FabSwingers.com forum: Help needed re wife and best friend

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi all, this is the first time I have posted on the forum and I genuinely would welcome some advice. My wife and I have been swinging for maybe 15 years and overall have loved it. Michelle has met many men and has ongoing FB arrangements with 3 and I'm very happy with this.

The issue though relates to my best mate who we have known for over 30 years and are close to his family.

In August this year, 4 of us were due to go to a music festival (punk ) and the arrangement was me and Mich would have a hotel room for 3 nights and my mate and his friend would share another room. We were going to buy the tickets and they would pay us back.

Last week my friend told me it would just be him, but he still wants to go so can we get tickets and he would get a single room.

Now Michelle has never made a secret of the fact she fancies my friend and has often commented on the clearly large bulge in his jeans and is often flirty with him. If the three of us go away I know there will be quite a bit of drinking going on and I know over 3 nights and 4 days she will make a move on him. I have talked to her about it and she is honest in saying if things develop she would happily let him fuck her.

My dilemma is whether this will mess up our relationship in the long term and whether to not buy the tickets and make an excuse. He does not know we swing but also has had affairs himself over the years.

Sorry its such a long post!!

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By *aveonMan
over a year ago

Dartford

My view is don’t go there - it will change the friendship forever, but if you know that in advance and accept it will change things then it’s your choice

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By *hilliplisa790Couple
over a year ago

Paignton

I would avoid this one is I was you, too close to your relationship and to close to your marriage

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

You have to agree the boundaries between yourself and your wife. A good rule is if one of you is unsure or uncomfortable with anything then it’s a no from both of you.

The fact you have had to ask about this OP I would guess that it is one or the other so my suggestion would be that nothing should happen between them

Marc

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks, I think that's exactly the issue. It will change things and things are fine at the moment.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I would say agree with your wife that your friend is off limits and that's the end of it. Is he in a relationship?

What about him in all this, he might no be interested anyway

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By *-4pleasureCouple
over a year ago

Belfast

"Hi all, this is the first time I have posted on the forum and I genuinely would welcome some advice. My wife and I have been swinging for maybe 15 years and overall have loved it. Michelle has met many men and has ongoing FB arrangements with 3 and I'm very happy with this.

The issue though relates to my best mate who we have known for over 30 years and are close to his family.

Last week my friend told me it would just be him, but he still wants to go so can we get tickets and he would get a single room.

Sorry its such a long post!!"

No no no !!! Did I say no? You’d ruin the best relationship in your life.

And possibly the one with your wife too

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks, I think you are probably right. There would also be social situations after where we would see his wife and family that would be really difficult.

That would mean that we either don't go to the festival altogether or lie and go without him. She would 100% not behave herself and doesn't intend to.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

The fact you are asking this, have concerns and recognise the potential pitfalls surely gives you your answer

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By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago

Dublin and London

Don't go there would be my advice.

You know him 30 years and he doesn't know you and your wife swing, I think it's best kept that way.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 05/04/23 09:27:08]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Thanks, I think you are probably right. There would also be social situations after where we would see his wife and family that would be really difficult.

That would mean that we either don't go to the festival altogether or lie and go without him. She would 100% not behave herself and doesn't intend to."

Your wife is the one you need to talk to. That just isn't right. The guy's married, just because she fancies him doesn't give her the right to decide she wants to have sex with him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks, I think you are probably right. There would also be social situations after where we would see his wife and family that would be really difficult.

That would mean that we either don't go to the festival altogether or lie and go without him. She would 100% not behave herself and doesn't intend to."

To be honest and not in an awful way... That then sounds like a couple issue? You've both discussed it, you clearly aren't comfortable. If the Mrs can't not prevent herself from making a play for one man in the land (whose a mate). Then you probably need to both sit down and discuss where you are both at?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think you should listen to your initial instincts. It sounds like your apprehensive of a potential situation unfolding and changing a long term friendships.

Don't let it stop you all going to the concert, but if you feel strongly about not wanting anything to happen, you need to make that 110% clear to your wife beforehand.

On the flip side, if you do give your wife consent for things to develop, he may not want them to and things come become really awkward between you all.

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By *eartsmanMan
over a year ago

southeast , midlands, southern France

Best leave alone, I believe that the swinging world should not cross over to our private and family lives, especially if hes a long-term friend.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I would say agree with your wife that your friend is off limits and that's the end of it. Is he in a relationship?

What about him in all this, he might no be interested anyway "

This

Just because she fancies him and you're OK with it doesn't mean he'd be at all interested.

Is it worth running the risk of ruining a long term friendship just for some sex?

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

You can already smell smoke before you’ve lit the fire

Make your excuses and don’t go with it mate. If this makes you uncomfortable maybe have words with the Mrs aswell that your mate is a ‘No Go’ remember the phrase ‘prevention is better than cure’?

That applies in this situation!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks Marc. That seems to be the consensus on here and makes most sense

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes your right. There is too much to lose and we have a happy balance between our vanilla life and the lifestyle on here so why risk that?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi, that's true, but based on previous flirting I have witnessed between them and his willingness to play away in the past I think it's very likely something would happen. It's probably not a good thing for the three of us to go up to Blackpool for it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes your right. There is too much to lose and we have a happy balance between our vanilla life and the lifestyle on here so why risk that? "

So don't? Also just because the guy has had 'affairs', doesn't mean either of you get to poke into his private life? That's his business not yours, and presumably he's confided in you if you're aware... Don't be a couple of creeps and offer up sex on a plate to make his lying worse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi, that's true, but based on previous flirting I have witnessed between them and his willingness to play away in the past I think it's very likely something would happen. It's probably not a good thing for the three of us to go up to Blackpool for it "

Only of you're not adult enough to have control of your own genitals

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for the reply. It's so good to hear grounded advice from so many people. I think the difficulty will be the length of time we are away together, alcohol and the fact that me and my wife quite like the idea and she fancies him. There is the risk of him not being interested and that would mess things up. I think we would probably have to either go on our own or without him knowing though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for the reply. It's so good to hear grounded advice from so many people. I think the difficulty will be the length of time we are away together, alcohol and the fact that me and my wife quite like the idea and she fancies him. There is the risk of him not being interested and that would mess things up. I think we would probably have to either go on our own or without him knowing though."

Well that's a total backtrack? You're now saying you're intrested in the idea? After saying orginally you thought it was a bloody stupid one?... Either push your mate to bang your Mrs, or don't (I'd personally suggest don't)... But if it blows up in your faces then you've literally no-one else to blame

Enjoy your trip

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you use reply +quote under the post you're replying to we can see who you're answering

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"Thanks, I think you are probably right. There would also be social situations after where we would see his wife and family that would be really difficult.

That would mean that we either don't go to the festival altogether or lie and go without him. She would 100% not behave herself and doesn't intend to."

I think the biggest issue presenting itself here is a frank discussion needed about what is ok and not ok with your wife, yes you are swingers and yes that means you have sex with other people but there are boundaries and lines that still need to be in place and not be crossed, he is your best friend and married to boot, just because she wants to doesn't mean she should regardless of your relationship setup.

I hope you figure things out

T x

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

[Removed by poster at 05/04/23 10:10:57]

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

I'm sorry but the amount of red flags in these posts is shockinh not least that he's married and his wife doesn't know.

But mainly its the comments around alcohol that concern me. Let's reverse the genders here. Imagine a female posting that her husband fancied one of her female friends and they were going away for the weekend and she wasnt comfortable that they might end up fucking because her husband can't control himself when d*unk and the friend will be d*unk so won't have capacity to consent but you'll assume they'll be okay with it because she's cheated on her husband before.

I can't believe a single poster on here would not find that scenario abhorrent.

If your wife can't control herself when d*unk she needs help (and again, can you imagine the reaction to a man using that defense!). Fucking people who are d*unk and can't consent isn't okay even more so when you are friends with their wife and kids. Justifying things based on being pissed is not okay

Honestly OP I think you and your wife probably need to talk about boundaries and get a better understanding of consent. And probably consider drinking less.

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