FabSwingers.com forum: Do your nerves always stay with you?

By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Hey everyone, looking to hear your experiences or offer advice please.

We've just had a weekend away for the first time in a very very long time. We've always enjoyed a drink and a dance and this was no different, it was a works do (R, the husbands work and just a night on the town) and we stayed away from home.

Long story short, sorry, it turned into what was only our second threesome. All was absolutely amazing and it ticked one of my fantasy list boxes, but my nerves were absolutely off the charts, pretty much the whole time.

It didn't ruin it as such but it felt hard sometimes to relax a little. We were all together for a long time (all stayed in the same room) so not sure if this played a part?

Do you lose these nerves as you get more experienced, or do some find they are always there and hard to shake?

Any advice greatly appreciated.

J x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Personally no, the nerves stay for me anyway, I'm always nervous even if I know it's just a social.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh

I would say, embrace the nerves. They are part of what makes sharing your body and your fantasies exciting.

For sure, find people you are comfortable with, that will help you go with the flow and live in the moment, all those wonderful things that make swinging so exciting.

Good luck xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *randMrs397Couple
over a year ago

durham

We have a guy we meet quite regular. Still exciting but relaxed. The nerves are part of the thrill of meeting new people

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some nerves are expected for sure. You're doing something "out of the norm" but as long as it's fun/feels right I wouldn't worry too much.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ersuasion22Couple
over a year ago

Herts

I do think that I've become less nervous over time, especially when playing in clubs or with the same person/people. I don't think they will ever totally go, though it tends to be more excitement than nerves now!

- Mrs P

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkylipsWoman
over a year ago

Debauchery

I get nerves all the time, whether it’s a social or an actual meet. I still get nervous as anything when meeting up with someone I’ve been meeting infrequently for over 4 years. I find it adds to the experience, I enjoy it. If I’m not nervous with someone it generally doesn’t go any further than a social, I know that sparks missing .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ostguy321Man
over a year ago

Bucks

Nerves always stay there and uts a good thing to have, it stops meets being blasé and routine and keeps them all exciting

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

Wherever I lay my hat

A bit of nervousness is in itself - exciting. I rarely feel nervous now and actually I wish I did. I miss that feeling.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *empest2KMan
over a year ago

Derby

I'm always nervous, but I think I'm getting better at managing it with each new experience I have. Learning to relax is possibly the most difficult thing for me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

Each to their own, but having the time and space to talk to your partner after and have that reassurance that you're both very happy with what happened, so really important.

I don't really value reclaim sex at all, but having the freedom to talk openly is vital for us.

I can't think of anything worse than not being able to talk after.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always get nervous but you just have to take a deep breath and release everyone is there for the same reason

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivertyneCouple
over a year ago

North East

Great advice & agree with what you have said. Talking about it is also fun.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get really nervous too! But I also think it’s part of the fun and excitement like others have said

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Some really good advice, thanks everyone

It seems that some nerves can make it exciting!

I was relaxed enough when it was just dancing and flirting. I think I only started to become nervous after asking R if he would fancy arranging for the other guy to come back with us (if he wanted to of course) so you could say it was self inflicted

J x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"We have a guy we meet quite regular. Still exciting but relaxed. The nerves are part of the thrill of meeting new people"

Do you find new people easier to meet than someone you already know?

So for example I didn't know him (I know who he is) R works with him so he knows here's a good guy. I think this made me feel like I knew him maybe?

J x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

First time I met a couple I was _super_ nervous but you soon realise that they are just people like you and they want the same things.

I don’t think I get nervous anymore but I am definitely excited to meet new people.

My tip would be don’t overthink it. Just enjoy it for what it is and live in the moment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I understand some nerves leading up to something but not really during. That can't be ideal for anyone involved

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igboobstCouple
over a year ago

barrow

They aren't as bad as they used to be but they definitely still kick in before the meet even if we've met them before, but once we get going find them long forgotten.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think nervous can all be part of it too, gives an energy to things.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Nervousness and excitement are probably largely overlapping in their experience, part of the difference is our perception. Plus how we perceive and manage things.

My nerves are generally millions of times better than earlier. I take things one step at a time. Slow myself down. And ensure that I have maximum perceived control over what I'm doing. Taking breaks can be helpful, including private time with partner, to reflect and discuss.

Really think things through and plan how you can leverage things in your favour, to reduce nerves. Making some changes will have bigger effects than others, so aim to identify what they are.

