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Real Dom’s

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By *amLaraCroft OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

How is it that only rubbish Dom’s need to express they are real Dom’s?

If you’re a a Dom what’s your vetting process and how do you make it clear you know what your doing ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Define Dom. So many different things to discuss here. Alpha male? Dominant in the bedroom? Daddy Dom?, sadist? Dickhead? There are many types of Doms.

Someone can be heavily vetted, experienced, vouched for and still turn out to be an utter wanker

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By *amLaraCroft OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Define Dom. So many different things to discuss here. Alpha male? Dominant in the bedroom? Daddy Dom?, sadist? Dickhead? There are many types of Doms.

Someone can be heavily vetted, experienced, vouched for and still turn out to be an utter wanker

"

Lol haha very true xx

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By *opetop4UMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Just spank and spunk and you're a dom. Simple!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Real ones don't shout about it, put it in their username, take photos of their kit and use their cock for a profile shot.

For a start.

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By *amLaraCroft OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Real ones don't shout about it, put it in their username, take photos of their kit and use their cock for a profile shot.

For a start. "

Yes for sure xx

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole


"Real ones don't shout about it, put it in their username, take photos of their kit and use their cock for a profile shot.

For a start. "

Very true, a Dom is the essance of the person. The Name, saying you are or putting a kink pic on profile dose not maketh the Dom. We've blocked 3 Dom's this week.

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By *amLaraCroft OP   Woman
over a year ago

London


"Real ones don't shout about it, put it in their username, take photos of their kit and use their cock for a profile shot.

For a start.

Very true, a Dom is the essance of the person. The Name, saying you are or putting a kink pic on profile dose not maketh the Dom. We've blocked 3 Dom's this week. "

It’s kind of funny to see how they dig a hole for themselves lol

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By *ichelinstar1Man
over a year ago

Peterborough & North West

A true ‘Dom’ doesn’t class himself as a Dom. It’s about the aura and presence he has and the way he carries himself, not just behind closed doors. Respect is always reciprocated and given.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Real ones don't shout about it, put it in their username, take photos of their kit and use their cock for a profile shot.

For a start.

Very true, a Dom is the essance of the person. The Name, saying you are or putting a kink pic on profile dose not maketh the Dom. We've blocked 3 Dom's this week. "

Oh dear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always think DOM in a thread title of a username is a massive NO

To give yourself that title comes across as too brash and full of yourself (IMO).

Some people may !one that. I dont.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A dominant just is. It's no good saying it. I could say I'm a toaster it doesn't make it true.

A dominant man is someone who gives you no other reason but to submit (talking in sexual/relationship terms only) because it's who he is.

Also gotta have his own life under control other wise it's just a joke to call himself that.

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By *amLaraCroft OP   Woman
over a year ago

London

All lovely answers thanks for sharing everyone xx

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By *landfordfabbersCouple
over a year ago

Blandford ish

Mark is dominant

I’m submissive.

We have lived Ds, now it’s kinda lurking in the background as it’s very hard to live when you have a child.

We generally don’t discuss it unless it comes up. He has the power to get my “attention” from the slightest touch or look. To me thats dominance not some guy who brought a grey suit from Asda and tells me to suck his cock slut etc although…. Filthy words do work in the right context

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By *opemCouple
over a year ago

Reading

Good question. Unfortunately there are no certificates or exams to pass. As with any type of meet, you take a chance that the person(s) you are meeting are what they say they are. From my own experience, I know that is not always the case. This applies to meeting anyone on this site (or others), not just self declared Doms.

I would suggest talk, talk, talk to re-assure yourself that any self declared "Dom" really does know what they are doing. As always, verifications go a long way. Are they on other sites? Have they written in the forums. Can others vouch for them? Do they fit with what you want and your expectation of what a Dom should be? This will vary from person to person (see earlier thread reply from TemptressPeach). Anyway, good luck with finding someone who's not a rubbish Dom!

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By *ustauseerTV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgemoor

So many people associate dominance with oute aggression and it’s not correct or true.

It’s super off putting imo

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By *eviant KnightMan
over a year ago

Norton


"How is it that only rubbish Dom’s need to express they are real Dom’s?

If you’re a a Dom what’s your vetting process and how do you make it clear you know what your doing ?"

How would you like a Dom to communicate their dominance to you?

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"How is it that only rubbish Dom’s need to express they are real Dom’s?

