FabSwingers.com forum: Females and couples, opinions please.

By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

Hi, first forum post in a long time but after a interesting discussion with a friend I thought I would post it on here.

So, i am single, not looking for a relationship at all. Just happy to meet men, woman and couples for non attached sexual fun a frolics.

Recently I have met a “single guy” (my definition is that he’s single as he didn’t bring a female with him)

Met him twice, all is good. I saw him yesterday morning at Starbucks with another woman. I assume it’s his girlfriend/wife/partner. We didn’t speak but I never do when I see a sexual contact in public as it’s out of the bedroom and what happens there stays there in my bedroom anyway.

I discussed this with a friend as she was with me and she was not pleased, she suggested I tell his partner or ask him if he wants to continue with her or continue seeing me.

Personally I don’t care if a male has a girlfriend/wife when I meet them, I don’t ask. All I am concerned about is what happens during the time we spend in the bedroom.

I do have some really great sexual male FWB that i see occasionally. I suspect out of the 5 that 4 have partners, if I was put off by this then it would leave me without seeing those FWB and I would then be left with the usual idiots and time wasters.

What does everyone else think about this?

Do you only see genuinely single unattached males or do you not ask and not care?

I do know some women and couples actually prefer meeting married or attached men.

Genuinely curious to know what everyone’s opinions are, I’m sure they will be varied

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By *hropshireGentMan
over a year ago

midllands, traveling with work

I think this could turn out to be a interesting post

as a male I do see where you are coming from. Some women don’t care as long as they get what they want and other women feel like they want to know everything about you from a first meet.

I think the main issue is making sure you use protection so there’s no nasty surprises from either party.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

It wouldn't be for us but you should play by your rules. No one can decide what you are comfortable with.

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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago

The dot in the i

IMO here and sure others won’t all agree but I’m poly and open, I don’t care who else they’re seeing as long as they’re all safe

But

If someone is cheating, deliberately deceiving someone, they’re not for me

Being open, clear and honest is very important to me, I am with my partners and hold them to the same standards

But each to their own and all that jazz, just a case of having a good chatter and seeing who’s about what, if that click is there great, if it’s not we each move on

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

I really don’t mind and don’t ask. When I agree to meet someone it’s for fun behind closed doors and what goes on there stays there.

I always use condoms and I regularly have STI tests and have never had any issues.

Being honest with myself I think most of the “single men” I have met on here have been playing away and they are the most genuine people ive met.

The “single” men are single for a reason I think

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Echoing the poly sentiment.

I prefer my partners to have other partners, to whatever degree of serious or casual as suits them. I have one partner who is married, and we play with his wife's knowing and enthusiastic consent. The others just have more casual partners but as far as I'm aware they all know that there's no monogamy on offer.

If he was sneaking around behind her back, he wouldn't be the sort of person I wanted to spend any time with, hiding and lying and cheating are massively unpleasant to me, and I don't want to associate with people who do that to people that care about them.

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

That’s interesting. For me I prefer quality time and meet during that moment we are in the bedroom. Nothing else concerns me, on the plus side with men in a relationship they don’t turn crazy and continuously text or turn up unannounced.

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By *hropshireGentMan
over a year ago

midllands, traveling with work

I do see what you mean there actually. A man that’s playing away won’t expect anything more than casual sex and won’t get funny if you stop seeing him because he would be in fear of you seeing him in public with his partner.

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

I don’t look at it like that from a black mailing someone view. All i ask is for someone to turn up on time, be polite and respectful and make me happy in the bedroom and when they leave everything that’s happened stays there.

I thought that was how it was in the swinging world but I’m finding out it isn’t

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What made you assume it was his girlfriend, wife or partner?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also why is your friend ready to tell a woman something when she has no idea if it's based in fact ?

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

I assumed this because of the way they acted, she held his hand.

It was clearly not a friend or relative.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I don't knowingly meet anyone cheating on a partner & because of that I always ask people when I'm speaking to them.

It's up to you if you're happy to meet those with partners ,but if they don't know, you do risk them tracking you down or causing issues if they find out their partner is cheating.

I wouldn't do it as I'm a ltr ,he's here too and I'd hate it done to me.

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By *liceinwanderlust101Woman
over a year ago

Cambridge/London

Could’ve been another meet!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I assumed this because of the way they acted, she held his hand.

