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Dom or sub?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How would you know sometimes I like to let the lady/couple take the lead other times if so horny I like to take the lead? So what does that make me?

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By *use and wolfCouple
over a year ago

angus

A switch

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A switch is that good?

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By *inacolada3Couple
over a year ago

kettering

A horny sex bomb x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A switch is that good?"

It just is. It's not a competition.

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By *stwo2023Couple
over a year ago

Worcester

Taking the lead is different from Dom/sub though.

Evie

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Even more confusing now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Doesn’t matter, as long as everyone agrees to what you are all doing, it’s safe, and you are having fun. You don’t need to label it !

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Taking the lead does not equal dom.

Being passive does not equal sub.

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By *pankingNorfolkCouple
over a year ago

Norwichish

Op it makes you neither.

Dom/Sub is generally about BDSM play, as is Switch.

Normally involves some form of restraint or impact play, could be wax.

I’m a Rope Top, Impact Dom, Wax Top, Brat Tamer.

M is a Rope Bunny/Bottom, Impact Sub, Wax Bottom, Brat.

Depending on what scenario we are playing.

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Sub but very rarely meet doms I vibe with.

Female Dommes are rare and male doms get lost in the noise of 'alpha' nonsense.

Just wanna be tied up and railed by an attractive, intelligent and emotionally mature person, is that too much to ask?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Subway. Everytime.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shit

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By *ickedwillyCouple
over a year ago

Bangor

Both subs

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By *lice AgainTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

I try so hard to be sub, and I want to be.

But then meets expect me to top for some reason. And then I do it.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

[Removed by poster at 14/12/23 12:18:33]

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

There does seem to be many uses of Dom and sub. For this conversation I would suggest two uses.

There is hedonist/swinger use of the term which primarily involves sex and includes rough or forceful sex or someone in control in regard to sex and bedroom activities.

The second is the use in the BDSM community which does not involve sex as the primary factor. People have different definitions outside that and I take the view that D/s is about power or authority exchange which is more than one off scenes and is relationship based. D/s can take many different forms such as simple obedience to domestic service to ropes, restraint, or sex and nudity (see CMNF). But to me the hallmark is power/ authority exchange. Where that does not exist or it is occaisional scenes it is Topping and bottoming which is all good. I describe myself on Lord Voldermort Life as a Rope Top.

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By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near

I hear about some people been service subs . My understanding of.this term is someone who enjoys doing stuff for the dom. Ie choirs and such jobs .maybe sexual So asking then if Don n sub are related to bdsm then how does a service sub fit in to it

So fdpes that near that doms n subs are not always bdsm

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My head is now battered

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London


"I hear about some people been service subs . My understanding of.this term is someone who enjoys doing stuff for the dom. Ie choirs and such jobs .maybe sexual So asking then if Don n sub are related to bdsm then how does a service sub fit in to it

So fdpes that near that doms n subs are not always bdsm "

There's a lot of different d/s dynamics. You also get service doms. Like the comment above states, it get's murky with top/bottom dynamics too. Some people live the lifestyle 24/7 and some only in the bedroom, only really important thing is finding the right dynamic for you and your partner

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By *pankingNorfolkCouple
over a year ago

Norwichish

Service subs often are contracted to do so.

Its still a form of control/power exchange so fits more in BDSM than vanilla.

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton


"I hear about some people been service subs . My understanding of.this term is someone who enjoys doing stuff for the dom. Ie choirs and such jobs .maybe sexual So asking then if Don n sub are related to bdsm then how does a service sub fit in to it

So fdpes that near that doms n subs are not always bdsm

There's a lot of different d/s dynamics. You also get service doms. Like the comment above states, it get's murky with top/bottom dynamics too. Some people live the lifestyle 24/7 and some only in the bedroom, only really important thing is finding the right dynamic for you and your partner

"

In D/s I tend to see it as finding the right partner for your dynamic. I do what I do because that's what I enjoy. I do it for my desires and pleasure, but being ethical the key and hard bit is finding the right person. This means the other person being into what I am into, is the kind of person I would want to do things with and to, and who I can get on with before and after.

Whereas if I am Topping, it is the same discussion and negotiation less on the relationship. i e I have tied and flogged people at clubs who then return to their partners. Here I would agree it is finding the right dynamic. But everyone has their own view, but discussion and negotiation are critical.

In regard to the service question. A service sub is not really my thing, but my understanding is thar they get pleasure by doing things for the Dom. This will include doing things they don't like but they enjoy the transfer of power of being told what to do. I believe domestic service is similar.

