FabSwingers.com forum: Reactions to rejection !!!!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This might catch your imagination ..

The question is in the title ok; so how would you react if you met after pre arranging it (pics swapped/FB chat/mobile chat etc); but when you meet; there is no connection (physical or sexual or personality wise) and you say

"thanks but this is not for me" and politly leave

My question is based on a very recent meeting i had in which i knew pretty well just after 10 mins this was not for me as the person was near opposit the written profile and i just did not like the person - harsh maybe; but a fact all the same.... the other person reacted badly and still expected me (I had driven 30 miles to meet); to still have sex etc etc..

So how do you reacte in similar circumstances ? baring in mind id done everything possible prior to meeting to ensure it was ok etc.

Happy Fabbing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always meet for a drink first and make it clear before doing so, that I never play on first meets. If no chemistry, I just thank them for a lovely evening, lovely to meet them etc, but I'm sorry, I won't be looking to meet again and take things any further.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

Even if they WERE what they've claimed to be (whether it be profile text, pictures, ect), if there is no attraction when you meet face-to-face then you have every right to say no. It's one of the benefits of free will and choice!

This is why we insist on social meets first, because there is no guarantee you'll like/want to play with eachother until you've met them in the flesh. People can come across as the perfect gent/lady in messages and then turn out to be a total cunt (excuse the language!) when you meet them.

They're not even likely to get THAT far if we find they're not the person they claimed to be. x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ohohoWoman
over a year ago

Up North

That is exactly why you have a social meet first with no expectations.

I have met guys who look nothing like their pics, have lied about their age, to name a few. Needless to say no further meetings took place. Coffee was drank and departure swiftly arranged.

Just because you meet someone doesn'tt mean you are going to have sex with them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As above . We always say we never play on first meets.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I always meet for a drink first and make it clear before doing so, that I never play on first meets. If no chemistry, I just thank them for a lovely evening, lovely to meet them etc, but I'm sorry, I won't be looking to meet again and take things any further. "

being honest whilst id normally do same ; this person sound/read/look hot and so we agreed to meet at local cafe near by ...etc etc... but 100% agree play safe and go for social meet first - well said

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

As everyone is saying...a social meet with no expectation (and it says so on my profile).....that way there isn;t that awkward moment...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

Ive done this on quite a few occasions and I think theyre shocked Ive said thanx but no thanx.

Maybe they falsely believe the urban myth that ALL men will fuck anything with a pulse or not looking at some

Most of us need an attraction

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *xodussxMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I don't mind playing on first meet. But if I don't like what I see, and mostly if the person hasn't been telling the whole truth about her, I will let her know that she is not what I want in a very polite way and offer to keep in contact which she will accept or decline

Nothing wrong with rejection. I will also accept it if I have been rejected and won't be rude at all

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Exactly this!

I always meet during my lunch hour so the other party always knows the score.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no issue in telling someone that a meet won't be progressing to the physical.

I also don't have an issue in saying it isn't working if the physical isn't pressing my buttons.

It is awkward but I've never had anyone react badly to it (and I have not acted badly to it when it has happened to me).

All said and done though, I think it is perhaps safer for a fem to do the rejection at a distance, even if the meet is in a public place.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

We prefer to meet people socially in the initial as others also do..

have had one meet where something was said which for us made us look at each other 'agog' then say thanks for coming but we wont be staying and shall'nt meet you..

to be fair that was an exception as we did'nt even finish our drinks..

meeting socially then deciding later is the best way..

perfectly fine with folk saying no ty either, if anyone cant handle being told no ty they should maybe look at if whether this aspect is for them at this time..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

we find it hard being free,so when we are free and if we look for a meet we like to play on first meeting. If it doesnt go well then like we have said in the past,'sorry guys but were gona leave it'

Kinda does ruin the night but if theres nothing there when meeting then nothing will happen.

We'll either go home or head to town make most of being free,nothing lost

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I just say 'you is ugly, UGLY'.....

and run

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This might catch your imagination ..

"thanks but this is not for me" and politly leave

So how do you reacte in similar circumstances ? baring in mind id done everything possible prior to meeting to ensure it was ok etc.

Happy Fabbing

Good OP. And I think the way you deal with it depends on both you as an individual, and on what basis you swing (as a couple, single, FB etc).

When I was swinging as a single guy on another site before we met, I never felt any problem in telling someone (had to at least three times in 18 months) that the meet was only ever going to be social. But that was because it was all about ME and not anyone else I had to consider. I know that sounds selfish, but bare with me....

Now Crackling and I had a similar experience to the one you describe, a couple of months ago. The second I walked into their flat, I KNEW it was not going to go anywhere (she didn't like me and the feeling was most definitely mutual), but I had Crackling to consider and didn't want to ruin what could have been a good night for her. But as the evening went on, a few 'things' came out of the woodwork and we knew we had to get out of there. It even got as far as him showing Crackling 'where the loo is' and trying to grope her there.... unknown to me..

As a result, we now have not only a 'safety word' for play, but also a 'it's time to leave!' phrase (well, topic of conversation really) for one either of us is uncomfortable with the situation or it's just not doing anything for them.

So, in short, easier if you're a swingle in my opinion, but more difficult as a couple if you don't pre-plan....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

well put P n C

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"well put P n C

You're too kind...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"to be fair that was an exception as we did'nt even finish our drinks.."

Oh that made me laugh! The meet were so vomit inducing, the drinks were left!!....Run away! Run away!...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Code phrases are a good idea for 'yeah let's have sex' or 'run away....run away' scenarios.....I rely on pics, veris, messages, masculine intuition and confidence that even on a sex meet, I would say no at the coffee stage if I felt there was nothing there. I've been very lucky so far.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

could prolly tell within 5 seconds of a social if i wanted to fuck or not

aslong as a different person didnt show up i wouldnt be offended or get shitty over a no ta

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Where did the meet take place?

How long did the chat or PM exchanges go on for?

If I were to arrange a social meet first, it would take place at a mutually agreed public location, and I would emphasise the nature of the meet is purely social.

I need to know a gent in sufficient details to ascertain if he has any bunny boiling tendencies before I would agree to meet him, and this normally takes weeks and not hours.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It even got as far as him showing Crackling 'where the loo is' and trying to grope her there.... unknown to me..

My partner and I had a social meet at a local pub. He began molesting her under the table when I nipped to the loo. She didn't say anything until after the meet for fear of me kicking off. But she was quite shaken by it.

We contacted him to say we were not interested in meeting again (though, out of politeness, we did not cite this as the reason). The abuse we got was amazing. He said he would not come near the Mrs with a barge pole anyway (although that didn't stop him at the pub when he was alone with her).

on this profile I get no interest, which is neither here nor there. But on our joint profile we get a few inquiries each week. But for some reason when we explain we won't play on the first meet we never hear back from them. Strange that......

By the way, it's just started pissing down with snow again in Leeds.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Where did the meet take place?

How long did the chat or PM exchanges go on for?

If I were to arrange a social meet first, it would take place at a mutually agreed public location, and I would emphasise the nature of the meet is purely social.

I need to know a gent in sufficient details to ascertain if he has any bunny boiling tendencies before I would agree to meet him, and this normally takes weeks and not hours.

you must`nt do very well then

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *asey369Woman
over a year ago

London

In would much rather someone said "No thanks" nicely and have a drink with them, than thinking that they would feel obliged to play with me. What a huge turn off!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

glad this as caught your imagtination ..keep them coming peeps

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oadsafunMan
over a year ago

Ilfracombe

I've been on both sides of this topic. I have met a couple for a drink and after chatting with them said that I didn't think we should take it any further. I don't think they were very happy, but if the spark isn't there, there's nothing you can do.

I've also met a lady for a drink and after a long chat, she said I wasn't really for her, fair enough, I'm just glad she was honest and upfront and she didn't do something she didn't want to.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

There is no guarantee that even after all the pre meet chats that when face to face you're all going to be compatable

I think that decent,level headed people will understand this and accept it like adults because im sure that if the tables were turned they would'nt want to feel obliged in any way to continue something with no connection

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is no guarantee that even after all the pre meet chats that when face to face you're all going to be compatable

The key words in the above are 'decent, level-headed'. Unfortunately, you often don't uncover whether you are dealing with someone who falls into that category until you do meet..... and then that can be too late.....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

"There is no guarantee that even after all the pre meet chats that when face to face you're all going to be compatable

Its never too late to say no thanks as far as I can see,tantrums and attitude about rejection and how its not right don't wash with me in any situation,Id just leave and that would be the end of it

No-one has the right to make anyone feel that they're in a situation that they can't comfortably get away from and if they try to do that then leaving is the only option

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A swift boot in the snatch then cheese it down the street?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

In this topic we highlight the different way we all deal with this sometimes awkward situations - Honesty as always been my best policy even when married as a swinging couple, we would encounter people who didnt like either one of us; but whilst it might have dented our egos for a while; we accepted the situation and moved on - one couple who said such remained friends for years and we met them severla times purley as social gatherings

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A swift boot in the snatch then cheese it down the street?

makes note in diary - never to invite people with violent thoughts

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like to chat on the phone first..Had a previous experience where i saw the lady on cam and looked good, very naughty

and we got on well chatting online...we had been chatting for quite a while and we arranged to meet at her place...she answered the door wearing some very sexy clothes...but when she opened her mouth and started chatting...she just sounded rough...we did have sex as i thought well she looks sexy which is what i have come here for...and to be far she was pretty good in bed but i was put off meeting her again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A swift boot in the snatch then cheese it down the street?

makes note in diary - never to invite people with violent thoughts

It was a joke. Hence the emoticons

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

""to be fair that was an exception as we did'nt even finish our drinks.."

Oh that made me laugh! The meet were so vomit inducing, the drinks were left!!....Run away! Run away!...

nope, wasnt that at all..

were not exactly Brad and whomever anyway lol..

it was something they said about their under age daughter being aware of what they do and would we like to go back to theirs after this drink..

wrong wrong wrong...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Gotta be honest here and say we have very little time to play so never do social meets .

So in order to avoid the op's problem we do one of the following

1. Arrange the meet at a club so if they are not for us or us for them there are plenty more that may be .

2. Have a back up plan - 2 or 3 other potential meets in the area if the first doesn't suit .

As a couple this isn't so difficult - we may just leave the looking fir a meet on until we have played

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread