FabSwingers.com forum: should I jog on?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

just wanted people's opinions on whether or not, being a straight, single, Asian male, I should stay on the site?

the reason I ask is because I had to put on my profile specifically that I was Asian, due to the number of women/couples I've chatted to where everything was going hunkydory, and possible meets were discussed, until they suddenly realised I was Asian and the conversation suddenly died (and in some cases I've even been blocked!). in quite a few instances it's been the other party that made 1st contact.

I've met 1 lovely, lovely couple off here in 8 months and they were as perplexed at the closed mindedness on display on a swinging site (irony! lol). I'm all for personal choice and people having different preferences sexually (I'm guilty of that myself sometimes) but I'm wondering if I should be on here if other's list their attributes as attractive qualities and I'm having to put down im Asian as a warning so I'm not "leading people on". Also, it's kind of off putting knowing that a certain percentage are automatically judging me based on their encounters with an Asian (one encounter seems to be enough to tarnish everyone) or off what they're presented with by the media. I've had bad experiences throughout my life with people from different backgrounds but I find the idea that I should then assume "they're all the same", and then act on it for the rest of my life, mindboggling.

sorry about the rant peeps but it's been a pretty consistent theme over the 8 months I've been on here.

so what do you think?

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

I think you should take a break....

Dont delete....just break off for a while...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a really good question but the answer can be very complicated. I tried to type out a full reply several times but just could not get it right and gave up.

Just possibly the fact that Asian women do not/cannot/or just dont 'play' but Asian men can and do play at will is seen as unfair, one sided if you like. It should prove an interesting thread.

I realise what I have just said can be disproved in individual cases and accept its a generality.

I am 60, that is going to put some people off, personally I would not go with a guy with a beard and I like both sexes to be shaved, does that make me prejudiced if I dont go with a guy because he is black, white or brown, I dont know, I have thought about it but have never arrived at a conclusion.

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By *wingerdelightCouple
over a year ago

eastliegh

if your not getting what you want from the sit then you should move on, it isnt for everyone, dont forget that single men are in the majority here so to get meets you need to stand out, maybe you have what some want but not what others want, but if its frustrating you then give it a break

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think you should take a break....

Dont delete....just break off for a while..."

thanks for the advice but I'm not sure how much different it's going to be when I come back on here if I do take a break...if anything I can see it getting worse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say in your profile (on the 1st line) you are Asian.. so it's quite obvious people do not read your profile if they are chatting for awhile then block you because of this.

Clearly not the type of people you should be associating with anyway!

People are allowed their own preferences - so if you are not what they are looking for, move on and accept it. Racism, sexism or just plain sexual preference is their issue, not yours.

Perhaps look for those who don't have such preferences, or are specifically looking for you.

Your experiences on such sites will be better for it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm not even sure it's necessarily prejudice at play to be honest. I just think Asian males have had too much bad press over the years and theres too many negative associations which either scares most people or puts them off. after all it must be true if it's in the papers, right?

theres nothing wrong with sexual preferences but that doesn't explain those that were attracted to me until they realised I was Asian specifically (this was prior to me putting it on my profile because I'd assumed it was obvious from my pics).

as for the suggestion to just move on - I'm seriously considering it that's why ive created this post. I just didn't want to be a hypocrite and tar everyone here with the same brush, based on a comparatively small number of interactions, so I'm asking to see if just being touchy and paranoid.

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By *wingerdelightCouple
over a year ago

eastliegh

well ive already said if its not working for you then you should leave, it seems that you are asking for people to ask you to stay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"as for the suggestion to just move on - I'm seriously considering it that's why ive created this post. I just didn't want to be a hypocrite and tar everyone here with the same brush, based on a comparatively small number of interactions, so I'm asking to see if just being touchy and paranoid."

I see lots of comments from single men on here (mostly in the forums) that say they dont get many replies or contacts, I think you should stay, its a womens world on sites such as this, the bees come to the honey not the other way round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mate I don't think that it's just because you're Asian! it's all down to the others preferences as in some like black some don't some black men only like women of their own race and others prefer white women.

Fat thin short tall we are all as different as can be and so are attractions.

As for the conversation suddenly dying out I have had that a few times on here so it's not just you LoL it's just sometimes for what ever reason they change their mind about you and to save embarrassment they just block you.

There are so many men on here as opposed women it's like a lottery most of the time.

Just keep on trying and just go with the flow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest it may be the reason for some couples/women on here, but then would you want to meet someone who didn't want to meet you ? People block or change their mind for all sorts of reasons sometimes its the obvious,sometimes you may have just caught them on a bad day or said something they didn't like.

As its been said already, there are a lot more single guys to couples/women on here and there are plenty of white/black/Asian guys who've also had no luck and been here longer

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By *itzWoman
over a year ago

south wales

try going to a club or a social

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By *reedy_for_funCouple
over a year ago

My House

Plenty of Asian couples and singles play daaaarwn saarff in London and home counties. We've had a few Asian male partners over the last 2 years, 2-3 couples too. The ONLY problem we've had in a club was an Asian guy who ran into the room and shoved a few fingers in while we were playing with an Asian couple at abfabs.

But we've always based our play not on skin colour but personality and good looks. We were accused of being anti Asian only a few weeks ago, by a male, who really thought he was good looking and why didn't we want to meet him compared to the other 'munters' we've met. Until we told him to have a close look at our pics where you can see Asian guys in the mix

There's a top class club in Leicester that hasa great mix of Asian couples and singles in a Fri, try there if you don't want to come down south

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

feeling a lot better now guys and beginning to suspect I was being a little paranoid

I'm actually glad thats turned out to be the case as I'd rather find out I was reading too much into things rather than be proved right in these situations.

and in reponse the charge that I'm trying to find reasons to stay with this thread I say "you're absolutely correct!" nobody wants to feel excluded and so far people are doing a great job of making me feel the opposite so thanks folks and I'll learn to lower my expectations in regards to what any single male should expect out of a swinging site lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"try going to a club or a social

I'd love to but it's intimidating as a single male thats never been to one...I'd be too busy trying not to go against established etiquette and offend people to be able to relax and enjoy myself lol more than happy to be introduced to the club/social scene by more experienced participants though.

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple
over a year ago

markinch

Surely this isn't another oooo I'm a single guy not getting any thread , but lets chuck a diverse tactic into the equation, There's too much thinking regarding why others say no to any folks at any stage of chatting, As earlier in post a fem put she wouldn't meet a guy with a beard, As far as I'm aware there's no descriptive option for a beard, so probably if this lady chatted to a bloke, for a few emails then found out he had a beard then she would be perfectly within her rights to say or do a no thank you,. Is she wrong in this , No I don't think so , and neither is anyone who has certain other preferences. . So get chatting to folk , forget about your own in conclusions and try enjoy the site with people who can enjoy you for who , what and where you are

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

"Surely this isn't another oooo I'm a single guy not getting any thread , but lets chuck a diverse tactic into the equation, There's too much thinking regarding why others say no to any folks at any stage of chatting, As earlier in post a fem put she wouldn't meet a guy with a beard, As far as I'm aware there's no descriptive option for a beard, so probably if this lady chatted to a bloke, for a few emails then found out he had a beard then she would be perfectly within her rights to say or do a no thank you,. Is she wrong in this , No I don't think so , and neither is anyone who has certain other preferences. . So get chatting to folk , forget about your own in conclusions and try enjoy the site with people who can enjoy you for who , what and where you are "

this is a good point and well said.

as singles we are all finding it hard to get meets, and the ladies have alot of reasons why they will or will not meet anyone one person,

the fact that there is so much choice makes it hard .

i agree the asian guys do get a bad press and some times its warranted!! but you sound like a nice guy,my advise to u would be this, if its not for u then move on, or do like we all have to do, be patient, be kind and respectful, and i'm sure it will pay dividends in time good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"try going to a club or a social

It's intimidating for everyone the first time that they go. Swinging isn;t restricted to this site, get out and meet people.

But back to the original point. The vast majority of single men find it tough going on here. Many look for an excuse and to me that is what you are doing. Are you a single man that can;t get a meet because he's asian or a singleman that can't get a meet because he's asian. Truth is you'll never really know, you have preferences stated on your profile and everyone is entitled to them. We often play with people in clubs way outside our normal preferences who we would have not considered based on their profiles.

If the sites not working for you and you aren;t enjoying it then leave. It really is as simple as that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

just to clear something up - this is most definitely NOT just another "single guy can't get a meet" thread! if the posters saying that read my original post you'd quite clearly see that. I'm well aware of the whole single male to female/couple ratio and that it takes time and patience to get meets for all single males. this thread was created after 8 months of a similar situation occurring again and again directly related to me being Asian so I find the suggestion that I'm just moaning cos I can't get meets rather condescending.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You still here?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We block profiles that have the 'no Asians/blacks'/white only/black only etc. so it can work the other way too.

I'd say to try not to take it personally, just be thankful that it's prevented you from having to meet some narrow minded muppet you'd not have got on with anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You still here?

apparently im more stubborn than I thought so yep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"just to clear something up - this is most definitely NOT just another "single guy can't get a meet" thread! if the posters saying that read my original post you'd quite clearly see that. I'm well aware of the whole single male to female/couple ratio and that it takes time and patience to get meets for all single males. this thread was created after 8 months of a similar situation occurring again and again directly related to me being Asian so I find the suggestion that I'm just moaning cos I can't get meets rather condescending. "

Unless someone directly messages you and says that is the case then I really don't see how you can be so insistant that this is the case. I'm sure that some people won't meet you because you are Asian - but every rejection being down to that? No chance.

And to be blunt it does sound like yet another single guy complaining that his sense of expectation has not been met, pparticularly as you are so dismissive of the option that will almost certainly give you some success.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You still here?

apparently im more stubborn than I thought so yep

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We block profiles that have the 'no Asians/blacks'/white only/black only etc. so it can work the other way too.

I'd say to try not to take it personally, just be thankful that it's prevented you from having to meet some narrow minded muppet you'd not have got on with anyway."

you're 100% right of course and I genuinely didnt consider it could go the other way too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well, from what I can see, I think you look lovely and you come across as intelligent and caring too...keep going I'd say

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple
over a year ago

markinch

Was not being condescending, merely pointing out that many others are in same situation wether it being having a beard, a pot belly , an ugly cock. Not tall enough , nor apparent colour. , there are guys I'm sure on here for whatever reason have not had a meet in 8 months either , but there not in forums bleating about it, oooops feck they do lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

seriously try reading the original post and you'll see I never claimed every rejection was down to me being Asian. I'm clearly talking specifically about the disproportionately high number of times that has happened. I'm not under any illusions in regards to me not being God's gift and I've no problem with being rejected. the point of this post was to gauge whether or not I was being paranoid about the rejection due to being Asian the norm (in which case it's best to go) or whether I've just been unfortunate in the people I've chatted to (in which case there's no reason to go). that's the only purpose of the thread. anything else is just in your head.

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By *punkloverCouple
over a year ago

hatfield

Maybe paranoid ? Or if people want to be judgemental then they always will be and ain't worth it in the first place !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

also I've nothing against people who don't meet Asians as everyones entitled to their own preferences. I genuinely am just wondering if that was the norm on here because I'd rather not waste mine and everybody else's time if that is the case. and I'm not assuming everyone not meeting Asians are racists cos that would be ridiculous on my part.

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple
over a year ago

markinch

So would the only acceptable answer be that because your Asian , then every one should meet you, if that's the case I'm getting a tan , bring on the world lol , My mrs says your Asian , doesn't bother her but your bodies not so good , so if she's not interested ( which she isn't lol ) is that because your Asian , Think not , get chatting and get on with it .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe paranoid ? Or if people want to be judgemental then they always will be and ain't worth it in the first place !"

I'm leaning towards paranoid

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm more than aware that my body isn't the most appealing out there which is why I spent my time trying to cultivate a personality. I reckon I was half successful

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By *punkloverCouple
over a year ago

hatfield

The way i see it is that if you like mint choc chip ice cream then that's what you enjoy the most even if from time to time you may experiment with pecan nut but if you don't like tutti frutti ice cream then you won't try it !!! LOL

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple
over a year ago

markinch

"The way i see it is that if you like mint choc chip ice cream then that's what you enjoy the most even if from time to time you may experiment with pecan nut but if you don't like tutti frutti ice cream then you won't try it !!! LOL"

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By *am123Man
over a year ago

essex chelmsford

i can see the point you are trying to make, its clear from the op, on the other hand some only wanna see/ read what they wanna see/read and will argue black is white given half a chance!!.

But i have to say a lot of the above have given fair comments, take on board the ones you wish too, but ultimately its your decision.

weather its your color, creed, cock size, hair color, or the pimple on your arse, if people dont wanna meet YOU they won't move on and find the ones that will. As crystal says try some clubs, try other avenues, if not even stick it out here, other wise whats the option?? yep u got it close the account and leave....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

irrespective of almost anything else in the profile or about u..I'd say having ur interests as 'safe sex' actually means fuck all

try listing more IMO

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

Ive removed posts. Can you keep personal digs out of it please. Cheers

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I think it's more the people I was chatting to and we're clicking fine over a sustained period of time (in some instances who have contacted me 1st) but I bring up im Asian and suddenly they've backed off and/or blocked me, combined with the severe lack of interest since I put up I was Asian on my profile that freaked me out slightly and got me questioning my presence here. but from what I can tell it would only slightly knock down my chances even if I wasn't paranoid simply by virtue of being a single male lol

and to the accusation that im cocksure - I would say the fact I created this thread should tell you im the opposite...

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

do what is right for you, maybe hide rather than delete.

good luck

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Take a break and then come back and put 'I'm Asian' at the top of your profile. You could be more area specific though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"irrespective of almost anything else in the profile or about u..I'd say having ur interests as 'safe sex' actually means fuck all

try listing more IMO"

believe me I tried but it only ever lists 1 interest on my profile and if it's not safe sex I get accused of being irresponsible and going bareback so that 1s a bit catch 22

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple
over a year ago

markinch

"I think it's more the people I was chatting to and we're clicking fine over a sustained period of time (in some instances who have contacted me 1st) but I bring up im Asian and suddenly they've backed off and/or blocked me, combined with the severe lack of interest since I put up I was Asian on my profile that freaked me out slightly and got me questioning my presence here. but from what I can tell it would only slightly knock down my chances even if I wasn't paranoid simply by virtue of being a single male lol

and to the accusation that im cocksure - I would say the fact I created this thread should tell you im the opposite..."

No it appears as a I'm not getting any post , look at me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

and to the accusation that im cocksure - I would say the fact I created this thread should tell you im the opposite...

No it appears as a I'm not getting any post , look at me"

so you somehow equate me asking a genuine question and providing my reasoning behind the question by explaining its based on a number of my experiences as a cry for attention? wow.

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By *rsFine-MrBallsCouple
over a year ago

markinch

Strangely enough if you had read all previous responses the general take would be that , yes,

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

so basically I'm not allowed to use the swingers chat section of the forums to start a discussion about my experience on the site according to you? I'm not allowed to try and use the forum to dispel my fears about my ethnicity being an issue rather than just assuming majority of the people on here hold a _iew they probably don't?

I'm sorry if thats not allowed. I wasn't informed.

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By *ezebelWoman
over a year ago

North of The Wall - youll need your vest

And I think we can leave it there

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