FabSwingers.com forum: What do sub women want

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What is it that sub women crave? What is it that really turns you on?

Met someone that is sub and never come across somebody this sub.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I have no experience at all so will read with interest the replies.

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

Hmmm...to be controlled, instructed on how to please their Dom, to have their boundaries pushed to their limits and just a bit beyond. I'll think of more...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love being controlled yet in control. I love knowing that what I am doing for my Dom is what he desires. Its hard to explain really. Gets you to a peak of pure excitement plus a really strong feeling of trust

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Possibilities might include mental domination, humiliation, CP, performing tasks to please you outside the bedroom, sexually oriented use, they may be masochistic and be looking for pain play, sadism in a Dominant, bdsm related role play including any fetish activities she's interested in...

Probably better to ask her what constitutes a satisfying D/s dynamic for her and listen to that. Or get her to write you a short story encompassing some theme that she finds arousing....

If she doesnt know, she could explore her ideas with you or maybe she is being a little passive?

Is she an experienced sub?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Possibilities might include mental domination, humiliation, CP, performing tasks to please you outside the bedroom, sexually oriented use, they may be masochistic and be looking for pain play, sadism in a Dominant, bdsm related role play including any fetish activities she's interested in...

Probably better to ask her what constitutes a satisfying D/s dynamic for her and listen to that. Or get her to write you a short story encompassing some theme that she finds arousing....

If she doesnt know, she could explore her ideas with you or maybe she is being a little passive?

Is she an experienced sub?

Not very experienced, she enjoys being spanked with a horse whip and likes being tied up. She says she has never met anyone she felt she could tell before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think about joining fetlife .. Very informative and covers it from all angles ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think about joining fetlife .. Very informative and covers it from all angles ??

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

How is anyone able to tell you what she wants. Although, all you have to do if keep her satisfied.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

There is no blueprint, stock answer. The answer will always be as different as the people that answer this question.

If neither of you are experienced then learning and growing together is the only other way.

There is also a huge difference between playing. Top/bottom and actually entering a Dominant/submisive relationship.

If you really want to know read everything you can lay your hands on, talk to experienced people. Go to munches, go to events and learn everything you can and suggest she do the same. Being a Dom as apposed to a Top is huge. Well to be a responsible, good one anyway.

There is nothing wrong with just playing as long as it is done right. But if it is with pain, which you suggest it may be then obviously there are lots of safety issue to consider.

The only way is diligent research. There are no shortcuts.

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

How do you know if you would make a good dom

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By *atasha_DavidCouple
over a year ago

Slough

"There is no blueprint, stock answer. The answer will always be as different as the people that answer this question.

If neither of you are experienced then learning and growing together is the only other way.

There is also a huge difference between playing. Top/bottom and actually entering a Dominant/submissive relationship.

If you really want to know read everything you can lay your hands on, talk to experienced people. Go to munches, go to events and learn everything you can and suggest she do the same. Being a Dom as opposed to a Top is huge. Well to be a responsible, good one anyway.

There is nothing wrong with just playing as long as it is done right. But if it is with pain, which you suggest it may be then obviously there are lots of safety issue to consider.

The only way is diligent research. There are no shortcuts."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love being controlled yet in control. I love knowing that what I am doing for my Dom is what he desires. Its hard to explain really. Gets you to a peak of pure excitement plus a really strong feeling of trust"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is no blueprint, stock answer. The answer will always be as different as the people that answer this question.

If neither of you are experienced then learning and growing together is the only other way.

There is also a huge difference between playing. Top/bottom and actually entering a Dominant/submisive relationship.

There is nothing wrong with just playing as long as it is done right. But if it is with pain, which you suggest it may be then obviously there are lots of safety issue to consider.

The only way is diligent research. There.are no shortcuts."

This.

There is no stock answer, speak to her, speak to her and then for good measure speak to her some more.

And don't think that there is any shame in being an inexperienced dom, we all start somewhere. You'll also be pushing your boundaries, move at a pace that suits both of you, I personally never say no if crystal suggests something that I'm not comfortable with but I do say not yet.

