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By *habs OP   Man
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

So often TattooedHB and I will be out at a social or venue, and when either of us either goes off to play, or someone approaches either for some private time, there is always someone bound to ask either of us (the one that has not gone off) "You let your partner play?"

So I ask, what is this business of letting someone play"? Since when where there shackles that "oh, now that you're paired up, your play life is over - welcome to monogamy!"

And for those that do subscribe to this, can someone help me understand why, in the swing scene, anyone would go from polygamy to a sudden state of "Now that I am with person XYZ, I don't need to play with anyone else" or "I need permission from partner ABC to play or I will be betraying the relationship and trust".

It makes no sense: I thought we were swingers, ie, polygamy/promiscuity is part and parcel of the lifestyle? Now I have not been to many "couples only" nights in all my years, but the one or two I have been to are definitely attended by actual married couples who do play with other people - sure they, if anyone at all, should be the ones mindful of the oath of marriage they took as this could be argued directly conflicts with their swinging lifestyle?

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By *habs OP   Man
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

Here is a below post by Jada Pinkett-Smith on the subject of trust in a relationship.

DISCLAIMER: At no time do I believe, interprete or suggest that Will or Jada Pinkett-Smith are swingers, nor promiscuous. The below statement is merely an intellectual response to a dumb-ass question made::

Start of Quote:

Let me first say this, there are far more important things to talk about in regards to what is happening in the world than whether I have an open marriage or not. I am addressing this issue because a very important subject has been born from discussions about my statement that may be worthy of addressing.

The statement I made in regard to, "Will can do whatever he wants," has illuminated the need to discuss the relationship between trust and love and how they co-exist.

Do we believe loving someone means owning them? Do we believe that ownership is the reason someone should "behave"? Do we believe that all the expectations, conditions, and underlying threats of "you better act right or else" keep one honest and true? Do we believe that we can have meaningful relationships with people who have not defined nor live by the integrity of his or her higher self? What of unconditional love? Or does love look like, feel like, and operate as enslavement? Do we believe that the more control we put on someone the safer we are? What of TRUST and LOVE?

Should we be married to individuals who can not be responsible for themselves and their families within their freedom? Should we be in relationships with individuals who we can not entrust to their own values, integrity, and LOVE...for us???

Here is how I will change my statement...Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship...this means we have a GROWN one.

End of Quote.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think everyone is different in their approach to swinging with a partner/ husband, as long as both are comfortable and happy with whatever their boundaries are as a couple is all that matters

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

A better question might be "do you play alone?".

A couple of times I've seen threads that ask how or why men "let" their wives have sex with other men in a swinging situation. Completely misunderstanding that most of the time it's an agreement reached after much discussion and each person in the partnership owns their own body and makes the decision about who or if they have sex with someone.

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By *ondonpride69Couple
over a year ago

Blackpool

For us, we have no problems wandering off with other people, As long as there is trust and openess in your relationship what does it matter what people think. Have to say some friends do find it strange that we are not bothered if one of goes off and plays while the other one is at the bar still. For us it's all about the freedom of what we do when we like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has happened to me lately. In the past I've been out with women and even though we've had sex it's just been fun with no commitment either way so I've continued on here.

Now I'm with someone really special I don't even want to meet. The forum is still interesting though

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