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Rejection

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By *ister_E OP   Man
45 weeks ago

Hayling Island

As a Bi guy on here, rejections are something I'm fairly used to and accept as a part of Fab-Life. I actually appreciate someone just taking the time and effort to politely rebuff my interest, instead of just ignoring or blocking me.

So I really don't understand why some people get so offended if you don't want to fuck them.

I recently sent the following message to a couple who mailed me-

"Hi *******

Great profile and hot pics! sadly, being married means I have to more risk averse than I might prefer. So I do not meet people who do bareback or have that as a preference... It's a me thing, and not a criticism in any way, at all! This is a red line issue for me and not something I ever compromise on. So thanks in advance for understanding l. XX

Hope you find what you're looking for soon and have a great day!

Good luck,

E"

In response I got lectured on how lucky I was they deigned to message me, that I was a piece of shit, and wasn't attractive, and that I was a fake and a timewaster, how not safe condoms are, and that they hoped I catch HIV..... Am I doing something wrong? And if so do you have any suggestions on how I can better communicate to avoid this kind of thing?

Is this what women on Fabs deal with all the time?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
45 weeks ago


"As a Bi guy on here, rejections are something I'm fairly used to and accept as a part of Fab-Life. I actually appreciate someone just taking the time and effort to politely rebuff my interest, instead of just ignoring or blocking me.

So I really don't understand why some people get so offended if you don't want to fuck them.

I recently sent the following message to a couple who mailed me-

"Hi *******

Great profile and hot pics! sadly, being married means I have to more risk averse than I might prefer. So I do not meet people who do bareback or have that as a preference... It's a me thing, and not a criticism in any way, at all! This is a red line issue for me and not something I ever compromise on. So thanks in advance for understanding l. XX

Hope you find what you're looking for soon and have a great day!

Good luck,

E"

In response I got lectured on how lucky I was they deigned to message me, that I was a piece of shit, and wasn't attractive, and that I was a fake and a timewaster, how not safe condoms are, and that they hoped I catch HIV..... Am I doing something wrong? And if so do you have any suggestions on how I can better communicate to avoid this kind of thing?

Is this what women on Fabs deal with all the time? "

Does it say on your profile that you don't do bear back they way you approached it was fine in my opinion nothing wrong with it all just have to have thick skin on this site and don't take it to heart that person who messaged you back just has too much time on his hands and unfortunately you were the one he took it out on bang out of order don't let it knock your confidence trust me as straight lad IV gotten it as well but whent in one ear and out the other so keep the head up and smile they hate that the most when they don't get a reaction

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ickD80Man
45 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

From your profile pictures I can see that you lick pussy, suck cock, suck cock after they’ve cum, possibly even take cum in your mouth….I don’t consider that being risk averse. I’m sure all the people that you do that with tell you that they always practice safe sex but you’re relying on the word of someone who’s basically a stranger to you, how do you really know they’re telling the truth?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ister_E OP   Man
45 weeks ago

Hayling Island

Guess it could be seen as a mixed signal... so maby I'm partially in the wrong? Oral is considered low risk, but obviously not 'no-risk' what I really mean is no BB sex.

People who engage in regular bare sex with strangers are in a significantly higher risk category than those who don't. That's simply a fact of the lifestyle unfortunately.

I only ever do that with people I'm in a steady ongoing relationship with. Then you have time to develop trust and get mutually tested etc. I also only do it if we've agreed mutual exclusivity (we only go bare with each other)

So how would you suggest I convey that more clearly, without giving offence?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ickD80Man
45 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"Guess it could be seen as a mixed signal... so maby I'm partially in the wrong? Oral is considered low risk, but obviously not 'no-risk' what I really mean is no BB sex.

People who engage in regular bare sex with strangers are in a significantly higher risk category than those who don't. That's simply a fact of the lifestyle unfortunately.

I only ever do that with people I'm in a steady ongoing relationship with. Then you have time to develop trust and get mutually tested etc. I also only do it if we've agreed mutual exclusivity (we only go bare with each other)

So how would you suggest I convey that more clearly, without giving offence?"

Well it is a bit of a contradiction to say that you are risk averse when you have pictures of you licking pussy and having cum in your mouth. You’ve used being risk averse as a reason to not meet the couple when your profile clearly shows that you’re not. You’re avoiding some risks but not others, being risk averse means you avoid all risks. You don’t know for sure that people you do that with really do only have safe sex, just because they tell you they do doesn’t mean they actually do.

Why do you feel the need to reply to say anything? You’re just encouraging a negative reaction. If you don’t reply they will know it’s a no, you don’t need to say anything.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ickD80Man
45 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"Guess it could be seen as a mixed signal... so maby I'm partially in the wrong? Oral is considered low risk, but obviously not 'no-risk' what I really mean is no BB sex.

People who engage in regular bare sex with strangers are in a significantly higher risk category than those who don't. That's simply a fact of the lifestyle unfortunately.

I only ever do that with people I'm in a steady ongoing relationship with. Then you have time to develop trust and get mutually tested etc. I also only do it if we've agreed mutual exclusivity (we only go bare with each other)

So how would you suggest I convey that more clearly, without giving offence?"

So if someone told you they had an STI would you give them oral anyway as it’s low risk? You’re also saying that you only meet couples who always practice safe sex outside their relationship but you’ve just said that you don’t always practice safe sex outside of your relationship.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ister_E OP   Man
45 weeks ago

Hayling Island

You seem to be struggling with the whole concept of mitigation.

Being 'risk averse' does not mean avoiding risks altogether! It's about trying to find your personal balance between risk and reward.

You seem to be hung up on the issue of risks and not on the actual question I was asking, so this conversation is neither terribly interesting nor constructive.

So yes I take some risks and also chose to avoid some others, I'm a hypocrite, and I freely admit it, so now address the actual issue or move along and enjoy your moral superiority somewhere else and stop wasting my time please.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ickD80Man
45 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"You seem to be struggling with the whole concept of mitigation.

Being 'risk averse' does not mean avoiding risks altogether! It's about trying to find your personal balance between risk and reward.

You seem to be hung up on the issue of risks and not on the actual question I was asking, so this conversation is neither terribly interesting nor constructive.

So yes I take some risks and also chose to avoid some others, I'm a hypocrite, and I freely admit it, so now address the actual issue or move along and enjoy your moral superiority somewhere else and stop wasting my time please."

The definition of risk averse is disinclined or reluctant to take risks, giving oral to strangers is a risk, even if it’s a low risk, so are you disinclined and reluctant to give oral to strangers?

Well my advice to not offend people is to not be a hypocrite.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ipstick KissesWoman
45 weeks ago

There and Here

Regardless of how you choose to mitigate risk, or indeed conduct your sex life, there's no need for anyone to reply in the way this couple did, and it's certainly the type of message I'd report as abusive. Thankfully, messages like that are fairly uncommon

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *oxy jWoman
45 weeks ago

taunton somerset

people have the rights to reject anyone its a select reject scene most people are not compactable..

however no one should be rude or abusive about it ... if you receive abuse then always report it

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ritIndianCoupleCouple
45 weeks ago

Midlands

The message you received is completely unacceptable. The reason you turned them down is irrelevant. There is no excuse to speak to someone like that. Report and move on. I think you dodged a bullet there.

Mrs

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *andPextraCouple
45 weeks ago

North West


"As a Bi guy on here, rejections are something I'm fairly used to and accept as a part of Fab-Life. I actually appreciate someone just taking the time and effort to politely rebuff my interest, instead of just ignoring or blocking me.

So I really don't understand why some people get so offended if you don't want to fuck them.

I recently sent the following message to a couple who mailed me-

"Hi *******

Great profile and hot pics! sadly, being married means I have to more risk averse than I might prefer. So I do not meet people who do bareback or have that as a preference... It's a me thing, and not a criticism in any way, at all! This is a red line issue for me and not something I ever compromise on. So thanks in advance for understanding l. XX

Hope you find what you're looking for soon and have a great day!

Good luck,

E"

In response I got lectured on how lucky I was they deigned to message me, that I was a piece of shit, and wasn't attractive, and that I was a fake and a timewaster, how not safe condoms are, and that they hoped I catch HIV..... Am I doing something wrong? And if so do you have any suggestions on how I can better communicate to avoid this kind of thing?

