FabSwingers.com forum: Expecting a reply straight away..

By *weetkitten65 OP Woman
40 weeks ago

Halifax

What are people's views when someone messages you either here or elsewhere & you don't reply straight away?..

Then you get "where you gone?" "Have I said something wrong?" etc...

I find this personally a bit clingy & a red flag..so block.

People have lives & aren't always online.

Feel better getting that off my chest..

Happy Saturday

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By *histle do nicelyMan
40 weeks ago

Glasgow South

As you say clingy..i expect a reply straight away

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By *astandFeistyCouple
40 weeks ago

Bournemouth

Even when 'we' appear online, it's usually me (Mr) on forums. I rarely reply to a message and as Mrs probably looks at them once a week, you'll probably be waiting a while for a reply to a generic message

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By *ynecplCouple
40 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Never had those sorts of messages but many many years ago we were blocked for failing to instantly reply to a message even though it was sent whilst we were at work and not logged in.

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

Any kind of double messaging is a red flag. If they can't be patient whilst talking, who says they will be in the bedroom.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
40 weeks ago

Central

It's fairly common and irritating, at best. You're busy on the forum and a string of messages, often including just a '?', sometimes several of them.

Obviously totally unpleasant people, who feel nothing wrong with harassing others. So a good filtering help, to get rid of them.

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By *ootyfruityCouple
40 weeks ago

andover

Haha yeah so clingy! It’s a bit off putting

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By *att71Man
40 weeks ago

Bristol

I think folks forget that we have lives as well as here....

I will also answer a message, but its not possible to do it straight away, even if it says am online I may we ll be away from phone/laptop etc.

Folks are so impatient these days , thats my two peneth worth lol

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By *ellhungvweMan
40 weeks ago

Cheltenham

"It's fairly common and irritating, at best. You're busy on the forum and a string of messages, often including just a '?', sometimes several of them.

Obviously totally unpleasant people, who feel nothing wrong with harassing others. So a good filtering help, to get rid of them."

If someone sent me a ‘?’ then it would be an instant block.

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By *WB85Man
40 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Some very needy people around isn't there.

We have a family, jobs etc etc so can't always reply straight away.

This is just an addition to our lives....not the main part of it.

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By *att71Man
40 weeks ago

Bristol

"I think folks forget that we have lives as well as here....

I will also answer a message, but its not possible to do it straight away, even if it says am online I may we ll be away from phone/laptop etc.

Folks are so impatient these days , thats my two peneth worth lol

Why has no one replied, did I do somethnig wrong? you there? lol

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

As I guy I try and appreciate that the people I message probably have hundreds if not thousands of messages to wade through and most likely a large number of potential conversations on the go therefore I try not to take things personally if I'm not answered in a quick time frame.

That being said, if we have been chatting and it's not working for you, it would be nicer to say that rather than being ghosted.

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By *mmaleiaWoman
40 weeks ago

Trowbridge

I can honestly leave my inbox a week before I look at it, pretty much my only filter on is single men & they’re relentless, it becomes a chore, but I have to do it incase there’s that 1 interesting guy in it, not that it’s happened yet

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By *hatsWhatCoupleCouple
40 weeks ago

Northampton

We usually block.

We both like to read messages. Sometimes read and will reply later. Don’t actually notice the message counter go from 31 to 32. Whatever, no one is owed a response.

There’s even a warning before the user sends the second message!

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By *r TriomanMan
40 weeks ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I deleted my message straight after sending it, this way I'm not reminded of any unread or deleted messages.

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By *ongandharderMan
40 weeks ago

Rotherham

"What are people's views when someone messages you either here or elsewhere & you don't reply straight away?..

Then you get "where you gone?" "Have I said something wrong?" etc...

I find this personally a bit clingy & a red flag..so block.

People have lives & aren't always online.

Feel better getting that off my chest..

Happy Saturday

I think in some cases it's anxiety and causes people to self depricate

But you aren't expected to message back straight away ever

Problem is with them not u

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

Definately can concur with this..

"As I guy I try and appreciate that the people I message probably have hundreds if not thousands of messages to wade through and most likely a large number of potential conversations on the go therefore I try not to take things personally if I'm not answered in a quick time frame.

That being said, if we have been chatting and it's not working for you, it would be nicer to say that rather than being ghosted. "

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By *OYFBWoman
40 weeks ago

Jersey (sometimes Notts)

I get this a lot from guys, then they become abusive when I don’t reply. Some real incel - like behaviour.

A guy the other day said in his last massage before I blocked him “I hope you get aids”. This man was in his 50’s.

Another called me “a fucking dickhead”, again someone old enough to know better.

Being pushy doesn’t get the pussy.

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By *orny-DJMan
40 weeks ago

Leigh-on-Sea

It's the biggest problem with electronic communication and it isn't limited to fab.

