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"Been on the lookout for a lady to join us either solo or from another couple for quite a while now, for fun for the female half of us while the male half watches, just because the female half isn't comfortable sharing.. if course this isn't going to be everyone's cup of tea, but when trying to approach other accounts on here we've been met with some pretty rude replies when they've found out I'm not gonna be up for a full swap, such as "well why are you on here then?". Or after talking for a while and trying to put certain boundaries in place they're seemingly ignored and things like "can't wait to get my hands on him" have been said like what I've said has been completely ignored, it's got to me a little bit and made me feel like I'm the problem, that I have too uptight boundaries and maybe I should just be letting these women have my man because it's quite clearly me that's a problem and I'm not liking the way it's made me feel if im honest, and my poor fella has done absolutely nothing wrong in all this and I don't want it to affect him at all. It's giving me anxiety when there didn't need to even be any, all I'm after is a good time and plenty of fun but a couple of interactions have made me feel a bit funny about it all, can anyone please reassure me there's genuine, kind people out there that WILL respect what we want and won't just jump straight onto my man if I turn my back for a second! " I understand where you’re coming from. Me and my wife have tried with this site no end, with mostly the same results. My advice would be to stick with it. You will eventually find that one person. We’ve got three people and one other couple we play with, they are likeminded and are happy to go as fast/slow as we want. If you stick with it, there are real, genuine people out there. Other than that, maybe try a club? Go for the social element and leave the sexual element for when you’re more settled? | |||
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 Finding it on Fab is definitely a challenge. It's much harder to read people, especially as you feel there's an element of trust that you need. And it's so easy to get crossed wires over text.
Going to a club or a social would be the easiest way to find what you're after. Couples and single ladies nights are the best bet. Good luck! | |||
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We've contemplated a club but also again sparks off some anxiety of rude people getting shitty if they can't join in, we're unsure if we'd ever go to a club for the social side cos as awful as this sounds were not really social people like that, just not sure if it could be the place for us because we might not fit the vibe, we're not social butterflies so to speak! | |||
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 there's all sorts that goes down here! Would be exactly that, personally as a couple we'd love it if we had a stranger watching us and playing over us, and we've been inundated with male offers, so it's not like it's so weird and taboo what we're asking.. I'm just feeling a bit deflated with the rudeness of it with wishes don't align, because we are never rude about it! | |||
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"Each to their own but we get approached by plenty of couples and it is very clear that I ( the male) will most definitely be getting overlooked or ignored and the main game plan is to get my wife involved in their thing. Its rather insulting and very annoying. " We get that often too, but we politely decline, sometimes you can read into what people are getting at. We are in this together and no other way | |||
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"Hmm, are you checking profiles before approaching? Whilst there is no need for a rude reply I can see why people are being negative. I can't tell if you want ff play with only your partner watching or with both partners watching? When approaching single woman - if you just want ff play, what reason is there for a man to be there watching? I am sorry it has made you question your boundaries. Your boundaries are yours to hold and valid. It seems you have to find someone who holds those same wants as you. Good luck MrsAbz " Yes we do check the profiles and they do say they want to meet couples, if it says they want full swap only we obviously won't message, but when it doesn't say you're never gonna know if you don't ask? And we ask politely etc! When we've asked as part of a couple the other male party is more than welcome to watch and play just as much as my man, and same room sex with our own partners is mentioned every time. Even just asked for this alone without the females playing and people still get funny and stuck up saying no only full swap why you on here if you don't want that  Not every person of course but only takes a few shitty replies to start making you question your own boundaries which I didn't want! If approaching a single woman I'd love for my partner to be there because I'd find it nice him watching me and he would love to watch me also, it's me that doesn't want the female to do anything with him cos that's just me I'm selfish I guess. But I'm made to feel like I'm not allowed to be? If that's making any sense! | |||
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"If approaching a single woman I'd love for my partner to be there because I'd find it nice him watching me and he would love to watch me also, it's me that doesn't want the female to do anything with him cos that's just me I'm selfish I guess. But I'm made to feel like I'm not allowed to be? If that's making any sense!" From a poly perspective, I do personally find it a red flag when one person is allowed to play and the other isn't regardless of genders involved. You're totally free and fine to have your own rules and boundaries. That's okay. But, as a queer woman, someone saying that the girls playing is okay good clean happy fun, but as soon as its male and female that's suddenly a threat to the 'real' relationship, it kind of reads as that not homophobic but at least homodismissive attitude that says women loving women simply doesn't count. And that feels icky to me. I can understand why it can get people's backs up. And it's rubbish when people are rude to you. But it can be a very sensitive topic for a lot of queer people | |||
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"Hmm, are you checking profiles before approaching? Whilst there is no need for a rude reply I can see why people are being negative. I can't tell if you want ff play with only your partner watching or with both partners watching? When approaching single woman - if you just want ff play, what reason is there for a man to be there watching? I am sorry it has made you question your boundaries. Your boundaries are yours to hold and valid. It seems you have to find someone who holds those same wants as you. Good luck MrsAbz Yes we do check the profiles and they do say they want to meet couples, if it says they want full swap only we obviously won't message, but when it doesn't say you're never gonna know if you don't ask? And we ask politely etc! When we've asked as part of a couple the other male party is more than welcome to watch and play just as much as my man, and same room sex with our own partners is mentioned every time. Even just asked for this alone without the females playing and people still get funny and stuck up saying no only full swap why you on here if you don't want that Not every person of course but only takes a few shitty replies to start making you question your own boundaries which I didn't want! If approaching a single woman I'd love for my partner to be there because I'd find it nice him watching me and he would love to watch me also, it's me that doesn't want the female to do anything with him cos that's just me I'm selfish I guess. But I'm made to feel like I'm not allowed to be? If that's making any sense!"Ah I see. That makes perfect sense actually. My apologies for misreading. Of course it isn't selfish and tbh, that is the only kind of couple play we would consider (ff play and same room sex with own partner). We have had several offers along those lines, so couples who do enjoy that are out there, you will happen across one eventually I'm sure. I think, (from when I was single) for ff only play that is a trickier situation as, personally, I don't want to be watched to entertain a random man but I am sure there are women who want to be watched somewhere. It takes all sorts to make the world go round. So long as you are polite in approach etc, I really wouldn't let rude replies get to you. People can just be having a bad day, frustrated at that moment etc. MrsAbz | |||
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"Each to their own but we get approached by plenty of couples and it is very clear that I ( the male) will most definitely be getting overlooked or ignored and the main game plan is to get my wife involved in their thing. Its rather insulting and very annoying. " Absolutely!! We have had plenty of males messaging where they say they're happy to watch but just the vibe they give off and the things they say you can just tell they will be of a pushy nature and it's a flat out no from us whether they're male or female, same rule goes with that one!! Just a disclaimer were not looking to capture another girl and shut her partner out, they're just as welcome to have as much fun as my partner has watching too | |||
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"OP if I am honest I wonder if you are slightly overthinking things. I appreciate you don’t like socials but kicking things off with a few no pressure socials and seeing what happens might alleviate your concerns. If you find that all the women you meet are sex fiends then your fears might be right but something tells me that won’t be the case." I probably am overthinking it massively! I always thought speaking about it before meeting to get everyone's rules in place would make it easier, than trying to awkwardly say no I don't want to share in person, I'm more frightened of the response than me saying something, I don't want to find myself being patronised, because it keeps happening through a screen let alone in person! Eager to not have a bad experience to spook me is all, because I do genuinely believe theres lots of fun to be had, just got to find someone on the same page! | |||
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"If approaching a single woman I'd love for my partner to be there because I'd find it nice him watching me and he would love to watch me also, it's me that doesn't want the female to do anything with him cos that's just me I'm selfish I guess. But I'm made to feel like I'm not allowed to be? If that's making any sense! From a poly perspective, I do personally find it a red flag when one person is allowed to play and the other isn't regardless of genders involved. You're totally free and fine to have your own rules and boundaries. That's okay. But, as a queer woman, someone saying that the girls playing is okay good clean happy fun, but as soon as its male and female that's suddenly a threat to the 'real' relationship, it kind of reads as that not homophobic but at least homodismissive attitude that says women loving women simply doesn't count. And that feels icky to me. I can understand why it can get people's backs up. And it's rubbish when people are rude to you. But it can be a very sensitive topic for a lot of queer people "100% appreciate your point of view and understand it! I never wanna cause offence to anyone out there, if I'm gonna go into it I'd just feel hurt and upset if my partner went with anyone else and I guess it's just because I am utterly in love with him and I don't want to share him, it's not that I think there's a threat to our relationship because we are solid and trust issues aren't a thing, it just makes me feel upset the thought of it let alone if it was to actually happen, it'd hurt me! But that's just me, there's obviously women out there who are fearful of their man leading astray, that's not the case here, I trust him fully.. when you're saying about red flags, there's the whole thing of cuckolding and some people actually get off the the fact one party isn't allowed to play if that's their kink, it's just different strokes for different folks isn't it | |||
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"100% appreciate your point of view and understand it! I never wanna cause offence to anyone out there, if I'm gonna go into it I'd just feel hurt and upset if my partner went with anyone else and I guess it's just because I am utterly in love with him and I don't want to share him, it's not that I think there's a threat to our relationship because we are solid and trust issues aren't a thing, it just makes me feel upset the thought of it let alone if it was to actually happen, it'd hurt me! But that's just me, there's obviously women out there who are fearful of their man leading astray, that's not the case here, I trust him fully.. when you're saying about red flags, there's the whole thing of cuckolding and some people actually get off the the fact one party isn't allowed to play if that's their kink, it's just different strokes for different folks isn't it " Oh of course. That's why I specified as a poly person (and honestly just someone who's into equality) it raises red flags for me personally. Red flags to me just meaning be wary rather than outright immediate no, though. You don't have to justify your choices or preferences to me (or anyone that isn't directly involved), I just wanted to share why it might provoke a more visceral reaction from some people | |||
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