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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Dear Various kind offers...

Thanks for your message, just to clarify, I am bisexual which means I like sex with men and women. Therefore your offer of "25 minutes with your Alsatian" doesn't really appeal to me.

Neither do I wish to be dressed in a French maids outfit while you pour custard over my tackle.... If I'm having custard, it needs to be in a dish with apple pie!

Doris .... Whilst I accept that ladies of all ages enjoy sex, no, I don't want to strap your husband to his zimmer frame and beat him with your orthopaedic shoes.

Mr S ..... I appreciate how difficult it is to upload photographs to this site but others seem to manage it... I will not "meet you behind the Dog and Duck for a feel' nor will I meet you "behind the labour club in your wife's tights".

If you haven't got a pic, then I will neither get in my car to drive 50 miles to meet you nor will I invite you to my home, even for a "cup of tea and a finger"!

Thanks for your kind offers, whilst I have considered that I am "missing out" .... I think I'd rather stay home and have a wank.

Thanks

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

So me creating all those fake profiles and messaging you from them with tempting offers won't work then?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The eclair and the pole dancer one was tempting mate

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Hahaha. This made me chuckle.

I've had some strange offers too. Ill have a think and post some x

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

Damn.

School girls outfit and peanut butter?

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston


"The eclair and the pole dancer one was tempting mate "

Sadly my backs not upto pole dancing anymore. I must also confess it was a mini eclair in the pic

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Crunchy or smooth?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well i think you told them ... your a bit picky , lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Well i think you told them ... your a bit picky , lol "

Lol I must be!

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"Crunchy or smooth?"

Crunchy of course !

Do you think im some kind of pervert?!?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Crunchy or smooth?

Crunchy of course !

Do you think im some kind of pervert?!? "

Go on then but it needs to be SunPat, not Asda smart price!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's just made my day !!!

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield


"Crunchy or smooth?

Crunchy of course !

Do you think im some kind of pervert?!?

Go on then but it needs to be SunPat, not Asda smart price! "

Of course! I might be a swinger but im not cheap!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Clearly a man who knows what he doesn't want!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Clearly a man who knows what he doesn't want!"
He is and its lovely to see it here ........ he is not laying down just taking it , lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

then we have something in common

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Clearly a man who knows what he doesn't want!He is and its lovely to see it here ........ he is not laying down just taking it , lol "

Chance would be a fine thing!

I'm just proving that you girls don't have a monopoly on the weird and wonderful world of weird requests

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you for the insight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Clearly a man who knows what he doesn't want!He is and its lovely to see it here ........ he is not laying down just taking it , lol

Chance would be a fine thing!

I'm just proving that you girls don't have a monopoly on the weird and wonderful world of weird requests "
well you keep having fun xxx

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By *cottishsexgoddessWoman
over a year ago

Glenrothes

This made me laugh. Thank you for brightening up my Tuesday morning!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear Various kind offers...

Thanks for your message, just to clarify, I am bisexual which means I like sex with men and women. Therefore your offer of "25 minutes with your Alsatian" doesn't really appeal to me.

Neither do I wish to be dressed in a French maids outfit while you pour custard over my tackle.... If I'm having custard, it needs to be in a dish with apple pie!

Doris .... Whilst I accept that ladies of all ages enjoy sex, no, I don't want to strap your husband to his zimmer frame and beat him with your orthopaedic shoes.

Mr S ..... I appreciate how difficult it is to upload photographs to this site but others seem to manage it... I will not "meet you behind the Dog and Duck for a feel' nor will I meet you "behind the labour club in your wife's tights".

If you haven't got a pic, then I will neither get in my car to drive 50 miles to meet you nor will I invite you to my home, even for a "cup of tea and a finger"!

Thanks for your kind offers, whilst I have considered that I am "missing out" .... I think I'd rather stay home and have a wank.

Thanks

"

Love it!

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By *moothies.Couple
over a year ago

Woodthorpe

Don't make me laugh it hurts......oh too late

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

only get nice messages here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Indecent proposal

What do you mean what do I take you for?

We both know what you are, I am haggling over the price and I will stretch to a Bacardi and and a packet of crisps, now take it or leave it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

...so hows the wank going? Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear Various kind offers...

Thanks for your message, just to clarify, I am bisexual which means I like sex with men and women. Therefore your offer of "25 minutes with your Alsatian" doesn't really appeal to me.

Neither do I wish to be dressed in a French maids outfit while you pour custard over my tackle.... If I'm having custard, it needs to be in a dish with apple pie!

Doris .... Whilst I accept that ladies of all ages enjoy sex, no, I don't want to strap your husband to his zimmer frame and beat him with your orthopaedic shoes.

Mr S ..... I appreciate how difficult it is to upload photographs to this site but others seem to manage it... I will not "meet you behind the Dog and Duck for a feel' nor will I meet you "behind the labour club in your wife's tights".

If you haven't got a pic, then I will neither get in my car to drive 50 miles to meet you nor will I invite you to my home, even for a "cup of tea and a finger"!

Thanks for your kind offers, whilst I have considered that I am "missing out" .... I think I'd rather stay home and have a wank.

Thanks

"

Dear Gareth

I am sorry that you declined my previous offers re my Alsatian...i actually said "my dog of a partner"

As for the custard it was a typo; should have said Mustard

and i thought you was such a kind man and knew my alter ego is being "doris"; and whats wrong with sex on zimmer frame...have you ever tried it ????

Whilst writing my friend "Mr S" told me to tell its because his Sinclair ZX is so slow and I think your twisting my words; i actually said

" bring your meat and fuck like a dog behind i need a good fuck"

After all that; i no longer want to drive...but that's down to fact i only got one leg and i is blind

Forever not your friend

Jon

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Lol ... Very well, but only if you Dare Doris to Dress Decadently!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hahaha!! Brilliant. I thought it was just me getting the weird requests/offers. Clearly I was wrong... Ha!

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By *ewshyTV/TS
over a year ago

falkirk

stop playing hard to get

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Brightened my evening no end

Keep posting,,,,,,,

Thankyou Jon

Xx. X

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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago

Retirement Village

This has made me smile & reminded me of silly messages i've had.

Thank you OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Lol ... Very well, but only if you Dare Doris to Dress Decadently!"

... do do do da da da ...(police song?)

Dear Doris

I am Delighted and Delirious seeing you Dressed Decadently and looking Deliciously Demenorish (i made it up).... fancy a shag

Jon

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