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Consent and trust

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By *heekyCharm OP   Man
over a year ago

Colne

Hello,

I often see people showing mistrust for men like myself, who's partner has given them consent to swing but doesn't swing themselves or want to get involved.

How would you approach this? X

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Hi op

It's a tough one, I'd want confirmation that she's happy for you to meet me (my partner meets alone and I will happily confirm it with people).

If not, I wouldn't take it any further I'm afraid.

People are naturally suspicious, because of the amount of men and women who lie about their partners knowing they are here.

Some women won't even meet men in relationships, even if their partner does know and is here too.

You've been upfront about it, that's all you can do really.

Or according to many here people don't ask at clubs, so that could be an option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally think it's double standards to expect guys to prove that their partners support them swinging solo.

When do couples or singles ever expect the same of females when they are on here?

Also, guys like the OP have been open to admit they even have a partner, so why would they lie about the consent front their partner? Surely they would just claim to be single otherwise.

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By *heekyCharm OP   Man
over a year ago

Colne


"Hi op

It's a tough one, I'd want confirmation that she's happy for you to meet me (my partner meets alone and I will happily confirm it with people).

If not, I wouldn't take it any further I'm afraid.

People are naturally suspicious, because of the amount of men and women who lie about their partners knowing they are here.

Some women won't even meet men in relationships, even if their partner does know and is here too.

You've been upfront about it, that's all you can do really.

Or according to many here people don't ask at clubs, so that could be an option. "

I really appreciate all this. X I've looked at clubs but they look mega intimidating! I'd probably be brave and go but I haven't got a clue what to expect and might feel really out of my depth.

My wife 100% wouldn't want to interact with anyone but might if it came to the crunch.

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By *heekyCharm OP   Man
over a year ago

Colne


"I personally think it's double standards to expect guys to prove that their partners support them swinging solo.

When do couples or singles ever expect the same of females when they are on here?

Also, guys like the OP have been open to admit they even have a partner, so why would they lie about the consent front their partner? Surely they would just claim to be single otherwise.

"

You're the kind of people I really appreciate being here. Xx

Thankyou for the trust!

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By *aughtyLittlePicsCouple
over a year ago

Belper

We found clubs to be less intimidating than a Pub night out.

Look at it this was at a Club everyone has a shared interest

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By *heekyCharm OP   Man
over a year ago

Colne


"We found clubs to be less intimidating than a Pub night out.

Look at it this was at a Club everyone has a shared interest"
Yeah I can see that...

Maybe I'll have to save up and give it a go. Thinking about it makes me well nervous though!

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit


"I personally think it's double standards to expect guys to prove that their partners support them swinging solo.

When do couples or singles ever expect the same of females when they are on here?

Also, guys like the OP have been open to admit they even have a partner, so why would they lie about the consent front their partner? Surely they would just claim to be single otherwise.

"

Because for some they think it's a way of getting round being attached, as not everyone will insist on speaking to their partner.It maybe accounts for why they don't accom or are limited to meets at certain times etc.

I've spoken to men in the past who claimed their partners knew, when I asked to chat to them they nearly always went quiet.

Men can ask to speak to a partner too, but funnily none of them ever want to speak to my other half.

It's because lots of men don't care about a woman's marital status when it comes to a meet.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Unfortunately the liars and chancers make it harder for others.

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By *heekyCharm OP   Man
over a year ago

Colne


"Unfortunately the liars and chancers make it harder for others. "

Bastards

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By *apiomanMan
over a year ago

Shipley


"I personally think it's double standards to expect guys to prove that their partners support them swinging solo.

When do couples or singles ever expect the same of females when they are on here?

Also, guys like the OP have been open to admit they even have a partner, so why would they lie about the consent front their partner? Surely they would just claim to be single otherwise.

Because for some they think it's a way of getting round being attached, as not everyone will insist on speaking to their partner.It maybe accounts for why they don't accom or are limited to meets at certain times etc.

I've spoken to men in the past who claimed their partners knew, when I asked to chat to them they nearly always went quiet.

Men can ask to speak to a partner too, but funnily none of them ever want to speak to my other half.

