FabSwingers.com forum: Erectile Dysfunction

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

Just want to throw this out for discussion.

So many men - even in their 40's have this problem.

What Ive found is that that dysfunction forces men into other types of "play" that they wouldnt be into otherwise.

For example, you get someone saying they're a "Dom" when they are not... They cant perform, so they experiment with BDSM.

OR they fail to mention that they have ED, and you are then left with a man you cant actually play with!

If that was discussed beforehand, then you can work around that with toys etc.

But dont arrange a meet - without discussion - and then expect me not to notice that you cannot get hard, or stay hard, or cum etc.

Very frustrating.

Be open and honest.

No point lying just to secure a meet - because a disappointing meet is not what anyone wants.

Men, you need to talk about this issue more. It feels like an unspoken epidemic.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 12/03/24 22:32:56]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hrimper36Couple
41 weeks ago

Central France dept 36

Good post op and personally I agree 100% but if a man with ED cannot satisfies you then they are just a boom boom quick me me me merchant like many men and having a working cock will not change that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ndiiiMan
41 weeks ago

Paisley Scotland

Happens to a lot more than let on!!!!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

True.

ED can often be treated.

If it cant [and I have friends with that issue], then alternative kinds of play can be used very effectively.

But it has to be discussed beforehand!! Its not like I won't notice...

Im just surprised how much of an issue it is for so many men.

Im actually glad to have a vagina - although they have their own "needs" post menopause - again alot of male ignorance in that area too!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hriscooperMan
41 weeks ago

Warrington

"True.

ED can often be treated.

If it cant [and I have friends with that issue], then alternative kinds of play can be used very effectively.

But it has to be discussed beforehand!! Its not like I won't notice...

Im just surprised how much of an issue it is for so many men.

Im actually glad to have a vagina - although they have their own "needs" post menopause - again alot of male ignorance in that area too!

Would you class mental issues as ED?

Maybe he built himself up to be the best sex you've ever had and then couldn't handle the pressure?

Maybe he was dehydrated or hadn't slept much?

Maybe he wasn't getting turned on for whatever reason?

There are lots of reasons it could happen, and the mind is often the culprit much more than and physical disposition.

I agree that if it is a known issue they should tell you, as its impossible not to notice. A bit like going to pick your car up from it's service to find there's no steering wheel.

But I suppose there's such a stigma attached to it that some might just hope it works and you have a magic touch that heals all?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkyRebelMan
41 weeks ago

Swindon

I've got it after needing chemo in the past.

But doesn't effect a decent sex life if managed correctly.

Not just wham bam thank you maam

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *neforutoMan
41 weeks ago

Fantasy land in the SW

Good topic/post OP. As Ive gotten older Ive reaslised its much easier to talk about my needs than endless frustration and dissapointments.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heitaliandreamerMan
41 weeks ago

Northampton

I think there are so many women profiles here asking for 12/15" hard rock cock that many men feel like having a stigma if they talk about their ED

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

You are so right!

I am diabetic but have always been highly sexed, getting turned on at the view of anything remotely horny...i love summer!

In recent years I have suffered with a loss of feelings and its really affected my sexual activity, resorting to wanking for pleasure (i cant let myself down). I am quite frustrated as I love the attention of others and I fear I am becoming 'introverted' sexually and need to break out again. I have the blue tablets and they do the trick, but feel premeditated rather than spontaneous..

My wife did play but has lost the mojo saying until we are right she wont..

I get that but feel trapped..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

"Just want to throw this out for discussion.

So many men - even in their 40's have this problem.

What Ive found is that that dysfunction forces men into other types of "play" that they wouldnt be into otherwise.

For example, you get someone saying they're a "Dom" when they are not... They cant perform, so they experiment with BDSM.

OR they fail to mention that they have ED, and you are then left with a man you cant actually play with!

If that was discussed beforehand, then you can work around that with toys etc.

But dont arrange a meet - without discussion - and then expect me not to notice that you cannot get hard, or stay hard, or cum etc.

Very frustrating.

Be open and honest.

No point lying just to secure a meet - because a disappointing meet is not what anyone wants.

Men, you need to talk about this issue more. It feels like an unspoken epidemic."

Very good post OP

I would say though. Understanding women on here are far and few between I would say. Maybe that’s because of the type of site

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

Yes, mental health and/or any health issue requiring medication could be a cause of ED. Eg. SSRI's [medication for depression, anxiety etc] have "loss of libido" as a common side effect.

In my particular instance, his ED wasnt performance pressure. It was most likely age and general health because he said he started with ED some years ago.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

"I think there are so many women profiles here asking for 12/15" hard rock cock that many men feel like having a stigma if they talk about their ED"

There is no "one fits all" description regarding a persons' preference for Cocks or Cunts. Afterall there is BBC, fisting, DP and various other activities that involve vaginas getting stretched. But that's what some women like - not all - in the same way that some men like women with big tits or a certain visual look to a pussy.

Men are obviously concerned about their performance because it's been a common question asked ie. "Is my cock a good size/girth/shape/endurance etc." This can be a genuine question for feedback, or an individuals' personal insecurity.

Feeling nervous - thankfully - is not something vaginas are effected by/suffer from - apart from a need for Lube - which is so important for women. Dryness can be an equivolent of ED for women.

But imagine how beautiful having some lube or coconut oil massaged gently into your cunt feels - almost guaranteed orgasm.

Women feel just as insecure about how their body looks [boobs, bums and vaginas all look different]. And imagine how a woman feels if told by their play partner that they like anal because it is "tighter".

Maybe we all need to explore our own bodies more to find what we do like. Then that informs your play with others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

"Good post op and personally I agree 100% but if a man with ED cannot satisfies you then they are just a boom boom quick me me me merchant like many men and having a working cock will not change that.

True.

Men are very cock orientated in play.

Fuck it or suck it!

So if its soft and unresponsive where do you go??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hriscooperMan
41 weeks ago

Warrington

True.

Men are very cock orientated in play.

Fuck it or suck it!

So if its soft and unresponsive where do you go??

All men aren't at all.

I'm more than happy to soley satisfy a woman without even taking my cock out, like women, we can't all be generalised. There have been many times when my cock hasn't even come out as I'm a very attentive man who's completely unselfish.

Where do you go? Try giving him a sexy massage, having a lady straddled you naked, rubbing her breasts or oiled up body on you is one of the most erotic things you can do.. Completely unrelated to his cock.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

"Just want to throw this out for discussion.

So many men - even in their 40's have this problem.

What Ive found is that that dysfunction forces men into other types of "play" that they wouldnt be into otherwise.

For example, you get someone saying they're a "Dom" when they are not... They cant perform, so they experiment with BDSM.

OR they fail to mention that they have ED, and you are then left with a man you cant actually play with!

If that was discussed beforehand, then you can work around that with toys etc.

But dont arrange a meet - without discussion - and then expect me not to notice that you cannot get hard, or stay hard, or cum etc.

Very frustrating.

Be open and honest.

No point lying just to secure a meet - because a disappointing meet is not what anyone wants.

Men, you need to talk about this issue more. It feels like an unspoken epidemic.

Very good post OP

I would say though. Understanding women on here are far and few between I would say. Maybe that’s because of the type of site "

"Just want to throw this out for discussion.

So many men - even in their 40's have this problem.

What Ive found is that that dysfunction forces men into other types of "play" that they wouldnt be into otherwise.

For example, you get someone saying they're a "Dom" when they are not... They cant perform, so they experiment with BDSM.

OR they fail to mention that they have ED, and you are then left with a man you cant actually play with!

If that was discussed beforehand, then you can work around that with toys etc.

But dont arrange a meet - without discussion - and then expect me not to notice that you cannot get hard, or stay hard, or cum etc.

Very frustrating.

Be open and honest.

No point lying just to secure a meet - because a disappointing meet is not what anyone wants.

Men, you need to talk about this issue more. It feels like an unspoken epidemic.

Very good post OP

I would say though. Understanding women on here are far and few between I would say. Maybe that’s because of the type of site "

This site should cater for all.

From a woman's point of view if a man has ED he should know - and more importantly tell - any play partner what else he likes in the bedroom. This removes the anxiety and frustration that both will otherwise experience.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

True.

Men are very cock orientated in play.

Fuck it or suck it!

So if its soft and unresponsive where do you go??

All men aren't at all.

I totally agree.

But at this particular meet we were both unprepared. No toys or oil with us..

But what was worse was that he did then mention some things he liked. But it turned out he was a Sadist.

Which - like the ED - was not mentioned in our chats!

So I got dressed and left.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adtaffladMan
41 weeks ago

Rhyl

I don't have a problem getting hard but I have a problem finishing due to nerve damage

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *razytimesinloveCouple
41 weeks ago

SW Scotland

Seen it happen a few times in clubs, guy can’t get it up and the more he focuses on it then the more frustrated he gets, it’s a viscous cycle.

Can’t always put that down to ED many times it can just be a one off.

I do agree it needs talked about more

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

"I don't have a problem getting hard but I have a problem finishing due to nerve damage "

I'm sure that must be very frustrating for you.

However some women would class that as a skill.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *adtaffladMan
41 weeks ago

Rhyl

"I don't have a problem getting hard but I have a problem finishing due to nerve damage

I'm sure that must be very frustrating for you.

However some women would class that as a skill.

Yeah it can be frustrating but definitely a skill that can last hours

. Finding someone to take me up on that skill is the issue

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
41 weeks ago

"Just want to throw this out for discussion.

So many men - even in their 40's have this problem.

What Ive found is that that dysfunction forces men into other types of "play" that they wouldnt be into otherwise.

For example, you get someone saying they're a "Dom" when they are not... They cant perform, so they experiment with BDSM.

OR they fail to mention that they have ED, and you are then left with a man you cant actually play with!

If that was discussed beforehand, then you can work around that with toys etc.

But dont arrange a meet - without discussion - and then expect me not to notice that you cannot get hard, or stay hard, or cum etc.

Very frustrating.

Be open and honest.

No point lying just to secure a meet - because a disappointing meet is not what anyone wants.

Men, you need to talk about this issue more. It feels like an unspoken epidemic."

Because they're too embarrassed to see a specialist and get treatment like I did. Never looked back.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ick1111Man
41 weeks ago

Near Spalding

Great topic to have out in the open. I didn’t realise that so many men struggled with this.

I must be one of the fortunate ones that’s never had this problem.

Any health issues, however embarrassing should be dealt with by Gp or other.

Thanks for highlighting this topic.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oxy jWoman
41 weeks ago

taunton somerset

its alway been a problem guys with ed lying / conning to get a meet then blame it on the occasion in hope that they still get some fun ... when confronted with this i go no further ...theres a big difference between stage fright and ed you can tell by how the guy acts i have no problem with stage fright as they are not lying..

i read somewhere it 95% of ed problems can be solved depending on age i think the older the more its just age ..

people swing because they know what they want nobody should be made to feel bad because they dont want to meet you no matter what

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Gentleman.Man
41 weeks ago

Sitlington

"True.

ED can often be treated.

If it cant [and I have friends with that issue], then alternative kinds of play can be used very effectively.

But it has to be discussed beforehand!! Its not like I won't notice...

Im just surprised how much of an issue it is for so many men.

Im actually glad to have a vagina - although they have their own "needs" post menopause - again alot of male ignorance in that area too!

Would you class mental issues as ED?

Maybe he built himself up to be the best sex you've ever had and then couldn't handle the pressure?

Maybe he was dehydrated or hadn't slept much?

Maybe he wasn't getting turned on for whatever reason?

There are lots of reasons it could happen, and the mind is often the culprit much more than and physical disposition.

I agree that if it is a known issue they should tell you, as its impossible not to notice. A bit like going to pick your car up from it's service to find there's no steering wheel.

But I suppose there's such a stigma attached to it that some might just hope it works and you have a magic touch that heals all? "
well said.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughtycouple1008Couple
41 weeks ago

west london

I had ED a while ago. I joined the gym and started eating healthier. Thank goodness it worked for me ....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andwffMan
41 weeks ago

hereford

great post.....ED must be so frustrating for both parties. It's important to be open about theses things

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *WB85Man
41 weeks ago

Staffordshire

It's not always ED.....sometimes just anxiety of the situation can be enough to cause an issue.