If you’re a a Dom what’s your vetting process and how do you make it clear you know what your doing ?"

By asking the same question?

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW


"Mark is dominant

I’m submissive.

We have lived Ds, now it’s kinda lurking in the background as it’s very hard to live when you have a child.

We generally don’t discuss it unless it comes up. He has the power to get my “attention” from the slightest touch or look. To me thats dominance not some guy who brought a grey suit from Asda and tells me to suck his cock slut etc although…. Filthy words do work in the right context "

Just this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only Dom that ever gave us any pleasure was the guy from Dick and Dom.

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By *eastXMan
over a year ago

London


"The only Dom that ever gave us any pleasure was the guy from Dick and Dom. "

Sexy.

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By *ustauseerTV/TS
over a year ago

Sedgemoor


"How is it that only rubbish Dom’s need to express they are real Dom’s?

If you’re a a Dom what’s your vetting process and how do you make it clear you know what your doing ?

How would you like a Dom to communicate their dominance to you?"

Without agression, some individuals associate power with aggression and it’s boring.

Understanding what power is and how to use it effectively is the most rewarding thing.

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By *ougntinaCouple
over a year ago

chigwell

What people want from a dom can change as does the dynamic with the dom. Our first dom led changed and reacted to us and us to him. It took time. The growing together is what made it

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I would put an alternative view. I apologise for the length.

Before I start, as usual I will state that below are my views. I accept there are different ways to do kink and people may have different views.

D/s relationships are individual. Each bottom or submissive requires different attributes from the Dominant/Top. I would disagree with many of the items above claimed to exclude dominance, these are in my view personal preferences and not relevant to the abilities of a Dominant.

I disagree with the James Bond/ SAS view of being a Dominant, it is in my view a poor stereotype, it is fictional, and similar to Fifty Shades of Grey, is poor in assessing a Dominant.

I think people should concentrate on what they want in their own Dominant or submissive and avoid this whole red herring of real doms and real subs.

I am yet to read anyone claiming to be a Dominant that did not believe they are a real Dominant.

Auntie Social in a Stereo-typed podcast talks on how in kink we take an adjective and use it as noun. However when used as a noun the word's meaning changes from that in the adjective. The meaning of Dominant as a noun changes from the adjective "dominance".

The definition I prefer is "the person who accepts a transfer of power/authority from a person identifying as a submissive, within a power exchange relationship." I would note here that sex dominance falls out of the D/s sphere in my view.

The only time I would say someone is not a true Dominant is where a submissive pretends to be dominant to lure in another submissive with the aim of getting that other submissive to act as a Dominant.

I am happy to identify as a Dominant in a D/s relationship, outside of a D/s relationship I identify my role as being one of a Top. However, I explain what I mean by "Dominant" and "Top" if a potential scene/ play or relationship is to occur.

As I said above, my view is that D/s is individual so I have a process to see if there is compatibility.

Anyone that approaches me I set out the process that requires self reflection and knowledge, and work on the submissive's/bottom's part and is time consuming. There is no instant play unless at a play party (even then there are questions to be asked by me and there should be questions from the bottom). This is because the physical and mental welfare and enjoyment of the submissive/bottom is as important as mine. I am not interested in people who don't put the effort in and with whom I am not compatible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How is it that only rubbish Dom’s need to express they are real Dom’s?

If you’re a a Dom what’s your vetting process and how do you make it clear you know what your doing ?"

I tend to be quite dominant. My vetting process - I can spot someone that has a natural submissive streak a mile away. Even if they’re trying to conceal it. Vice versa I can also tell when someone won’t be able to handle it, or has unrealistic expectations.

The way I see it is that it’s my role to bring out what’s naturally there within that person. I don’t need to try hard, I just need to tune into that persons desires and give them what they’re longing for.

It’s a two way street that works well for me, because I also love being in charge and seeing someone become the horniest most secret version of themselves.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I pretty much chuck it in the same bucket as nice or genuine or honest people.

If you have to tell me, it's probably not true.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I kinda disagree with the if you have to say it you're not dominant. Some of the Dom's I know don't show any tells of their Dominant nature without the consent of others.

Many people have a dominant streak in them publicly but it doesn't mean they are sexually dominant. In my opinion kink is not a place for ambiguity. So sometimes it needs to be said. Assumption is the mother of all screw ups and all that

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"I kinda disagree with the if you have to say it you're not dominant. Some of the Dom's I know don't show any tells of their Dominant nature without the consent of others.

Many people have a dominant streak in them publicly but it doesn't mean they are sexually dominant. In my opinion kink is not a place for ambiguity. So sometimes it needs to be said. Assumption is the mother of all screw ups and all that "

Isn't that all part of recognising a viable dynamic though? Most people assume me to be a Domme from the way I present myself in social situations, when it's incredibly far from the truth.

Communication is absolutely key in any functioning dynamic. But there's a big difference between clearly discussing boundaries and limits at an appropriate time, and just running around telling everyone that you're a Dom.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"I kinda disagree with the if you have to say it you're not dominant. Some of the Dom's I know don't show any tells of their Dominant nature without the consent of others.

Many people have a dominant streak in them publicly but it doesn't mean they are sexually dominant. In my opinion kink is not a place for ambiguity. So sometimes it needs to be said. Assumption is the mother of all screw ups and all that

Isn't that all part of recognising a viable dynamic though? Most people assume me to be a Domme from the way I present myself in social situations, when it's incredibly far from the truth.

Communication is absolutely key in any functioning dynamic. But there's a big difference between clearly discussing boundaries and limits at an appropriate time, and just running around telling everyone that you're a Dom."

Same, people assume a lot from my persona which is different to my sexual one.

I think there is a difference between showing off you're a Dominant and when chatting it is brought up. I'm quite open when chatting to people that I am actually submissive, but I won't get told if you were a "real sub" you wouldn't need to. To me I'm not your submissive so you shouldn't be able to tell necessarily, I just kind of think it's similar for Dominants. If my waffling makes any sense

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By *ensualgent38Man
over a year ago

London & Edinburgh


"How is it that only rubbish Dom’s need to express they are real Dom’s?

If you’re a a Dom what’s your vetting process and how do you make it clear you know what your doing ?"

It’s such a varied dynamic, from sensual teasing to kinky bdsm, and the real pleasure is in finding just what turns everyone on.

That takes communication openness and honesty. With that, and a love of sharing pleasure fantasy and kink, it’s an absolutely fucking glorious way to play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dom = idiot,

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"Same, people assume a lot from my persona which is different to my sexual one.

I think there is a difference between showing off you're a Dominant and when chatting it is brought up. I'm quite open when chatting to people that I am actually submissive, but I won't get told if you were a "real sub" you wouldn't need to. To me I'm not your submissive so you shouldn't be able to tell necessarily, I just kind of think it's similar for Dominants. If my waffling makes any sense "

Oh if someone mentions dominant traits once we're actually talking that's absolutely fine. It's the people who lead in with it in the first contact that I absolutely disregard.

I don't even consider myself a submissive. But there are a very small amount of people that bring that out of me.

Everyone is of course perfectly welcome to do their thing however they like between consenting adults. It's just a base incompatibility issue for me if someone walks in flying the Real Dom flag.

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By *inkyguymkMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

It's like asking how to prove you are a real sub.

A friend of mine had a Dom in her life, but only when it suited her. I used to sit watching EastEnders with her while her Dom was giving instructions to walk in the park naked with a butt plug stuck in, eat stinging nettles from the park, all sorts of weird shit, she just sat laughing at his absurd orders while scoffing a litre of Neapolitan soft scoop.

Her Dom seriously thought she was carrying out his orders.

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By *inkyguymkMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

All by txt may I add to sort any confusion.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"Same, people assume a lot from my persona which is different to my sexual one.

I think there is a difference between showing off you're a Dominant and when chatting it is brought up. I'm quite open when chatting to people that I am actually submissive, but I won't get told if you were a "real sub" you wouldn't need to. To me I'm not your submissive so you shouldn't be able to tell necessarily, I just kind of think it's similar for Dominants. If my waffling makes any sense

Oh if someone mentions dominant traits once we're actually talking that's absolutely fine. It's the people who lead in with it in the first contact that I absolutely disregard.

I don't even consider myself a submissive. But there are a very small amount of people that bring that out of me.

Everyone is of course perfectly welcome to do their thing however they like between consenting adults. It's just a base incompatibility issue for me if someone walks in flying the Real Dom flag."

I got you, and I totally agree with you. I'm not into a bull in a china shop approach to anything be it BDSM or those who message are you free now. I just think they're the same personality types

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By *rDxxMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

Go eat some nettles yeah ok I will when really getting banged watching eastenders by you lmao

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