People make the assumption that your message has been delivered the moment you send it and that the recipient is online and able to access it immediately and that they haven't anything better to do.

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By *ucka39Man
40 weeks ago

Newcastle

"What are people's views when someone messages you either here or elsewhere & you don't reply straight away?..

Then you get "where you gone?" "Have I said something wrong?" etc...

I find this personally a bit clingy & a red flag..so block.

People have lives & aren't always online.

Feel better getting that off my chest..

Happy Saturday

Was starting to sound like a song just need some drum and bass

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By *issmorganWoman
40 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Yep, I hate when someone messages, I read it, not sure if I'm replying or not and bam they send yet another message right away.

Just screams pushy to me and I block.

If anyone I've been speaking to for a while shows any sign of possessiveness whilst messaging, it's deffo a red flag.

We all have lives and jobs away from here & some days I just don't feel like talking much.

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By *ontWannaMissASwingCouple
40 weeks ago

Bristol

Think we usually show online a lot as one/both have just left ourselves logged in but doesn't necessarily mean we are actually looking at the site.

Recently had someone send us a face pic and they had blocked us because we had left it unread for a couple of hours and not replied.

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By *ife NinjaMan
40 weeks ago

Dunfermline

If I send a message, and they don't respond/take loads of time to respond, what's the sweat? Makes you look thirsty and creepy if you keep badgering

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By *hatsWhatCoupleCouple
40 weeks ago

Northampton

There’s definitely a modern world element to it.

People expect immediate responses by whatever platform - but they won’t pick up the phone ; you want an immediate response, call me, and if I pick up you can have it, if not, join the queue.

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

Fab is getting worse. Women and couples get so many shitty mesaages.

I very rarely message people now. I don't have kids, so can just go to a club when I am free.

Stress free just get ready and hit a club, instead of ping pong messaging for weeks or even months on end.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
40 weeks ago

East Sussex

At a bit of a tangent here. I feel the same about people who post a thread in the forum that nobody replies to their messages. Then don't reply to anyone in the thread

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By *oodmessMan
40 weeks ago

yumsville

The whole 'people have lives' is a load of BS. The clingy, red flag waving is a red flag itself.

If you are interested in someone you reply, if not you delete. If you are on fab, you have time in your day. Having a 1000 messages isn't because you're flooded with them, it's because you don't delete, block, hide profiles to delete or check who's messaged, have hundreds of friends you'll never meet, don't use age, gender, verification or couple filters. There's tonnes of ways to cut down of the number of messages.

But it goes both ways.... If you message as you're interested, it's read but not replied to for a couple of weeks, would you think they are interested or "have a busy life". You'd move on. You wouldn't bother despite initially being interested.

It's not difficult to have a conversation via message. What is difficult is to have multiple conversations with different people which is what usually happens, as people want back up options. It ends with short messages and people losing interest if not people carrying on for sake of fuck and go.

People do have lives but if both are online, replying isn't difficult if interested. You can't build rapport through fleeting messages.

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By *nob and KnockersCouple
40 weeks ago

Ashford

As some have said already we are a couple and on here on different devices not always together. We won’t reply til we have discussed with each other if suitable etc.

if someone gets pushy there blocked instantly. We don’t want pushy playmates so if they have no patience with messages that’s a red flag x

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

"What are people's views when someone messages you either here or elsewhere & you don't reply straight away?..

Then you get "where you gone?" "Have I said something wrong?" etc...

I find this personally a bit clingy & a red flag..so block.

People have lives & aren't always online.

Feel better getting that off my chest..

Happy Saturday

Yes it’s annoying. I’ve had people message me and then follow it up with “?????” within 2 minutes before.

Does my head in and there’s no chance I’ll meet anyone that’s so needy and impatient. It’s much worse on sites/apps that have an instant messaging feature. Fortunately most people on fab are more patient and understanding

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
40 weeks ago

Cheshire

If I put up a meet request I get quite a few ??? messages. Often I’ll be just getting ready or browsing the forums or replying to a genuine Tgirl admirer with verifications.

I’ll generally reply to as many as I can but knowing some will send abuse back.

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By *andPextraCouple
40 weeks ago

North West

Not so much the speed of reply that is annoying but more as others have pointed out is the ghosting; thats annoying.

Be much nicer and politer to bring a convo to a close

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By *weetkitten65 OP Woman
40 weeks ago

Halifax

"Not so much the speed of reply that is annoying but more as others have pointed out is the ghosting; thats annoying.

Be much nicer and politer to bring a convo to a close "

Sometimes it isn't that easy..then you get why? Or abused verbally..

I don't see blocking as ghosting,

It's just a final end...

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By (user no longer on site)
40 weeks ago

"Not so much the speed of reply that is annoying but more as others have pointed out is the ghosting; thats annoying.

Be much nicer and politer to bring a convo to a close "

Ghosting doesn’t exist unless you know someone in real life imo. Online is a fast moving world and it’s not possible to respond to everyone without making it a full time job.

I know I disappear from conversations suddenly, and it’s never malicious. It’s just that I’m usually busy, distracted, forgotten someone has messaged, or overwhelmed with too many messages. It’s not realistic to be able to bring every convo to a close. If others do the same to me then I understand that’s probably the case too - though more often than not I simply don’t notice.

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By *weetkitten65 OP Woman
40 weeks ago

Halifax

"Not so much the speed of reply that is annoying but more as others have pointed out is the ghosting; thats annoying.

Be much nicer and politer to bring a convo to a close

Ghosting doesn’t exist unless you know someone in real life imo. Online is a fast moving world and it’s not possible to respond to everyone without making it a full time job.

Absolutely agree

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By *oxy jWoman
39 weeks ago

somerset

pushy = red flag = block no ifs or buts

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By *ellyWanger24Man
39 weeks ago

East Cambs.

If I make first contact, I tend to at least wait a couple of weeks before (apologetically) following up - I realise that people have lives and more interesting things to do than sit refreshing their inbox every 10 seconds.

Though if someone's made first contact with me, that implies they're in some way interested already - so I understand frustration when a seemingly positive conversation suddenly stops.

Especially if they've got in contact explicitly asking if I'm available that night!

I find a block, or a quick 'not for me/us', sufficient - but if we've been chatting before, or I've messaged weeks ago and you just read and left it, I'll assume that you're too busy and your inbox too full to notice me... so maybe I'll try again.

Please advise if I'm making a mistake in any way, but I don't get much feedback through PM!

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

If we are talking about on here my expectations are low so I expect nothing and so don't check and don't follow up. Same with WhatsApp irl if someone doesn't answer and I know them well I chase up in couple of days.

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By *ornucopiaMan
39 weeks ago

Bexley

Sadly, the permaphonic lifestyle is rapidly becoming the norm.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

Yes definitely a red flag often signifying being pushy, desperate or clingy. I find it even more irritating when they do a single question mark on its own chaser.

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
39 weeks ago

Newcastle

If I get a double message, I’ll usually block. Even worse, if the repeat message pops up the moment you go online. And if anyone sends the ‘???’, that’s an instant block for sure. So irritating.

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By *otwife and Him 69Couple
39 weeks ago

Preston

We sometimes appear online despite not actually being on but phones keep us logged in etc, then you get a rude or needy message expecting a quick or immediate response, block time I’d say lol xx

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By *uttymonkeyMan
39 weeks ago

devon

Lots of overthinking throughout on both sides I seem to find.

Lots of assumptions and judgements based off such little information about a person but unfortunately it is what it is and there's a lot of difficult people out there. Just don't be one of them

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By *oodmessMan
39 weeks ago

yumsville

Anyone enlighten me what this clingy message stuff is? From what I know you're messaging each other or someone is spam messaging you without reply.

If you're messaging each other there's some kind of interest (whatever it is), if there's non, you don't or you're not interested.

What's the clingy stuff? Does I've found someone, you're not my type, not what I'm after, block, not work?

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By *NewBNWOMan
39 weeks ago

back

Depends on how it's been going if we have been speaking back & forth then a disappearance I might ask did I upset you or something if you just randomly disappear

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

"Anyone enlighten me what this clingy message stuff is? From what I know you're messaging each other or someone is spam messaging you without reply.

If you're messaging each other there's some kind of interest (whatever it is), if there's non, you don't or you're not interested.

What's the clingy stuff? Does I've found someone, you're not my type, not what I'm after, block, not work?"

Clingy stuff - it’s usually when someone IS your type, but they are impatient and possessive if you don’t reply to them immediately. Double or triple messaging. Asking why. Making comments that they’ve noticed you online. Pushing to make meets happen… etc etc.

Then if you try and politely decline or explain that their behaviour has made you change your mind, it usually results in begging messages or abuse.

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By *oodmessMan
39 weeks ago

yumsville

"Anyone enlighten me what this clingy message stuff is? From what I know you're messaging each other or someone is spam messaging you without reply.

If you're messaging each other there's some kind of interest (whatever it is), if there's non, you don't or you're not interested.

What's the clingy stuff? Does I've found someone, you're not my type, not what I'm after, block, not work?

Then if you try and politely decline or explain that their behaviour has made you change your mind, it usually results in begging messages or abuse."

So someone that is your type physically but a little unhinged? ... That's when you find out they are not your type - and you move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
39 weeks ago

we tend not to reply to a message until we've both had a look if its someone new.

if its someone were talking to already one or both of us may send a quick reply to keep things going

everyone has lives away from fab so cant expect an instant reply

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