It was clearly not a friend or relative. "

It's hardly evidence though is it. In my opinion it's best to assume that everyone you meet on fab will either be attached or at the very least meeting other people for sex. She might be someone he met swinging or she might well be his wife but until and unless you know for sure I think your friend is wrong to suggest either telling her or issuing him with an ultimatum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I gave up certain rules a few year's back . If i liked someone and we both wanted a second meet then I'd ask about thier situation. People lie regardless. I'd rather them be honest with me. Attached and married people all have thier reasons some valid some not. Safe sex, good company and a few giggles. Then back to normality.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

I'm puzzled by your friend's comment.

Unless you and he were exclusive, why would he not be able to meet another woman for a coffee? And why would anyone assume he had done something wrong by meeting with you?

Perhaps it was a first date? Or maybe a fab social? Or none of anyone else's business?

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

"I gave up certain rules a few year's back . If i liked someone and we both wanted a second meet then I'd ask about thier situation. People lie regardless. I'd rather them be honest with me. Attached and married people all have thier reasons some valid some not. Safe sex, good company and a few giggles. Then back to normality. "

That is my view on it.

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By *elshcouple18Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Not very discreet if discussing it with a friend.. that would be a worry.. also does it matter if he's married or not? If you're not looking for a relationship then it shouldn't matter..

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"That’s interesting. For me I prefer quality time and meet during that moment we are in the bedroom. Nothing else concerns me, on the plus side with men in a relationship they don’t turn crazy and continuously text or turn up unannounced.

That's one of the reasons why my partner *loves* meeting with married men. Contrary to common assumptions, she finds it much more hassle-free.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

It's not for me, I won't meet attached women or men, while yes what happens during the meet is important, I'm not about to cause pain to someone else just for sex.

I like uncomplicated drama free, no husband's or wife's knocking at my door.

Mrs

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By *hropshireGentMan
over a year ago

midllands, traveling with work

From all the meets I’ve had on fab I would say that a lot of the women have that attitude.

I’m not in a relationship but not many people ask

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By *XZRMan
over a year ago

Highland

"I really don’t mind and don’t ask. When I agree to meet someone it’s for fun behind closed doors and what goes on there stays there.

I always use condoms and I regularly have STI tests and have never had any issues.

Being honest with myself I think most of the “single men” I have met on here have been playing away and they are the most genuine people ive met.

The “single” men are single for a reason I think

If you have no problem with it, that's all that matters.

On the 'single for a reason comment' I feel I should speak up for the genuinely single, nice guys on fab who don't deserve such comments. Most of whom may be quite content being single/are single through choice.

Shouldn't be assumed we are single for a negative reason.

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By *oetic licenceCouple
over a year ago

Darley Dale

"It's not for me, I won't meet attached women or men, while yes what happens during the meet is important, I'm not about to cause pain to someone else just for sex.

I like uncomplicated drama free, no husband's or wife's knocking at my door.

Mrs "

Totally agree with this. Fab swingers or not, cheating is cheating. X

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

My thoughts are that your friend is perfectly entitled to her opinion but if it’s something you’re comfortable with then she should keep out of your business.

We’ve met plenty of women that it’s turned out haven’t been entirely honest about being single and it’s never bothered us, it’s their business.

So far we’ve only met what seem to be single men but if they were attached it wouldn’t bother us either, it’s their business.

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

I wouldn't dream of saying anything to his partner.

For all you and your friend know, his partner knows about his Fab life.

Not your monkey, not your circus.

Winston

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I wouldn't dream of saying anything to his partner.

For all you and your friend know, his partner knows about his Fab life.

Not your monkey, not your circus.

Winston "

For all the monkeys and circuses know the woman in question wasn't even his partner.

Should I ever have the misfortune to be tried by jury I would be very worried

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't "

He's a man. Ergo, he's a lying, duplicitous bastard.

We get like that as soon as we see boobies....... there's no going back.

Winston

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't "

He text me mins after posting this that he saw me this morning when he was with his girlfriend and she doesn’t know anything about us and hopes I’m not offended or upset and still wants to see me if that’s ok with me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally doesn't matter to me as I am Married and he knows I play with women when it comes to guys it's different.

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

"I wouldn't dream of saying anything to his partner.

For all you and your friend know, his partner knows about his Fab life.

Not your monkey, not your circus.

Winston

For all the monkeys and circuses know the woman in question wasn't even his partner.

Should I ever have the misfortune to be tried by jury I would be very worried

Especially if the jury is made up of Forumites.

Winston

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't

Did he, that was handy

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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

"I'm puzzled by your friend's comment.

Unless you and he were exclusive, why would he not be able to meet another woman for a coffee? And why would anyone assume he had done something wrong by meeting with you?

Perhaps it was a first date? Or maybe a fab social? Or none of anyone else's business?"

I'm with you on that one... My sister would have reacted the same as OP's friend...

My reply to my sister was... Casual sex for me is like finding a Squash partner... I can play Squash on my own but with another is more enjoyable.

If I found my said Squash friend with another partner, it would be totally delusional of me to feel anything...

My sister feels sex should be sacred and can be very INSECURE about her sex life.

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By *instonandLadyAstorCouple
over a year ago

Not where we seem to be...

"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't

Did he, that was handy "

I'm gonna request a "guffaw" emoji.

Winston

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to their own but we would absolutely not go with someone we knew full well had a partner without them knowing.

Miss S x

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't

Did he, that was handy "

I would upload the screenshots of out WhatsApp conversation with his name blurred out as it would paint a much clearer picture

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't

Did he, that was handy

I would upload the screenshots of out WhatsApp conversation with his name blurred out as it would paint a much clearer picture "

Don't do that it's against forum rules to post private messages not to mention incredibly indiscreet.

I have no reason to disbelieve you, I assume you got mixed up about seeing him yesterday morning. But you should do what you think is best in the situation

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

"Why are lots of people assuming this guy isn't single or at least wasn't at the time he met the op? There is literally nothing to suggest that he wasn't

Did he, that was handy

I would upload the screenshots of out WhatsApp conversation with his name blurred out as it would paint a much clearer picture

Don't do that it's against forum rules to post private messages not to mention incredibly indiscreet.

I have no reason to disbelieve you, I assume you got mixed up about seeing him yesterday morning. But you should do what you think is best in the situation "

I am aware of that and that’s why I wouldn’t do it.

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By *hropshireGentMan
over a year ago

midllands, traveling with work

This has turned out to be informative and its amazing to see the different opinions

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

If he told you he was single then that’s different to if he told you he was attached. I would want to know x

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

"If he told you he was single then that’s different to if he told you he was attached. I would want to know x"

I never ask as it does not bother me either way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefer to meet single people

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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

"If he told you he was single then that’s different to if he told you he was attached. I would want to know x

I never ask as it does not bother me either way "

In fact if I could bother replying to his text, I would say... I'm glad I didn't confront you as you're no good to me grounded!!! Hope your coffee / cake was nice!

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By *urga2076Woman
over a year ago

London

Not understanding the dynamics of who you’re playing with and who they’re playing with in turn puts me at significant STI risk. For that reason alone I prefer to know where I stand.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Not understanding the dynamics of who you’re playing with and who they’re playing with in turn puts me at significant STI risk. For that reason alone I prefer to know where I stand."

How often do you actually know where you stand?

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

We always ask if someone we meet is married or in a relationship, and won't meet if thats that case. But obviously we don't really know. Jo x

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

If someone says they are single I personally would like them to not being lieing. It's not nice finding out your partner hasn't been faithful.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I wouldn't meet with anyone who was attached... I wouldn't want to be the cause of someone else's heartbreak.

Also... You're more likely to be the one who gets grief when the Gf/Mrs finds out.

But if that's no issue to you, crack on.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

"I really don’t mind and don’t ask. When I agree to meet someone it’s for fun behind closed doors and what goes on there stays there.

I always use condoms and I regularly have STI tests and have never had any issues.

Being honest with myself I think most of the “single men” I have met on here have been playing away and they are the most genuine people ive met.

The “single” men are single for a reason I think

If you have no problem with it, that's all that matters.

Shouldn't be assumed we are single for a negative reason. "

Yeah... They're not particularly "genuine" if they're liars and cheats.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

It's not so black and white and our circumstances are different.

