FabSwingers.com forum: Why does “no” not mean “no”?!

By *ockforplay66 OP Man
33 weeks ago

Southampton/isle of wight/ everywhere

I have been on fab for many years, and have been an active swinger for many more.

Over the last few years however, I have experienced a worrying trend appearing, and I’m curious to know if others have suffered the same.

So, I’m on fab in an evening, having a chat with a few people, reading the stories and forums, when I get a message. A one liner that just says “you are close, fancy a fuck?” From a male (who shows as straight on the profile) who I have never had any prior contact with.

I am not up for a fuck, so I send a polite reply, saying thank you but no, I will be off to bed soon as I have an early start the next day.

Less than a minute later, ping, another message. “Why not?” And this goes on for 3 more exchanges, which pushed my patience to the point of using the block button, which is last resort for me.

That’s just the most recent incident, but has happened to me over the last couple of years, increasingly so in the last year.

If I were a single woman and said no, I would hope it would be accepted immediately. So why does a bi man, saying no to an uninvited fuck request, get treated with such disrespect? Am I the only one to experience this?

I hate using the block button, but it’s sadly become a common tool in the interests of my own sanity.

What are your thoughts, you wonderful fabbers?

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By *rand Central CoupleCouple
33 weeks ago

Glasgow

what age are these guys?

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By *andPextraCouple
33 weeks ago

North West

Had this three times today.

A polite “no thank you” to a message.

2 men, 1 couple.

Got increasingly arsey when I to point out I don't need to justify a no thank you, nor do i owe them a detailed precis and discourse around why i have chosen to do so.

Especially when they could work it out for themselves had they read the profile (outside the age range, single man, etc etc)

So you are not alone OP. Hence why in less than 12 months on the site i think my block list is in the 1000 range.

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By *lkmenonlyWoman
33 weeks ago

Leicester

Sadly some men do not take no for an answer.

I’ve had quite a few males continue to be persistent after I’ve politely declined

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By *ockforplay66 OP Man
33 weeks ago

Southampton/isle of wight/ everywhere

"what age are these guys?"

The most recent one was in his 30s but they have varied from 20’s to their 60’s with no obvious pattern

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By *bwwifesharerCouple
33 weeks ago

coventry

Have had this quite a few times, lots of people struggle to understand a polite no thanks and think if they continue to pester you then you will eventually say yes, really frustrates us

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By *ockforplay66 OP Man
33 weeks ago

Southampton/isle of wight/ everywhere

"Sadly some men do not take no for an answer.

I’ve had quite a few males continue to be persistent after I’ve politely declined "

That’s an even more worrying trait when it’s a woman that is the subject of this kind of persistence

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By *lkmenonlyWoman
33 weeks ago

Leicester

Thank goodness there is a block button!

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By *naswingdressWoman
33 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Single women deal with this all the time.

"If you don't ask you don't get" combined with an expectation you'll talk to them like they're face to face. (Not that I would be so rude as to give them a list of reasons why I'm not interested, if I was in person either)

The internet has brought out a very strange sense that rules don't apply to people, and they can just demand what they like.

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By *ack201895Man
33 weeks ago

Manchester

Yeah heard about this a lot, as many have said on here it unfortunately seems to be common. Give people a screen to hide behind and for many basic decency goes out the window

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By *ongAndThick123Man
33 weeks ago

Leeds

Don’t worry it happens all the time. I’ve learned it’s better to ignore the message. If you say no thanks then it leads to a whole line of questioning, begging and often insults too.

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By *ockforplay66 OP Man
33 weeks ago

Southampton/isle of wight/ everywhere

"Single women deal with this all the time.

The internet has brought out a very strange sense that rules don't apply to people, and they can just demand what they like."

I totally get the attitude of “don’t ask, don’t get” and I never have a problem getting that initial question. But it’s the non acceptance of the word “no” that just baffles me.

You are totally right of course, internet anonymity has resulted in the dispensing of the simple filter of how to behave, any man refusing to accept a no in a face to face environment may end up finding themselves at the wrong end of a criminal investigation!

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By *ockforplay66 OP Man
33 weeks ago

Southampton/isle of wight/ everywhere

"Don’t worry it happens all the time. I’ve learned it’s better to ignore the message. If you say no thanks then it leads to a whole line of questioning, begging and often insults too."

Yes the insults are also very commonplace too. Does spoil it doesn’t it?

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By *naswingdressWoman
33 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Single women deal with this all the time.

The internet has brought out a very strange sense that rules don't apply to people, and they can just demand what they like.

I totally get the attitude of “don’t ask, don’t get” and I never have a problem getting that initial question. But it’s the non acceptance of the word “no” that just baffles me.

The initial question bothers me because quite often I've already answered it on the profile, if anyone would bother to read it. But that's why no one can message me anymore

I think men refusing to accept no get away with more than you might think. In person, there's a lot of manipulation, whining, bullying, and persistence (oh isn't it romantic? no it's creepy as fuck) that we still need to work on. The block button is a blessing, because people like that no longer no where I am or what I look like.

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By *elloWoman
33 weeks ago

alpha centauri

This is why women don't always send thanks but no thanks messages even though there are often threads on here about how rude it is to ignore. Unfortunately once you reply to some they know you're there reading messages and feel entitled to pester hoping to wear you down enough to accept , it's an unfortunate side to fab but luckily there are so many more decent people on here that trash like that

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By *oxy jWoman
33 weeks ago

taunton somerset

i dont get this ''i dont like to use the block button'' sorry but if you dont block then dont moan its that simple and str8 forward the block button is a tool for helping for a easier life on fab just block and move on no biggie

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By *ucka39Man
33 weeks ago

Newcastle

What most men receive is exactly the same as what most women receive a simple no doesn't seem to work and turns into an explanation

Would a doctor go through this as well or would it be excepted

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By *ockforplay66 OP Man
33 weeks ago

Southampton/isle of wight/ everywhere

"i dont get this ''i dont like to use the block button'' sorry but if you dont block then dont moan its that simple and str8 forward the block button is a tool for helping for a easier life on fab just block and move on no biggie"

A fair point, and maybe I didn’t really explain my dislike of the button. I just find it sad that I need to resort to it. But yes, it’s a useful tool, just wish it wasn’t so necesaary

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
33 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon

If I reply politely a far as I’m concerned that’s the end of the matter. I won’t even read the pushy folllow ups.

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By *naswingdressWoman
33 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"If I reply politely a far as I’m concerned that’s the end of the matter. I won’t even read the pushy folllow ups. "

I never reply to the pushy follow ups, but I do read them and think "good grief you've got balls"

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By *ockforplay66 OP Man
33 weeks ago

Southampton/isle of wight/ everywhere

Thanks everyone for your responses. It demonstrates that the problem is more widespread than I first thought, the only benefit of that is that at least it’s not just me!

Sad isn’t it, oh well. Thank you all, safe and happy fabbing

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
33 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon

"If I reply politely a far as I’m concerned that’s the end of the matter. I won’t even read the pushy folllow ups.

I never reply to the pushy follow ups, but I do read them and think "good grief you've got balls""

I dont think good grief you’ve got balls cos they would like thinking good grief you’ve got internet.

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By *ot - CoupleCouple
33 weeks ago

Glasgow

We`ve been on Fab from almost the start. Over the years we have had all sorts of abuse from mainly men who can't take no for an answer. Our guess is, they are d*unk or have a problem with refusal and think they have an entitlement to everything. We find it easier to ignore people we`re not interested in, it may be harsh but it's easier for us. Then, that leads to the discussion of men who complain they are ignored when they send a message. That's probably the ones that yet again have an entitlement.

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By *J GeminiTV/TS
33 weeks ago

Northumberland

I used to get this, then one guy stated that "He had to have me and was going to have me no matter what".

I blocked him, but he reappeared on another profile.

It's at that point I blocked all males and went offline for a while.

I guess people just don't care for others,

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By *etal and KinkMan
33 weeks ago

Malice

All the time. I could have had 100 men suck me off by now. I don't block them. Sometimes I try to talk to them. Sometimes I take the piss a bit. I don't care. It's the internet.