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By *iss pleasuringWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near


"I hear about some people been service subs . My understanding of.this term is someone who enjoys doing stuff for the dom. Ie choirs and such jobs .maybe sexual So asking then if Don n sub are related to bdsm then how does a service sub fit in to it

So fdpes that near that doms n subs are not always bdsm

There's a lot of different d/s dynamics. You also get service doms. Like the comment above states, it get's murky with top/bottom dynamics too. Some people live the lifestyle 24/7 and some only in the bedroom, only really important thing is finding the right dynamic for you and your partner

In D/s I tend to see it as finding the right partner for your dynamic. I do what I do because that's what I enjoy. I do it for my desires and pleasure, but being ethical the key and hard bit is finding the right person. This means the other person being into what I am into, is the kind of person I would want to do things with and to, and who I can get on with before and after.

Whereas if I am Topping, it is the same discussion and negotiation less on the relationship. i e I have tied and flogged people at clubs who then return to their partners. Here I would agree it is finding the right dynamic. But everyone has their own view, but discussion and negotiation are critical.

In regard to the service question. A service sub is not really my thing, but my understanding is thar they get pleasure by doing things for the Dom. This will include doing things they don't like but they enjoy the transfer of power of being told what to do. I believe domestic service is similar."

Well written fella. And yeah as I understand the meaning of service/ domestic sub been what you said. So not necessarily about who's chains and ropes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Switch x

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By *inna and SaintCouple
over a year ago

Sherbourne


"Even more confusing now"

A dom doesn't often like to be sub. A sub doesn't often like to be dom.

They are distinct roles and mindsets.

Some do like to reverse it around but doesn't make them genuinely reverse roles.

Switching is role reversal. I tend to be dom and I don't like being sub. Tried a few times but it generally doesn't get me hyper.

There is nothing wrong in switching but it won't be everyones thing.

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

I'd say normal or perhaps sensual may be a better term

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By *ophie199Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

I like to be a sub for other guys and dim for the sissy hubby

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

.

Op as you seem a little confused I'd take it you neither Dom or Sub, Being dominant or taking the lead in the bedroom doesn't make you a Dom and not taking the lead doesn't make you a Sub either,

Switch, best of both worlds in my opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm free flowing in my sexual expression that's how I label myself.

Being a dominant or a submissive isn't either of those things, it's so much more than that . Just do what feels right between you and the other people that your sleeping with.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The thing is though people on this site ask for one or the other how do I label myself? Should I label myself will it deter people?

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By *all me missWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Well I’m Dom

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By *manda_SparklesTV/TS
over a year ago

Bamber Bridge

Sub bottom (little switchy at times)

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By *asha86Couple
over a year ago

walsall

My suggestion is to do some research on it all. Theres lots of reading on it all and different veiws. Alot of people like to put a label on things weve been down the route of researching it and talking to different people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d love a Femdom

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By *icker20.Man
over a year ago

Swindon

I love femdom too...

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke


"The thing is though people on this site ask for one or the other how do I label myself? Should I label myself will it deter people?"

Do you feel like you need a label OP?

Just be yourself. Do what you enjoy and try to find like minded people who will enjoy the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What’s op

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke


"What’s op"

Original Poster

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve not got a clue what that is

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By *attoo manMan
over a year ago

Rhyl

Dom

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would love to be a submissive

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By *wendolineFoxWoman
over a year ago

Chester

People will always have different definitions for all this stuff, so I’d worry less about the label and just talk to people.

For me, topping and bottoming is about action - the top does something to the bottom. D/s is more about the intent, the whys and wherefores, and who ‘drives’ the activities in the scene. You can totally have topping and bottoming in kink without the power dynamic side of D/s.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke


"I’ve not got a clue what that is "

The person who started the thread. It’s not a sexual reference

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke


"People will always have different definitions for all this stuff, so I’d worry less about the label and just talk to people.

For me, topping and bottoming is about action - the top does something to the bottom. D/s is more about the intent, the whys and wherefores, and who ‘drives’ the activities in the scene. You can totally have topping and bottoming in kink without the power dynamic side of D/s. "

Totally agree. I’m 100% submissive but could never be a bottom. Ever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh ok..sorry

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke


"Oh ok..sorry "

It’s not a problem at all. Always happy to explain. And if you press the reply+quote button everyone will know who you’re replying to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh ok..sorry

It’s not a problem at all. Always happy to explain. And if you press the reply+quote button everyone will know who you’re replying to "
again my apologies

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By *mcheshireMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Naturally a dom due to work but sub can be soo much fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Naturally a dom due to work but sub can be soo much fun "
looking for a woman

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