FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to Swingers Chat

Feelings aren't hurt

Jump to newest
 

By *luehairedcumslut OP   Couple
35 weeks ago

St Neots

If you had arranged a meet with someone but then received a pic/video from them beforehand and realised that they looked slightly different than you imagined and you no longer found them attractive...

How would you let them down without hurting anyone's feelings?

And not be horrible/capable enough to simply ghost them.

Do you be honest and say you're not attracted to them? Which seems harsh. Or do you pull an excuse out of your arse?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urry BlokeMan
35 weeks ago

Stalybridge

Tell them

Have told many that I'm not interested

I've also had it said to me too

It's no biggy

We do have a tendency to overthink these things though

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ornycougaWoman
35 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat

I ask for a recent face pic up front to avoid this. However, there have been a couple of occasions when the person hasn't looked like there pics, or where there is no chemistry, and then I have been honest with them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ussle SproutMan
35 weeks ago

the middle

Honesty is always the best policy.

You can’t be worried about hurting someone’s feelings. It’s just part of life

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
35 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

I tend towards honesty where I can.

I wouldn't be outright on the "Ew, no" front, but I'd probably clarify that the first meet is always only promised as a social and I'm not convinced how compatible we'd be.

I'm not a particularly visual creature though. I've never met someone or seen a picture and been immediately turned off if I've already found their personality appealing.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

Met a lady who’s pics were all filtered and felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask for one without so went for a social anyway.

Low and behold, totally different.

Lovely as a person but attraction wasn’t there

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *essTTWoman
35 weeks ago

Birmingham


"If you had arranged a meet with someone but then received a pic/video from them beforehand and realised that they looked slightly different than you imagined and you no longer found them attractive...

How would you let them down without hurting anyone's feelings?

And not be horrible/capable enough to simply ghost them.

Do you be honest and say you're not attracted to them? Which seems harsh. Or do you pull an excuse out of your arse?

"

Would never arrange a meet without seeing pictures, the same way I always send a variety of pics to people I'm interested in so they can't say I look different when they meet me lol

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslut OP   Couple
35 weeks ago

St Neots

Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?

Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rAngryPantzMan
35 weeks ago

near you.

Honesty is always best. If you can’t take ‘rejection’ you shouldn’t be here IMO.

Cancelling for a lie will generally offend more.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ellhungvweMan
35 weeks ago

Cheltenham


"Met a lady who’s pics were all filtered and felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask for one without so went for a social anyway.

Low and behold, totally different.

Lovely as a person but attraction wasn’t there"

Filtered pics are a big warning sign to me. If you need to filter then it makes me wonder what you are hiding.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
35 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?

Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman. "

Men and women both have feelings nobody should take more care of one than the other.

You can't reject someone without causing them to at least pause to wonder why. Just be unambiguous, honest but fair. Say you no longer wish to meet as you don't feel there's a spark.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslut OP   Couple
35 weeks ago

St Neots


"Met a lady who’s pics were all filtered and felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask for one without so went for a social anyway.

Low and behold, totally different.

Lovely as a person but attraction wasn’t there"

Yep.. Damn filters. Problem I got is that it's been built up and planned as anything but a social

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
35 weeks ago

East Sussex

Also in future don't arrange meets until you know what they look like

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andPextraCouple
35 weeks ago

North West


"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?

Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman.

Men and women both have feelings nobody should take more care of one than the other.

You can't reject someone without causing them to at least pause to wonder why. Just be unambiguous, honest but fair. Say you no longer wish to meet as you don't feel there's a spark. "

This. We would rather reject on personality than looks as its less harsh in our opinion, simply by saying that elusive “spark” isnt there

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urry BlokeMan
35 weeks ago

Stalybridge


"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?

Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman. "

Wouldn't make any difference to me

I wouldn't be impolite with either, but I would be honest

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslut OP   Couple
35 weeks ago

St Neots


"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?

Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman.

Men and women both have feelings nobody should take more care of one than the other.

