FabSwingers.com forum: Excuses not to message...

By *r.SJ OP Man
over a year ago

Wellingborough

Being a single bloke, I'm one of the many that don't get messages

But, I'm not posting for a whinge or to moan that i do this, that or the other and get no response.

What I do do though, is to talk myself out of messaging.

I've been here as a couple and now single for a fair while as well and come to the realisation, that I don't message. It's not being lazy but more so finding excuses not to do so... they're far too good looking, distance is too far, I'm sure they're inundated with many offers already, veris show they've met fitter or bigger etc etc etc. My availability can be hit and miss due to work and kids occasionally at weekends, so likely going to think I'm a cheat.

So just wondering (and after reading on a couple of other threads that some couples get barely any messages) how many chaps do likewise? Not the unsolicited FAF type messages or the blanket messages that are all the same but, the genuine ones. The messages where you've read a profile, realised you could be ideal, worded it out in your head but then come up with the reasons...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you don't message you'll never know and the person your thinking of messaging won't ever know

think of it as a pond. Unless you put your rod out, you won't know if any fish want a nibble.

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By *adeiteWoman
over a year ago

Stafford

Not a chap but I do the same towards other women. I get gay panic over gorgeous woman and then say "nah they won't like me" so I just gawk, panic and then scroll the forums lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t get this. If you think you’re compatible, send a message. What’s the worst that can happen?

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By *r.SJ OP Man
over a year ago

Wellingborough

"Not a chap but I do the same towards other women. I get gay panic over gorgeous woman and then say "nah they won't like me" so I just gawk, panic and then scroll the forums lol

Exactly

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By *r.SJ OP Man
over a year ago

Wellingborough

"I don’t get this. If you think you’re compatible, send a message. What’s the worst that can happen?"

Possibly not helped with low self esteem but, that in itself doesn't sell well and so without an abundance of confidence, another reason not to message.

It does though feel a vicious circle, and it not being about the worst that could happen but more so, wanting to be different from the mindless masses and not add to the overwhelming inboxes of couples and women.

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By *oublesixesMan
over a year ago

Corby

If I want to meet someone, I'll message them after checking their profile and think I match what they're looking for.

I don't let looks or verifications get in the way, although I do read them to get a better idea of what they like - I also read the veris they leave for others. If they don't reply, I make a private note and move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t get this. If you think you’re compatible, send a message. What’s the worst that can happen?

Possibly not helped with low self esteem but, that in itself doesn't sell well and so without an abundance of confidence, another reason not to message.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. 99% of people will look at your profile before opening your message. If they like what they see there as long as your message is a coherent sentence they will reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not a chap but I do the same towards other women. I get gay panic over gorgeous woman and then say "nah they won't like me" so I just gawk, panic and then scroll the forums lol

The gay panic lol it’s so real too. Maybe that’s why I don’t message on here.

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By *armwifeCouple
over a year ago

lincoln

The first thing I'd say is don't be disheartened. It really is easier than it might initially appear. Contrary to popular belief, it's not just the ones with massive cocks and gym fit bodies that always succeed. There has to be some attraction but we turn down an awful lot of exceptionally good looking guys. The ones that we instantly delete without responding generally have no detail on the profile, a one line response, or one that is clearly copied, pasted and scatter gunned. We always try to reply to those that have made a decent effort, even if it's a no.

Once the basic attractiveness threshold has been met, she is more drawn to those who have similar interests and have taken the time to create a proper profile, have a bit of a track record/veris to give us the confidence they won't let us down and have been prepared to draft a good reply.

We still have to appear compatible and if the profile says something completely different to the reply, it suggests you're just telling us what we want to hear to get a meet.

We've literally had replies from people whose combined wordcount and profile content has been less than five words without even a photo - and not just one of them. Most, however, are one liners with or without a photo. Many of them look fine but don't get any further as they're placing the onus on us to find out more about them in an environment where single men are massively over-represented. The ones that make a proper effort to contact us because we're compatible in most areas and communicate why properly in their profile and/or reply are the ones she meets.

Focus on less is more, only message those who you think you're likely to have something in common with, concentrate on what you offer as much as what you're looking for and you'll get meets.

Finally, recognise that the majority of your competition really don't do that so, back to my first point, it's much easier than it may first appear.

Simples!

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

I've been encouraged to message more on here and it's surprising how many people have replied and we've got chatting and, unbelievably, even met up.

That being said, the self-esteem thing and looking at all the gym fit chaps can be disheartening. Just don't take it too seriously and have a go if you think that maybe you'll hit it off. Nothing ventured and all that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you’re overthinking things buddy. Just message who you like, when you like. Be respectful of course.

But then once the message is sent, just forget about it.

There’s no need for a big build of reasons why you should or shouldn’t send something. It’s just a lighthearted website.

Enjoy! And be brave

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