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Consent dilemma

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By *rpeggio OP   Couple
over a year ago

Baughurst

A couple of months ago we were at a house party that we frequently attend. An MF couple we had never seen before arrived. Late fifties, he was wearing a shirt and jeans, she was wearing a leather dress, sexy but not too revealing. We never spoke to them, that night we were chatting to some of the regulars.

At playing time upstairs, on a "water break" before continuing with the fun with the couples we were playing with, still naked after a play session, I walked into one of the rooms where the door was open and this couple were there along with a single male. The woman was fully naked lying on her back on the bed, except for a blindfold covering her eyes and a thin metal chain belt around her waist. She had one pink ball gagging her on her mouth, so I could hear her moaning with pleasure but she was unable to talk. He was standing up by the bed, dressed the same as when they arrived, holding on one hand a chain linked to the collar that the lady was wearing around her neck and a leathery flogger on the other hand.

After a few seconds standing inside the bedroom by the open door, looking at the scene, the man holding the chain made a gesture with his head inviting me in. I walked quietly to the bed and sat down next to the lady. All this happened in complete silence, so whether the blindfolded woman noticed my presence or not, I do not know. The third male was tall and muscular, he was shagging her slowly and deeply and she appeared to be very aroused by the sound of her moaning, the red flush on her face cheeks and the erect nipples. I watched for a few seconds before I broke the silence and said "So very sexy and beautiful to watch". Without speaking a word, the man holding the chain looked at me and made another gesture with his head, this time inviting me to participate.

I grabbed her left breast on my right hand and for 5-10 seconds I delicately sucked and toyed with the erect nipple, while I caressed her belly ad belly button with my left hand, right under the metallic chain belt, all of this happening whilst the third male continued with his deep and slow thrusts. She arched her back a bit as she felt my hands and mouth, as she noticed someone else was suddenly involved in their play. After that bit of play, I sat there watching for another 10 seconds before I stood up and, silently, I mouthed "Thank you" to the man holding the chain. Then, I left the room to resume my playing with Mrs Arpeggio and the couples we were playing with in another room. All of this happened in no more than 1 minute. I left the room thinking of the beautiful experience this couple were having together and how lucky I was to have been invited to be part of their pleasure.

Now here's my dilemma. I have always thought of (sexual) consent as simple and clear to understand:

- NO means NO

- a lack of a NO does not mean YES

- a show of enjoyment does not necessarily mean YES

- a YES means YES until it turns into a NO at any time

- and never assume but ask for consent.

Easy rules to follow, right?

Weeks after the party, while reading some forum post mentioning consent, I remembered this experience and found myself on a dilemma. At all times I was given consent: I was invited to the room, invited to watch, even invited to play. However, I was never invited by her, only by him. The bottom line is that the woman lying on the bed, gagged and blindfolded, never consented explicitly acknowledging that it was OK for me to touch her and that is where I see a dilemma. Did I act ethically and under consent or not?. How do others see consent under this swinging dynamic/scenario, where one person gives another person they fully trust full control over their right to give/deny consent to sexual acts?

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By *oroMale41Man
over a year ago

Stockton on tees


"A couple of months ago we were at a house party that we frequently attend. An MF couple we had never seen before arrived. Late fifties, he was wearing a shirt and jeans, she was wearing a leather dress, sexy but not too revealing. We never spoke to them, that night we were chatting to some of the regulars.

At playing time upstairs, on a "water break" before continuing with the fun with the couples we were playing with, still naked after a play session, I walked into one of the rooms where the door was open and this couple were there along with a single male. The woman was fully naked lying on her back on the bed, except for a blindfold covering her eyes and a thin metal chain belt around her waist. She had one pink ball gagging her on her mouth, so I could hear her moaning with pleasure but she was unable to talk. He was standing up by the bed, dressed the same as when they arrived, holding on one hand a chain linked to the collar that the lady was wearing around her neck and a leathery flogger on the other hand.

After a few seconds standing inside the bedroom by the open door, looking at the scene, the man holding the chain made a gesture with his head inviting me in. I walked quietly to the bed and sat down next to the lady. All this happened in complete silence, so whether the blindfolded woman noticed my presence or not, I do not know. The third male was tall and muscular, he was shagging her slowly and deeply and she appeared to be very aroused by the sound of her moaning, the red flush on her face cheeks and the erect nipples. I watched for a few seconds before I broke the silence and said "So very sexy and beautiful to watch". Without speaking a word, the man holding the chain looked at me and made another gesture with his head, this time inviting me to participate.

