FabSwingers.com forum: Jealousy in newbies

By *icsJourney OP Woman
20 weeks ago

Northern Ireland

Any tips? Experiences? It's me as Female struggling with him, male touching another woman. We are a new relationship only 6 months in. He's got a swinging background. I don't.

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By *ikesEmBigMan
20 weeks ago

Herts

Only do what makes you comfortable. Doesn't sound like you're fully into it

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By *icsJourney OP Woman
20 weeks ago

Northern Ireland

"Only do what makes you comfortable. Doesn't sound like you're fully into it"

I am, just new and nervous. I have things I would like to do and he is in agreement. Just this hurdle. I have had one woman flirted with him in front of me and I thought she was disrespectful to me and I was upset.

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By *elloWoman
20 weeks ago

alpha centauri

Maybe attend some clubs as a non-swap couple.

You're new to the swinging lifestyle but you don't have to jump in with 2 feet straight away.

Start with non-swap, then when you feel you're ready try upping a gear to soft-swap. Go at your pace.

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By *ustathingMan
20 weeks ago

Reading

Honestly, don't get involved... Swinging needs to be approached at a pace, and boundaries you're both comfortable with. From what you're saying, this doesn't seem to be the case... I'd honestly put a hold on the situation. If he really cares, he'll be happy to wait!

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

In my honest opinion , jealousy and swinging doesn't mix , I agree reading between the lines if you have jealousy there when another woman shows interest in your partner then it seems your not as into it as your partner is , it's really not for everyone and I really don't think you as a couple should be introducing another into the mix if there's feelings of resentment or jealousy x

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By *ellhungvweMan
20 weeks ago

Cheltenham

OP don’t force yourself to do something you are not ready for.

I don’t know anything about your circumstances but if you are not happy when another woman flirts with your partner then I would take that as a strong sign to slow down and reassess where you are at.

I know from personal experience that many wives like to meet other men but they don’t like hubby to meet women - it is quite common but that only works if hubby accepts he won’t play. Your relationship might be like that, or it might not. Whatever the answer I think you need to make sure you are both happy with what’s going on. If it doesn’t work for either of you then stop.

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By *issmorganWoman
20 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Hi, I'd say don't do any meets with couples at the min then op, not if you're going to get jealous. That's not fair on the lady or your partner either.

I'm half a couple and I wouldn't have joined this lifestyle with my partner, if I didn't want to see him with other women.

6 months is still a very new relationship, so if there are any doubts I'd say to wait and as the poster above suggested maybe just watch other couples whilst playing together.

What dynamic are you looking for as a couple? What would you be happy with?.

Communication is the key to any successful partnership and setting boundaries so that you're both happy.

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By *icsJourney OP Woman
20 weeks ago

Northern Ireland

Thankyou. We are also Bi and he's stated that he's happy to fulfil his more gay side and then that really means no swapping or same gender swapping. In a four way, everything could happen except my guy and the other female. It might be harder to find people who respect that but then I wouldn't play with them anyway.

We both have a BDSM background. In that case playing is not necessarily sexual. We do scenes of impact or wax, might be sensual but no vanilla sex. And it is pre-negotiated and consent sought. I'd expect to bring that level of communication into this too.

But I would like to get over my fear of him touching other women and feeling like I could be replaced. He knows this is my fear and no amount of reassurance on his part is preventing the fear. Not in a 6 month old relationship

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
20 weeks ago

somewhere

I don't know how to word this right but I'm going to try and I only speak from my experiences.

It sounds to me that him being with another woman in any shape, doesn't sit right with you, I've always been turned on by the thought of my husband with another woman, I'm so relaxed about it some people think I'm very strange, it never bothers me but I can only imagine if you are feeling like this now, it may never change but this is what the great thing about swinging, it's not "one size fits all" but communication is absolutely paramount and you obviously have that, as you have posted here.

Don't try and force yourself to be ok with it because it's not something you can take back after the fact, I'm sure your partner respects you and how you feel.

Baby steps and all that but at the end of the day, you have to listen to yourself and what you are comfortable with and if it never happens, it doesn't.

I'll stop waffling now lol

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
20 weeks ago

East Sussex

What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

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By *esparate danMan
20 weeks ago

glasgow

If it is something you actively dont enjoy what are you trying achieve by testing yourself again

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By *arla SwingerWoman
20 weeks ago

Somewhere

Only do what you want to do OP, or resentment and unhappiness could set in quickly. There's normally plenty of alternatives in regards to attending munches on the BDSM/kink scene vs swinging. Or just go to clubs with only the intention of making friends to begin. Just don't try and force it is all I'd say, or you might wish you'd not rushed in.

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By *own PeriscopeMan
20 weeks ago

the Island

So I once upon a time tried girlfriend swapping in my youth before I was ready for it and ended up getting jealous and sabotaging the relationship. I had a lot of work to do before I tried swinging in a later relationship where my then lass was experienced and made it clear it was important to her and that she wished to carry on preferably with me.

I liked her so much that I undertook some therapy do address it and I got to the bottom of it with a bit of work and voila here I am some 13 odd years later well adjusted to it.

I had to realize what I was worried about and face them. A lot of them you can't control as it turns out but you can look at them from a different perspective which can give you the result you need. Good luck figuring it out.

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By *ittleMissCali_MrDJCouple
20 weeks ago

wonderland.

"Any tips? Experiences? It's me as Female struggling with him, male touching another woman. We are a new relationship only 6 months in. He's got a swinging background. I don't. "

Firstly it's not just new people that struggle. When we first started seeing each other... I thought I was okay with Mr still meeting... till he went on a meet and I hated it.. since then its only been together.

Take things at your own pace and it's okay to not be okay with this lifestyle.

6 months is very new... perhaps take time to grow as a couple first . Just you two.

I personally adore seeing Mr with other women and other women coming on to him... but I know I'd lose it if he was having naughty chat privately. For me in front of me Is okay...

But find your balance. I know my boundaries for now and Mr fully respects them

Take time.. no rush

Cali

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By *icsJourney OP Woman
20 weeks ago

Northern Ireland

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship

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By *ittleMissCali_MrDJCouple
20 weeks ago

wonderland.

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship "

That's not very fair to be fair. It may not be for you.. it's not for all x

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By *arla SwingerWoman
20 weeks ago

Somewhere

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship "

To be totally honest, if that's the case I'd be seriously thinking if it was worth a relationship then? He might be wonderful, but not everybody is a match, and if his hard line doesn't fit with yours... Maybe it's not worth it for you long term.

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By *icsJourney OP Woman
20 weeks ago

Northern Ireland

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship

That's the scary part. I'm not sure he'd choose me.

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By *ittleMissCali_MrDJCouple
20 weeks ago

wonderland.

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship

That's the scary part. I'm not sure he'd choose me. "
you have to have utter trust in your partner in this world and fet world.

I know if I said to Mr, let's call it a day. Or he Said the same to me that he would give up playing with others without a thought x

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By *arla SwingerWoman
20 weeks ago

Somewhere

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship

That's the scary part. I'm not sure he'd choose me. "

No, I'm saying you really need to think if you choose him? Because nobody however great they are is worth settling for second best for. And if something in a relationship is going to make you unhappy. Then that relationship really isn't worth it.

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

If its not for you don't be pressured into it. He obvs hasn't done enough to make you feel secure in your relationship. 6 months is far too soon for someone new to the swinging world to feel at ease watching their man with another woman. To be honest he sounds like a cunt who wants to have his cake and eat it x

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By *d4funtimesMan
20 weeks ago

Cambridge

The lifestyle requires being able to be completely open and honest with your partner. It requires a ton of trust and above all it requires constant communication.

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

Well said x

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

Absolutely agree

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By *icsJourney OP Woman
20 weeks ago

Northern Ireland

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship

That's the scary part. I'm not sure he'd choose me.

There are things I do also want. Him to play with guys, preferably with me there. Me to play with girls (and guys? It smacks of hypocrisy). Before I met him I was solo Polyam. I was having a great time in a sex positive way. I also did Unicorn for a while. It was fun but happy enough I tried it then, no desire to do that now.

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By *arla SwingerWoman
20 weeks ago

Somewhere

So then the best person to talk to is him? Sit down together and have a frank and adult conversation of where you're both at, and what both your current limits are? You'll either agree, or not. But it's better to do it sooner vs later. Or one of you will end up wishing you'd done it beforehand.

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By *icsJourney OP Woman
20 weeks ago

Northern Ireland

We've been doing that alot. He's happy to take it slow. But still clear where he hopes it will go. With the implication that it has to go there just a matter of when.