Men can't hide their anxiety in these situations like other genders can.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ldschoolfunCouple
41 weeks ago

Knebworth

I have ejactulation issues, had a circumcision last year that didn't help at all as a lot less sensitive I find. Luckily I can stay hard for hours, but it can become frustrating when you overheat!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ario1972Man
41 weeks ago

Guildford

As a man its a difficult thing to talk about at the best of times.

there's the very real fear that the minute you mention ed, then it's game over, she'll tell you no.

And that's before we have the performance nerves.

I once had just that. No way would it come up , and by christ I wanted it to so badly. In the end I went down on her for over an hour.

It also doesn't help that I got run over in my 20's and the resultant pelvic reconstruction surgery sometimes means that there are times when all the blue pills in the world won't get me to stand up - not all the time, but it happens.

When it happens I might as well try and pack dough into a tight purse. I always loved performing oral, but after that episode it was a lifesaver when I couldn't rise to the occasion.

But to many men in my predicament we'd believe it's a sympathetic woman that would want to hear that she's not going to get penetrated.

Couple that with the whole men aren't open and don't talk thing and it just compounds the issue.

And that's before we get to mental side of it - which can utterly destroy any chance of an erection. That one particular occasion I was talking about, by the time I got home I had a throbbing great hard on, but mentally I knew that if I'd have turned round and gone back the deflated result would have been the same.

On here as well, we as men know that for every one of you, there's hundreds of us - and that makes the pressure to be upstanding and good, to put our money where our mouth is even more intense.

Yup.. ED is bollocks.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ario1972Man
41 weeks ago

Guildford

"It's not always ED.....sometimes just anxiety of the situation can be enough to cause an issue.

Men can't hide their anxiety in these situations like other genders can. "

absolutely this.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *izandpaulCouple
41 weeks ago

merseyside

For me as a woman, see it many times but to be fair to the guys it could be nerves, being in close proximity of other men, around men they perceive as more experienced and confident, drink for Dutch courage etc etc.

I take it we are talking about swinging meets / recreational sex, totally different from real relationships.

For Paul, he has no difficulty in our 'normal life' but sometimes during parties, clubs etc it doesn't happen but he tends to shrug it off and live to fight another day.

Sadly, we could never really mention in swinging company that he quite simply does not find the lady sexually attractive.

That cold.

That simple, but a fact of life.

That's why we tend to only meet for a drink and chat initially on 121 meets.

If we both want to take it further, rearrange another meet.

As a woman I have to accept not all guys or ladies fancy me.

But wouldn't judge a guy if he's not having a great night.

Hey Ho, so is life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ust want fun 888Man
41 weeks ago

nearby

"Just want to throw this out for discussion.

So many men - even in their 40's have this problem.

What Ive found is that that dysfunction forces men into other types of "play" that they wouldnt be into otherwise.

For example, you get someone saying they're a "Dom" when they are not... They cant perform, so they experiment with BDSM.

OR they fail to mention that they have ED, and you are then left with a man you cant actually play with!

If that was discussed beforehand, then you can work around that with toys etc.

But dont arrange a meet - without discussion - and then expect me not to notice that you cannot get hard, or stay hard, or cum etc.

Very frustrating.

Be open and honest.

No point lying just to secure a meet - because a disappointing meet is not what anyone wants.

Men, you need to talk about this issue more. It feels like an unspoken epidemic."
I totally agree with you, really don’t know why men are embarrassed about all types of things

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *azpiz1Man
41 weeks ago

Camberley

I'm in mu early 60s and until about 18 months ago, didn't have an issue.

However, things have progressively gotten worse, and I'm now on a daily dose of Coalisland. (I found managing Viagra a pain!)

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, and for that reason, I've taken a step back from things.

I would be open and honest about it with anyone interested in playing with me.

I think, for me, having a fwb / regular partner might be better than swinging, as we would have time to work with / understand each other, but I have no issues with focusing on my partner during a meet.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elshcouple18Couple
41 weeks ago

Cardiff

"It's not always ED.....sometimes just anxiety of the situation can be enough to cause an issue.

Men can't hide their anxiety in these situations like other genders can. "
I had it happen to me a few weeks back.. First proper visit to chams, arranged to meet a couple there, chatted with them for a while before moving into quite an open public room, which I wasn't expecting, and wound myself up so much, couldn't get hard. A few issues I had strained my back that very morning and knee problems fornthe week added to my anxiety.. I was in agony with my back, which probably was the biggest factor, first time it's happened will it be the last? That i can't answer..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elshcouple18Couple
41 weeks ago

Cardiff

Will just add, didn't stop any play, kissing touching etc, just couldn't sexually satisfy the lady of the couple..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *anted by NightMan
41 weeks ago

Shangri-La

"Just want to throw this out for discussion.

So many men - even in their 40's have this problem.

What Ive found is that that dysfunction forces men into other types of "play" that they wouldnt be into otherwise.

For example, you get someone saying they're a "Dom" when they are not... They cant perform, so they experiment with BDSM.

OR they fail to mention that they have ED, and you are then left with a man you cant actually play with!

If that was discussed beforehand, then you can work around that with toys etc.

But dont arrange a meet - without discussion - and then expect me not to notice that you cannot get hard, or stay hard, or cum etc.

Very frustrating.

Be open and honest.

No point lying just to secure a meet - because a disappointing meet is not what anyone wants.

Men, you need to talk about this issue more. It feels like an unspoken epidemic."

Interesting post

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *WB85Man
41 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Anxiety and fear in these new situations is part of it.

Its why me and my partner spend time finding the right people with the intention of regular meets instead of one offs.

We're all very different in this journey.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

"its alway been a problem guys with ed lying / conning to get a meet then blame it on the occasion in hope that they still get some fun ... when confronted with this i go no further ...theres a big difference between stage fright and ed you can tell by how the guy acts i have no problem with stage fright as they are not lying..

i read somewhere it 95% of ed problems can be solved depending on age i think the older the more its just age ..

people swing because they know what they want nobody should be made to feel bad because they dont want to meet you no matter what

Exactly. You can tell the difference between nerves or performance anxiety and ED.

[Afterall many on the "cuckold" scene are women having sex with other men because their partner cannot perform.]

From my experience, and talking with others, ED is a huge unspoken issue that is affecting men from a much younger age.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

"For me as a woman, see it many times but to be fair to the guys it could be nerves, being in close proximity of other men, around men they perceive as more experienced and confident, drink for Dutch courage etc etc.

I take it we are talking about swinging meets / recreational sex, totally different from real relationships.

For Paul, he has no difficulty in our 'normal life' but sometimes during parties, clubs etc it doesn't happen but he tends to shrug it off and live to fight another day.

Sadly, we could never really mention in swinging company that he quite simply does not find the lady sexually attractive.

That cold.

That simple, but a fact of life.

That's why we tend to only meet for a drink and chat initially on 121 meets.

If we both want to take it further, rearrange another meet.

As a woman I have to accept not all guys or ladies fancy me.

But wouldn't judge a guy if he's not having a great night.

Hey Ho, so is life.

Very true.

I find couple swops the hardest. Because, as you say, all 4 participants have to be into eachother.

That's why I prefer to play single or in 3somes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ara58 OP Woman
41 weeks ago

DERBY

"I'm in mu early 60s and until about 18 months ago, didn't have an issue.

However, things have progressively gotten worse, and I'm now on a daily dose of Coalisland. (I found managing Viagra a pain!)

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, and for that reason, I've taken a step back from things.

I would be open and honest about it with anyone interested in playing with me.

Yes a more regular friend might work better.

Im kind of thinking that myself - I had to have a hysterectomy young, which triggered the menopause.

Dryness is a huge issue... that makes sex uncomfortable and painful if you're not lubed up. I use more creams and moisturizers on my fanny than my face.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igstiveMan
41 weeks ago

watford

I’m sorry to everyone but, I’m rock hard!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread