FabSwingers.com forum: Couples advice

By *25R7 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Newcastle upon tyne

Probably a topic that has been brought up multiple times with very similar scenarios I would imagine.

So it’s the male speaking here and the general difference between myself and my oh is relatively everything is gaping, however we are absolutely 100% in love and have been from being kids (got together at 15 and now around 20 years in)

Now as above we are completely different in the majority of aspects I’m more of an extrovert and boundary pusher, I’m fairly successful in work etc and can never just settle.

She is a beautiful woman with exceptional qualities however she is definitely more reserved and conservative with just going to work, coming home and watching the soaps and crashing out.

I’m fine with this however I am extremely frustrated inside the bedroom, she is very vanilla and for 10years I gave the lady what she wanted but I found all it was doing was frustrating me, so a few year back I introduced her to my fantasies and to be fair she got into it albeit just for me, we visited a few clubs however we were strict with exclusivity as that’s what she wanted, problem is I don’t believe in that jive. Never had and never ever will. Anyways after a few visits she kinda fell right back into vanilla and now it’s driving me up the wall to the point where I can’t even be bothered with sex, best way I can explain it is it’s like reading a book that you’ve read 100 times over.

I love this woman I really do but It really is becoming Groundhog Day for me and it’s driving me nuts.

Any other couples etc have any similar experiences with one leading the way into the scene and the other not being sure about it or having different views etc

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By *avid 50Man
3 weeks ago

kendal

You're not on your own, many couples have this problem us men should always remember it is a far bigger thing for a lady to accept an invited male to be intimate with her man than it is for us guys, I met a couple who were just dipping their toes in the swinging scene And I was invited to watch them have sex to see how she felt, we chatted afterwards she said she felt she was on display and didn't enjoy the experience, she couldn't orgasm with somebody watching and certainly couldn't let herself go, their profile disappeared soon afterwards, so I presume they didn't try any further

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
3 weeks ago

East Sussex

What does she say when you talk to her about how you feel?

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By *CExeCouple
3 weeks ago

Lincoln/Exeter

Couples therapy. Don't lose the woman you love and the mother of your kids because of your dick. You've talked to her about it before, talk to her about it again and work on the relationship.

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By *25R7 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Newcastle upon tyne

Appreciate the feedback and display of input from various couples so far, I am having a few messages with what can only be assumed is anger thinking I’m on here looking to play away, let me set that straight I am not, and not would I ever or have ever been with anyone behind her back in fact she’s the only person I’ve ever been with.

The issue with me is I feel absolutely ringfenced by this concept of monogamy, I don’t understand it, I understand for women it can probably be different however I find it extremely frustrating that two parties are completely at different ends of the scales and do suspect that this is why a lot of couples fail.

The thread was posted to see if couples on here had been in this situation before and how it’s been managed.

I wouldn’t ever cheat on her, but then it leads me down the agenda that I’m that unfulfilled and ringfenced by the vanilla lifestyle that I can’t even be arsed to have sex.

If you love a film and watch 3000times and the plot never ever changes you’re gonna stop watching tv.

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By *oxy jWoman
3 weeks ago

somerset

you would be surprised how many couples try this scene and dont like it..

you'll be surprised how many couples are on this scene but the woman is not really into it..

and you'll be surprised how many couples destroy their relationships because one did not want it mainly women..

this scene is not for all its that simple

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By *issmorganWoman
3 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

So would she let you explore the scene on your own op, is that what you'd be looking to do?.

Swinging isn't for everyone and she shouldn't take part if it isn't her thing though and she's doing it just to please you.

Are there other ways you could spice your sex life up, ones your wife would be happy to try.

Ultimately I'll give the same advice I give all the other men who ask this sort of thing, talk to your wife. Be open and honest, but don't blame her, tell her what you're looking to achieve and ask her if she has fantasies or things she'd like to try too.

Could she let you meet others discreetly if that's your thing

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By *25R7 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Newcastle upon tyne

"So would she let you explore the scene on your own op, is that what you'd be looking to do?. "

She wouldn’t she’s just totally 100% monotonous and expects it in return which I respect and hurting her far outweighs any pleasure I would ever receive.

Are there other ways you could spice your sex life up, ones your wife would be happy to try.

Could she let you meet others discreetly if that's your thing "

She’s very vanilla, however her drive is good it’s not that she doesn’t want it and I’m in a sexless relationship, it’s more so the issue that it’s just if I’m totally and brutally honest bored. It obviously happens when your together periods of time and I expect this is part of the rabbit hole that leads into swinging, trying to bring that spark back. It’s just extremely challenging to be in a relationship full of absolute love but where I would probably prefer to go have a wank then do the same 10minute horseplay.

I don’t know i feel like I'm being harsh and i’m not saying anything bad in respect of my OH she literally is a perfect partner but she is a very conservative bread and butter woman. I’m clearly not, and in all respects just repressing my own wants and needs to satisfy hers, just trying to expand on how others have dealt with the clear diversification between the two parties and if it’s a common issue between couples

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By *25R7 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Newcastle upon tyne

"you would be surprised how many couples try this scene and dont like it..

you'll be surprised how many couples are on this scene but the woman is not really into it..

and you'll be surprised how many couples destroy their relationships because one did not want it mainly women..

this scene is not for all its that simple "

I did expect this, there’s a clear defining difference on the whole between the two sexes with men being far more likely to partake in this kind of scene and I do appreciate she is content with the church life, I’m just finding it more and more difficult to oppress and it is showing now by my lack of interest in the bedroom. Just looking for a way to figure it out.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
3 weeks ago

East Sussex

It's very common if the number of threads that are posted on here are anything to go by.

If she knew how you feel do you think she might be happy to try some new things just the two of you?

What is it about swinging that you feel would alleviate the boredom you feel. Because for every successful couple there are probably two who find it very difficult to meet compatible people.

Anyone who has come to a good compromise on something like this has done so by communicating with each other. I understand that isn't possible for everyone for various reasons but it really is a case of talk, put up or leave.

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By *25R7 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Newcastle upon tyne

"It's very common if the number of threads that are posted on here are anything to go by.

If she knew how you feel do you think she might be happy to try some new things just the two of you?

What is it about swinging that you feel would alleviate the boredom you feel. Because for every successful couple there are probably two who find it very difficult to meet compatible people.

I think that’s the biggest issue here, we’ve had this conversation. Realistically I don’t think there is any compromise apart from me accepting a sex life that’s very dulling for me.

Extremely frustrating realisation but probably is what’s what, I believe I was just hoping that couples were gonna jump on and give me some kind of miracle resolve where everybody wins.

Shame

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By *parkle1974Woman
3 weeks ago

Leeds

How would she feel knowing you were on here??

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
3 weeks ago

East Sussex

"It's very common if the number of threads that are posted on here are anything to go by.

If she knew how you feel do you think she might be happy to try some new things just the two of you?

What is it about swinging that you feel would alleviate the boredom you feel. Because for every successful couple there are probably two who find it very difficult to meet compatible people.

I think that’s the biggest issue here, we’ve had this conversation. Realistically I don’t think there is any compromise apart from me accepting a sex life that’s very dulling for me.

Extremely frustrating realisation but probably is what’s what, I believe I was just hoping that couples were gonna jump on and give me some kind of miracle resolve where everybody wins.

Shame "

There's rarely a situation where everybody wins I'm afraid.

The problem you face is very real but people will tell you that you have to put her needs before yours. I don't think that's always a good thing for either of you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
3 weeks ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 31/10/24 18:20:45]

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By *25R7 OP Man
3 weeks ago

Newcastle upon tyne

"How would she feel knowing you were on here??"

She is aware sparkle, this was a joint profile as disclosed above, albeit she no longer uses this she is aware I do. The genuine problem here is not me doing anything behind her back. I won’t ever hurt my oh, I think the problem is how do you manage a genuine ringfenced suppression in an otherwise happy relationship in an area as big as sex.

It must create natural resentment, loss of interest or worse a party who goes out behind the others back.

Non of which I want. The thread was made to see if this is common between couples, one part being much more reserved etc etc and how they went about working it out.

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By *andotherjCouple
3 weeks ago

wetherby

It seems to us that a couples therapist may be your solution. You sound to have so much going for your relationship that a skilled third party should be able to build on it so both of you win.

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