Is this what women on Fabs deal with all the time? "

Good lord. What a pair of clowns. Your response was more than most would do and there was nothing wrong with it at all.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *an_spMan
45 weeks ago

Coventry

Wishing HIV to a person is undoubtedly abusive and inhumane, regardless if the rejection message had any contradictions or not. They should totally be reported!

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *rpeggioCouple
45 weeks ago

Baughurst

Report. Your response seems unnecessarily detailed, but theirs is out of order.

Also, I disagree with the profile above quoting definitions about risk aversion etc etc. All that is irrelevant. If I take a risk today and don't do it tomorrow, and I take a risk next day... That's my choice. Whatever risks you took in the past you can change your mind, and then change again, it's your choice.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *adCherriesCouple
45 weeks ago

Cheshire/Northwest


"From your profile pictures I can see that you lick pussy, suck cock, suck cock after they’ve cum, possibly even take cum in your mouth….I don’t consider that being risk averse. I’m sure all the people that you do that with tell you that they always practice safe sex but you’re relying on the word of someone who’s basically a stranger to you, how do you really know they’re telling the truth? "

Transmission of STIs via oral without is very low compared to bareback through penetrative sex. It is ludicrous to say because you do OWO you might aswell go bare.

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *reenleavesCouple
45 weeks ago

North Wales

The problem with written communication is you lose the nuance or intention behind it. Whilst you (op) meant it in a pleasant 'let them down easy' way, they probably read it in that ranty voice we all use when we read boomer Facebook comments

Bareback can be a hot button topic and they've probably had some crappy judgements thrown their way in the past. That, coupled with your rejecting them probably just sent them into a spin.

Not excusing their abuse, just looking to see it from their side

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *lym4realCouple
45 weeks ago

plymouth

Reason most don't reply on here now ?? is because of this sort of thing ?? and we don't bother now as people don't seem to take rejection very well !! as some assume because you are a member on here you will.... .....fill in the blanks ...

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *amnaughtybutniceWoman
45 weeks ago

tf1

Yes this is the kind of response we get when we say no!

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *amesnplanesMan
45 weeks ago

Banbridge


"As a Bi guy on here, rejections are something I'm fairly used to and accept as a part of Fab-Life. I actually appreciate someone just taking the time and effort to politely rebuff my interest, instead of just ignoring or blocking me.

So I really don't understand why some people get so offended if you don't want to fuck them.

I recently sent the following message to a couple who mailed me-

"Hi *******

Great profile and hot pics! sadly, being married means I have to more risk averse than I might prefer. So I do not meet people who do bareback or have that as a preference... It's a me thing, and not a criticism in any way, at all! This is a red line issue for me and not something I ever compromise on. So thanks in advance for understanding l. XX

Hope you find what you're looking for soon and have a great day!

Good luck,

E"

In response I got lectured on how lucky I was they deigned to message me, that I was a piece of shit, and wasn't attractive, and that I was a fake and a timewaster, how not safe condoms are, and that they hoped I catch HIV..... Am I doing something wrong? And if so do you have any suggestions on how I can better communicate to avoid this kind of thing?

Is this what women on Fabs deal with all the time?

Good lord. What a pair of clowns. Your response was more than most would do and there was nothing wrong with it at all. "

I'll second H and P's comments. Your words are precise and genuine. If your views differ to there's, well that's just life and diversity. It's not possible to homogenise everyones opinions, well not unless we're all going to be subjected to mandated training!

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *ickD80Man
45 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"From your profile pictures I can see that you lick pussy, suck cock, suck cock after they’ve cum, possibly even take cum in your mouth….I don’t consider that being risk averse. I’m sure all the people that you do that with tell you that they always practice safe sex but you’re relying on the word of someone who’s basically a stranger to you, how do you really know they’re telling the truth?

Transmission of STIs via oral without is very low compared to bareback through penetrative sex. It is ludicrous to say because you do OWO you might aswell go bare. "

Where did I say that he might as well go bareback if he does OWO?

 (thread closed by moderator)

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
45 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Just a reminder. Private message content should never be shared in forum posts, whatever the context. It's strictly against the forum rules below.

https://www.fabswingers.com/content/forum-rules

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