You can't reject someone without causing them to at least pause to wonder why. Just be unambiguous, honest but fair. Say you no longer wish to meet as you don't feel there's a spark. "

Very true. I do like the no spark bit. It's just up until we received pic/video there was very much a spark

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urry BlokeMan
35 weeks ago

Stalybridge


"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?

Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman.

Wouldn't make any difference to me

I wouldn't be impolite with either, but I would be honest"

People can generally smell a brush off a mile off

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman
35 weeks ago

Medway

It's so lovely the thought you're putting into this. I would just avoid referring to looks if needing to explain.

Maybe just say, it was nice chatting but I've changed my mind about meeting. Sign off in whatever nice way you do.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago


"Met a lady who’s pics were all filtered and felt it wasn’t appropriate to ask for one without so went for a social anyway.

Low and behold, totally different.

Lovely as a person but attraction wasn’t there

Yep.. Damn filters. Problem I got is that it's been built up and planned as anything but a social "

Regardless of what the plan is there isn’t anything saying you have to agree to it.

You owe them nothing, you do you!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslut OP   Couple
35 weeks ago

St Neots


"Also in future don't arrange meets until you know what they look like"

Seen her pics on here and there was an attraction. So we did think we knew what they looked like before we arranged

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
35 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Thank you for suggestions so far. Would it also make a difference if it was male/female how you respond?

Person in question is female and I would hate to make anyone feel horrible, but more so it being a woman.

Men and women both have feelings nobody should take more care of one than the other.

You can't reject someone without causing them to at least pause to wonder why. Just be unambiguous, honest but fair. Say you no longer wish to meet as you don't feel there's a spark.

Very true. I do like the no spark bit. It's just up until we received pic/video there was very much a spark "

Maybe treat this as a learning experience. Don't go too far until you know what someone looks like and realise that you can't reject someone without them feeling a tiny bit bad at least. You might feel bad too but that's life

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *he love catsCouple
35 weeks ago

South Wales

Tell him/her straight it's better they know now than later, we would respect that a lot more than things going further and finding out further down the line.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslut OP   Couple
35 weeks ago

St Neots


"It's so lovely the thought you're putting into this. I would just avoid referring to looks if needing to explain.

Maybe just say, it was nice chatting but I've changed my mind about meeting. Sign off in whatever nice way you do."

Yeah keep it simple. I like that response. Thank you

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslut OP   Couple
35 weeks ago

St Neots

All done. Weight lifted. Thanks again everyone. Don't know why I find stuff like that so hard but it definitely helped listening to all of your advice

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *abonTedCouple
35 weeks ago

Midlands & Cheltenham


"All done. Weight lifted. Thanks again everyone. Don't know why I find stuff like that so hard but it definitely helped listening to all of your advice "

Honestly has to be the best policy, I’m sure they appreciated it

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
35 weeks ago

I had to ask someone for pics without sunglasses on ....

And just didn't find them attractive .... so over a couple of days allowed conversation to fizzle and then sent polite message saying I was not feeling the right vibe ... to be fair there was also another reason .. their potential availability didn't align with mine

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslut OP   Couple
35 weeks ago

St Neots


"All done. Weight lifted. Thanks again everyone. Don't know why I find stuff like that so hard but it definitely helped listening to all of your advice

Honestly has to be the best policy, I’m sure they appreciated it "

I hope so. Not had a reply back yet. Just hope it doesn't make them feel too bad

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *oadsafun1960Man
35 weeks ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

It's best to be honest if they haven't tried to hide anything, just say sorry they aren't for you. It would be cruel to lead them on with a meet if you know it won't go anywhere.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslut OP   Couple
35 weeks ago

St Neots


"I had to ask someone for pics without sunglasses on ....

And just didn't find them attractive .... so over a couple of days allowed conversation to fizzle and then sent polite message saying I was not feeling the right vibe ... to be fair there was also another reason .. their potential availability didn't align with mine"

Started to panic as it was planned for tomorrow. So advice here was needed urgently. I think the message I sent was nice so hopefully it's not taken to heart

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *eeliciouschaosWoman
35 weeks ago

Wherever

If it was me, I would prefer them to be as honest with me as possible. Same thing if they have changed their mind about seeing me again.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top