FabSwingers.com forum: Advice wanted on being more dom

By *igvapid OP Man
over a year ago

St Marys

Hi all.

I'm hoping for some advice from the ladies of Fab on how to be a little bit more 'dom'; without being clumsy, weird or giggling...

My natural preference for play is far more along the sensual, consensual, touching & kissing lines. Being dominant in the bedroom has just never been my jam.

However, I have recently found a new FWB, who has made it quite clear that she would very much like me to be more dominant in our fun. TBH, when she grabbed my hand and put it firmly around her throat, I actually found it extremely hot - so I'm quite looking forward to exploring this with her.

My problem is, I simply have no internal 'script' for how to play this and make it good for her. I have no idea what sort of things to say or games to play, how to start things - without sounding like a prat!

I genuinely would appreciate any advice - particularly from ladies who enjoy being more submissive.

And just to be clear, this is at the lighter end of things - definitely not a whips and chains and ropes and canes thing!

TIA

By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

I'm always a big advocate for book learning.

However the best thing to do is communicate with the person making the request.

The ways and whys of people who want to submit to control as varied and really wide ranging. I can tell you what works for me, but it won't help someone who doesn't have the same root desires or kinks.

She is the best way to navigate this, express interest, ask her to suggest porn, or task her with writing you an erotic story.

But look up the practical as well as the sexy fun stuff.

- know basic safety,

- have good safe words in place (I find the traffic light system effective and easy to remember - and safe words are for both parties).

- know what are hard (or bad limits, things you really don't want to do)

I can recommend a roleplay book I once owned, some can be a little cringe but over wasn't a bad starting point for people who were new.

Safe, sane, consensual and fun by John Warren. It's out of print but you can find it online for £15-£25

Also you say the lighter end of things but breath play and the hand on neck scenario are actually high risk for something going wrong than whips and chains. There are some great resources online about anatomy and how to reduce risks.

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great answer ^^^ excellent advice

Also to add

sensual, consensual, touching & kissing can all be dominant.

Dominance isn't the same as rough

Consent is essential