FabSwingers.com forum: Video/call between "the ladies" a must

By *rpeggio OP Couple
over a year ago

Baughurst

Some profiles say that, understandably after bad experiences with fake profiles. Sometimes I feel though that many (most?) are actually not genuine couples (few or no verifications, incoherent profile text, etc.) and are just a man behind a couple's profile wanting a video call with a real woman (Lena).

Some have requested it from us after being the ones initially winking or messaging us, then coming with a lot of hoops for us to jump through, this one being one of them. We are not new, or desperate, or short of swinging friends or conversations with potentially lovely couples, so at that point we usually decline and move on, which I guess for those couples that are genuine it must reinforce their idea that "aha! they refused to a "ladies" video call, so they must be fake".

In other cases, we feel that they are genuine but "the lady" is usually bi/bi-curious and so the woman is only interested in Lena (Lena is straight), and the man will tag along, so a potential play date would likely end up with four people very disappointed.

If you are a genuine couple who uses this method to verify other couples, what are your experiences about it? How do other couples respond to that request? Is it really a MUST or do you exercise your discretion?

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By *ossannCouple
over a year ago

London

"Some profiles say that, understandably after bad experiences with fake profiles. Sometimes I feel though that many (most?) are actually not genuine couples (few or no verifications, incoherent profile text, etc.) and are just a man behind a couple's profile wanting a video call with a real woman (Lena).

We actually don't use it as a method of verification but are haply to be verified this way.

What I'll say is that it actually does offer some level of verification that may be necessary on these sites.

It's just... when we have met a couple who wants this and we do it, it's like one thing out of the way. We know they are both there and we have some idea that they are both interested in this.

If we haven't done it (because as I said, we don't ask for this), and then things crop up like one person seeming to do all the chat or whatever, then you start wondering if the other person even exists. Whereas if you've had a video call, you're just left deciding whether the way they communicate is for you or not.

I do wonder if we should start requesting it.

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By *rpeggio OP Couple
over a year ago

Baughurst

It may work for you if you want reassurances. For us, we are happy with a social first. Many eager couples asking for a meet stop talking the moment we put some real dates on the table for them to choose. It does the trick without needing to do a video call I guess. And if they actually agree on a date and meet us for a social then all happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll generally verify with a live picture, or voice note somewhere like WhatsApp or Kik to prove I'm a real woman.

I'm not one for video chats as I'm shy, try and move it to a social as soon as possible tbh.

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By *rpeggio OP Couple
over a year ago

Baughurst

"I'll generally verify with a live picture, or voice note somewhere like WhatsApp or Kik to prove I'm a real woman.

I'm not one for video chats as I'm shy, try and move it to a social as soon as possible tbh. "

We don't have much time for chat, so we also move it to arrange a social asap. Recording a video or a live picture is less intrusive than a video call, like that easy to verify.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve met a few couples as a single woman and I’ve been on here as a couple.

Often one person in a couple is more chatty than the other - but if it’s the man I very quickly ask if I can chat to the lady too. If they don’t have any to do that it’s ’end off’. They often also disappear if you ask.

Or often they will only share pics of the woman - I then ask to see the man as 3/4 way chemistry is a must.

If there is 3/4 way interest to move forward I’d like to at least chat on WhatsApp with both of them, share a few more pics and a voice note. If anyone says no to that I’d not be interested.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I think a bit like you op

I wouldn't video call or live chat with the fem of another couple, it would feel a bit as if it's all about her and I'm straight also.

On our couple account, we have plenty of veries from various socials we've attended, to show we're real.

We would always want do a social first too to check there's attraction for us all.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

nope on our couples profile everything is done via fab no phones no apps no cams and its been years since we've been let down ....

