FabSwingers.com forum: Are single women Lazy on fab ?

By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Before we get a barrage of hate, hear us out. Would Fab be better if more single females took time to search for people rather than relying on their bulging inbox’s, from our experiences as singles and as a couple on here and discussing it with people we’ve met on Fab, women don’t exactly engage with the process as a whole, very rarely will you get a message first from a single lady, very rarely a fab on a pic, very rarely anything really unless you attempt to engage with them first, we understand women can get fixated on their bulging inbox but by doing such are they missing out on potentially amazing meets and people ?

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By *asycouple1971Couple
over a year ago

midlands

Im sure there are a few "ladies" profile that engage with other ppl but they tend to be fakes or timewasters.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

The fakes and time wasters are the ones that engage ?

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By *d4funtimesMan
over a year ago

Cambridge

If, each week, they get a large amount messages, it is somewhat not surprising that they feel overwhelmed and affecting their engagement by receiving thousands of unwanted pictures.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

But single do seem to be very aware of that and infact frequently complain about it, so why not go search for people then just pick their messages out of their inbox ? Making it a more meaningful experience for themselves ?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I have to disagree, we get fabs from women and 1st messages too.

I don't think many rely on their overflowing inbox from our experience and meets they've actively engaged with us equally.

Mrs

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

That’s great to hear that in your experience it’s equal, but it’s also the first time we’ve heard that. Brilliant for you guys though

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"That’s great to hear that in your experience it’s equal, but it’s also the first time we’ve heard that. Brilliant for you guys though

Don't get me wrong there's some that will reply with one word and not engage much but then there not for is but the majority chat equally

Mrs

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

taunton somerset

nope im not lazy if i like the look of someone ill message but its rare that ill admit ive no need to i have my regular guys whom i meet often so dont need or seek lots of men via here

as for the bulging mail box thats easy a few mins every evening to delete all the rubbish and block those ive no interest in job done..

am i missing out on people ? no if im attracted to them sexually ill engage if im not then i wont i dont meet people i dont fancy...

i dont bother with couples on fab from this profile or our couples one as its a minefield often only fancying the guy or the woman never both so thats better left to clubs were theres no fakes or men pretending....

as for other women again not on fab or online its so easy to find women for bi/gay sex so very easy with sites designed for women to meet women or a night out on the town and gay clubs/nights .. never understood why fab never did fabwomen like they did fab guys i suppose they worried half the women on here would disappear from here

so no not lazy as a single or a couple 30++ years on the scene just means ive figured it out how to do things the easy way..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve got to say that doesn’t seem to be our experience so far. We get the odd one that replies with one line or zero effort but for the most part we’ve had some great conversations with single ladies.

We don’t get a lot of first messages or winks from single ladies but it does happen regularly

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

It’s not necessarily the chat once contact has been made we mean as we’ve met just as many single ladies as we have couples and they’ve all been amazing, as much as the thread title is directed at women it’s just trying to think of how to make it a better experience for all really, to be polite Single men are somewhat overly keen we will say and Single women don’t seem to be, to give some kind of balance to it I guess single women are big time outnumbered but still as we say from our experience the majority do take a back seat with it.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

That’s great that you approach it like that and much respect for doing so, like you say you’ve a wealth of knowledge and experience of what works for you and we respect that massively but would you say the wider scene is like that ?

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

We get initial messages from women and many seem to have their filters set so that they don't get unsolicited messages so that they can do the searching. I (Flik) also have my own profile and often send messages.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

taunton somerset

i think when you go back say the 90s bi women and couples were the in thing it was happening and it was easy but today most bi women dont want to be unicorns they dont want to be toys for the male half to watch the days of single women and couples seen to have died out yes there are still some but most just want bi sex with another woman without being watched .... and there the finding couples where both attract most couples find it hard finding other couples due to this single women are the same..

attraction is so key and so hard between singles let alone couples

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Likewise we have had some amazing convos and meets with single ladies 100% won’t deny that. And as much as it might seem like this thread is a direct attack on single ladies it really isn’t, to give balance it maybe just the fact that couples and single men outweigh the ladies in numbers

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

It’s a hard thing for sure, we certainly aren’t calling out single women alone as Men play a big part in why it’s so lopsided also, it’s just trying to make it a better place and scene for everyone to be happy, to give some context as to why we posed the question, it just seems the update section is full of single women complaining at times which we get why they would do

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Hi Flik thanks for replying, it’s good to hear you approach it that way and this thread really isn’t a generalisation of every single lady, we’ve had some great meets and convos with single ladies it’s more directed at the whole process of fab and the scene I guess, but your approach seems to be the best one

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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago

Baughurst

"... Would Fab be better if more single females took time to search for people rather than relying on their bulging inbox ... are they missing out on potentially amazing meets and people ?"

Single females can indeed search. And they do, if/when they want. Option is there. So what are you proposing exactly to make Fab better? Better for whom? For your single profiles? or for women? If the bulging inbox is a problem, single women profiles can totally block singles males (we have, as a couple, it works), then search, then approach single males or whomever they want. Option is there, so not sure what change are you proposing?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Hi Flik thanks for replying, it’s good to hear you approach it that way and this thread really isn’t a generalisation of every single lady, we’ve had some great meets and convos with single ladies it’s more directed at the whole process of fab and the scene I guess, but your approach seems to be the best one

If you click reply and quote we know who your replying to.

Mrs

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

We aren’t proposing any change at all we certainly don’t have the power to achieve a whole scale change of the swinging scene and we aren’t arrogant enough to believe such, we are simply posting a question based on our and others we have met and had conversations with experiences

great to hear your insight though.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Ah great, thanks for the pointer, it’s our first time posting in the forums.

If you click reply and quote we know who your replying to.

Mrs "

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

To be fair it'll be down to the individual. I'm usually the one to approach people out in general life and it was me that approached Paul in a coffee shop and asked to sit with him which ended up with him being my partner, and that was before I discovered this lifestyle.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

100% it always falls down to the individuals approach some are more confident and comfortable at doing the approaching.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Ah great, thanks for the pointer, it’s our first time posting in the forums.

If you click reply and quote we know who your replying to.

Mrs

No worries, welcome to the forums.

Mrs

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

taunton somerset

"That’s great that you approach it like that and much respect for doing so, like you say you’ve a wealth of knowledge and experience of what works for you and we respect that massively but would you say the wider scene is like that ? "

yes today scene is very very picky compared to what happened back when we started we alway seek those we were attracted to but many many never used to but now deffo couples are more fussy now than ever (thats a good thing in my mind) and women seeking women well thats very very fussy now compared to years ago... women and couples seeking men has massively changed too the more men the scene attracted the fussier we all become..... everything is based on attraction now (again how i think it should be) where in the past not so it was more based on just fun ....

swinging has gotten very selective therefore making it much harder for many to find what they want hence we only use fab to seek guys as everything else is much easier face to face ie clubs and nights out .... i also think socials have destroyed a chunk of the scene far tomany just use the scene as a social network dont get me wrong socials are important but we swing for sex with others so when socials become 80/90% of your free time wheres the sex the very reason why you wanted to swing..

the rise of the internet and social media has killed the art of talking flirting its killed communication skills for many alot of men dont have a clue how to interact with women (only saying men as i only look for men via here)

all is just my opinion we all see things and do things differently and intodays world that does not make us right or wrong

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

taunton somerset

thats was messy lol needs another coffee then im off to work

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I do get inbound from ladies so I know people do engage. In my experience those who initiate the conversation are usually pretty likely to meet as they have actively found what they are looking for.

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By *iss DevilWoman
over a year ago

Bedford

I am in similar boat to another single lady, I don't need to message people on here as I already have some men that I see on a semi-regular basis. And I am currently only meeting anyone new by chance, in a club, with a possibility for 1:1 meets further on, if we get on well in the club.

I also have zero interest in couples after some not so great experience where I was basically lied to about how bisexual the lady was (on more than one occasion). Therefore, I am only happy to play with couples in a club, again just by chance.

In the past, however, I have sent first messages - my partner is a prime example. I messaged him first, we started chatting, then life tried to get very much in the way, yet we are still together (at weekends only, both as good as single during the week) nearly 5 years down the line. So yes, single women do get proactive and do message people themselves when they feel the person/people fit what they are looking for or they feel there is already a connection.

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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago

Baughurst

"We aren’t proposing any change at all we certainly don’t have the power to achieve a whole scale change of the swinging scene and we aren’t arrogant enough to believe such, we are simply posting a question based on our and others we have met and had conversations with experiences

great to hear your insight though. "

Thanks and apologies that I could not offer much of an insight, more like trying to understand if you were posting about a hypothetical change of behaviour by women in Fab or some technical change ( e.g Fab not allowing women to receive messages). Very insightful responses from others so far, good thread.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"thats was messy lol needs another coffee then im off to work

Hahaha no great response and your 100% right In what you say, we couldn’t agree more in terms of the communication side of things you’ve hit the nail on the head, go enjoy your coffee haha

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I do get inbound from ladies so I know people do engage. In my experience those who initiate the conversation are usually pretty likely to meet as they have actively found what they are looking for."

Great to hear that’s your experience and your right, I think in a sense your agreeing with our point those that search are getting a more worthwhile experience very indirectly haha

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

taunton somerset

all my lady friends on this scene and on fab seek rather than be seeked but they are all pretty much like me fab for the guys clubs and nights out for fem on fem many of them not interested in couples at all..

opinions are good no one is right or wrong when it comes to how they use the scene or how or who they meet

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I am in similar boat to another single lady, I don't need to message people on here as I already have some men that I see on a semi-regular basis. And I am currently only meeting anyone new by chance, in a club, with a possibility for 1:1 meets further on, if we get on well in the club.

Oh 100% I’d agree a very small percentage of single ladies do search and send messages and from what’s been posted so far it’s those women that A get what they are looking for and B seem to have the best experience, as much as this thread seems to be aimed at single ladies which I guess it is, we are also fully aware that there is issues with certain peoples approach be that single men or couples also.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I do get inbound from ladies so I know people do engage. In my experience those who initiate the conversation are usually pretty likely to meet as they have actively found what they are looking for.

opinions are good no one is right or wrong when it comes to how they use the scene or how or who they meet"

Your exactly right at the end of the day we are all in it for ourselves and our own gains to a degree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a single guy, I feel alot of single ladies, especially the ones around my age, think they’re much better than single men and if we do manage to get a reply, they normally speak to us as if we owe them something for replying to us. Don’t get me wrong, I understand their inbox is probably full of idiots just wanting to collect pictures or what have you, but for us genuine guys who have verifications, it makes it very hard as I personally, like to be spoken to how I’d speak to someone.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"As a single guy, I feel alot of single ladies, especially the ones around my age, think they’re much better than single men and if we do manage to get a reply, they normally speak to us as if we owe them something for replying to us. Don’t get me wrong, I understand their inbox is probably full of idiots just wanting to collect pictures or what have you, but for us genuine guys who have verifications, it makes it very hard as I personally, like to be spoken to how I’d speak to someone."

I’d have to say that for the most part as much as I won’t tar every single lady with the same brush that seems to be more inclined with what we have heard and experienced ourselves both as a couple and as singles prior to us getting together on here. Great comment though

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

taunton somerset

see i dont think women tend to think this way i think you think that because for whatever reason they are maybe not interested in you ? ... women of today are way more confident in themselves and why should that not be the case... they know that on this scene they can be picky just because of the sheer number of men on here and with 100s joining daily with hardly any women or couples joining it will only get worse ...

not all so dont shoot me for saying this but many men will shag anything therefore have a different view where most women wont and would rather wait for the right people and the right time... dont get me wrong men have a terrible time on this scene but its down to % mainly not women looking down thats just men thinking that because they are getting nowhere (again not all)

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Clearly that’s his experience of it though so we can’t dismiss that from the conversation, that’s the positive side to these forums it offers a platform for all to have an opinion to give balance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it kind of strange to assume single women don't search. I do, I suspect many others do too. Wether or not we/they are interested in what they find is another thing. But if I like the profile etc, then I will message

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

taunton somerset

thats very true

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By *quirtyfun69Couple
over a year ago

Burnley

We find this as a couple or they are fakes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not that we have seen to be honest

We’ve had not a lot but a few messages from single women wanting to chat and potentially meet.

We are not looking to meet single women but have made a few friends on here that’s always nice to chat with

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I find it kind of strange to assume single women don't search. I do, I suspect many others do too. Wether or not we/they are interested in what they find is another thing. But if I like the profile etc, then I will message "

For us that’s great you do that and we respect that approach, the reason for the post though is generally from speaking to not just couples or single men but women also that, that isn’t the wider case in our experience, I don’t feel we’ve assumed however as we’ve posed the question rather than simply assuming based on our experience

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"We find this as a couple or they are fakes"

Likewise we agree as that’s our wider experience also

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I completely understand the numbers allow women to be picky, but they actually respond saying they’re interested, but then give nothing in the form of conversation and presume the man has to make all the effort to make conversation, prove they’re legit, where the woman sits back with no verifications, on their high horse, expecting the man to jump through any hoop thrown at us.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested "

I agree, but that goes for all single ladies, single men, couples or TV’s etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested "

For some people on here you would need to take it on as a full time job replying to every message you get and then sometimes hit with abuse

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

I’m another who searches and puts in the effort.

I take time with my profile to attract and deselect as appropriate. I have saved searches I run regularly. I message, wink and fab to show interest. I’m active in the forums and keep an eye on updates to see if there is anything I want to react to.

I think you’re right that there will be some who do none of that. But if you’re online regularly as a single woman, the messages stack up and it can be easy to get caught up dealing with that and forget to do what you came here for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If i like the profile i’ll engage first, message, wink, fab pics etc. I'm ok with no replies coming back and don't need a no thanks message. As someone else said meeting folk in clubs is far easier that using fab sometimes. Xxx

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested

For some people on here you would need to take it on as a full time job replying to every message you get and then sometimes hit with abuse

Surely it’s just manners though ? Or is it because we are online that makes the difference ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested

For some people on here you would need to take it on as a full time job replying to every message you get and then sometimes hit with abuse

Surely it’s just manners though ? Or is it because we are online that makes the difference ? "

For us it depends on the messages. If someone has took their time to write a nice message we will reply but if we have ones being disrespectful definitely not

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I’m another who searches and puts in the effort.

It’s great you do and fair play to you, I guess your right in saying about sheer volume but I think it comes down to you as an individual in regards to replying, for us seeing someone has messaged and we do have a fairly active inbox believe it or not but I’d reply to every message just out of politeness due to the fact that person has taken time to contact us

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested "

Even if they’re outside my preferences? (I leave my filters off because I play various games on forum threads.)

Even if it’s just “hi”?

Even if it’s “you look like your pussy needs to be pounded hard” (it’s in my profile that it doesn’t).

Even if they’re in a relationship? (It’s clear in my profile I don’t play with attached men)

No one owes you a reply. Just because you think you’re sending a good message, doesn’t mean the recipient does.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"If i like the profile i’ll engage first, message, wink, fab pics etc. I'm ok with no replies coming back and don't need a no thanks message. As someone else said meeting folk in clubs is far easier that using fab sometimes. Xxx"

It’s all down to personal preference I guess a lot of people love the clubs and us for example have no interest in them, but fair play for taking the bull by the horns and seeking out what you want

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"I’m another who searches and puts in the effort.

I woke up to 280 this morning. Not high numbers, but enough.

And see my post above as to why many don’t get a reply

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By *unsexual MemelordWoman
over a year ago

Midlothian

It's worth remembering that for some people, fab is only a tiny slice of life. It's a low priority for many, so being ultra selective with our engagement doesn't feel like a problem.

Also, single gals have to consider their safety, more so than I think some folk realise. That can mean being very picky with who we message, as well as how much we engage at all.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"It's worth remembering that for some people, fab is only a tiny slice of life. It's a low priority for many, so being ultra selective with our engagement doesn't feel like a problem.

Also, single gals have to consider their safety, more so than I think some folk realise. That can mean being very picky with who we message, as well as how much we engage at all.

As much as we respect the safety comment I am not sure that’s relative to how we select and message people, let’s be honest I am sure Ted Bundy didn’t have serial rapist and murder plastered all over his Fab profile hence we would avoid him like the plague, again being picky there’s no issue with that and the comment was aimed more at the larger selection of singles that don’t even attempt to engage first in any kind of way.

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By *ilthyRacersCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

If women (or anyone) reply to someone then if they later block all guys (for example) then every single one that’s had a polite “no thank you” reply is exempt from the block as the algorithm sees that as a two way conversation.

That’s one of the big reasons people don’t reply to every message that they get, as well as the abuse that tends to come back from a polite no.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

That’s one of the big reasons people don’t reply to every message that they get, as well as the abuse that tends to come back from a polite no. "

Can we block individuals on here ?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested "

Why? Does verbally saying no thanks make anything better? A no reply is a no thank you (fab rules)

Plus once you've replied if you then block men that person can still message, a big majority of men and women in our case don't take a no thank you well, leave the inbox open to abuse.

Plus why should I reply to -

People who send 1 word.

Flash their unwanted cock in my box.

Haven't read our profile.

Our of our age ranges.

Why is it down to me to respond to people who shouldn't have messaged in the 1st place??

Mrs

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By *tagmeupMan
over a year ago

wirral

Unfortunately it is very heavily weighted against the single male

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested

Why? Does verbally saying no thanks make anything better? A no reply is a no thank you (fab rules)

Plus once you've replied if you then block men that person can still message, a big majority of men and women in our case don't take a no thank you well, leave the inbox open to abuse.

Plus why should I reply to -

People who send 1 word.

Flash their unwanted cock in my box.

Haven't read our profile.

Our of our age ranges.

Why is it down to me to respond to people who shouldn't have messaged in the 1st place??

Mrs "

I’d agree with part of this not reading profiles, being down right disrespectful or putting little effort in, I’d 100% agree don’t reply, but for a decent genuine bloke putting the hard yards in just a simple thanks but no thanks I don’t think is too much to ask for I also think your point about rejecting someone is fair but it’s part of the process isn’t it and should someone be on fab at all if they can’t handle taking no as an answer.

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By *onicZMan
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

I know of one female that looks through, reads profiles, sends winks and messages and even replies to almost every message.

Would be nice if more were like that but no one owes anyone anything here so each have their own way of using the site I guess

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By *onderWomanWlvWoman
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I don't meet loads off here (mostly for safety reasons), I usually meet people in clubs spontaneously. But I've met, I don't know exactly, somewhere in the region of 15 to 20 single men off here, and the majority of the time I was the one initiating contact. I get really disengaged with this site though, it's exhausting being treated the way a lot of men treat me in their messages. So I cycle through blocking single men, hiding my profile etc, and come back to it when my resilience has had time to recharge. Would be nice if I didn't have to do that though

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By *678Man
over a year ago

Surrey

No need for females to be active in seeking playmates as the numbers speak for themselves.

You could literally remove the search function for women and they’ll not notice it.

It would be VERY intriguing to see what the ratio of men to women is on here, but THAT I’d imagine is the reason.

FAR more men than women

Plus, more chance men would drop standards to get laid, whilst women generally wouldn’t.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested

Why? Does verbally saying no thanks make anything better? A no reply is a no thank you (fab rules)

Plus once you've replied if you then block men that person can still message, a big majority of men and women in our case don't take a no thank you well, leave the inbox open to abuse.

Plus why should I reply to -

People who send 1 word.

Flash their unwanted cock in my box.

Haven't read our profile.

Our of our age ranges.

Why is it down to me to respond to people who shouldn't have messaged in the 1st place??

Mrs

You may change your mind after a few months of polite no thank you's

and the abuse in return.

I used to do that the no thank you's.

Definitely not anymore.

Mrs

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By *empusMan
over a year ago

Poole

Yes, definitely, but I don’t blame them.

Being seeing a woman recently and we were chatting the other day... she’s been on fab for quite a while and had a fair few meets but had no idea how to use the site, she didn’t even know how to update her status. She’s not dumb she has just never needed anything other than a mailbox. At first this was quite surprising but I get it.

Sure she would have better meets if she looked for exactly what she wanted but to be honest I think that would also attract even more attention which may then become unmanageable.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"When you have sent a message it would be nice to get a reply even if it’s to say you are not interested

Why? Does verbally saying no thanks make anything better? A no reply is a no thank you (fab rules)

Plus once you've replied if you then block men that person can still message, a big majority of men and women in our case don't take a no thank you well, leave the inbox open to abuse.

Plus why should I reply to -

People who send 1 word.

Flash their unwanted cock in my box.

Haven't read our profile.

Our of our age ranges.

Why is it down to me to respond to people who shouldn't have messaged in the 1st place??

Mrs

You may change your mind after a few months of polite no thank you's

and the abuse in return.

I used to do that the no thank you's.

Definitely not anymore.

Mrs "

You may well be right, but once that time comes for us it’ll be the right time to bow out I’d think, like I say it’s just down to personal approach and not a disagreement we all have our own ways

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

You may change your mind after a few months of polite no thank you's

and the abuse in return.

I used to do that the no thank you's.

Definitely not anymore.

Mrs "

Oh yes… if it’s a decent message I do generally reply. Then sometimes regret it - “I know you said, but…” or “I am in the area a couple of times a month though.”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like to just rely on my inbox which is dead at the moment because I'm hidden haha.

