FabSwingers.com forum: Lost Confidence

By *ily OP Woman
over a year ago

Slough

I joined Fab about 8 years ago, and loved it. In the last few years due to medication I have put a lot of weight on which has destroyed my confidence. I’ve been to a few socials (Heathrow Social) and have lost the art of conversation. Has anyone else felt like this and how did you over get over it. I really miss this side of my life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you been to socials recently? Maybe let them know you're not feeling confident and they might introduce you to new people.

Or put a meet up asking for a plus 1 to go with you.

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By *ily OP Woman
over a year ago

Slough

I must be really stupid I hadn’t thought of that the lady that runs it is so lovely. I go with my partner and he is such a social person I feel like I’m holding him back x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I joined Fab about 8 years ago, and loved it. In the last few years due to medication I have put a lot of weight on which has destroyed my confidence. I’ve been to a few socials (Heathrow Social) and have lost the art of conversation. Has anyone else felt like this and how did you over get over it. I really miss this side of my life "

Confidence, once lost, can take time to get back. I hope you find yours!!

My confidence comes and goes too, but there’s often a few friends that help bring it back. Sometimes it’s just that one spark you need. I hope you find yours x

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By *oelDorianMan
over a year ago

vanaheim

I’ll be honest I’ve lost my confidence as well because I took a break because of work and trying to get back into the scene and it just seems so much more difficult

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've not been feeling great about myself recently so understand where you're coming from. For me, interacting on the forums, and finding people we'd like to connect with and start to chat with has been a wee confidence boost. Maybe add some public pics - I known it's really shallow, but I do get a thrill if someone fabs pir pics lol - and maybe take the plunge with going to a club night or social? I know you're straight, but I love your profile pic and I think your figure from what I see is gorgeous

Mrs

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By *evonrobMan
over a year ago

Kingsbridge

From your profile I wouldn’t say you have much to worry about. You come across as articulate, sexy and intelligent, or some combination of them. I’d certainly love to chat with you on here, phone or in person. We can probably skip anything about the NHS or the rail strikes though please!

Why not a bit more chatting on here then some low pressure meets working up to a more consensual physical meeting. I bet you’re very pretty too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely get that. I found just going headlong without overthinking helps.

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

"I must be really stupid I hadn’t thought of that the lady that runs it is so lovely. I go with my partner and he is such a social person I feel like I’m holding him back x"

I am pretty sure he would say that is a ridiculous statement...

You hold nobody back but yourself!

There are various support methods you can use to help you. But it is all up their in you own mind. Only you can really make the change...

Change scares people. It forces us from our comfort zone.

You will find you are stronger than you think you are. More resilient than you think you are.

You already go to events.

The more you go the easier it will become.. The more confident you will feel..

Besides. There is the old Chinese saying of "Fuck it"...

Be bold, Be you and screw everybody else.

Go get them you beautiful sexy diva!!!!...

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

Sending hugs OP. I know exactly what you mean, I’m usually pretty outgoing but struggle in clubs to approach people and start a conversation.

Have you thought about going to a social with a couple you already know? That way you have friends in the room and a 4-6 way chat may mean you feel less focus on you.

Good luck in over this, I’m sure you will xx

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By *ily OP Woman
over a year ago

Slough

Thankyou

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By *owhambamMan
over a year ago

clacton

I’m sure you have more confidence than some, as you’re already attending social events.

There are many people that are too shy to pluck up the courage for a no pressure social gathering, so you’re tackling the issue already, as for holding your partner back, does he/she just leave you on your own? While they socialise with the others.

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By *ily OP Woman
over a year ago

Slough

No that’s the point he doesn’t leave me he knows how I feel. I encourages conversation with others but I just sit their tongue tied

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary

Confidence is an easy thing to lose and a hard thing to regain. I think there are a few things that can help to regain it, although like any emotions it can be incredibly difficult to re wire your brain into thinking differently. And quite often that starts with your desire to do so.

It seems that you’re wanting to start that change (hence the post) so it’s likely that right now you’re the closest you have been to getting that confidence back! Now it’s time to build up some momentum!

My first piece of advice would be to get those emotions written down, allow those feelings in so you can identify them and deconstruct them. Find the little things that trigger those emotions and make a note of them.

Once you have realised some of these triggers and associated feelings maybe continue as normal for a little bit until you have a good day where you feel a little better than most days. Then use that day to take a step, never needs to be a big step. Just any step that isn’t backwards is progress!

Conversationally I would advise you find something you’re passionate about and attend some kind of event around that. It’s always much easier to engage with people when you have a passion for it.

But I can say with the utmost belief that when in a large social gathering there’s always at least one person who’s eager to chat to you but is overthinking things just as much/ if not more than you.

The person you used to be is still residing in your mind, and although it may be fragmented in parts it’s still very much there. Sometimes to grow your character a few things need to break , once it’s all reassembled it’s got a much bigger capacity to grow in.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

I've definitely lost my confidence due to some really vile messages and such like. It has put me off using the site like I used too.

I hope you find yours again OP xx

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"I've definitely lost my confidence due to some really vile messages and such like. It has put me off using the site like I used too.

I hope you find yours again OP xx"

Who on earth in their right mind would send you vile messages?!! When I read your profile and check out your pictures all I think about is how to articulate my A game!

I hope you get a flood of nice messages that you deserve and rebuild your confidence xx

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By *owhambamMan
over a year ago

clacton

"I've definitely lost my confidence due to some really vile messages and such like. It has put me off using the site like I used too.

I hope you find yours again OP xx"

You shouldn’t need too worry what others write( sticks and stones) comes too mind, OP’s confidence sounds like it is a self esteem problem rather than what you’re saying is what others have called you. Don’t listen to twats that hide behind their keyboard, I’m sure there’s 10 messages saying how great you look, compared to the one that finds a flaw. Focus on the good forget the bad and believe in yourself which applies too OP as well

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