And remember that most of all it is about both you and finding a dynamic that works for both of you and most importantly it is about having fun.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could never ever ever put it into words. It goes beyond words.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is it that sub women crave? What is it that really turns you on?

Met someone that is sub and never come across somebody this sub. "

I'm sub and I can say this: if you have to ask, you won't manage to be a good Dom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It does go beyond words. Its very hard to explain from either point of _iew, thats why my previous answer was so vague.

Its very dynamic depending on each couple. And what each individual wants within that couple.

Realistically you have to decide whether its just going to be Top and bottom play, or a D/s bond, that goes deeper and lasts beyond the bedroom.

Then you can decide what play and activities fall within what you enjoy amd want to do. If you want a bit of spanking and tie and tease, exploring other areas as you go, maybe Topping and bottoming is for you. If you want a deeper bond where she actively serves you and honours you outside the bedroom in some way, thats more Dom sub.

There is a wealth of literature online on this sort of stuff and bdsm websites to help with other members. Munches are a good place to start or even reading online blogs if you are too nervous for that.

Good luck it's an amazing experience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I could never ever ever put it into words. It goes beyond words."

I was sure I would never ever submit.. Locked myself away from anyone that even mentioned the word Dominant to me.

Yet with the right person, they don't need to say a word to me. One look and I want to please them, I need to have them pleased with me.

To be honest I could be hard pressed to explain how a man I find dominant effects me.. or what I want..

but it is total mind and body submission, leading to total bliss..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What is it that sub women crave? What is it that really turns you on?

Met someone that is sub and never come across somebody this sub.

I'm sub and I can say this: if you have to ask, you won't manage to be a good Dom."

I think admitting his weakness and lack of knowledge is a good thing. Many is the inexperienced Dom who has hurt a good sub by talking the talk then buggering it up in play.

Everyone has to start somewhere, he's interested, she is, they've had a go and just need a nudge to show them what next.

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By *eal_Dick_TurpinMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"What is it that sub women crave? What is it that really turns you on?

Met someone that is sub and never come across somebody this sub.

I'm sub and I can say this: if you have to ask, you won't manage to be a good Dom."

THIS... bingo, nailed it in one.

If all it took was learning it, or claiming to be it, then anyone could be anything they want.

Think of it like artists or writers, the only real ones are the ones who paint or write simply because they cannot and could never not paint or not write.

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I'd like to see someone naturally demonstrate shibari without ever reading, learning or going to the appropriate places to learn about it.

Or flog a submissive until she doesn't know wether to cry out with pain or her orgasm.

Or use a Cane safely or crop.

Or understand what makes a submissive tick.

How do you know why a submissive reacts in a particular way to a given scenario?

What about previous trauma in a submissive how are you going to deal with that?

How about sub drop.

All these that claim you 'just know' if you are natural.

How are you going to deal with sub drop when your sub suffers it? How are you going to know how to identify it? Or will you never have that issue? And if you think that. Then you will never in a million years make a good Dom. A good Dom will always be as prepared as they can be and is always hungry for more information on their chosen subject. If you're not then stop now you won't make a good Dom.

Lack of knowledge does not make you any less Dominant. Realising you have a lack of knowledge and then having the confidence to change that and gain the knowledge you want is a Dominant trait.

A natural Dominant or Domme will hate not having the knowledge on a given subject they are interested in and will do what they deem necessary to correct that. Especially when they understand as they should that someone else is putting their welfare in their hands. Being a good Dom is a huge responsibility and not a game.

Of course all that is just my _iew

Climbs off soap box....

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By *eal_Dick_TurpinMan
over a year ago

Exeter

"I'd like to see someone naturally demonstrate shibari without ever reading, learning or going to the appropriate places to learn about it.

Or flog a submissive until she doesn't know wether to cry out with pain or her orgasm.

Or use a Cane safely or crop.

Or understand what makes a submissive tick.