If I'm meeting then I will actively seek out people that interest me initially either by messaging or winking and take it from there.

I think if the ratios were different then people would be more proactive for sure but they're not.

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

I have an analogy to sort of explain this…

If you’re a fisherman out in your boat, and hundreds of fish are literally throwing themselves into your boat constantly….

Would you spend your time dangling your line in the water while your boat becomes overloaded…..

or would you just sort through the ones on deck that you want to keep and throw the rest back?

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

People get to use fab however they want. Yes if they complain you can advise them to be more proactive but many of us only just about cope with incoming messages and continued conversations.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

[Removed by poster at 03/08/23 10:10:39]

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I have an analogy to sort of explain this…

If you’re a fisherman out in your boat, and hundreds of fish are literally throwing themselves into your boat constantly….

Would you spend your time dangling your line in the water while your boat becomes overloaded…..

or would you just sort through the ones on deck that you want to keep and throw the rest back?"

Hahaha great analogy love it, but what about that prized mackerel that needs a bit more effort ? How will you ever bag the prized asset haha love it, 100% my fave response so far

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"People get to use fab however they want. Yes if they complain you can advise them to be more proactive but many of us only just about cope with incoming messages and continued conversations."

Very true and we certainly at no point have said anyone must do anything, but there’s also a lot of these people are highly negative about it so we think it’s a more than viable question to ask

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I don't like to just rely on my inbox which is dead at the moment because I'm hidden haha.

If I'm meeting then I will actively seek out people that interest me initially either by messaging or winking and take it from there.

I think if the ratios were different then people would be more proactive for sure but they're not. "

So in a sense you kind of agree obviously aside from your own personal approach

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

I totally understand I’m not your target audience but I’ll try to explain anyway in hope it sheds some light on your question.

It’s really not that difficult to manage an overflowing inbox. Put filters on, hide your profile, don’t post explicit pictures or horny updates, simple as that really. Or if it’s what you like to do, be prepared to deal with it, within your capacity.

Women do engage with whom they want to engage but still we are being left with fantasists, people who will ghost on some point, dishonest people, the ones who won’t read the profile or just life, in general.

There’s no simple answer for that.

I like to attend fab socials and make real face to face connections. It saves all the fab frustration, you know exactly with who you are going to click (or not) and just take it from there.

Hope it helps a little.

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By *r SensualMan
over a year ago

London

I wouldn’t say single women on here are lazy because I’ve had a few directly reach out to me unexpectedly on a number of occasions and I’m able to meet/connect with plenty when I attend clubs and parties.

Biology and old fashioned societal values demonstrate that some women prefer to be the chasee as opposed to the chaser and this site fully perpetuates that. The lack of interaction and engagement (from some) also does to tend harbour a level of resentment to a certain degree from unsuccessful chasers.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I totally understand I’m not your target audience but I’ll try to explain anyway in hope it sheds some light on your question.

There’s no simple answer for that.

I like to attend fab socials and make real face to face connections. It saves all the fab frustration, you know exactly with who you are going to click (or not) and just take it from there.

Hope it helps a little."

Great reply, thank you.

I think in reply to your women do engage with whom they want too part that’s the same for all of us I’d think and it’s a massive part of the issue fab has it’s not just specific to women, but your right about the social side of it over all of your genuine the sooner you can move it off fab to meeting in person the sooner your going to tell if your going to have a meaningful experience in what ever route that is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have an analogy to sort of explain this…

If you’re a fisherman out in your boat, and hundreds of fish are literally throwing themselves into your boat constantly….

Would you spend your time dangling your line in the water while your boat becomes overloaded…..

or would you just sort through the ones on deck that you want to keep and throw the rest back?"

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I wouldn’t say single women on here are lazy because I’ve had a few directly reach out to me unexpectedly on a number of occasions and I’m able to meet/connect with plenty when I attend clubs and parties.

Great reply, thanks

why was it unexpected for them to reach out ?

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

If the female in your couple was single, would she send messages? I don't send them when I meet as a single woman, mainly because when I have I have experienced pressure to meet when I may be trying to work out if the guy is for me. As for couples, I would only meet these with N as that's what feels most comfortable for me. I meet women alone - not from fab.

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By *r SensualMan
over a year ago

London

Great reply, thanks

why was it unexpected for them to reach out ? "

I was surprised that my profile had caught someone’s attention

whenever a woman/couple message first, I always ask them specifically what stood out about my profile? They have 100’s to choose from so why me? Kinda to see if they’ve actually read my profile because l like to think it covers quite a lot

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

"Before we get a barrage of hate, hear us out. Would Fab be better if more single females took time to search for people rather than relying on their bulging inbox’s, from our experiences as singles and as a couple on here and discussing it with people we’ve met on Fab, women don’t exactly engage with the process as a whole, very rarely will you get a message first from a single lady, very rarely a fab on a pic, very rarely anything really unless you attempt to engage with them first, we understand women can get fixated on their bulging inbox but by doing such are they missing out on potentially amazing meets and people ?"

I actively search for what I want. My profile is set so I don't get loads of messages.. that or I don't appeal to people. I go to clubs and find what I want that way.

Fab for me is more about keeping in touch with friends and seeing what's on and where x

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"If the female in your couple was single, would she send messages? I don't send them when I meet as a single woman, mainly because when I have I have experienced pressure to meet when I may be trying to work out if the guy is for me. As for couples, I would only meet these with N as that's what feels most comfortable for me. I meet women alone - not from fab."

She has prior to us being together and did reply

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Great reply, thanks

why was it unexpected for them to reach out ?

I was surprised that my profile had caught someone’s attention

That’s fair enough and shows your really approaching it in the right way so fair play to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If a woman Fabs a pic the person tends to think she will guarantee a fuck with them. Same for any interaction. If I message first then decide they're not for me they often get annoyed. "Why did you message me if you won't fuck me??!!"

Many men have shit profiles. Look through hundreds to find one with decent text and no cock pics.

However when I'm arranging a fantasy scenario I always go looking for someone specific. Works great.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

I actively search for what I want. My profile is set so I don't get loads of messages.. that or I don't appeal to people. I go to clubs and find what I want that way.

Fab for me is more about keeping in touch with friends and seeing what's on and where x"

As long as your profile states that you only want contact with friends then no issue from us you’re totally entitled to use it In that manner I’d say

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By *ink and inkedCouple
over a year ago

Essex

Having been a single lady and in a couple I can honestly say I never ever had to message anyone to meet as a single lady

That’s not me blowing smoke up my arse haha that is just how it is for most if not all single ladies on here

We do not get anywhere near as many messages as a couple compared to single

So yes, I was a pretty lazy fabber as a solo lol

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Many men have shit profiles. Look through hundreds to find one with decent text and no cock pics.

However when I'm arranging a fantasy scenario I always go looking for someone specific. Works great.

Shit profiles aren’t just on men trust me some couples and women have pretty awful profiles

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Having been a single lady and in a couple I can honestly say I never ever had to message anyone to meet as a single lady

That’s not me blowing smoke up my arse haha that is just how it is for most if not all single ladies on here

We do not get anywhere near as many messages as a couple compared to single

So yes, I was a pretty lazy fabber as a solo lol

Respect for the honesty, love it hahaha

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By *ink and inkedCouple
over a year ago

Essex

"Having been a single lady and in a couple I can honestly say I never ever had to message anyone to meet as a single lady

That’s not me blowing smoke up my arse haha that is just how it is for most if not all single ladies on here

We do not get anywhere near as many messages as a couple compared to single

So yes, I was a pretty lazy fabber as a solo lol

Respect for the honesty, love it hahaha

Haha I’m nothing but honest

Trouble is , single girls are fought out by everyone on the site really

Often thought it would be nice if the fab filters were more detailed to find play wise what you are after ?

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Having been a single lady and in a couple I can honestly say I never ever had to message anyone to meet as a single lady

That’s not me blowing smoke up my arse haha that is just how it is for most if not all single ladies on here

We do not get anywhere near as many messages as a couple compared to single

So yes, I was a pretty lazy fabber as a solo lol

Respect for the honesty, love it hahaha

Haha I’m nothing but honest

Trouble is , single girls are fought out by everyone on the site really

Often thought it would be nice if the fab filters were more detailed to find play wise what you are after ? "

That’s a pretty good idea though to maybe expand the filters a bit more based on play preference etc especially for incoming messages

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By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

There are definitely genuine single women that have positive influence even if it's for different reasons, Prey is sheer sexual danger and has gravity, Meli is just the sweetest person ever as, but fairly certain both of them would absolutely ruin the average silhouette person for ordinary women. But just based on their forum posts you can tell they put thought and effort into their words.

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By *rsPricklePantsWoman
over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

"Im sure there are a few "ladies" profile that engage with other ppl but they tend to be fakes or timewasters."

That's obviously where I'm going wrong then as I have a single female account although I will make first contact, wink, fab and message but obviously that makes me a fake and a timewaster, at least now I know why I get so much abuse out of nowhere, get stood up, have people ghost me or just vanish because I'm the fake

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By *atandasmileMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Im sure there are a few "ladies" profile that engage with other ppl but they tend to be fakes or timewasters."

I'll just add a data point by saying that this isn't my experience. In my experience the ladies who contact me are much, much more likely to be genuinely interested.

I would agree that it probably makes sense for ladies to initiate contact - because the male/female ratio means it's more likely to result in something the lady in question actually wants. But I'm not going to speak to whether women are usually doing that or not - that's outside my wheelhouse

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By *r SensualMan
over a year ago

London

Great reply, thanks

why was it unexpected for them to reach out ?

I was surprised that my profile had caught someone’s attention

That’s fair enough and shows your really approaching it in the right way so fair play to you

I believe it’s a simple case of getting out what I’ve put in over time and coming on here with reasonable expectations

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I have to disagree, we get fabs from women and 1st messages too.

I don't think many rely on their overflowing inbox from our experience and meets they've actively engaged with us equally.

Mrs "

This.

Since becoming a single again I've noticed messages, winks and fabs from single women.

They're not lazy.

They just use the site more sensibly than many men and couples and don't go for a scattergun approach. They're more selective in who they engage with.

Which quite frankly is how everyone should operate on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Many men have shit profiles. Look through hundreds to find one with decent text and no cock pics.

However when I'm arranging a fantasy scenario I always go looking for someone specific. Works great.

Shit profiles aren’t just on men trust me some couples and women have pretty awful profiles "

I do.

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I’m just head to read the comments

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I’m just head to read the comments

Hahaha

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By *edHeelsCplCouple
over a year ago

Kenilworth

Ladies don't need to do much at all. A unicorn is a unicorn/goddess. They always were and always will be.

I think Tove Lo said it perfectly in her recent track "Pineapple Slice"

"You say it's hard to find love in the clubs

That's not true for a girl, we are lucky enough"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem I find us alot of them have zero patience and can't see the sarcasm. Likely from there experience on here.

The amount of attention some get on here who frankly wouldn't get any attention offline certainly goes to a few to many heads

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I send lots of first messages. I only attend clubs though.

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"The problem I find us alot of them have zero patience and can't see the sarcasm. Likely from there experience on here.

The amount of attention some get on here who frankly wouldn't get any attention offline certainly goes to a few to many heads "

Great attitude, I’m sure it will take you far on fab!

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By *eneralKenobiMan
over a year ago

North Angus

#notallwomans

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

I don’t think women are lazy on fab, they just don’t need to make as much effort to get laid.

Supply and demand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think it is fair to generalise- I’ve met some lovely single women on here.

I guess it is a bit of “ luck of the draw” as quite clearly single women get bombarded by men and not all of it is very nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The problem I find us alot of them have zero patience and can't see the sarcasm. Likely from there experience on here.

The amount of attention some get on here who frankly wouldn't get any attention offline certainly goes to a few to many heads

Great attitude, I’m sure it will take you far on fab!"

Exactly

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By *atandasmileMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"I don’t think women are lazy on fab, they just don’t need to make as much effort to get laid.

Supply and demand."

Indeed. I watched an interesting video on YouTube modelling dating apps and showing how the skewed ratio coupled with the way they work means almost no one gets what they want.

I'm not sure if you're allowed to post YouTube links in here but the title is why men get so few matches on dating apps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most single ladies get alot of messages and like us, most just attend clubs.

Clubs are the best way to meet people. Don't have to deal with time wasters, no ping pong messaging for months on end. Just attend and chat to loads of lovely people.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I don’t think it is fair to generalise- I’ve met some lovely single women on here.

I guess it is a bit of “ luck of the draw” as quite clearly single women get bombarded by men and not all of it is very nice

It’s a questioned based around ours and people we have spoke too experience so not exactly a generalisation as such, theres a whole lot of comments above that confirm that

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By *urhamgirl92Woman
over a year ago

Durham

Pillow princess here

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Most single ladies get alot of messages and like us, most just attend clubs.

Clubs are the best way to meet people. Don't have to deal with time wasters, no ping pong messaging for months on end. Just attend and chat to loads of lovely people.

Clubs are clearly a big part of the scene but not the be all and end all, I for one aren’t keen on them at all I find them quiet clicky and boring at times, everyone has their own ways of doing it I guess

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Pillow princess here

Hahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The problem I find us alot of them have zero patience and can't see the sarcasm. Likely from there experience on here.

The amount of attention some get on here who frankly wouldn't get any attention offline certainly goes to a few to many heads

Great attitude, I’m sure it will take you far on fab!"

Ive done pretty well on here over the years. I say it how I see it and I'm not taking about everyone.

Don't think I'm saying there's not some lovely women on here or just women overwhelmed. But also some massively stuck up women who would not get any attention at a bar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The problem I find us alot of them have zero patience and can't see the sarcasm. Likely from there experience on here.

The amount of attention some get on here who frankly wouldn't get any attention offline certainly goes to a few to many heads

Great attitude, I’m sure it will take you far on fab!

Ive done pretty well on here over the years. I say it how I see it and I'm not taking about everyone.

Don't think I'm saying there's not some lovely women on here or just women overwhelmed. But also some massively stuck up women who would not get any attention at a bar.

And why do you think they wouldn’t get attention at a bar?

What a shallow statement to make

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't receive many messages so I definitely do my own searching and will send first messages. I'm here to enjoy the swinging scene so I am pro-active in searching for what I'm seeking.

I also attended clubs and social events and will approach people and make an effort.

I don't see why people just sit back and wait for others to come to them.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

I don't think they're lazy as such, I just think we're not what they're after! - Xeno

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The problem I find us alot of them have zero patience and can't see the sarcasm. Likely from there experience on here.

The amount of attention some get on here who frankly wouldn't get any attention offline certainly goes to a few to many heads

Great attitude, I’m sure it will take you far on fab!

Ive done pretty well on here over the years. I say it how I see it and I'm not taking about everyone.

Don't think I'm saying there's not some lovely women on here or just women overwhelmed. But also some massively stuck up women who would not get any attention at a bar.

And why do you think they wouldn’t get attention at a bar?

What a shallow statement to make

Shallow, how?

Okay any or little attention. Im just pointing out those who don't look after themselves go about slagging men off or calling men out on here. Generally being stuck up. I don't see that in real life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The problem I find us alot of them have zero patience and can't see the sarcasm. Likely from there experience on here.

The amount of attention some get on here who frankly wouldn't get any attention offline certainly goes to a few to many heads

Great attitude, I’m sure it will take you far on fab!

Ive done pretty well on here over the years. I say it how I see it and I'm not taking about everyone.

Don't think I'm saying there's not some lovely women on here or just women overwhelmed. But also some massively stuck up women who would not get any attention at a bar.

And why do you think they wouldn’t get attention at a bar?

What a shallow statement to make

Shallow, how?

Okay any or little attention. Im just pointing out those who don't look after themselves go about slagging men off or calling men out on here. Generally being stuck up. I don't see that in real life.

Sorry but how do you they don’t look after themselves?

Shallow because you are going on about how someone looks and that decides the attention they would get in a bar.

I’d rather speak to someone who was funny than who was maybe less personally attractive to me

That’s very shallow.. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different tastes.

Just because you say you like to say it how it doesn’t give you the right to mean about others.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Let’s not be offensive folks, not cool. Fair enough speak your mind and be open about how you feel but do it in a respectful manner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think in the main there's just no need for girls to go out and message lots of guys, it's not laziness. A girl on here will naturally recieve hundreds of messages a day just by being online, it's practically a full time job to keep that replied to and up to date; why add a load more time messaging people when there's already conversations to be had?

The difference for guys is that if they don't send any messages then they won't get any, so they have to put the effort in

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"The problem I find us alot of them have zero patience and can't see the sarcasm. Likely from there experience on here.

The amount of attention some get on here who frankly wouldn't get any attention offline certainly goes to a few to many heads

Great attitude, I’m sure it will take you far on fab!

Ive done pretty well on here over the years. I say it how I see it and I'm not taking about everyone.

Don't think I'm saying there's not some lovely women on here or just women overwhelmed. But also some massively stuck up women who would not get any attention at a bar.

And why do you think they wouldn’t get attention at a bar?

What a shallow statement to make

Shallow, how?

Okay any or little attention. Im just pointing out those who don't look after themselves go about slagging men off or calling men out on here. Generally being stuck up. I don't see that in real life.

Sorry but how do you they don’t look after themselves?

Shallow because you are going on about how someone looks and that decides the attention they would get in a bar.

I’d rather speak to someone who was funny than who was maybe less personally attractive to me

That’s very shallow.. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has different tastes.

Just because you say you like to say it how it doesn’t give you the right to mean about others. "

Schroedinger’s woman, simultaneously someone a man wants to fuck and also a fat slag who doesn’t look after herself.

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

When I was meeting, I hardly ever met from people messaging me, mostly people I'd messaged in the first place.

But in general I don't look for couples (I've had some really bad experiences with couples) so don't message them much, if ever...

Personally as far as 'fabs' on pictures go... I don't really look at pictures so don't tend to fab them much. And has others have said, too many people think a fab from a woman = automatic vagina dispenser.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to message single guys. But similar to vanilla world if I'm the one doing the 'chasing' the guys aren't particularly interested!

I'd rather engage with a guy who's messaged me first, at least that way I know they're interested in me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am always 'bulging'

But, certainly not my 'inbox' on (Fab...) lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's so much of that on here!

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I used to message single guys. But similar to vanilla world if I'm the one doing the 'chasing' the guys aren't particularly interested!

I'd rather engage with a guy who's messaged me first, at least that way I know they're interested in me! "

What if men did the same though ?

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

So to summarise Fabs broken !

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I used to message single guys. But similar to vanilla world if I'm the one doing the 'chasing' the guys aren't particularly interested!

I'd rather engage with a guy who's messaged me first, at least that way I know they're interested in me! "

I don't think anyone should be chasing.

Vanilla world or Fab. It should always be 100% mutual effort. Of course one has to make the first move, but once interest/attraction has been generated at some level then it's the responsibility of both parties to put the same time, effort and energy in.

That goes whether you're a single woman perceived as being in high demand or a single guy seen as less so.

It's just about two people. Neither is more important than the other. Both are equal in any 'relationship' whether just for casual meets, regular or anything more.

Any inequality between the two just puts one on a pedestal and requires the other to do the chasing. And that isn't a beneficial situation for anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have to disagree, we get fabs from women and 1st messages too.

I don't think many rely on their overflowing inbox from our experience and meets they've actively engaged with us equally.

Mrs "

Same, lots of single women message first including myself

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

On rare occasions I have reached out to people who've piqued my interest on here.

But most of my time here is emptying the shit from the inbox and passing about on the forums.

I wouldn't call it laziness for me so much as I'm not particularly interested in actually finding new people in the first place, so I don't tend to look and when I do it has to be something that really stands out for me to initiate contact.

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"So to summarise Fabs broken ! "

I wouldn’t say that, it’s making the assumption that a) there is one correct way to use fab, in reality there are as many ways to se fab as there are users. And b) fab is a utopia of fairness.

Some people come to fab and think all they have to do is wave their dick about and a thousand horny women are going to jump on it. They fail to realise that fab is it’s own economy. To generalise a little you could say that men are the product and women are the consumers. There are a lot more products than consumers, so as in any economy the products have to compete for the attention of the consumers, this in turn gives the consumer all the power.

The consumer gets to pick and choose, they set their rules and use fab as they see fit. Good products will get more attention, which in turn gives them the power, and they can become too expensive for some of the consumers. So they get to set their own rules and use fab as they see fit.

Sadly, most of the products are condemned to rot where they sit, or whither on the vine, unless they change the way they advertise themselves, and so they create different ways to use fab. Those products who do not get selected by consumers, and never change will never have success.

Fab is essentially capitalism, and a microcosm of our society, with one major difference, the women have far more power here. Sadly, there are some men who don’t like this and react badly, lots complaining on forums but others being abusive by private messaging.

Fab isn’t broken, it’s just different to what people have grown used to, and that is very difficult for some to take. The man who says he wouldn’t look at a particular woman in a bar is now vying for her attention, and most of the time she has better offers, that doesn’t go down well. It’s the same for couples, who are somewhere in the middle. We couples largely have to do the chasing with the ‘powerful’ women and follow their rules, whereas we can afford to be picky with the men as, in the fab economy, they are weak and ten a penny, so we set the rules.

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By *osweet69Couple
over a year ago

portsmouth

"I used to message single guys. But similar to vanilla world if I'm the one doing the 'chasing' the guys aren't particularly interested!

I'd rather engage with a guy who's messaged me first, at least that way I know they're interested in me! "
Like most things in life if it is not worth work for than it is not worth having.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"So to summarise Fabs broken !

I wouldn’t say that, it’s making the assumption that a) there is one correct way to use fab, in reality there are as many ways to se fab as there are users. And b) fab is a utopia of fairness.

Thanks for such an eloquent response, that’s a great description of the way fab is currently and a brilliant likening. That said it misses my point of my original question maybe I am expecting too much from a online world where little respect is paid by some section of all groups, Fab can set its rules, people can act as they so see fit, that doesn’t make it right but hey such is life I am sure if we all just rolled over and tickled each others belly’s swinging would be so much better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Fab Economy perfectly explained. Heh

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"So to summarise Fabs broken !

I wouldn’t say that, it’s making the assumption that a) there is one correct way to use fab, in reality there are as many ways to se fab as there are users. And b) fab is a utopia of fairness.

I think the only way to enjoy fab is to see it for what it is, and adjust your expectations accordingly. Men who get pissy because they are turned down by a woman they wouldn’t look at inns bar should probably just go out to a bar when they want to get laid. Or, alternatively, reflect on why they, as a single male, is on fab trying to attract the attention of women, rather than going to a bar and doing it.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"So to summarise Fabs broken !

I wouldn’t say that, it’s making the assumption that a) there is one correct way to use fab, in reality there are as many ways to se fab as there are users. And b) fab is a utopia of fairness.

That guys who I may add was pretty disrespectful has really pissed you off mind, I’d not let it bother you like you say in your description of fab as it is, it is what it is

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"So to summarise Fabs broken !

I wouldn’t say that, it’s making the assumption that a) there is one correct way to use fab, in reality there are as many ways to se fab as there are users. And b) fab is a utopia of fairness.

That guys who I may add was pretty disrespectful has really pissed you off mind, I’d not let it bother you like you say in your description of fab as it is, it is what it is "

I’m using that as an example, the fora are full of misogynistic bullshit like that, and that just happens to be on this thread.

Ultimately more to be pitied than hated.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I've not received a first message in over three years now (filters).

That being said, I don't send many (even before I gave up!), because finding a profile that inspires me in any way is almost as rare as me winning the lottery (given I don't buy lottery tickets)

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"So to summarise Fabs broken !

I wouldn’t say that, it’s making the assumption that a) there is one correct way to use fab, in reality there are as many ways to se fab as there are users. And b) fab is a utopia of fairness.

That guys who I may add was pretty disrespectful has really pissed you off mind, I’d not let it bother you like you say in your description of fab as it is, it is what it is

I’m using that as an example, the fora are full of misogynistic bullshit like that, and that just happens to be on this thread.

Ultimately more to be pitied than hated."

Unfortunately I’d have to agree but hence why it works the other way also and why men, couples and women could equally be as miffed by what could potentially be seen as ignorance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to message single guys. But similar to vanilla world if I'm the one doing the 'chasing' the guys aren't particularly interested!

I'd rather engage with a guy who's messaged me first, at least that way I know they're interested in me!

What if men did the same though ? "

Good point! And I guess at that stage I would be forced to change tactics accordingly. For now this way seems to be working

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I used to message single guys. But similar to vanilla world if I'm the one doing the 'chasing' the guys aren't particularly interested!

I'd rather engage with a guy who's messaged me first, at least that way I know they're interested in me!

What if men did the same though ?

Good point! And I guess at that stage I would be forced to change tactics accordingly. For now this way seems to be working "

Good luck with the tactics and I hope there isn’t a fab revolute that would inspire a change of thinking

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"So to summarise Fabs broken ! "

I like Fab, I think it works pretty well to be fair. It’s a social tool for me.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

"Having been a single lady and in a couple I can honestly say I never ever had to message anyone to meet as a single lady

That’s not me blowing smoke up my arse haha that is just how it is for most if not all single ladies on here

We do not get anywhere near as many messages as a couple compared to single

So yes, I was a pretty lazy fabber as a solo lol

You are gorgeous

. Ms

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By *astesLikeMagicWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle

Who would fab be better for if SF did this?

And who says they don't.

I go searching, I rarely find a profile I want to engage with

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Who would fab be better for if SF did this?

And who says they don't.

I go searching, I rarely find a profile I want to engage with"

Who says they don’t well from our experience of Fab and speaking to other people on Fab aside from SF those people, we’ve also spoken to numerous single females themselves that admit it, in-fact most single females commenting on here admit to it but give arguments as to why. So that’s who would say they don’t. Who would fab be better for ? Everyone is think including single women. And fair play for searching yourself your a credit to site and should be applauded for approaching it in the right manner in our opinion

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By *ink and inkedCouple
over a year ago

Essex

"Having been a single lady and in a couple I can honestly say I never ever had to message anyone to meet as a single lady

That’s not me blowing smoke up my arse haha that is just how it is for most if not all single ladies on here

We do not get anywhere near as many messages as a couple compared to single

So yes, I was a pretty lazy fabber as a solo lol

You are gorgeous

. Ms"

Thank you

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Who would fab be better for if SF did this?

And who says they don't.

I go searching, I rarely find a profile I want to engage with

To the extent I engage with anyone new, I *do* start all contact myself. All of it.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

With far fewer women here than men, if we all picked our favourites to message, it would still seem like men don't get contacted - probably a similar dynamic for women contacting couples.

Ultimately, if the only people who aren't satisfied with the status quo are those who complain, then it may well be that the others have things under their control, the way that they prefer it to be.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Who would fab be better for if SF did this?

And who says they don't.

I go searching, I rarely find a profile I want to engage with

To the extent I engage with anyone new, I *do* start all contact myself. All of it."

That’s great and fair play in our opinion that’s the best way to do it

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

"With far fewer women here than men, if we all picked our favourites to message, it would still seem like men don't get contacted - probably a similar dynamic for women contacting couples.

Ultimately, if the only people who aren't satisfied with the status quo are those who complain, then it may well be that the others have things under their control, the way that they prefer it to be.

I’d say the complaining on the status updates/forums is fair equal so not necessarily, the question wasn’t posted based on male opinion alone

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Who would fab be better for if SF did this?

And who says they don't.

I go searching, I rarely find a profile I want to engage with

To the extent I engage with anyone new, I *do* start all contact myself. All of it.

That’s great and fair play in our opinion that’s the best way to do it

I find it close to fruitless, because I contact almost no one.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Who would fab be better for if SF did this?

And who says they don't.

I go searching, I rarely find a profile I want to engage with

To the extent I engage with anyone new, I *do* start all contact myself. All of it.

That’s great and fair play in our opinion that’s the best way to do it

I find it close to fruitless, because I contact almost no one."

I am lost here

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By *atandasmileMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"if we all just rolled over and tickled each others belly’s swinging would be so much better

Can I vote this approach up please?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Who would fab be better for if SF did this?

And who says they don't.

I go searching, I rarely find a profile I want to engage with

To the extent I engage with anyone new, I *do* start all contact myself. All of it.

That’s great and fair play in our opinion that’s the best way to do it

I find it close to fruitless, because I contact almost no one.

I am lost here "

- you think women are lazy because we don't initiate contact

- I do start contact

- you say, good job, that's the way it ought to be

- I say, well, it kind of sucks for me, because I rarely find anyone I want to contact

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most single fems are here for the online attention, rarely any meet and those that are genuine will meet at clubs

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

[Removed by poster at 03/08/23 18:17:33]

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

Who would fab be better for if SF did this?

And who says they don't.

I go searching, I rarely find a profile I want to engage with

To the extent I engage with anyone new, I *do* start all contact myself. All of it.

That’s great and fair play in our opinion that’s the best way to do it

I find it close to fruitless, because I contact almost no one.

I am lost here

- you think women are lazy because we don't initiate contact

- I do start contact

- you say, good job, that's the way it ought to be

- I say, well, it kind of sucks for me, because I rarely find anyone I want to contact"

That’s a shame

really sorry to hear that

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By *rsPricklePantsWoman
over a year ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

Most single fems are here for the online attention, rarely any meet and those that are genuine will meet at clubs "

So because I don't like clubs I'm not genuine that's obviously another of my floors then explains a lot

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Most single fems are here for the online attention, rarely any meet and those that are genuine will meet at clubs "

Don't worry, I've set my profile up to minimise attention too

If anyone cares that I've got brown hair, then hey, more power to them. Everything else is friends/ private.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

OP about 17 different women have said we actively search and make/have made first contact. A couple of those have said it’s very hard to find someone they want like, but they’re still putting in the effort. Hardly lazy.

3 or 4 others have commented but not said either way - or stated they used to but got sick of all the crap.

It feels like you’ve put a generalised statement out there (fair play, it’s created debate), been given examples that disprove it but you’re still determined to see it your way.

It’s also starting to feel a little like you’re telling us how to use the site - we should be replying to all messages or we aren’t respectful and should be contacting more people.

A broader way to make the site better, to use your word, would be for users to read profiles, contact people they may actually match with and free everyone up to spend time talking to those they may connect with instead of becoming jaded.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"OP about 17 different women have said we actively search and make/have made first contact. A couple of those have said it’s very hard to find someone they want like, but they’re still putting in the effort. Hardly lazy.

3 or 4 others have commented but not said either way - or stated they used to but got sick of all the crap.

It feels like you’ve put a generalised statement out there (fair play, it’s created debate), been given examples that disprove it but you’re still determined to see it your way.

It’s also starting to feel a little like you’re telling us how to use the site - we should be replying to all messages or we aren’t respectful and should be contacting more people.

It does feel like "I wish more women would contact us"

Fair play, people are allowed to wish that people would contact them. But there are reasons why people don't, and the only thing you can change is what you do yourself. (I've turned my filters as high as they go, for example. I get way less hassle. It's brilliant)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 or 4 others have commented but not said either way - or stated they used to but got sick of all the crap.

It feels like you’ve put a generalised statement out there (fair play, it’s created debate), been given examples that disprove it but you’re still determined to see it your way.

It’s also starting to feel a little like you’re telling us how to use the site - we should be replying to all messages or we aren’t respectful and should be contacting more people.

Exactly

Even if women did most of the messaging we still wouldn't contact someone who we aren't interested in

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

3 or 4 others have commented but not said either way - or stated they used to but got sick of all the crap.

It feels like you’ve put a generalised statement out there (fair play, it’s created debate), been given examples that disprove it but you’re still determined to see it your way.

It’s also starting to feel a little like you’re telling us how to use the site - we should be replying to all messages or we aren’t respectful and should be contacting more people.

Was this aimed at us ? Before I reply to each point

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

[Removed by poster at 03/08/23 18:47:27]

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

3 or 4 others have commented but not said either way - or stated they used to but got sick of all the crap.

It feels like you’ve put a generalised statement out there (fair play, it’s created debate), been given examples that disprove it but you’re still determined to see it your way.

It’s also starting to feel a little like you’re telling us how to use the site - we should be replying to all messages or we aren’t respectful and should be contacting more people.

21 women being defensive over the populous is hardly a reflection on the whole site just as our “question” we posed based on our personal experiences and the handful of couples and single females we’ve spoken too isn’t.

We didn’t pose a statement it was a question based on our experience so therefore wasn’t generalised in anyway as our experience isn’t gospel, yeah it’s caused lively debate and in the main aside from one pretty disrespectful comment I’ve actually enjoyed the back and forth.

At no point have we told anyone to do that we’ve gave no directive to any individual just simply said what we feel is right within our own approach, we certainly aren’t preaching to anyone it’s our opinion to you that may be worthless to some it may not but just because it’s maybe different to your opinion doesn’t devalue it.

Either way no regrets in anything we’ve said or any question we asked that started this thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 or 4 others have commented but not said either way - or stated they used to but got sick of all the crap.

It feels like you’ve put a generalised statement out there (fair play, it’s created debate), been given examples that disprove it but you’re still determined to see it your way.

It’s also starting to feel a little like you’re telling us how to use the site - we should be replying to all messages or we aren’t respectful and should be contacting more people.

Exactly this

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

3 or 4 others have commented but not said either way - or stated they used to but got sick of all the crap.

It feels like you’ve put a generalised statement out there (fair play, it’s created debate), been given examples that disprove it but you’re still determined to see it your way.

It’s also starting to feel a little like you’re telling us how to use the site - we should be replying to all messages or we aren’t respectful and should be contacting more people.

Either way no regrets in anything we’ve said or any question we asked that started this thread

So your opinion is valid and should be considered, but several women's perspective is not, or not representative? Ok.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

3 or 4 others have commented but not said either way - or stated they used to but got sick of all the crap.

It feels like you’ve put a generalised statement out there (fair play, it’s created debate), been given examples that disprove it but you’re still determined to see it your way.

It’s also starting to feel a little like you’re telling us how to use the site - we should be replying to all messages or we aren’t respectful and should be contacting more people.

Either way no regrets in anything we’ve said or any question we asked that started this thread

So your opinion is valid and should be considered, but several women's perspective is not, or not representative? Ok."

I am sorry but you’re clearly not reading what we are saying.

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
over a year ago

your head

Not every single woman has a bulging inbox or relies on it to find new friends. If I'm looking, I'll happily search and my inbox is never overflowing.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

21 women being defensive over the populous is hardly a reflection on the whole site

Sorry, I got distracted laughing at this.

I’m definitely not devaluing it. But I’m finding it ironic that differing opinions are batted off ats defensive and devaluing yours when you’ve asked if women generally on fab are lazy, based on never messaging first, and several have replied that they do.

But good thread OP.

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By *iercedAndTattooedNE6 OP Couple
over a year ago

Newcastle

21 women being defensive over the populous is hardly a reflection on the whole site

Sorry, I got distracted laughing at this.

But good thread OP. "

keep well and happy fabbing, I look forward to winning more lively debates against yourself, it’s been fun

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By *ussle SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

Probably

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I never relied on getting messages. I knew what I wanted, what I was looking for and when I was meeting I had no hesitation to message someone first.....nothing ventured nothing gained.

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