I grabbed her left breast on my right hand and for 5-10 seconds I delicately sucked and toyed with the erect nipple, while I caressed her belly ad belly button with my left hand, right under the metallic chain belt, all of this happening whilst the third male continued with his deep and slow thrusts. She arched her back a bit as she felt my hands and mouth, as she noticed someone else was suddenly involved in their play. After that bit of play, I sat there watching for another 10 seconds before I stood up and, silently, I mouthed "Thank you" to the man holding the chain. Then, I left the room to resume my playing with Mrs Arpeggio and the couples we were playing with in another room. All of this happened in no more than 1 minute. I left the room thinking of the beautiful experience this couple were having together and how lucky I was to have been invited to be part of their pleasure.

Now here's my dilemma. I have always thought of (sexual) consent as simple and clear to understand:

- NO means NO

- a lack of a NO does not mean YES

- a show of enjoyment does not necessarily mean YES

- a YES means YES until it turns into a NO at any time

- and never assume but ask for consent.

Easy rules to follow, right?

Weeks after the party, while reading some forum post mentioning consent, I remembered this experience and found myself on a dilemma. At all times I was given consent: I was invited to the room, invited to watch, even invited to play. However, I was never invited by her, only by him. The bottom line is that the woman lying on the bed, gagged and blindfolded, never consented explicitly acknowledging that it was OK for me to touch her and that is where I see a dilemma. Did I act ethically and under consent or not?. How do others see consent under this swinging dynamic/scenario, where one person gives another person they fully trust full control over their right to give/deny consent to sexual acts? "

I wouldn't worry about it too much, if she was there playing anyway then it's part of the fun joining in, you don't see people verbally consenting to everyone they play with, besides it's not as if it was a club or anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A couple of months ago we were at a house party that we frequently attend. An MF couple we had never seen before arrived. Late fifties, he was wearing a shirt and jeans, she was wearing a leather dress, sexy but not too revealing. We never spoke to them, that night we were chatting to some of the regulars.

At playing time upstairs, on a "water break" before continuing with the fun with the couples we were playing with, still naked after a play session, I walked into one of the rooms where the door was open and this couple were there along with a single male. The woman was fully naked lying on her back on the bed, except for a blindfold covering her eyes and a thin metal chain belt around her waist. She had one pink ball gagging her on her mouth, so I could hear her moaning with pleasure but she was unable to talk. He was standing up by the bed, dressed the same as when they arrived, holding on one hand a chain linked to the collar that the lady was wearing around her neck and a leathery flogger on the other hand.

After a few seconds standing inside the bedroom by the open door, looking at the scene, the man holding the chain made a gesture with his head inviting me in. I walked quietly to the bed and sat down next to the lady. All this happened in complete silence, so whether the blindfolded woman noticed my presence or not, I do not know. The third male was tall and muscular, he was shagging her slowly and deeply and she appeared to be very aroused by the sound of her moaning, the red flush on her face cheeks and the erect nipples. I watched for a few seconds before I broke the silence and said "So very sexy and beautiful to watch". Without speaking a word, the man holding the chain looked at me and made another gesture with his head, this time inviting me to participate.

I grabbed her left breast on my right hand and for 5-10 seconds I delicately sucked and toyed with the erect nipple, while I caressed her belly ad belly button with my left hand, right under the metallic chain belt, all of this happening whilst the third male continued with his deep and slow thrusts. She arched her back a bit as she felt my hands and mouth, as she noticed someone else was suddenly involved in their play. After that bit of play, I sat there watching for another 10 seconds before I stood up and, silently, I mouthed "Thank you" to the man holding the chain. Then, I left the room to resume my playing with Mrs Arpeggio and the couples we were playing with in another room. All of this happened in no more than 1 minute. I left the room thinking of the beautiful experience this couple were having together and how lucky I was to have been invited to be part of their pleasure.

Now here's my dilemma. I have always thought of (sexual) consent as simple and clear to understand:

- NO means NO

- a lack of a NO does not mean YES

- a show of enjoyment does not necessarily mean YES

- a YES means YES until it turns into a NO at any time

- and never assume but ask for consent.

Easy rules to follow, right?

