FabSwingers.com forum: Vanilla date, help!

By *lliebambi OP Woman
8 weeks ago

wigan

OK, so been o the scene 2 years +

Only interested in fun and ENM. Marriage of 10 years ended 9 months ago.

I met a vanilla guy last week, just chatting, who ticked all boxes (sexual ones unknown at this point).

All I want is flirting, dates and fucking.

Our first meet will be totally social due to mother nature visiting. Sooo I obviously want to discuss sex but don't want to lead him on.

I don't know vanilla etiquette! Can I say I'm only interested in sex but can't actually fuck you tonight as I'm on my period? Ewww.

How do I go about this? He's incredibly hot and connection Is always important for sex. But how up front do I be? Like how explicit? Or just play the shy vanilla girl who doesn't fuck on a first date? Ha ha ha.

Any tips what questions to ask to feel him out? And how to subtly set the scene that I'm only interested in a FWB scenario?

Help!

Also what do vanilla ppl talk about on dates? I'm a very explicit lady usually. How do I navigate all this?!

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By *ukrya1Man
8 weeks ago

leeds

Just be up front and open about everything, it might seem like a taboo subject to talk about but some of us guys do get it and I’m sure he will respect you for that, I know I certainly would!

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By *hewestswingMan
8 weeks ago

fungarvan area

"OK, so been o the scene 2 years +

Only interested in fun and ENM. Marriage of 10 years ended 9 months ago.

I met a vanilla guy last week, just chatting, who ticked all boxes (sexual ones unknown at this point).

All I want is flirting, dates and fucking.

Our first meet will be totally social due to mother nature visiting. Sooo I obviously want to discuss sex but don't want to lead him on.

I don't know vanilla etiquette! Can I say I'm only interested in sex but can't actually fuck you tonight as I'm on my period? Ewww.

Any tips what questions to ask to feel him out? And how to subtly set the scene that I'm only interested in a FWB scenario?

Help!

Also what do vanilla ppl talk about on dates? I'm a very explicit lady usually. How do I navigate all this?!

You're far from shy and vanilla. Sounds like you already have a connection, so you should be honest with him. I'm sure he'd be very tactful, even if he has to wait a bit longer

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By *vaRose43Woman
8 weeks ago

Forest of Dean

When I met my now husband online dating he knew I was poly and into kink before we even met for the first time. I found it easier to be upfront right from the start. He mulled it over for several days and came back with a confession that he was probably ENM too and it had been a revelation and he had never had the words or language to explain it before.

I wish you the best of luck OP

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By *entleman JayMan
8 weeks ago

Wakefield

I’m on Bumble and Tinder. within the first few messages I make it clear I’m looking for FWB. Most women thank me for my honesty, but no thanks. Now and again I get the response that they are looking for the same. Best to be honest.

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By *ickD80Man
8 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

“I don't know vanilla etiquette! Can I say I'm only interested in sex but can't actually fuck you tonight as I'm on my period? Ewww.“

Yes, this is exactly what you say because it’s the truth, the truth is always the right option to take. What will you gain by saying anything other than the truth? He’s not going to run a mile or be put off because you say ‘period’…..men know that women have periods, we’re sometimes reluctant to talk about it because we have little understanding of it and we’re scared to say the wrong thing, but that doesn’t mean we’re disgusted by it.

But there’s still plenty of other things you can do that aren’t affected by your period if you did want to be sexual together??

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By *arla SwingerWoman
8 weeks ago

Somewhere

Literally I'd just tell him this... 'Only interested in fun and ENM. Marriage of 10 years ended 9 months ago.'

It's the truth, your own words, and how you feel. I'd not get into the whole period convo, as you might not even have a spark in person, or be on the same wavelength. I'd not say it's vanilla to not fuck on a 1st meeting, I'd say it's nearer the norm on here too. Unless in a club, or planning to meet bypassing a social, or without plans to follow up for sex straight after one.

Topics of convo would be the same as with any kind of date, no? I mean sex is great. But if you can't find some common ground to have a bit of banter and a laugh too then it's going to be dull af

Hope you have a great time

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By *eyond PurityCouple
8 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

Always best being honest and then you aren’t leading them anywhere.

They can then decide if what you’re offering is worth it or not.

What if you don’t say anything and then suddenly you’re a month in and then you have to tell him - doesn’t feel right then.

Anyway hope it doesn’t go well as we want to take you out

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By *ickD80Man
8 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

Also, men can talk about sex with a woman without needing to have sex with her there and then…talking about sex with a man is not leading him on, he shouldn’t assume that talking about sex automatically leads to having sex. You seem to have a low opinion of this man if you don’t think he can discuss sex without feeling led on and will be embarrassed to hear the word ‘period’

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

Have you vetted him and found he’s not on this site or any others related to kink…..he might be….so just get it out there!!

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By *leep walkerMan
8 weeks ago

Newbridge

"OK, so been o the scene 2 years +

Only interested in fun and ENM. Marriage of 10 years ended 9 months ago.

I met a vanilla guy last week, just chatting, who ticked all boxes (sexual ones unknown at this point).

All I want is flirting, dates and fucking.

Our first meet will be totally social due to mother nature visiting. Sooo I obviously want to discuss sex but don't want to lead him on.

I don't know vanilla etiquette! Can I say I'm only interested in sex but can't actually fuck you tonight as I'm on my period? Ewww.

Any tips what questions to ask to feel him out? And how to subtly set the scene that I'm only interested in a FWB scenario?

Help!

Also what do vanilla ppl talk about on dates? I'm a very explicit lady usually. How do I navigate all this?!

I'd prefer you to be up front for sure. Tell him you're on your period, I'm sure he'll get it if your connection is that good. Above all, don't worry about it, just be yourself rather than try and be someone you're not. It'll be more appreciated for sure. Talk about your interests, hobbies, music...anything ! Good luck.

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By *ickD80Man
8 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

To be honest, you shouldn’t get to the point where you’re meeting for a date without discussing what you’re both looking for from a relationship, it doesn’t need to be a deep and long conversation, just stating if you both want something casual or if he wants a serious, monogamous relationship….because if he does then there’s absolutely so point meeting up with him. You can’t tell him that you want a serious relationship too if you don’t because that’s just a recipe for disaster and people will get hirt emotionally

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