It's because lots of men don't care about a woman's marital status when it comes to a meet. "

There are women on here who say they are married and their partner doesn't know and I won't message them. Although I get that I may be unusual in this.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit


"I personally think it's double standards to expect guys to prove that their partners support them swinging solo.

When do couples or singles ever expect the same of females when they are on here?

Also, guys like the OP have been open to admit they even have a partner, so why would they lie about the consent front their partner? Surely they would just claim to be single otherwise.

Because for some they think it's a way of getting round being attached, as not everyone will insist on speaking to their partner.It maybe accounts for why they don't accom or are limited to meets at certain times etc.

I've spoken to men in the past who claimed their partners knew, when I asked to chat to them they nearly always went quiet.

Men can ask to speak to a partner too, but funnily none of them ever want to speak to my other half.

It's because lots of men don't care about a woman's marital status when it comes to a meet.

There are women on here who say they are married and their partner doesn't know and I won't message them. Although I get that I may be unusual in this. "

I totally get that and I didn't mean it was all men, but I get more men who want to meet me behind my partners back than I do those who'd want to speak to him about meeting me.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

we approach it by (if possible) not meeting anyone alone who has a partner. This is unfair we acknowledge that and possibly illogical but we do things our way having learned through experience

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By *heekyCharm OP   Man
over a year ago

Colne


"we approach it by (if possible) not meeting anyone alone who has a partner. This is unfair we acknowledge that and possibly illogical but we do things our way having learned through experience "
Would you meet someone as a couple? Or do you mean you wouldn't meet them at all?

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I wouldn't meet a man who claimed he had his partners consent

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"we approach it by (if possible) not meeting anyone alone who has a partner. This is unfair we acknowledge that and possibly illogical but we do things our way having learned through experience Would you meet someone as a couple? Or do you mean you wouldn't meet them at all? "

that was ambiguous wasn't it. If someone is married but wants to meet alone with permission or without we don't meet them as a couple (we don't meet alone anyway). Of course its not always possible to tell but experience made us decide this. We prefer not to make judgement calls and are often asked to in these situations

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By *heekyCharm OP   Man
over a year ago

Colne


"we approach it by (if possible) not meeting anyone alone who has a partner. This is unfair we acknowledge that and possibly illogical but we do things our way having learned through experience Would you meet someone as a couple? Or do you mean you wouldn't meet them at all?

that was ambiguous wasn't it. If someone is married but wants to meet alone with permission or without we don't meet them as a couple (we don't meet alone anyway). Of course its not always possible to tell but experience made us decide this. We prefer not to make judgement calls and are often asked to in these situations "

Understood

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Why would anyone say they’re married and playing with their partner’s consent if it wasn’t true? If someone’s doing it behind their partner’s back then surely they’re just going to say that they’re single aren’t they?

All the people who are saying that they ask for proof that their partner’s consent, do you also ask people who say that they’re single to prove that they’re single? Why do people who are playing with their partner’s consent need to prove they’re telling the truth more so than anyone else? It feels a bit like people are being punished for being honest and upfront.

Just because someone gives their partner permission to play with others it doesn’t mean that they are happy to talk to the people their partner will be meeting, they might not want to know anything about it.

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By *heekyCharm OP   Man
over a year ago

Colne


"Why would anyone say they’re married and playing with their partner’s consent if it wasn’t true? If someone’s doing it behind their partner’s back then surely they’re just going to say that they’re single aren’t they?

All the people who are saying that they ask for proof that their partner’s consent, do you also ask people who say that they’re single to prove that they’re single? Why do people who are playing with their partner’s consent need to prove they’re telling the truth more so than anyone else? It feels a bit like people are being punished for being honest and upfront.

Just because someone gives their partner permission to play with others it doesn’t mean that they are happy to talk to the people their partner will be meeting, they might not want to know anything about it. "

Well said, Nick. X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

^^

All of the above are reasons I always prefer to keep my nose out of other people's relationships unless they directly invite me in by asking my opinion.

Seen your friends partner on here?

Someone says they have permission from their partner?

You suspect someone is playing away?

Don't involve yourself. You're being asked to make judgements without knowing all sides of the story.

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