That's why I'd like to find out how to not be jealous.

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By *arla SwingerWoman
20 weeks ago

Somewhere

"We've been doing that alot. He's happy to take it slow. But still clear where he hopes it will go. With the implication that it has to go there just a matter of when.

That's why I'd like to find out how to not be jealous. "

There is no way to not be jealous. It's a natural human emotion, we all experience it at times

You can't just shut it off. The best way to deal with jealously is to look internally at the reasons why you're experiencing it, discuss it with your partner, and then decide if it's a deal breaker you can work through together or not? But don't make either of you miserable if it's not an issue you

can both turn into something healthy

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
20 weeks ago

somewhere

"We've been doing that alot. He's happy to take it slow. But still clear where he hopes it will go. With the implication that it has to go there just a matter of when.

That's why I'd like to find out how to not be jealous. "

From reading on from my last comment, it sounds like it's an non negotiable on his part, that for the relationship to continue you have to be ok with him being with women? If that is the case that is alot of pressure on you and it's also not fair on your part for him to expect you to be ok with it.

Like many has said it's still a very new relationship, I know when I started seeing doughnut we had a good 18 months before we been dipped our toe in meeting anyone, we just wanted to discover us as a couple first and then we explored our fantasies (when he hugged a female friend and I got a lady boner was the turning point for me).

I don't think it's something you can put a time frame on and being totally honest, if you hadn't got even a small inkling of being ok with it, then I think you need to really think if this guy is for you or if he is, is the lifestyle in terms of meeting the opposite sex is really part of your "journey" or taking all the fab etc out of the relationship and just having a normal relationship because it sounds like you really like him.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
20 weeks ago

Neath valley.

Hi OP. It sounds like you are not as in to this lifestyle as much as him. It also seems that your profile is controlled by him to. As others have said there is no room for jealousy in this lifestyle as it will only turn to resentment and this will end up destroying the relationship of a cpl. Our first meet we jumped in feet first which is not for everyone I know. Seeing John fucking the lady of the cpl as I was myself being fucked was a massive turn on for us both. We were on a high for days after that meet. I think you really should re-evaluate the relationship as if he is hinting that you and him playing with others has to happen it comes across as if you are slowly being pressured in to this. If he is not willing to compromise I think this guy is not for you lovely. Joanne.

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By *ev_1Couple
20 weeks ago

Bickliegh

Can't give advice on this matter op as any advice wouldn't make any difference but best of luck x

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By *ocoTemptationMan
20 weeks ago

london

"Any tips? Experiences? It's me as Female struggling with him, male touching another woman. We are a new relationship only 6 months in. He's got a swinging background. I don't. "

You can't force yourself to be comfortable or not to feel jealous. It's a journey that we all take one just has to be patient and honest with oneself. You may find that you'd be ok if you don't see it happening or ultimately conclude that swinging isn't for you.

With my own personal journey there was a point where seeing a partner fucked by another guy was agony but I could just about cope knowing it was happening.

These days I wouldn't dream of being in a relationship with a women that didn't NEED extra cocks in her life like she needs air but it wasn't an overnight thing.

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By *omRachCouple
20 weeks ago

Wirral

"In my honest opinion , jealousy and swinging doesn't mix , I agree reading between the lines if you have jealousy there when another woman shows interest in your partner then it seems your not as into it as your partner is , it's really not for everyone and I really don't think you as a couple should be introducing another into the mix if there's feelings of resentment or jealousy x"

This!!!

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By *ellinever70Woman
20 weeks ago

Ayrshire

It sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into being part of something that really doesn't sit well with you.

I don't think you should be trying to 'train' yourself to be accepting of it

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By * and R cple4Couple
20 weeks ago

swansea

I'd be more worried about the fact that you think if you don't go ahead with this it would be the end of your relationship.

Noone should ever go into something like this in order to keep a relationship it really won't end well.

Your still in a fairly new relationship so I think you need a open and honest conversation with each other before you take the next step.

Don't ever do anything your not totally happy with just because your scared of loosing him.

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By *aked2sumCouple
20 weeks ago

local

"Any tips? Experiences? It's me as Female struggling with him, male touching another woman. We are a new relationship only 6 months in. He's got a swinging background. I don't. "

20 years in and the wife still jelous however our purpose joining fab was because I liked seeing her with guys I’m not really interested in other woman which sometimes makes it difficult mixing with couples . If your jelous and he wants to play with woman you shouldn’t really be here it’s a recipe for disaster and will never work

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By *illxxMan
20 weeks ago

motherwell

I experienced this a number of years ago where the guy got jealous when I started to play with his partner It was very uncomfortable so I just got dressed and left

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By *AYENCouple
20 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship "

That's not a great basis for a long term relationship . . . .

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By *rpeggioCouple
20 weeks ago

Baughurst

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship

That's the scary part. I'm not sure he'd choose me. "

You are here asking the question, not him, so the bottom line is what you choose, not what he does. It's your choice and your decision.

Disagree with responses saying that you'll never get past it. It depends on the root of your jealousy. Lena is completely ok with me having full swap with a woman, and open flirting is ok. But she would be jealous if I was intimate talking to a woman in a more romantic way, whispering to her ear, furtive looks, flirting behind Lena's back, etc.

If for you is sex with another woman what makes you insecure, then that won't change. If it's about the romantic or intimacy part, then set your boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

Just stop , give up . Move on . If there’s any jealousy at all don’t put yourself through it as it won’t end well

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
20 weeks ago

Leeds

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship

That's the scary part. I'm not sure he'd choose me. "

This sounds a little worrying to be honest.

The jealousy is a normal human response those that say it has no place in swinging are wrong, it's how you handle it that matters, are you comfortable enough to say this makes me uncomfortable can we try this and work together for a compromise?

If you are doing this solely to please him and not risk losing the relationship than I'm sorry but it's not a good start, those feelings will continue to build and it'll end badly.

You need trust and communication to swing together.

Mrs

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
20 weeks ago

East Sussex

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship "

I've seen people (mostly women) say before that they want to stop being jealous so that their partners can enjoy having sex with other people.

The first thing I ask myself is, why? The second thing I ask is, is it jealousy or just that watching their partner with someone else is a hard boundary?

If you're genuinely willing to change a big part of yourself for a new relationship you need to ensure the relationship is worth it. You can only do that with him. He's entitled to have non negotiables but so are you and neither of you should have to change dramatically to keep the other happy because then you're not actually the person they were interested in.

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By *y naughty hotwifeCouple
20 weeks ago

Maldon

Me and my partner were together about 6 months when we started swinging. He’d had past experience I had none. He’s a lot more laid back about the whole swinging I was jealous. The reclaim sex after tho was fantastic and really horny. If you trust one another and no secrets then let it flow with what your comfortable with. Don’t force things if you’re not happy. At the end of the day it’s just sex and lust with someone else. The person you’re with is who you want. Your just borrowing someone else to add a thrill to what you already have. Sometimes when we are naughty with others it makes us want each other so badly the reclaim sex is on fire. That’s my favourite part of swinging the passion is so sexy x

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By *nj6969Couple
20 weeks ago

Grimsby

Unless your both 100 percent into it and ready it will destroy your relationship.

There is always a little jealousy the first few times but you must talk constantly together and take it slow.

Once you do it you can't undo it and you need to understand that.

If one of you isn't 100% into anything don't do it xxx

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By *ittleMissCali_MrDJCouple
20 weeks ago

wonderland.

"I'd be more worried about the fact that you think if you don't go ahead with this it would be the end of your relationship.

Noone should ever go into something like this in order to keep a relationship it really won't end well.

Your still in a fairly new relationship so I think you need a open and honest conversation with each other before you take the next step.

Don't ever do anything your not totally happy with just because your scared of loosing him. "

this totally

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By *ev_1Couple
20 weeks ago

Bickliegh

Can't give advice on this matter op as any advice wouldn't make any difference but best of luck x

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By *ayd100Man
20 weeks ago

clitheroe

It's always there in the background, part of it

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By *imply DeeWoman
20 weeks ago

Wherever

"What do you want tips about? Getting past the jealousy or learning to accept it? I don't think you can get past it and I don't think you should learn to accept it.

Getting past it. Not being jealous.

It is mandatory for him. If I don't get on board, there's likely to be no relationship "

I was going to give you some advice but having read this particular comment, I’m going to say you both looking for a different things and you can’t just get “past it”.

I wouldn’t continue the relationship, but it’s only what I’d do. Speaking from personal experience as well.

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