FabSwingers.com forum: A guide to being kinky (from a professional)

By *mckeo OP Man
14 weeks ago

Southampton

The severe lack of kink literacy and communication skills on fab is beginning to drive me up the wall so this is my effort to improve that somewhat. In this I will cover three important tenants of engaging in kink or any kind of sex with people you don't know well or at all.

1. Communication

Nobody can read minds and no one will be exactly what you want right from the beginning. Both parties need to be open about what they want. Don't make people go through a guessing game because you'll end up disappointed and they'll end up frustrated. Once everyone's cards are on the table you can begin to match the colours and suits together. This is meant to streamline the process of sexual communication and develop a level of trust between both parties. We all want some sultry stranger to know exactly what we want and to want exactly the right things from us but that's not a mature way to view kink or sex. You have to have some good and clear conversation before anyone will get what they want. Be prepared to answer the same questions over and over again, put the effort in to do it because it's worth it in the end. No one is able to pull out your perfect fantasy without having a conversation with you first.

2. Consent

This is the most important part. Don't immediately throw someone into the fetish ring without telling them who they're fighting. If your dream woman is dominant, aggressive and confident then you should probably tell the women you talk to that you like that, it gives them an opportunity to act that way if they want or to say no if they're not comfortable with it. Secondly, the comfort of everyone involved is key. Never push someone to do something they haven't explicitly agreed to, it means you're putting your own physical satisfaction above the comfort and enjoyment of other people. It's a horrible thing to do and only makes other people feel used or disrespected.

3. Calm

Everyone can get a bit fired up when it comes to kink or sex, it's understandable. But maintaining a polite and friendly attitude is important. Introduce yourself like you're about to ask a complete stranger about their sexual preferences (because that's exactly what is happening). Don't dive right into the dirty talk and don't expect others to do the same. We all might want that in some way but its much nicer and much more responsible to introduce yourself and chat normally first. Keep your cool, stay normal and treat everyone like the hopeful stranger that they are.

If youre doing these three things well then the rest is really up to you. Listen to people, answer their questions, focus on fulfilling their desires so that they can focus on fulfilling yours.

I hope that this has been useful or interesting, happy fabbing