FabSwingers.com forum: Judgmental Boundary Setting

By *ymAndIcedCoffee OP Woman
49 weeks ago

Worcester

Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?

Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?

Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?

I'm thinking about things like:

- I will not meet people with over 20 veris

- I will not meet people who argue on the forums

- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes

- I will not meet people who are having an affair

Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?

Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?

Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?

I'm thinking about things like:

- I will not meet people with over 20 veris

- I will not meet people who argue on the forums

- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes

- I will not meet people who are having an affair

Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"

I would say everyone of them are 100% valid reasons x

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?

Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?

Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?

I'm thinking about things like:

- I will not meet people with over 20 veris

- I will not meet people who argue on the forums

- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes

- I will not meet people who are having an affair

Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"

Of course its acceptable, that said you'll always find someone who is unhappy or "be the one to change your mind"

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

Everyone is judgemental. Everyone.

Judge till your hearts content I say and pick who you wanna meet based off those judgements like Everyone does.

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By *cott14Man
49 weeks ago

Essex & SW Exeter/Taunton

Absolutely.

I do think it’s being judgemental . It’s more just simply about personal choice and preference.

I don’t want to have sex with with my Nan. I’m not judging her , she was a fine looking lady .

It’s just my choice and preference . X

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By *essaMayWoman
49 weeks ago

Fairytale Wood

"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?

Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?

Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?

I'm thinking about things like:

- I will not meet people with over 20 veris

- I will not meet people who argue on the forums

- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes

- I will not meet people who are having an affair

Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"

You can set whatever boundaries you like it is your choice, people will call it judgmental if they are outside your boundaries. Sites like this are full of judgmental and people like to try and make you feel guilty of being judgemental for your choices, it's a form of coercion.

Make your choices, set your boundaries and don't let anyone try to force another outcome than one you have chosen.

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By *iss DevilWoman
49 weeks ago

Bedford

OP, don't worry about what anyone else is thinking and do what is right for you, in your opinion. We are so worried about offending people that we forget it's our bodies we are offering to others, for our and their pleasure. We have every right to be picky.

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

Your life, your rules. It's really that simple.

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By *oxy jWoman
49 weeks ago

somerset

"Your life, your rules. It's really that simple."

totally this ....

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By *lofeldMan
49 weeks ago

Redhill

"Your life, your rules. It's really that simple.

totally this ....

Precisely. And you don't really need anybody else's words and certainly not their judgement.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
49 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Whatever the reason is for someone not wanting to have sex with another person, that reason is valid as a reason to not sleep with them.

Is the logic and reasoning behind such choices always ethical or sensible? Fuck no. But it doesn't have to be in so much as they don't have to sleep with people they're not into.

If people are shitty about it, that's a different issue. But choosing not to sleep with someone for any reason at all is absolutely okay

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
49 weeks ago

Leeds

All totally valid, if you have a reason you don't want to sleep with someone whatever that reason maybe it's yours and it's valid.

Mrs

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By *ethnmelvCouple
49 weeks ago

Cardiff

We don’t meet anyone unless we see them at a Club. Once we know they are genuine then happy to meet elsewhere. Also, we have filters on fab, but that is just to limit the volume of messages. We wait till we meet a person to decide if they are knobs or not

It might turn out that we’re the knobs

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?

Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?

Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?

I'm thinking about things like:

- I will not meet people with over 20 veris

- I will not meet people who argue on the forums

- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes

- I will not meet people who are having an affair

Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"

They are your boundaries, why should you care what others think?

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By *issmorganWoman
49 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

We all make judgements, it's human nature to and it can keep us safe.

If someone doesn't want to meet me for whatever reason that's their choice I'd just accept we're not compatible.

I wouldn't meet anyone who is here on the sly,same as I wouldn't chat to blank profiles or those who I feel hold totally opposing views to me.

They are judgements that help me out the people I'm not interested in,but I often find people call others judgey when they're doing/saying something they probably shouldn't be.

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By *eelsandsuitsCouple
49 weeks ago

stirling

It’s your profile and your wants. You should put whatever you want and is important to you. Do not worry about any negative comments. We need to do similar. Might help us with some of the folk that get in contact.

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By *ensualMan
49 weeks ago

Sutton

The rule has to be, it's the person's body, it's their decision. I can't see it as being any other way.

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By *ellinever70Woman
49 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I don't think we need to tell others what our boundaries or criteria for meeting are

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By *viatrixWoman
49 weeks ago

Redhill

You meet who you like. *shrugs*

You don’t have to justify to anyone what criteria you have to meet someone or not.

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By *ealitybitesMan
49 weeks ago

Belfast

I set boundaries when I created this profile and previous ones and I've always stuck by them even when challenged on them either privately or publicly here in the forums.

I find it hilarious that people who questioned my boundaries in the past are now very vocal about setting the same boundaries for themselves.

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By *eliWoman
49 weeks ago

"I don't think we need to tell others what our boundaries or criteria for meeting are "

Yep. This.

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By *ellhungvweMan
49 weeks ago

Cheltenham

"Your life, your rules. It's really that simple."

I am with this

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"I don't think we need to tell others what our boundaries or criteria for meeting are "

I agree 100%. This is my profile and I set my own rules. If people don't like it, tough. You do you OP, don't worry what others say, do or think.

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"Your life, your rules. It's really that simple.

I am with this

actually. It’s quite right. I have some things that I just can’t accept to come into my life, and that’s where I draw the line.

But when I talk about my boundaries, boundaries can easily move, so I don’t wont tell people them because there’s only I thst needs to know.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
49 weeks ago

chichester

Everyone is free to set their own limits / likes.

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By *ikeSM23Man
49 weeks ago

Manchester

"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?

Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?

Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?

I'm thinking about things like:

- I will not meet people with over 20 veris

- I will not meet people who argue on the forums

- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes

- I will not meet people who are having an affair

Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"

It does appear OP you are requesting permission to think and act when planning for a sexual encounter with another consenting adult. Frankly I can’t imagine why you felt the urge to raise the points you have?

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By *ecky and justCouple
49 weeks ago

Godalming

It’s not judgemental at all, it’s your choice…

But, the issue then arises that some peoples boundaries are deemed to be unpleasant by others.

How many times have we seen a personal preference be criticised as being bigoted.

Race, size, colour, gender etc. All boundaries for some people.

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By *ev_1Couple
49 weeks ago

Bickliegh

Totally what's wrong with any boundaries

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By *asha86Couple
49 weeks ago

walsall

Its down to the preference of each person. I think its perfectly acceptable to list what you want and dont want and it shouldnt be held against you!

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
49 weeks ago

Aberdeen

Everyone has their own boundaries and standards. Its perfectly fine.

I don't feel the need to list them or tell anyone (apart from MrAbz) since they are personal to me.

Not everyone is for everyone

MrsAbz

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By *ymAndIcedCoffee OP Woman
49 weeks ago

Worcester

No, not asking permission.

Just curious how people feel about boundaries, because I’ve recently had some people criticizing mine.

It’s a valid discussion point, no?

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
49 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I used to think I was not judgemental, very open minded blah blah. Then I had a bit of a light bulb moment when I realised we all make judgements, all the time, every single day. That's not a bad thing, it's a human thing.

On here I think people use it as an insult or a defence ("don't judge me") when they have different boundaries to you.

Mrs TMN x

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
49 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

So yes, it is judgemental. But that's not a bad thing, it's just that others will disagree. Which is fine!

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By *ikeSM23Man
49 weeks ago

Manchester

No, not asking permission.

Just curious how people feel about boundaries, because I’ve recently had some people criticizing mine.

It’s a valid discussion point, no?"

Anyone who challenges your right to set boundaries is frankly not worth expending further oxygen on. Block and move on with your head held high.

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By *wistedTooCouple
49 weeks ago

Frimley

It’s judgemental to judge other’s boundaries. It’s not judgemental to HAVE boundaries, or preference. It’s absolutely fucking mental that people think others should align to their own swinging boundaries. If that were the case, we would all have to fuck anyone that asks to. Nope, nope, nope. We choose and we have our own boundaries and we know we don’t fall into some people’s category and that’s fine by us.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
49 weeks ago

East Sussex

Aren't boundaries by their nature judgemental?

Judgement can be positive as well as negative

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By *oupleus30Couple
49 weeks ago

Minster

"Is it judgemental to set a boundary about the types of people you don't want to sleep with?

Are some boundaries more judgemental than others?

Are some boundaries unacceptable in swinging?

I'm thinking about things like:

- I will not meet people with over 20 veris

- I will not meet people who argue on the forums

- I will not meet people who are misogynists/racists/homophobes

- I will not meet people who are having an affair

Are all personal boundaries like this acceptable? Are they judgemental? Is it ok to be judgemental when setting personal boundaries?"

I think it's not judgemental to have them boundaries as if u don't agree with people who cheat that's ur right.

Although I do think your comment about don't want to meet people who have more then 20var which is because you do not want to sleep with people who have been round the block ?! But what about if they have loads of var but not slept with them all.

Ie someone could have 60 var but only actually slept with 5 but rest they just bumped into in club or as a social.

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By *wistedTooCouple
49 weeks ago

Frimley

"Although I do think your comment about don't want to meet people who have more then 20var which is because you do not want to sleep with people who have been round the block ?! But what about if they have loads of var but not slept with them all.

Ie someone could have 60 var but only actually slept with 5 but rest they just bumped into in club or as a social."

Also, they could have fucked 500 and only 10 people have given them verifications.

Also, if they’ve fucked 500 people, maybe they’re really fucking good at sex… just because you’ve fucked a bunch of people doesn’t mean you’re infected with disease or anything. Regular testing should be a part of everyone’s lifestyle.

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