You're perfectly fine and will find that most of us have been there.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atty and RattyCouple
over a year ago

coningsby

Bookmark

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been playing for over 30 years and we still get the butterflies

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"Hey everyone, looking to hear your experiences or offer advice please.

It didn't ruin it as such but it felt hard sometimes to relax a little. We were all together for a long time (all stayed in the same room) so not sure if this played a part?

Do you lose these nerves as you get more experienced, or do some find they are always there and hard to shake?

Any advice greatly appreciated.

J x"

We are both always nervous on first time meets. But usually a second meet with them we are fine.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aybail-238Couple
over a year ago

hartlepool

I think it’s natural to be nervous when into this and meeting people. We are shy most of the time but are naughty together behind closed doors

nerves normally settle once things get started

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"I understand some nerves leading up to something but not really during. That can't be ideal for anyone involved

It didn't ruin things don't get me wrong.

He was a really great guy too which of course helped a hell of a lot I think. Being the first guy I've had sex with in almost 20 years may also of played a part

J x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evonrobMan
over a year ago

Kingsbridge

I get nervous but embracing the nerves is surely part of the fun?

When I was a teenager they have been called “butterflies”, the best sort of nerves!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think perhaps nerves may decrease/reduce in intensity for people with time and experience as they'll be able to navigate the territory of the swinging world much easier, but it's not a bad thing either to be alert in those settings. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eterinpantiesukMan
over a year ago

southam

I was nervous and ay being humiliated in front of my wife but she was very reassuring and made it clear that it was just a bit of fun for her. I began to find it easier but some of her blokes deliberately enjoyed this side of it and I appreciated the renewed intensity

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edstockings2Couple
over a year ago

Ilfracombe

Still get nevers when meeting someone new, but over the time meeting up with people we know the nevers have gone, to be replaced with excitement anticipation.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iddle ManMan
over a year ago

Walsall

I think it depends on the scenario and the person, everyone is different. I always find a little nerves good, I enjoy the feeling. I can easily see how and why people get that nervous it can ruin some experiences or put people off entirely.

I do find the more you do something the less nerves have an impact. I hope this experience does not put you off.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hawn ScottMan
over a year ago

london Brixton

Yeah nerves always stay. I was full of confidence when we went to our first sex and fetish club.

Got overwhelmed and lost my nerve, took another 2-3 times going and just watching and chatting before feeling relaxed enough to play with others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ore4fundevonCouple
over a year ago

West Devon

7 years in, the nerves still pop up especially when meeting new people or doing something we haven't done in a while. But we do find the nerves pass quicker and turn to excitement. Nerves are sometimes good to keep you in check.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *RWoody OP Couple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

"I think it depends on the scenario and the person, everyone is different. I always find a little nerves good, I enjoy the feeling. I can easily see how and why people get that nervous it can ruin some experiences or put people off entirely.

I do find the more you do something the less nerves have an impact. I hope this experience does not put you off. "

I don't think it's put me off as such, just made me think a bit more/differently maybe.

That said it was probably the hottest 12 hours or so I've experienced (drinking/dancing/flirting/hotel) so there's plenty to be happy about.

J x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am always nervous but then I don’t get the chance to meet much. As someone said just keep them under control snd understand that it’s normal and set your boundaries, be clear about them and only change the if YOU feel like changing them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *evergiveupMan
over a year ago

derbyshire

If I haven't met the person or people before then it is a building of nervous tension coupled with excitement - will I like them on meeting and will they like me ? Chatting before helps but doesn't stop it -- but the excitement part is thrilling

When I meet again it is more total excitement - as it must have been good to meet again xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

Im anxious 24/7 so I feel your pain.

All I can offer is to say I tell myself Im there to have fun, so go have fun.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *D productionsMan
over a year ago

London

OP I say the nerves are natural. Just enjoy the introductions and chat. Some people seem mor3 confident than others. Yet just concentrate on your experience.

Certain woman love guys like you and will be friendly and fun with you. Due to you being yourself. You may have a very good time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ister_EMan
over a year ago

Hayling Island

I'm always ridiculously nervous before a social, like a shy teenager lol.... Heart racing, anxiety, sweaty palms, the whole lot! Much less so on an actual meet. I guess the added adrenaline and anticipation of what's to come counteract the nerves to a degree so its more a state of nervous excitement!

I find that all the nerves completely disappear the moment that the first intimate contact takes place.

Nothing like a really intense first kiss to soothe and calm the nerves

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread