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Wife hubby partner lost interest in sex

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

...wife hubby partner is not sexually active as was years ago. Is it wrong that person who wants more of it is looking to find someone on here for sex only?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

It's wrong if they're keeping it from their spouse as far as I'm concerned

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots


"It's wrong if they're keeping it from their spouse as far as I'm concerned "

We would agree with this as there will be reasons for the loss of interest which may be able to be solved.

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By *ingdong11Man
over a year ago

emsworth


"...wife hubby partner is not sexually active as was years ago. Is it wrong that person who wants more of it is looking to find someone on here for sex only?"

Totally pointless question , you judge your own morality . I personally think it’s a shit thing to do but none of my business what you do .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think it’s that simple OP. IMO if the partner is aware you are unhappy with the sexual relationship and they aren’t actively doing anything to resolve it then I don’t see any harm in somebody using fab to get their kicks as long as they are being discreet and respectful to their partner and are willing to deal with the consequences of they are caught out. Maybe they find someone who is in the same situation and they can scratch each others itches then everyone’s happy.

I was in this exact situation for 6 years. Wish I knew about fab back then.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"I don’t think it’s that simple OP. IMO if the partner is aware you are unhappy with the sexual relationship and they aren’t actively doing anything to resolve it then I don’t see any harm in somebody using fab to get their kicks as long as they are being discreet and respectful to their partner and are willing to deal with the consequences of they are caught out. Maybe they find someone who is in the same situation and they can scratch each others itches then everyone’s happy.

I was in this exact situation for 6 years. Wish I knew about fab back then."

I suppose it depends on your definition of respectful. Personally I find it incredibly disrespectful to be lied to, I dont find it disrespectful to have a conversation about how to move forward either together, open, or not together.

If someone told me they'd been lying to me out of respect I'd tell them to fuck right off

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By *actilenorfolkgentMan
over a year ago

Norwich

I'm thinking is being on here morally any different from going to massage parlour or paying for sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don’t think it’s that simple OP. IMO if the partner is aware you are unhappy with the sexual relationship and they aren’t actively doing anything to resolve it then I don’t see any harm in somebody using fab to get their kicks as long as they are being discreet and respectful to their partner and are willing to deal with the consequences of they are caught out. Maybe they find someone who is in the same situation and they can scratch each others itches then everyone’s happy.

I was in this exact situation for 6 years. Wish I knew about fab back then.

I suppose it depends on your definition of respectful. Personally I find it incredibly disrespectful to be lied to, I dont find it disrespectful to have a conversation about how to move forward either together, open, or not together.

If someone told me they'd been lying to me out of respect I'd tell them to fuck right off "

Yeah that’s a fair point maybe respectfully was the wrong choice of words. What I meant was not trying to bang everyone on here. And I was only speaking from my personal past experience. Yeah it’s not nice for the person being cheated on but on the flip side of that the mental stress of being with someone who has no interest in sex and no matter how many discussions you have makes no effort to fix the situation is a lot.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

That's something everyone in that situation needs to decide for themselves. If you're conflicted consider why and the consequences of being found out compared to the benefits of seeking sex elsewhere.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"

Yeah that’s a fair point maybe respectfully was the wrong choice of words. What I meant was not trying to bang everyone on here. And I was only speaking from my personal past experience. Yeah it’s not nice for the person being cheated on but on the flip side of that the mental stress of being with someone who has no interest in sex and no matter how many discussions you have makes no effort to fix the situation is a lot."

Ah, so it's more respectful to only bang some other people, not all of them.

If they're aware and not willing to do something about it it's a matter of discussing being open to other people fulfilling those needs or breaking up for me. Some people are okay with their partner seeing other people for things they don't enjoy, but many aren't. Neither group is less devastated to find out if someone they care for is doing that shit behind their back.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Yeah that’s a fair point maybe respectfully was the wrong choice of words. What I meant was not trying to bang everyone on here. And I was only speaking from my personal past experience. Yeah it’s not nice for the person being cheated on but on the flip side of that the mental stress of being with someone who has no interest in sex and no matter how many discussions you have makes no effort to fix the situation is a lot.

Ah, so it's more respectful to only bang some other people, not all of them.

If they're aware and not willing to do something about it it's a matter of discussing being open to other people fulfilling those needs or breaking up for me. Some people are okay with their partner seeing other people for things they don't enjoy, but many aren't. Neither group is less devastated to find out if someone they care for is doing that shit behind their back. "

Did it happen to you?

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By *ootnootboopCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire


"It's wrong if they're keeping it from their spouse as far as I'm concerned "

We're not a fan of things being hidden in a relationship...

These kind of issues really need to be discussed openly. It does raise questions as to where said couple is on the issue of communication, a crucial part of any relationship.

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By *ildmanYorksMan
over a year ago

Doncaster & Bembridge

In my case, my wife has mental health issues which cause her to dislike her body and she is uncomfortable with intimate contact. Also since the menopause her vagina has become extremely sore and tight, I can barely get a finger in without causing pain. She has been like this for over 10 years and our sex life has been zero in all this time. She k own I still desire sex so she allows me to "go elsewhere" as long as she doesn't find out. We were discussing this yesterday and she restated the arrangement. She ended the conversation with "I know I can't give you sex, but if and when you do, don't tell me and please come home to me". So she wants me to have no strings sex, but not find another life partner.

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

It's a difficult one.obviously being open & trying to resolve/help with telling your partner how you feel is so important.This sometimes does change things.Marriage isn't about sex.I maybe live in another dimension but if you love this person then there has to be a solution.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"In my case, my wife has mental health issues which cause her to dislike her body and she is uncomfortable with intimate contact. Also since the menopause her vagina has become extremely sore and tight, I can barely get a finger in without causing pain. She has been like this for over 10 years and our sex life has been zero in all this time. She k own I still desire sex so she allows me to "go elsewhere" as long as she doesn't find out. We were discussing this yesterday and she restated the arrangement. She ended the conversation with "I know I can't give you sex, but if and when you do, don't tell me and please come home to me". So she wants me to have no strings sex, but not find another life partner.

"

Has your wife seen a doctor about her physical symptoms?

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By *ildmanYorksMan
over a year ago

Doncaster & Bembridge


"In my case, my wife has mental health issues which cause her to dislike her body and she is uncomfortable with intimate contact. Also since the menopause her vagina has become extremely sore and tight, I can barely get a finger in without causing pain. She has been like this for over 10 years and our sex life has been zero in all this time. She k own I still desire sex so she allows me to "go elsewhere" as long as she doesn't find out. We were discussing this yesterday and she restated the arrangement. She ended the conversation with "I know I can't give you sex, but if and when you do, don't tell me and please come home to me". So she wants me to have no strings sex, but not find another life partner.

Has your wife seen a doctor about her physical symptoms?"

Yes, she has been diagnosed with vaginal atrophy, thinning of the interior walls and has been prescribed Ovestin cream which she lets me administer with the applicator. It has helped some of the internal pain, but not cured it. The tightness at the entrance is another issue which the GP has said may be cured by surgery, but at 61 she does not want to go through such an ordeal.

Thanks for your concern, it's much appreciated

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots


"I'm thinking is being on here morally any different from going to massage parlour or paying for sex"

Yes, swinging and prostitution are very different things

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"

Did it happen to you?"

I assume it's happened to everybody at some point, whether they ever found out or not.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I think that if one partner is no longer sexually active and the other is still highly sexed then that is a doubtful and unsustainable long term relationship.

I used to believe that if your partner no longer wants sex then you should just go without if that’s what they want. I no longer believe that. I now think it is selfish if someone doesn’t want sex but stops their partner from having it.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Its not ideal no ,not for thrn or their partner.

But as long as they're upfront with others about it, they can then make their own decision to meet them or not.

I don't care for the ones who are cheating and try to lie about it though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm married, but play away without her knowledge or telling her.

Reason is very simple, it's called dementia. If I told her she wouldn't remember anything about it

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By *oleraine-coupleCouple
over a year ago

coleraine

It’s wrong if it’s not being discussed and dealt with honestly.

It’s normal for a sexually active partner to want sex and for us it’s also normal for an uninterested partner to help support achieving that.

We all have different needs and desires, we’ve always strived to support them as a couple.

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By *actilenorfolkgentMan
over a year ago

Norwich


"I'm thinking is being on here morally any different from going to massage parlour or paying for sex

Yes, swinging and prostitution are very different things

"

So to pay for it makes it acceptable?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"I'm thinking is being on here morally any different from going to massage parlour or paying for sex

Yes, swinging and prostitution are very different things

So to pay for it makes it acceptable? "

I'm really not getting that inference from that statement.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Yeah that’s a fair point maybe respectfully was the wrong choice of words. What I meant was not trying to bang everyone on here. And I was only speaking from my personal past experience. Yeah it’s not nice for the person being cheated on but on the flip side of that the mental stress of being with someone who has no interest in sex and no matter how many discussions you have makes no effort to fix the situation is a lot.

Ah, so it's more respectful to only bang some other people, not all of them.

If they're aware and not willing to do something about it it's a matter of discussing being open to other people fulfilling those needs or breaking up for me. Some people are okay with their partner seeing other people for things they don't enjoy, but many aren't. Neither group is less devastated to find out if someone they care for is doing that shit behind their back. "

There’s scratching an itch and then there’s behaving in a particular way is what I'm saying.

It’s not that black and white unfortunately.We could spend all day debating different scenarios and reasons and still not agree.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds


"It's wrong if they're keeping it from their spouse as far as I'm concerned "

Exactly this, lies and deceit are wrong regardless of the "reasons"

Mrs

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"There’s scratching an itch and then there’s behaving in a particular way is what I'm saying.

It’s not that black and white unfortunately.We could spend all day debating different scenarios and reasons and still not agree."

There's cheating on your partner and lying to someone you supposedly care about, then there's cheating on your partner and lying to someone you supposedly care about in an even shittier manner I suppose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was in a position where I was 7/8 months pregnant when first hubby was unhappy that I'd lost interest in sex .... and then in first few months of our child being born also lost interest ... no sh*t I had other things on my mind. Did that give him a valid excuse to go off looking for a fuck .... no ... absolutely not.

My second husband was not interested in sex for 7 years .... did that give me an excuse to go off looking for a fuck ... absolutely not.... so I didn't.

In both scenarios did I try to help fix the problems yes.

The answer is to work together yo look at why sex is not happening and agree solutions together. For some that might mean permission to play away for other the answer is to end the relationship... but if you choose to play away without permission accept the risk and consequences should your partner or spouse find out.

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By *am and johnCouple
over a year ago

york

Look, it happens and for various reasons. A couple in a strong enough relationship may be able to talk things through together. It just could be that a couples club may provide that spark which rejuvenates a relationship and which doesn't involve deceit/betrayal.

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By *andC1000Couple
over a year ago

Ashford


"It's wrong if they're keeping it from their spouse as far as I'm concerned

Exactly this, lies and deceit are wrong regardless of the "reasons"

Mrs "

Completely agree, be a grown up face facts and actually have a conversation about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would be better if your partner knew you were looking for sex elsewhere. Have a conversation and be totally honest. Just because one person in a relationship doesn't want sex, they can't truly accept that their partner has to go without sex too, that's unfair. But cheating isn't the answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Morally its wrong but if you're not getting fed at home then you got to go out and eat

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine


"I don’t think it’s that simple OP. IMO if the partner is aware you are unhappy with the sexual relationship and they aren’t actively doing anything to resolve it then I don’t see any harm in somebody using fab to get their kicks as long as they are being discreet and respectful to their partner and are willing to deal with the consequences of they are caught out. Maybe they find someone who is in the same situation and they can scratch each others itches then everyone’s happy.

I was in this exact situation for 6 years. Wish I knew about fab back then.

I suppose it depends on your definition of respectful. Personally I find it incredibly disrespectful to be lied to, I dont find it disrespectful to have a conversation about how to move forward either together, open, or not together.

If someone told me they'd been lying to me out of respect I'd tell them to fuck right off "
Totaly agree with this, PreyToTheFairies as said all that needs to be said, thread closed.

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