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By *anccouple123Couple
over a year ago

Manchester

We're a genuine couple but Mr does most of the chatting. Mrs has access and looks but not much of a chatter. We have individual Kik profiles for a group chat if that makes people more comfortable

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By *uncouple153Couple
over a year ago

Abergavenny

We always have everyone join WhatsApp for a chat after things progress from here

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By *eronikapaulCouple
over a year ago

Reading

We too have the bloke, me, posting almost all of the time. In our case Mrs V is not English and is far more unsure of her written English than she should be. Even when "She" writes it will be a dictation and she will have me type. So are we one of those dodgy single men pretending types?...it might easily appear so.

Fortunately there are lots of lovely people on here

if you apply the right sized tea-strainer and it hasn't prevented us meeting some of you. We don't chat a lot and ask to meet socially early on, which seems to work.

Of course there are the disappearances when you say "lets have a drink". Probably some are genuine weasels, others are genuinely shy, and others snap to their senses and realise they don't fancy us. But how do you ever know which it was? I (not we) think there is a tendency on here to always ascribe more of the disappearances to weaseldom because it is easier on our own egos than rejection. Food for thought?

Mr P...only

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By *ossannCouple
over a year ago

London

"It may work for you if you want reassurances. For us, we are happy with a social first. Many eager couples asking for a meet stop talking the moment we put some real dates on the table for them to choose. It does the trick without needing to do a video call I guess. And if they actually agree on a date and meet us for a social then all happy."

I think some of us want to reduce the number of pointless socials so we want ways to ensure the people we arrange to meet have a decent chance of being a good match.

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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago

Nr Leicester

Ironically I insisted on this before my first date with D, after being catfished twice..

He was absolutely fine with it and the rest is history.

But we hadn't considered it within a swinging context.

Usually move to WhatsApp, if someone is serious about meeting we don't think sharing a mobile number is much to ask if we're going to share partners

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By *eturn of curiouscpleCouple
over a year ago

Guildford

100% agree

How can you take a potential meet seriously without the minimum of at least a phone call .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nice to message and chat prior to a meet x

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By *rpeggio OP Couple
over a year ago

Baughurst

"Ironically I insisted on this before my first date with D, after being catfished twice..

He was absolutely fine with it and the rest is history.

But we hadn't considered it within a swinging context.

Usually move to WhatsApp, if someone is serious about meeting we don't think sharing a mobile number is much to ask if we're going to share partners

At that point before exchanging numbers you may be serious about meeting and share partners, but the other person may not be serious. After you exchange numbers, it's too late. We don't have a "burner" number and there are many posts here with horrific stories and warnings about people using your number to track you and post your photos in your social media.

When we started swinging, we had a male pretending to be couple in a couple profile. The profile insisted on a call between the ladies. We exchanged WhatsApp numbers. When we had the video call, it was only him, torso naked. He said to Lena that she had just left to go to the shop and left him in charge of taking the call. Is this what you mean by people being serious about meeting?

So you might understand from our story why we are now suspicious about couples profiles that explicitly say "a conversation between the ladies is a must".

We rarely meet any new couples now found through Fab, but we have found that if people really like us and are serious about meeting us (and sharing partners), then they will agree to a social or a social+.

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By *rpeggio OP Couple
over a year ago

Baughurst

"We too have the bloke, me, posting almost all of the time. In our case Mrs V is not English and is far more unsure of her written English than she should be. Even when "She" writes it will be a dictation and she will have me type. So are we one of those dodgy single men pretending types?...it might easily appear so.

Fortunately there are lots of lovely people on here

if you apply the right sized tea-strainer and it hasn't prevented us meeting some of you. We don't chat a lot and ask to meet socially early on, which seems to work.

Mr P...only"

Definitely V is so sexy when she is in "dictating" mode

And you P are a "dodgy" bloke for sure, but you can't help that, and Lena loves your "dodginess" anyway

Yes. Food for thought indeed. We often wonder about the reason they may have rejected us, after saying they loved our face pics (probably they lied). Rejection is not nice, but we are grown ups so we know we can't be everyone's cup of tea (you started it about tea) and if we are ready to be into swinging we should be ready to be rejected and to reject others.

