FabSwingers.com forum: D/S dynamic

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey all

I've been wanting to explore being a sub for a little while now but struggling to actually get started

Seems like actually find a man is kind/patient and a genuine dom (not a man with an inflated ego) is mission impossible.

I've been on and off here for a good few years now and was hoping that I would be able to build a friendship/relationship with someone who would be willing to explore/teach me but no such luck.

There are a few other things I'd want to explore but would be subject to me being comfortable.

I have joined the other site but so far finding it really difficult to navigate, has anyone actually been able to find this type of thing on fab or am I better off keeping this profile for vanilla and trying to use my other profile for exploring.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The other site is hard going IMHO... And you'll find there's alot of crossover from here too. Your best best on the T'other site is to look for local munches & events near you

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I thought someone would say that.

I don't really want to go on group socials etc as want to try and keep it as discreet as possible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is in the same boat though aside from a few. The problem as is you'll get a lot of folk claiming one thing with zero substance behind it, and if course that's where problems start

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The key is for me that you have zero expectations of “forming” anything. There has to be a strong mental connection that takes time to build based upon the corner stones of communication, honesty, trust and not judging.

Can it be found on here? Anything can be found on here. But as I’ve said before Dominance does not mean strength and submission does not mean weakness. You both have an equal voice and equal responsibility to make it work.

If you’re new then I suggest research and getting yourself to local munches and talking to people of a similar ilk to you.

Remember it’s your journey, if you find someone to share it with then that’s amazing but do not “settle”. I have seen so much mental damage caused in the lifestyle by both Dominants and submissives who rush in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

You can find what you’re looking for on here and the other site OP but don’t rush things. You need to do your homework first. Find out what your kinks might look like for yourself before you open up to a potential Dom. There are lots of so-called doms on here as well as the other site. It’s taken me 20 years of talking to people in the lifestyle online and IRL to help me find out what I really do want from a play partner or a more serious D/s relationship… of which I’ve had a few.

I hope you find the resources online to help you make a start on your journey

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

It's tricky but can be done. On here it would start with chatting and getting a positive vibe from someone.

I've done it a couple of times on here. We started out online, moving to another messaging app where we created a separate sub space when, once entered, we would create the dynamic before moving to meeting in the real world.

It worked well for us but, as you say, the key is in finding the right person and, unfortunately, that can prove more tricky

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The key is for me that you have zero expectations of “forming” anything. There has to be a strong mental connection that takes time to build based upon the corner stones of communication, honesty, trust and not judging.

If you’re new then I suggest research and getting yourself to local munches and talking to people of a similar ilk to you.

This is really good advice thank you

I don't have any expectations for forming anything with someone specific instead would like to get to know multiple people in order to see who/what works best

And the mental damage part is the reason why I've been so reluctant to explore in the past, I have a grape experience from a few years ago that while I'm over it, it does take me a little while to get comfortable with new male partners

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

And be wary of anyone who claims to be a dom. Lots think they are. The key question to them is, who sets the limits? Depending on their answer that will tell you if they know what it is to be a dom

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"You can find what you’re looking for on here and the other site OP but don’t rush things. You need to do your homework first. Find out what your kinks might look like for yourself before you open up to a potential Dom. There are lots of so-called doms on here as well as the other site. It’s taken me 20 years of talking to people in the lifestyle online and IRL to help me find out what I really do want from a play partner or a more serious D/s relationship… of which I’ve had a few.

I hope you find the resources online to help you make a start on your journey

Yes, lots of men who think being a dom is throwing insults and name calling

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

I hope you find the resources online to help you make a start on your journey

Yes, lots of men who think being a dom is throwing insults and name calling

Or worse

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I hope you find the resources online to help you make a start on your journey

Yes, lots of men who think being a dom is throwing insults and name calling

And a lot worse as my friend has said. I’m happy if you want to message me directly OP. If I can help in anyway. But as others have said. It’s your journey. You must explore it as you see fit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you find the resources online to help you make a start on your journey

Yes, lots of men who think being a dom is throwing insults and name calling

If you're a sub, or a switch in my case. Then the ball is always firmly in your court nobody else's. You choose, you lay down the boundaries, and you vote with both your tongue and feet. If someone is enough to enable you to be submissive for them then that's on them to prove it, not you. But don't settle for less

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"And be wary of anyone who claims to be a dom. Lots think they are. The key question to them is, who sets the limits? Depending on their answer that will tell you if they know what it is to be a dom

Yes, I learned to ask this from early x

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

"And be wary of anyone who claims to be a dom. Lots think they are. The key question to them is, who sets the limits? Depending on their answer that will tell you if they know what it is to be a dom

Yes, I learned to ask this from early x"

Then you are starting from a good position. As the lovely lady has said, feel free to message if you would like any other guidance. She knows what she is talking about

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By *ostindreamsMan
over a year ago

London

When it comes to D/s dynamics, the best to go about is to meet people in munches and kink events. You get a real vibe about the person and not some fake image they try to create online.

I recommend starting with munches and then going to the events.

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Put seven Dom’s in a room, you will get nine different answers.

Put seven subs in a room, you will get one..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When it comes to D/s dynamics, the best to go about is to meet people in munches and kink events. You get a real vibe about the person and not some fake image they try to create online.

I recommend starting with munches and then going to the events."

Which is pretty much what I said in the first reply to OP, and she said no she hates that idea.. Until a bloke mentioned it after and then it seemed stella

... Good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When it comes to D/s dynamics, the best to go about is to meet people in munches and kink events. You get a real vibe about the person and not some fake image they try to create online.

I recommend starting with munches and then going to the events.

Which is pretty much what I said in the first reply to OP, and she said no she hates that idea.. Until a bloke mentioned it after and then it seemed stella

... Good luck OP

This is not what happened. No where in my 2nd reply did I agree it was 'stella' idea

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"Put seven Dom’s in a room, you will get nine different answers.

Put seven subs in a room, you will get one.."

I definitely wouldn’t agree with this. At all

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

My last relationship was with a Domme who I met on a 100% vanilla dating site so you never know where you’re going to find your match. In my experience you’ll know when you have found a genuine Dom/me as they’ll be more interested in getting to know you and building a connection first before getting too involved in the D/s element of the relationship. The most important thing is to have total trust and feel completely safe with your partner before trying anything D/s related, and when you do get to that stage it’s best to start slow. The worst thing to do is to rush into it before you feel comfortable as you’ll be too nervous to enjoy it.

As mentioned previously, not every Dom and sub are suited to each other, my previous Domme was perfect for me because she was looking for a female led relationship that was focused on her pleasure and me serving her and being owned by her which is the sort of relationship I love as well, in a lot of ways it was a very non sexual dynamic (we never actually had sex although we were sexual in other ways), it was more about me focusing all my attention on making her life more comfortable and enjoyable…doing the housework, cooking, bathing her, dressing her etc.

You will definitely need to be patient as it’s very hard to find someone who’s looking for the same thing as you and who you feel safe with but it’s worth being patient for because when you find it it’s amazing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When it comes to D/s dynamics, the best to go about is to meet people in munches and kink events. You get a real vibe about the person and not some fake image they try to create online.

I recommend starting with munches and then going to the events.

Which is pretty much what I said in the first reply to OP, and she said no she hates that idea.. Until a bloke mentioned it after and then it seemed stella

... Good luck OP

This is not what happened. No where in my 2nd reply did I agree it was 'stella' idea "

Sigh I didn't say you did OP.. Read back your own responses

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When it comes to D/s dynamics, the best to go about is to meet people in munches and kink events. You get a real vibe about the person and not some fake image they try to create online.

I recommend starting with munches and then going to the events.

Which is pretty much what I said in the first reply to OP, and she said no she hates that idea.. Until a bloke mentioned it after and then it seemed stella

... Good luck OP

This is not what happened. No where in my 2nd reply did I agree it was 'stella' idea

Sigh I didn't say you did OP.. Read back your own responses "

Other than my reply to you I didn't comment on going to social meetings or events

Unless you're referring to when I said "meet multiple people" which (I thought was obvious) didn't mean going to social meetings

Please don't try and imply I said things that I didn't when my replies are there for all to see

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Put seven Dom’s in a room, you will get nine different answers.

Put seven subs in a room, you will get one..

I definitely wouldn’t agree with this. At all "

Ha ha, which bit…

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By *thfloorCouple
over a year ago

Hove

"I thought someone would say that.

I don't really want to go on group socials etc as want to try and keep it as discreet as possible

Ok so mine the other site for contacts. Put your stalker hat on, join your local groups and possibly groups that are on your most obvious interests. Browse through the posters, and members list. You will come across the Doms that appeal - luckily fet people write loads. Approach who you like, if only for a chat. You sound like you have a pretty good idea about the kind of person you need for this, and talking will illuminate further, you'll learn lots fast. Btw you can also browse the local munch attendees list, then you can know who is active in your area. I would also give feeld a try, anonymous profile focused on your kink aspirations, should get lots of offers.

Aaaand just realised that your "local area" is host to BBB, jealous now

It's all quite time consuming but imo an investment, with a little luck you'll come across a right person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Everyone is in the same boat though aside from a few. The problem as is you'll get a lot of folk claiming one thing with zero substance behind it, and if course that's where problems start

Itz rife on here and on the other..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you find the resources online to help you make a start on your journey

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And be wary of anyone who claims to be a dom. Lots think they are. The key question to them is, who sets the limits? Depending on their answer that will tell you if they know what it is to be a dom

That label is being abused and thrown around willy nilly on here and the other place all day long.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Put seven Dom’s in a room, you will get nine different answers.

Put seven subs in a room, you will get one..

I definitely wouldn’t agree with this. At all "

I 2nd this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah I see the age old contentious point is up there or worded slightly differently but who has the power?

For me the power is equal. For one to have all the power leaves it open to abuse. Equal power means equal voice and equal responsibility to make things work. As I have written earlier that Dominance does not mean strength or submission weakness.

I need my submissive at times to look after me and take the lead, more so in a way of “you’re tired go to sleep etc”, don’t get confused with topping from the bottom.

Some people think the submissive hold the power because their submission is their gift and they have the ability to withdraw it at any time.

Well hang on….

Does that mean that any Dominant will take any submissive? Obviously not

My Dominance is a gift, I can withdraw it at anytime if rules are broken and believe it or. Or I have the ability to say no.

Therefore, for me, power is equal.

Just my thoughts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ah I see the age old contentious point is up there or worded slightly differently but who has the power?

I need my submissive at times to look after me and take the lead, more so in a way of “you’re tired go to sleep etc”, don’t get confused with topping from the bottom.

Some people think the submissive hold the power because their submission is their gift and they have the ability to withdraw it at any time.

Well hang on….

Does that mean that any Dominant will take any submissive? Obviously not

My Dominance is a gift, I can withdraw it at anytime if rules are broken and believe it or. Or I have the ability to say no.

Therefore, for me, power is equal.

Just my thoughts "

60/40,70/30. 50/50 very rarely ever works. If it does its so small in numbers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ah I see the age old contentious point is up there or worded slightly differently but who has the power?

I need my submissive at times to look after me and take the lead, more so in a way of “you’re tired go to sleep etc”, don’t get confused with topping from the bottom.

Some people think the submissive hold the power because their submission is their gift and they have the ability to withdraw it at any time.

Well hang on….

Does that mean that any Dominant will take any submissive? Obviously not

My Dominance is a gift, I can withdraw it at anytime if rules are broken and believe it or. Or I have the ability to say no.

Therefore, for me, power is equal.

Just my thoughts

60/40,70/30. 50/50 very rarely ever works. If it does its so small in numbers. "

Surely that’s the absolute beauty of any relationship vanilla or D/s, there is no one rule fits all solution. What works for the couple (or more than 2) works for them.

Personally for me I need an equal, a Queen sat next to her King, not below me, how that works from there is within the realms of the dynamic

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

"Put seven Dom’s in a room, you will get nine different answers.

Put seven subs in a room, you will get one..

I definitely wouldn’t agree with this. At all

I 2nd this.

Do you mean the surface structure of the metaphor or the deeper meaning?

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By *ostindreamsMan
over a year ago

London

"I thought someone would say that.

I don't really want to go on group socials etc as want to try and keep it as discreet as possible

Didn't see this post before writing my post about munches and events. Online dating has an inherent problem - What's written on a profile is usually want others to see them as and not what they truly are. Then there are fantasists, frauds and outright liars. This applies for both vanilla and kink dating.

This is why social events are better. While it's not impossible to fake one's character in a real meet, it's very hard for them to do so and it's easy to catch one's vibes.

If your situation forces you to find a person online, it's still possible. But keep in mind that there is going to be lot of trial and errors before you meet the right person.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Can the discussion stay on the topic please and nor in my dms x

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