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catch 22 of being demanding

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Most single women and couples on this site get a hell of a lot of attention from single men. Quite rightly, these people decide that as there is a lot of interest, they can afford to be demanding and choosy about who they meet. Perfectly reasonable thing to do.

The profiles of people who feel this way tend to go down one of two routes however; either they dont write much and dont upload many pics (after all, they get plenty of messages without needing to change), or they have a huge profile containing a long list or rules and criteria that a single man must pass before messaging.

Again, this may seem like a perfectly sensible and reasonable thing to do.

However, these attempts do nothing to attract selective, intelligent, attractive men. A profile that has a list of rules and hoops to jump through without any real info about the people in the profile may put off the genuine, good men, but will do little to deter the people that dont read a profile and just send a one line message (the very people you are hoping to avoid). Likewise, a profile with no good pics and a one line message will do little to interest the men that are actually worth meeting.

Some just assume that if they are getting lots of messages, that some will be from genuine guys that they want to meet, without thinking about what sample of guys they are actually attracting with the profile they have.

Not too sure what the point of this post was, as I don't have a constructive solution. It's just something that has come to mind a few times when i see people with these profiles complain that there are no genuine men, or that all the messages they get are crap.

Let me know what you think!

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By *llie RoseWoman
over a year ago

By the seaside

I think some of us get the balance more or less right lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"most" single women and couples... Quite a sweeping statement and we don't agree with it at all. There are some but certainly not anywhere near most, in our view.

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I seem to do ok.

I have seen plenty of profiles on here with short descriptions and no pictures, yet they have a list of veris as long as your arm. I must admit that, although a profile is the first thing that people on here see of us, it doesn't take into account the people successful at socials, clubs, and parties. Not everyone on here is desperate for a shag.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think that what you say may be partly true (I'm not sure what category we fall in to ) however I think you make too many assumptions about peoples motivation and reasoning behind their profile content. In many ways the quality of meets drives you to amend your profile content and lots are reactive rather than proactive I would imagine.

I also think you are concentrating on the people who complain who must be a very small percentage of the total and they will either learn from their mistakes or just carry on making the same ones leaving all the good single guys for everyone else

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to have the long list of demands but when I read it, it's not me and didn't portray who I was at all. I sti have a my preferences on my profile but IMO in a much friendlier way. It is to balance your profile, personally I think mine is a big long and my pics aren't great, but everything on it has a reason to be there and taking pics of yourself I'd hard.

I actually really dislike profiles with long lists of "you must be this" and "you mustn't do this", to me it's just a bit intimidating & off putting. I also dislike double standards in a profile, if you don't have public pics, it's not fair to demand people that message you have them, again just my opinion a d not one shared by everyone x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


""most" single women and couples... Quite a sweeping statement and we don't agree with it at all. There are some but certainly not anywhere near most, in our view."

Want trying to imply that most profiles are set out like the examples above. I just meant that most women and couples get a lot of attention (which i feel is a fair statement based on the conversations i have had on this site), and that some of these decide to alter their profiles to put off time wasters and those that dont match their profiles. I was suggesting that these types of profiles do little to deter those that they seek to avoid, and only put off those that they might be interested in.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Eek. What a typo to make!!

Sti should be still.

Bloody iPhone!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Actually it make perfect sense, whether its true or not is a different matter

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Eek. What a typo to make!!

Sti should be still.

Bloody iPhone!"

A good workmen never blames his/her tools

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


""most" single women and couples... Quite a sweeping statement and we don't agree with it at all. There are some but certainly not anywhere near most, in our view.

Want trying to imply that most profiles are set out like the examples above. I just meant that most women and couples get a lot of attention (which i feel is a fair statement based on the conversations i have had on this site), and that some of these decide to alter their profiles to put off time wasters and those that dont match their profiles. I was suggesting that these types of profiles do little to deter those that they seek to avoid, and only put off those that they might be interested in."

It is a theory certainly but not one that can easily be proved or disproved. What would you suggest that people put in their profiles instead?

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

My profile works for me - in the main - so I'm leaving it as it is. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

I think different profiles just reflect the different people on here. Some are here just to have a perv so won't really bother with their profile cos they are not really serious about meeting. Others are here cos their other half wants it but they don't really so they impose so many restrictions that its impossible to find a meet and others just get caught up in their own hype that they think they are gods gift!!

Then finally there are the genuine ones who want to swing and do so successfully and those not managing it as although genuine they are bogged down by all of the above

I could be completely wrong but that's how I see the mad bad world of fab which I love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Eek. What a typo to make!!

Sti should be still.

Bloody iPhone!

A good workmen never blames his/her tools "

Fat fingers and typing to fast, bad combination

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been swinging long enough now to know exactly what kind of ladies I like meeting, so am rather specific in who I choose to message. I do like beautiful women however, and if I'll often message a woman just to compliment her if I'm simply impressed by her pics.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


""

It is a theory certainly but not one that can easily be proved or disproved. What would you suggest that people put in their profiles instead?"

Like i said, not trying to give a solution, just typing out my rambling thoughts really. People should just put what they want on their profiles. Let it be an expression of them. Was just trying to point out that those that do use these tactics may do more harm to their cause than good. As you said though, no real way of proving whether that's true or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I seem to do ok.

I have seen plenty of profiles on here with short descriptions and no pictures, yet they have a list of veris as long as your arm. I must admit that, although a profile is the first thing that people on here see of us, it doesn't take into account the people successful at socials, clubs, and parties. Not everyone on here is desperate for a shag."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A profile is a direct reflection of someone's personality, if you don't like their profile the chances are you wont like them, all tell people what to put will do is reflect someone else's personality on their profile so defeat the object of reading a profile to see if they're what your looking for

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


""

It is a theory certainly but not one that can easily be proved or disproved. What would you suggest that people put in their profiles instead?

Like i said, not trying to give a solution, just typing out my rambling thoughts really. People should just put what they want on their profiles. Let it be an expression of them. Was just trying to point out that those that do use these tactics may do more harm to their cause than good. As you said though, no real way of proving whether that's true or not"
7

Ok. I suppose its true of many situations in life the more you try to control it the less likely it is to go your way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I've struck the right balance with mine. I normally have a few more photos on but am keeping a low profile this week.

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By *abioMan
over a year ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

the thing is people can set out a profile how they see fit....

if they want to make people jump thru hoops to meet.. so be it...

if they set out demands they are not people I am likely to want to meet anyway

those things only work if they find enough people desperate enough to meet, to jump thru said hoops....

if you are desperate enough to jump thru hoop.. thats on you...

if you aren't, move on..... no one is holding gun to head making you...

if they aren't getting the replies they want... they will change it... or they will complain here! and then a million and one people will make the "knights" move, slather and say "well i am different!!!"....

people make their own way on the site... if they make mistakes, they learn from them... if an approach fails, they change it...

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto


"I think some of us get the balance more or less right lol. "

I'd say you are one of those that have it spot on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our profile was devised when we joined 2 odd years ago and apart from an added sentence that my partner added about parties, it has never been updated. I don't of course refer to the pics because they are added to fairly regularly.

A lot of people seem obsessed with compiling a fantastic masterpiece of a profile which sets out every sexual act they have ever experienced and added every 'do not' that they can think of. Most people will get arsey that others haven't read the profile to the 'nth' degree.

Our profile was written without very little thought, it was easy to just state what we are and what we like to do, ie attend clubs and meet people at parties or occasionally one on one meets. I don't rely on my profile to sell myself, I do that easily when I'm messaging someone and we are exchanging info about each other and finding out about each other.

I don't read our profile either. I don't understand why people update every 2 seconds just because theycve received an inappropriate message thereby including another 'do not'. I ve met people in clubs who have said they are on Fab and when I've looked the next day I could hardly recognise the fun, chatty person I met with the 2 line profile on Fab. The profile is just a brief outline in my eyes, I don't place that much importance on it as I believe that corresponding and getting a glimpse of a person via messages is a more accurate reflection than a profile sometimes

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By *reedy_for_funCouple
over a year ago

My House

We've had to add a negative aspect to our profile today due to people lacking the ability to read and comprehend the words written within.

We've had to write we don't cuck or seek bulls and that we have no colour preferences. To many negative messages have forced us to alter our profile. Before that I thought ours hit all the right notes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We've had to add a negative aspect to our profile today due to people lacking the ability to read and comprehend the words written within.

We've had to write we don't cuck or seek bulls and that we have no colour preferences. To many negative messages have forced us to alter our profile. Before that I thought ours hit all the right notes."

So by adding a sentence into your profile you can be absolutely certain that you will never receive negative messages from now on - I doubt that very much.

All of us get messages from people outside of our criteria. I get countless messages from people asking if its ok if they can come round, I don't accommodate. I just ignore the messages. If I wrote this in my profile text it would not stop people messaging saying the same thing.

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By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

OP I too see lots of profiles that are very bare, yet seem to be meeting lots. I agree that they are probably not attracting the type of man that I personally find attractive. But you are right it is working for them.

I think a profile is like a shop window, if I am not really looking to meet anyone new I change most of my pictures to friends only.

I am very lucky to be receiving messages from people I find extremely attractive. But then I also message those I like as well, primarily on the strength of their profile, as I have not met them in person yet.

As fully expected most people using the forums have quite good profiles.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I seem to do ok.

Not everyone on here is desperate for a shag."

...and there you have it!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I think different profiles just reflect the different people on here. Some are here just to have a perv so won't really bother with their profile cos they are not really serious about meeting. Others are here cos their other half wants it but they don't really so they impose so many restrictions that its impossible to find a meet and others just get caught up in their own hype that they think they are gods gift!!

Then finally there are the genuine ones who want to swing and do so successfully and those not managing it as although genuine they are bogged down by all of the above

I could be completely wrong but that's how I see the mad bad world of fab which I love "

You're not alone in your views!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"A profile is a direct reflection of someone's personality, if you don't like their profile the chances are you wont like them, all tell people what to put will do is reflect someone else's personality on their profile so defeat the object of reading a profile to see if they're what your looking for "

^^^^^This!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"the thing is people can set out a profile how they see fit....

if they want to make people jump thru hoops to meet.. so be it...

if they set out demands they are not people I am likely to want to meet anyway

those things only work if they find enough people desperate enough to meet, to jump thru said hoops....

if you are desperate enough to jump thru hoop.. thats on you...

if you aren't, move on..... no one is holding gun to head making you...

if they aren't getting the replies they want... they will change it... or they will complain here! and then a million and one people will make the "knights" move, slather and say "well i am different!!!"....

people make their own way on the site... if they make mistakes, they learn from them... if an approach fails, they change it... "

...in a nutshell!

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