First differnet circumstances: We don't really have regulars or FWB. And we generally stick to swinging in clubs, parties or picking up randoms on vanilla nights out. So there not the same level of involvement with guys as you do.

Now the more difficult ethics: We were both married and both cheated on. It's devastating. So you can understand our natural disinclination to cheats. However the elephant in the room is that this scene is full of people who are living two life's. Yes a lot of guys but also a fair few women and also couples who are together cheating on their respective partners in our experience. We've met a lot of people over the years who we've got on great with but scratch the surface and they are living a double life. It is a bit disheartening. Especially when you meet a cracking couple who are so good together and then find out they both have unsuspecting partners/spouse'. As a general rule of thumb this is barrier. However in all honesty not 100% of the time because on occasion we have been with people who are going behind a partners back knowingly. It's rare but sometimes character has trumped moral hesitancy. And on many other occasions we've found out after the act down the line (bit more like you have).

We're not here to Police others however it's undesirable to become accomplice to their deceit. Although we also understand not every situation is black and white and we don't like to judge those who's shoes we don't stand in. Although we both know what it's like to be stood in the shoes of those cheated on. So yes we probably may again with the right people. However it's kind of easier for us as a detached club thing than it would be if we were regularly seeing them alone in a more personal space or being fwb. That more personal set up with someone attached would not work for us. But clubs are like the den of lost souls or the French Foreign Legion. They are a time and space of their own free from the outside world where you can escape your history and circumstances.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally wouldnt meet if i knew someone was attached and their partner disnt know. Had ut done to me and it broke me. But each to their own x

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

I never ask if someone is in a relationship or cheating.

If I was to ask I suspect 90% of them would lie anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my experience, most women lead with themselves and then ask. If someone asks, I will always be honest.

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

"In my experience, most women lead with themselves and then ask. If someone asks, I will always be honest."

And what is your situation?

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Hi, first forum post in a long time but after a interesting discussion with a friend I thought I would post it on here.

So, i am single, not looking for a relationship at all. Just happy to meet men, woman and couples for non attached sexual fun a frolics.

Recently I have met a “single guy” (my definition is that he’s single as he didn’t bring a female with him)

I discussed this with a friend as she was with me and she was not pleased, she suggested I tell his partner or ask him if he wants to continue with her or continue seeing me.

Personally I don’t care if a male has a girlfriend/wife when I meet them, I don’t ask. All I am concerned about is what happens during the time we spend in the bedroom.

What does everyone else think about this?

Do you only see genuinely single unattached males or do you not ask and not care?

I do know some women and couples actually prefer meeting married or attached men.

Genuinely curious to know what everyone’s opinions are, I’m sure they will be varied

"
You did exactly the right thing and you have a great attitude towards swinging what goes in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, i mean it could have been his sister, his mothers sister, his auntie, his next door neighbour etc etc and thankyou for mentioning it in this thread

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By *ristinapinkWoman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

I’m really not keen on attached men. Less hassle?? Not really when their partner finds out, sooner or later they do, and they blame me for their partner to be cheating.

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By *anlovesboobs OP Woman
over a year ago

Near Oswestry

"I’m really not keen on attached men. Less hassle?? Not really when their partner finds out, sooner or later they do, and they blame me for their partner to be cheating. "

I’m the 6 years of swinging on this site I have only had one phone call from a wife. I explained that I had no idea he was in a relationship. Never had any issues after that

On the other hand I’ve had 3 single men that have caused me real problems. After meeting them more than twice they fall in love and think we can have a relationship.

Two kept appearing at my house and continually messaging me.

The third was a bit more serious so I called the police.

I’ve found that attached men suit my needs. They don’t want a relationship they just want a hour of fun the same as me and it ends there.

Not that I intentionally look for attached men but I just never ask the question if they are single or not.

If I did ask I’m sure most would lie anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"In my experience, most women lead with themselves and then ask. If someone asks, I will always be honest.

And what is your situation? "

I'm married to someone that genuinely doesn't enjoy sex. Which is ironic but true.

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By *ucifer And MazikeenCouple
over a year ago

Derbyshire

We will meet one side of a couple but only if there partner knew about it which we clearly stated in our profile

But as for seeing a person out with someone else they could be on another meet so going over to confront them would be wrong as could be ruining a really good meet for that person. After all they are swingers and they are not here just to meet one person

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