How do you know why a submissive reacts in a particular way to a given scenario?

What about previous trauma in a submissive how are you going to deal with that?

How about sub drop.

All these that claim you 'just know' if you are natural.

Lack of knowledge does not make you any less Dominant. Realising you have a lack of knowledge and then having the confidence to change that and gain the knowledge you want is a Dominant trait.

Of course all that is just my _iew

Climbs off soap box....

Dude you can be born an artist, or born a writer, that doesn't mean you won't be complete crap at it unless you study it.

My point was just upping one day and deciding you are one doesn't cut it.

Shibari doesn't make you a dom, just means you are into shibari, flogging doesn't make you a dom, just means you are into flogging.

Domming as a huge responsibility, agreed totally, a true D/s relationship makes marriage look like a faded drawing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to see someone naturally demonstrate shibari without ever reading, learning or going to the appropriate places to learn about it.

Or flog a submissive until she doesn't know wether to cry out with pain or her orgasm.

Or use a Cane safely or crop.

Or understand what makes a submissive tick.

How do you know why a submissive reacts in a particular way to a given scenario?

What about previous trauma in a submissive how are you going to deal with that?

How about sub drop.

All these that claim you 'just know' if you are natural.

Lack of knowledge does not make you any less Dominant. Realising you have a lack of knowledge and then having the confidence to change that and gain the knowledge you want is a Dominant trait.

Of course all that is just my _iew

Climbs off soap box....

Personally I just read 50 shades, skipped being a dom and declared myself a Master. Piece of cake

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By *evilwolfCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

I think OP it's all out there to be discovered, and your skills will be honed in a qualitative and quantitative way beyond the empirical should you delve deeper into what constitutes the raison d'etre of your sub.

As for study and learning it helps, but isn't the be and end all. Mr Shibari no doubt hadn't read a book on shibari before, nor had anyone advise him in his techniques, just as you are treading new ground with your submissive and although there's bound to be a few mistakes which most dominants will call 'features' rather than 'bugs', it's all in the learning of the care and feeding of your sub.

So with that, good luck

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'd like to see someone naturally demonstrate shibari without ever reading, learning or going to the appropriate places to learn about it.

Or flog a submissive until she doesn't know wether to cry out with pain or her orgasm.

Or use a Cane safely or crop.

Or understand what makes a submissive tick.

How do you know why a submissive reacts in a particular way to a given scenario?

What about previous trauma in a submissive how are you going to deal with that?

How about sub drop.

All these that claim you 'just know' if you are natural.

Lack of knowledge does not make you any less Dominant. Realising you have a lack of knowledge and then having the confidence to change that and gain the knowledge you want is a Dominant trait.

Of course all that is just my _iew

Climbs off soap box....

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

Dude you can be born an artist, or born a writer, that doesn't mean you won't be complete crap at it unless you study it.

My point was just upping one day and deciding you are one doesn't cut it.

Shibari doesn't make you a dom, just means you are into shibari, flogging doesn't make you a dom, just means you are into flogging.

Domming as a huge responsibility, agreed totally, a true D/s relationship makes marriage look like a faded drawing."

I may have mis-interpreted your first post a little

I agree with all you have written in this quote

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By *hoenixcouplexxCouple
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"I'd like to see someone naturally demonstrate shibari without ever reading, learning or going to the appropriate places to learn about it.

Or flog a submissive until she doesn't know wether to cry out with pain or her orgasm.

Or use a Cane safely or crop.

Or understand what makes a submissive tick.

How do you know why a submissive reacts in a particular way to a given scenario?

What about previous trauma in a submissive how are you going to deal with that?

How about sub drop.

All these that claim you 'just know' if you are natural.

Lack of knowledge does not make you any less Dominant. Realising you have a lack of knowledge and then having the confidence to change that and gain the knowledge you want is a Dominant trait.

Of course all that is just my _iew

Climbs off soap box....

Personally I just read 50 shades, skipped being a dom and declared myself a Master. Piece of cake "

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