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By *nick52Man
33 weeks ago

Warrington

There seems to be a sense of entitlement with some guys. The attitude is that if your on here then you must be willing to meet when ever requested to do so. It isnt rude to just delete the message or ignore it . it is just a sign that you are not interested , i state this in my profile along with the fact that i will not take notice of anyone "passing through your area", "working local" or messages containing the word "daddy", i have been called rude and ignorant for not replying or deleting the message, they seem to forget they sent the message or wink or friends request without even looking at my profile , just read the follow ups for a giggle then block. People seem to make up etiquette on the internet and in here that doesnt exist except in their own minds to suit their needs ,

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
33 weeks ago

Leeds

And this is the reason I stopped sending no thank you messages, they see a no as an invite to change my mind, it comes across desperate & is really annoying - would they push it that much if I was there in person? That's the worry.

Mrs

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By *lofeldMan
33 weeks ago

Redhill

Best just to ignore, that gives the answer.

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By *otSoPetiteMortWoman
33 weeks ago

Hertfordshire

I don't think I have had a single "No worries. Thanks for the reply" or anything NOT questioning or trying to alter my decision on over a year now...

It's got to a point where I also block after I've said no thank you as I just got sick of the harassment and abuse.

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By *agatoXXXMan
33 weeks ago

Gone and completely forgotten.

The block button is my favourite filter on Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

Honestly I feel your pain. I have clearly stated I am not interested in men but still get harassed by chancers. I don't put my blocks up to men because I start forum posts and some men will private message me if they don't understand the terminology I have used on the forum post, which is fine. But the amount of sex, blowjobs,etc.. I have been offered by gay guys is crazy.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
33 weeks ago

Central

I just block, so I leave them for you lot

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By *enatton2Couple
33 weeks ago

West Midlands

We get these occasionally, 95% of people accept the polite no and are equally polite with their response. Those who play the ‘why?’ game are then ignored and if they continue, get a guilt free block

It’s the nature of the beast

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By *iss DevilWoman
33 weeks ago

Bedford

It's not just on here, it happens in some clubs, too. It's usually men who can't take "no" for an answer. Most would just keep trying, until you have to get quite firm with them. The worst one I had though was a guy throwing a massive strop because I let my friend play with my boobs (someone I already knew before, and who I came with) but not him even though he asked. He accused me of discriminating against him because of his disability! It had absolutely nothing to do with that, I just did not fancy him! He just could not understand that.

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By *eiaorganaWoman
33 weeks ago

Dundee

"I have been on fab for many years, and have been an active swinger for many more.

Over the last few years however, I have experienced a worrying trend appearing, and I’m curious to know if others have suffered the same.

I am not up for a fuck, so I send a polite reply, saying thank you but no, I will be off to bed soon as I have an early start the next day.

Less than a minute later, ping, another message. “Why not?” And this goes on for 3 more exchanges, which pushed my patience to the point of using the block button, which is last resort for me.

That’s just the most recent incident, but has happened to me over the last couple of years, increasingly so in the last year.

I hate using the block button, but it’s sadly become a common tool in the interests of my own sanity.

What are your thoughts, you wonderful fabbers?"

Simple, don't engage. Leads to a quieter life

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By *OYFBWoman
33 weeks ago

Jersey (sometimes Notts)

This kind of harassment is a daily occurrence.

I don’t understand the mentality of these people, and why they think it is an acceptable strategy to get what they want. I do worry what they are like as a person in the non-fab world.

It’s one of the main reasons my “block” threshold is fairly low.

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By *eally_RosieWoman
33 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

"Had this three times today.

A polite “no thank you” to a message.

2 men, 1 couple.

Got increasingly arsey when I to point out I don't need to justify a no thank you, nor do i owe them a detailed precis and discourse around why i have chosen to do so.

Especially when they could work it out for themselves had they read the profile (outside the age range, single man, etc etc)

So you are not alone OP. Hence why in less than 12 months on the site i think my block list is in the 1000 range. "

I’ve always tried to politely respond to most messages. This happens to me all the time so I think I’ll be taking this approach from now on too x

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By *impcuckMan
33 weeks ago

edge of taunton

see i just dont get this why would anyone who gets told no thanks want to try again its clear they dont want to meet you why would you push it its clearly desperation

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By (user no longer on site)
33 weeks ago

"Sadly some men do not take no for an answer.

I’ve had quite a few males continue to be persistent after I’ve politely declined "

Regularly .... and if they can't take no for an answer on here ... do they honestly think I will trust them enough to let their dick anywhere near me.

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