When we are the ones rejecting, I try to be considerate and say the reason: to young, too far away, not into what they are, or not enough attraction on photos to make it worth to arrange a meet. People have always come back politely to say "best wishes and goodbye" or just blocked us, which is totally ok, but never received rude responses to a frank reason for rejection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've had a meet without even a phone call, never mind video call. They offered their number but said not necessary. It depends on the vibe from messages back and forth, how succinct and direct they are, to be honest.

When folk start talking about how they like x or y it's a dead give away that it's just a bloke, or the male half messaging without checking with their wife.

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By *eturn of curiouscpleCouple
52 weeks ago

Guildford

"Ironically I insisted on this before my first date with D, after being catfished twice..

He was absolutely fine with it and the rest is history.

But we hadn't considered it within a swinging context.

Usually move to WhatsApp, if someone is serious about meeting we don't think sharing a mobile number is much to ask if we're going to share partners

So you might understand from our story why we are now suspicious about couples profiles that explicitly say "a conversation between the ladies is a must".

Just as well you did the call first then. At least you could stop sooner rather than later.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
52 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

We like to chat and chat initially - one, it eliminates the fuck and go types and anyone who’s playing away, we establish trends of when online, etc.

And two, it builds up the connection so that when we meet for a social there’s a lot of familiarity already.

We try and get chats onto Telegram as then you can see how keen each person is in how often they chat. On here it’s too hard to get a four way chat going.

Anyone wanting us to jump through hoops or keeps putting off meeting then we walk away.

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By *oupleus30Couple
52 weeks ago

Minster

Fortunately there are lots of lovely people on here

if you apply the right sized tea-strainer and it hasn't prevented us meeting some of you. We don't chat a lot and ask to meet socially early on, which seems to work.

Mr P...only

Definitely V is so sexy when she is in "dictating" mode

And you P are a "dodgy" bloke for sure, but you can't help that, and Lena loves your "dodginess" anyway

If we don't like someone I just politely tell them there not our cup of tea.

We just say ur not what we're looking for thanks happy hunting.

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By *andPextraCouple
52 weeks ago

North West

Absolutely, 100000% a meet is not happening for us without one.

Learnt three things the hard way.

Profiles (be it ladies or couples) are not always genuine (shock horror I know)

Secondly its a very good filter for all the time wasting halfwits who simply want to collect pictures. When you ask for a video call they dissapear…

Finally we have “chatted” on line to people and got on fine. After a quick call we have then established its going nowhere.

So for us its a reasonable request to make, saves everyone’s time, and helps us decide who we want to invest time in.

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By *ebaucherous_duoCouple
52 weeks ago

Bristol/ Daventry

For us it’s to ensure that the woman isn’t being coerced into a swap and is genuinely up for it. Secondly, it’s to make sure we’re not a “surprise” or him just trying to separate me from N for a separate play. We’ve had both happen and it’s awful. Never again. It doesn’t have to be a long call and it’s typically all of us on the call rather than just the woman. But if the red flags are waving I typically set up a quick call.

Xx ms

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By *rpeggio OP Couple
51 weeks ago

Baughurst

"For us it’s to ensure that the woman isn’t being coerced into a swap and is genuinely up for it. Secondly, it’s to make sure we’re not a “surprise” or him just trying to separate me from N for a separate play. We’ve had both happen and it’s awful. Never again. It doesn’t have to be a long call and it’s typically all of us on the call rather than just the woman. But if the red flags are waving I typically set up a quick call.

Xx ms

Ah... Yes, very different. A video call with the four involved is totally fine, and understandable if one of the couples does not want to commit to an initial social before getting reassurances.

What I was talking about in our OP is the explicit demand on the profile text saying "a call between the ladies is a must". Just the two ladies. It's a red flag for us as per past experience where the ones insisting are always fake profiles, always for us there has been a man behind the profiles that insist on having a ladies call (by the way, always say call between the ladies, not between the two women, no idea why). The real couples with that request in their profile usually don't insist in enforcing that request as soon as we chat a bit and it's clear the four of us are all genuine.

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