Weeks after the party, while reading some forum post mentioning consent, I remembered this experience and found myself on a dilemma. At all times I was given consent: I was invited to the room, invited to watch, even invited to play. However, I was never invited by her, only by him. The bottom line is that the woman lying on the bed, gagged and blindfolded, never consented explicitly acknowledging that it was OK for me to touch her and that is where I see a dilemma. Did I act ethically and under consent or not?. How do others see consent under this swinging dynamic/scenario, where one person gives another person they fully trust full control over their right to give/deny consent to sexual acts? "

We do blindfold occasionally in a club, Mav knows exactly what I want and how to read my body. He assumes consent and control of those invited to play and that's part of the enjoyment. Sensory deprivation and relinquishing of control is a massive turn on but only works for us as we trust each other 100%. I have chosen to be on the bed, chosen to be blindfolded and chosen to allow my partner to control the play. Don't overthink it, just enjoy it.

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

It seems to me that in her situation she had consented to the man making such decisions and you had consent from him. If she didn't want it then that is on him and sorting it out is between them.

That situation could be very hot and asking consent could break the mood. It doesn't sound like she would have been able to speak. I think the most you could do would be to make eye contact and try to get nonverbal consent.

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By *tanley FunseekerMan
over a year ago

stanley

From the description, all parties consented. Try not to dwell on it. You behaved impeccably

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By *rozac_fairyCouple
over a year ago

Birmingham

I would say their communication and bond is probably exceedingly strong. It's likely too they have a safe word or gesture for her should she be uncomfortable with any part of the play that he'd be looking for.

Sounds like you had a hot experience. I'd love to do something similar with the Mrs but we haven't gotten around to it yet

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By *rpeggio OP   Couple
over a year ago

Baughurst


"It seems to me that in her situation she had consented to the man making such decisions and you had consent from him. If she didn't want it then that is on him and sorting it out is between them.

That situation could be very hot and asking consent could break the mood. It doesn't sound like she would have been able to speak. I think the most you could do would be to make eye contact and try to get nonverbal consent."

__

Totally agree, I had never been involved in that tipe of play and unsure how to behave as a guest but my instinct was that speaking to her (blindfolded, so eye contact was not possible) would break the mood and ruin it for them. Instead, I imagined that part of her pleasure was the fact that she could not see me, she just felt a hand and some lips on her, and since no words had been exchanged she did not know if I was a man or woman, or if I was going to do anything else to her next.

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By *renzMan
over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

I must admit I've often thought similar when I've seen a meet advertised that the lady would be blindfolded and tied to the bed.

Also having played and still play in the kink community, consent is something I am very aware of.

In the situation you found yourself, I would assume this is something the couple had discussed previously, the anonymity being part of the kink. That and her partner was obviously keeping a strict eye on her. You could also hear and see she was enjoying herself, so with all that in mind, you had consent and enjoy the moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It seems to me that in her situation she had consented to the man making such decisions and you had consent from him. If she didn't want it then that is on him and sorting it out is between them.

That situation could be very hot and asking consent could break the mood. It doesn't sound like she would have been able to speak. I think the most you could do would be to make eye contact and try to get nonverbal consent."

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By *rpeggio OP   Couple
over a year ago

Baughurst

Thank you all for your answers, it is reassuring to read that everyone thinks that consent was implicit in this particular situation. Particularly hearing from those that have swinging experience in scenarios like this one.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Stories and Fantasies section. Lol.

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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago

London | Belfast

Um okay. Look, the thing is this: Sometimes women leave the control to the men, fully trusting them to make decisions in their name. It's part of the dominance play. Sometimes this goes so far that the man forces the woman to sexually please men she would find very unattractive at times. THAT is a grey zone. Because in that situation she likes to please her man, who completely dominates her, but she doesn't like to please the stranger, who she will find appalling. But he, the boyfriend, enjoys to see her go above and beyond to fulfill his wishes...

Bdsm is a strange world.

To circle back to your situation: He gave consent, she didn't ever seem displeased and no one said anything before or after. You create a problem where there seemingly is none.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

I don’t think it passes the “would you like tea?” test, but it sounds like a situation where she’s given her consent by proxy.

The question is are you sure she wanted you to make her a tea?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

me and my lady go out dogging, she doesnt tend to be very vocal about what she wants or doesnt want when we play including with others (something were trying to change so that she can take more control of a situation), yet we have guidelines weve discussed beforehand about what she wants and doesnt want for me to follow, so she gives her consent to me to do these things with her within our guidelines. unfortunately an outsider may not understand or see this and be left with the dilemma that your facing

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