FabSwingers.com forum: Advice for a new Dom

By *azyafternoon OP Man
over a year ago

Bournemouth

I've been asked to act as a Dom at an MM meet tomorrow. But I've never acted that role before.

So could any more experienced Doms offer any advice on what to require of the sub? In particular, what should my demeanor be toward him, what sexual acts should he be required to perform and what should his reward be?

All sensible answers gratefully received!

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

All dynamics are different. Talk and communicate about what expectations and boundaries are thoroughly before engaging in anything

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By *azyafternoon OP Man
over a year ago

Bournemouth

Ok thank you. Though I don't even know what my expectations should be let alone his!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes a good starting point can be setting certain tasks, communication is definitely key to the dynamic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I must add being asked to play a Dom might actually prove difficult as personally I think a lot comes naturally. No harm in just seeing how it goes though … good luck

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By *pankingNorfolkCouple
over a year ago

Norwichish

I wasn’t a Dom when I met M, M asked for it…literally

Sounds like you are similar. So what are their kinks? Does he want to be spanked, restrained, or is it more degradation with words, control of the sexual play.

There are many levels here.

So first things first ask him what he enjoys as a sub. Then you can work towards that.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Ok thank you. Though I don't even know what my expectations should be let alone his!"

That's why you communicate and find out what they want.

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

Wherever I lay my hat

This seems very strange to me without prior communication. Are you sure they don't just want you to be dominant? As opposed to A Dom?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been asked to act as a Dom at an MM meet tomorrow. But I've never acted that role before.

All sensible answers gratefully received!"

Overall demeanor is that you are in charge. I lean more to my nurturing Goddess persona than my Strict Mistress one, but it depends on the sub and dynamic we have.

As for acts, punishments and rewards - again you're in charge. So what do you want to do or want them to do for/to you? Think about that and then discuss with the sub before meeting to make sure they are on board. You can ask them for ideas, and about their limits. Specifics will vary a lot - I've had subs who love a lot of humiliation but don't want pain. Others just want to be controlled and made to worship me. Others might want to be taken roughly. Some subs will be happy for you to use them however you want to "no limits" - again, this needs to be discussed and agreed before entering the dynamic/scene. It can be a very hot conversation and build a lot of tension too.

You will probably want to use the traffic light safeword system, especially in first sessions with a new partner. Check in regularly whilst playing. Green is 'all good', orange is 'that was spicy and near my limit' or 'I don't enjoy it but I'll take it because I'm a good boy', red is 'stop immediately and apply aftercare'.

Oh, make sure you discuss aftercare expectations/needs too.

I assume you agreed to this as you're keen to explore this side of yourself - so don't overthink it, enjoy the dirty planning talk, and have fun taking charge

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By *winckle toesMan
over a year ago

norwich

Feeling comfortable is the first thing …

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This seems very strange to me without prior communication. Are you sure they don't just want you to be dominant? As opposed to A Dom? "

That is possible. Many folks confuse the two.

That said, I've spoken to subs before who when asked about limits and preferences etc., told me "you're the Domme, I will do whatever you want me to, I would never try to top from the bottom".

I switch and I've also been approached by Doms who want a 'no limits' dynamic.

Personally that makes me uncomfortable - on either side.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"That said, I've spoken to subs before who when asked about limits and preferences etc., told me "you're the Domme, I will do whatever you want me to, I would never try to top from the bottom".

I switch and I've also been approached by Doms who want a 'no limits' dynamic.

Personally that makes me uncomfortable - on either side."

No limits is one of the biggest red flags out there for me.

Not being willing to express and communicate their own preferences and boundaries is another

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By *azyafternoon OP Man
over a year ago

Bournemouth

A big thank you to all who have responded. The key take away here is communication. I suppose that's obvious really especially since it's clearly a very wide ranging subject, rather more so than I had realised.

However it pans out tomorrow, it should be fun!

Thanks again all...

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By *inkyropecoupleCouple
over a year ago

carluke

"All dynamics are different. Talk and communicate about what expectations and boundaries are thoroughly before engaging in anything

This! ^^

Communication is key both before and during

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"All dynamics are different. Talk and communicate about what expectations and boundaries are thoroughly before engaging in anything

Pretty much the above.

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