as she once was and may have body confidence issues. All of which making pushing the swinging idea a bad idea.

What's more important to you, your sexual explorations or your marriage?

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
3 weeks ago

Coventry

All you can be is open about what you want to explore together. That's the first step. But by that I mean simply expressing what turns you on an what you'd like to explore without putting any pressure on her. Simply this is where I'm at and leaving the ball in her court. And to some extent that sounds like what you've done.

So ball is in her court, she may just not be intrested in playing. Which is normal, most people aren't swingers. If she's not intrested you just have to accept that and work out how you go forward if swinging is a particular deal breaker for you rather than a nice to have. If you can't accept her not joining in I guess you can leave or come to a mutually agreeable arrangement. There are some people on the scene who swing alone with the happy permission of a non participating partner.

However if you want the best chance of success and/or just not damaging the relationship DO NOT pressure her, pester her or make her feel shit about not wanting to. That is the absolutely worst thing you can do.

Show your hand, plant the seed, put the ball in her court (and leave her alone with it) and respect her decision. Simple

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
3 weeks ago

East Sussex

Talk to her

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By *oxy jWoman
3 weeks ago

taunton somerset

only you know your partner ...is she the adventurist type is she openly sexual are you a strong loving couples that tell each other everything do you both openly talk about sexual fantasy or sex for real...

most vanilla people are just not interested and never will be see with guys on here who quite often say that if they were in a relationship they would not share / swing.... its not for most and if both not 100% together cracks will appear swinging will not save relationships that struggle they tear them apart... good luck

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By *andb69Couple
2 weeks ago

leeds

You don't introduce your partner into the scene. It's something that you choose to do together after discussing it, and understanding each other's feelings and boundaries. Coercion has no place in swinging. The fact that she had an affair while with you speaks far more to her relationship with you than it does to her desire to fuck strangers

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By *eekendVixenCouple
2 weeks ago

Leicester

"For me, we watched a prog on TV about swinging and chatted about the possibility of inviting other people into our already fantastic sex life. "

That is exactly how we got started. Watching TV program encouraged us to have a serious discussion.

For us the stag & vixen dynamic just worked fantastically for us from the outset.

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By *ageme OP Man
2 weeks ago

wigan

Thanks for the constructive feedback guys. I wouldn't be coercing her if thr title was misleading.

It would definitely be on her terms. I love her dearly. We met when she was 17 and now 34 so wanted to offer her the gift of trying other men. I'm small 5ft 7 and not packing huge cock so thought she might like to me dominated by a bigger guy (she says fick me harder in sex etc.)

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By *aron Von RingsplitterMan
2 weeks ago

Mottram St Andrew

"Thanks for the constructive feedback guys. I wouldn't be coercing her if thr title was misleading.

You don't sound like your title or opening post OP so if my response was a little prickly then my bad. You sound a decent chap.

I completely get you and your reasons but almost you can do is open the channel of comms about it and let her decide and take the lead in her own time (if she ever wants to).

I had a gf that once told me she'd dabbled with other women and I love to watch two women but she got pissed off that I kept mentioning it so any chance I had of watching her went.

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By *ageme OP Man
2 weeks ago

wigan

[Removed by poster at 15/12/24 11:48:48]

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By *ageme OP Man
2 weeks ago

wigan

"Thanks for the constructive feedback guys. I wouldn't be coercing her if thr title was misleading.

You don't sound like your title or opening post OP so if my response was a little prickly then my bad. You sound a decent chap.

I completely get you and your reasons but almost you can do is open the channel of comms about it and let her decide and take the lead in her own time (if she ever wants to).

I had a gf that once told me she'd dabbled with other women and I love to watch two women but she got pissed off that I kept mentioning it so any chance I had of watching her went."

I appreciate the above. I take on board the warning not to push

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By *aron Von RingsplitterMan
2 weeks ago

Mottram St Andrew

"Thanks for the constructive feedback guys. I wouldn't be coercing her if thr title was misleading.

You don't sound like your title or opening post OP so if my response was a little prickly then my bad. You sound a decent chap.

I completely get you and your reasons but almost you can do is open the channel of comms about it and let her decide and take the lead in her own time (if she ever wants to).

I had a gf that once told me she'd dabbled with other women and I love to watch two women but she got pissed off that I kept mentioning it so any chance I had of watching her went.

I appreciate the above. I take on board the warning not to push"

Advice rather than warning, if you want her to warm to the idea.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

East Sussex

Why do people feel they're doing their partner a favour by offering them the opportunity to have sex with other people if they're not really keen.

It's like expecting me to be grateful for marzipan chocolates (which I don't like).

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By *ornym66Man
2 weeks ago

Col /ips

"Why do people feel they're doing their partner a favour by offering them the opportunity to have sex with other people if they're not really keen.

It's like expecting me to be grateful for marzipan chocolates (which I don't like).

I like marzipan lol

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
2 weeks ago

Leeds

Don't do it, swinging is based on trust and communication & you don't have that basic level.

Your here, she's not.

You love here dearly but show anyone who'll look your cock, ok!

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By *avidandann6901Couple
2 weeks ago

Dublin

"Don't do it, swinging is based on trust and communication & you don't have that basic level.

Your here, she's not.

You love here dearly but show anyone who'll look your cock, ok!

Nope , talk with her , you are in a relationship so you need to be honest , maybe she have this fantasy already and you don’t know yet

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By *issmorganWoman
2 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

All you can do is ask her again if she'd be interested in meeting other men for sex.

If she says no, then leave it op. Swinging isn't for all and if she thinks clubs are weird, she isn't exactly enamoured by the sound.

If you want to keep meeting and she doesn't want to join you, you'll have to do it solo, you said she has told you it's ok if you meet alone.

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