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"What can we do about them if we are not allowed to name and shame?!!! " What process do you go through? Do you meet socially first? | |||
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"What can we do about them if we are not allowed to name and shame?!!! " choose betterly? lol.. i just hope u havent wasted money..as for anything else..well its just sex isnt it? | |||
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"Me and the mister were on a promise for tonight, Which would have been our first swinging experience.We got let down and now feel like we were being naive and stupid for getting stuff just right "och dont be daft...just try finding people more generally who have experience and verified decently | |||
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" och dont be daft...just try finding people more generally who have experience and verified decently" thanks we will hang in there x  | |||
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"....makes you reluctant to trust anyone..." Which is quite right. Dont trust anyone until they earn it. Im sure he will be kicking himself today as he prob just lost his nerve. Keep looking and move on, his loss is someone else's gain. Have fun xx | |||
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"just accept it and move on- as for the ridiculous notion of 'reporting' cos of no show- last minute emergency, break down, no signal etc etc chill- it is Christmas or go on a dating site, where folk are checked out before joining." Last minute emergency, break down etc, he could have let the guys no, instead he removed his profile according to OP thus telling me he either bottled it or had no intention of showing up in the first place. Verifications mean nothing either, recently arranged a meet with two guys, both verified (several times) neither showed up, both claiming traffic issues, though traffic reports for road they mentioned was clear and running fine | |||
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"What can we do about them if we are not allowed to name and shame?!!! " This is what you do .... Grin and bear it, it's part of life, always was and always will be. It ain't worth losing a nanosecond of your life worrying over it | |||
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" Last minute emergency, break down etc, he could have let the guys no, instead he removed his profile according to OP thus telling me he either bottled it or had no intention of showing up in the first place. Verifications mean nothing either, recently arranged a meet with two guys, both verified (several times) neither showed up, both claiming traffic issues, though traffic reports for road they mentioned was clear and running fine" *Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on!  | |||
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"fact is a lot of people on this site are full of shit and dont /cant walk the walk" 
Guy contacted me mid week about a 3 sum last night. All agreed etc. Mailed him Friday to see about address, who's supplying condoms, lube etc. Was online at the time. Read message then never replied. Timewasting? Not sure as I never had to wait around or anything but a lot of people talk the talk but when it comes to meets? They dont do it. Bit frustrating but you just move onto the next | |||
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" *Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on! "Ditto. | |||
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" *Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on! "see... if i had said that I would have been accused of being really harsh... up to a point I absolutely agree that the word "timewaster" is too easily thrown around.... see.. my definition of timewaster is different to a lot of people, in the sense that if i haven't confirmed with them just before I was due to leave, and i haven't left the house.... my time hasn't been wasted as there is time to do something else..... real life does get in the way, so does cold feet.. and if they are now not on the site its not like they are doing it to other people... I've had people leave the site... you move on rather than making a song and dance of it..... | |||
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" *Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on! "So in short...tough!..the original posters fault for expecting them to actually turn up?  | |||
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"What can we do about them if we are not allowed to name and shame?!!! " Forget them and move on. Simples!!!! | |||
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 how did swingers meet before comps were about lol | |||
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" *Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on!
Ditto. "I am inclined to agree. People only waste the time that I allow them to. If I didn't have it to waste, I wouldn't be messaging or meeting with them. The only time I think it is really naughty is if someone has gone to expense to make things happen their end and then the other party is a blatant 'no show' | |||
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"In terms of timewasting - I consider people who claim they will meet and then go silent a day or so prior to also be timewasters - not just no shows. You may have been messaging for a while, turned down other meets and then, when they disappear into the ether, you are stuck without a meet. Many people on here do not have much time for meets for various reasons. I tend to meet only on Saturdays. Therefore, if I arrange a meet and I get blanked out a day or so prior I have to go through all the rigmarole of setting a new one up - very often, unsuccessfully. So I consider that a waste of my Saturday night. No shows are worse - but disappearances are also timewasting. Not a lot can be done about it, however, other than the use of the ubiquitous block facility." Seems to happen to me a lot, I think I must be either scary or not as nice as I thought lol  I agree tho, it's just as bad as no shows when your time is limited | |||
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"What can we do about them if we are not allowed to name and shame?!!! " Why don't you start a thread on the forums about it? ...oh, hang on... | |||
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"Seems to happen to me a lot, I think I must be either scary or not as nice as I thought lol I agree tho, it's just as bad as no shows when your time is limited"Have you ever stopped to think that it may just well be the very opposite ? That the fact someone finds you so attractive actually it scares them off from meeting ? That they worry they may not be able to meet the standards they assume you want ? Many a bloke is brave when sat next to a PC, chatting to a nice lady. Ask that same bloke to set a date, get dressed and go and enjoy her company, and he craps himself ! Not always the case, but it does happen ! So think on before you knock yourself again, or you'll have me to contend with  | |||
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"Seems to happen to me a lot, I think I must be either scary or not as nice as I thought lol I agree tho, it's just as bad as no shows when your time is limited
Have you ever stopped to think that it may just well be the very opposite ?
That the fact someone finds you so attractive actually it scares them off from meeting ?
That they worry they may not be able to meet the standards they assume you want ?
Many a bloke is brave when sat next to a PC, chatting to a nice lady.
Ask that same bloke to set a date, get dressed and go and enjoy her company, and he craps himself !
Not always the case, but it does happen !
So think on before you knock yourself again, or you'll have me to contend with "Santa has a point... I've actually seen a friend of mine cut himself shaving when getting ready for a date...  | |||
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" *Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on!
So in short...tough!..the original posters fault for expecting them to actually turn up? "Got it in one, you're a quick one arn't ye? Those that have expectations sometimes get disappointed...a meet is a meet, if they don't show up, then its not a meet, just be more choosy! Fkn simple! | |||
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"Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on! "When I am sat in the pub waiting for someone to turn up, I reckon it is a waste of my time when they do not. Time that could have been used in other ways. Sure, the only way to never be disappointed is to never meet, but then why would we be on here? | |||
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" *Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on!
So in short...tough!..the original posters fault for expecting them to actually turn up?
Got it in one, you're a quick one arn't ye? Those that have expectations sometimes get disappointed...a meet is a meet, if they don't show up, then its not a meet, just be more choosy! Fkn simple! "Just a thought but.. Consider this scenario.... You have arranged a meet exchanged face pics prior to said meet.. then you turn up at the allotted place and time and person you thought you were meeting has been clearly more than dishonest with their photos and you are not actually meeting who you thought you were meeting.. So you do a runner before you are spotted.. so who in the scenario is in the wrong.. yes they think you didn't show up and call you a timewaster.. but they lied and sent very old photos that look a hell of alot different and even alot cleaner than they actually were when you saw the arrive.. i would say in that scenario they are the ones at fault and deserve to be stood up... | |||
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"The attitude of some to timewasters - as in 'tough' - suggests a real hardening of the way society works and a total lack of empathy. Wonder if any of those have actually done what people on here complain of? "but the truth of it is... the people are "no longer on the site" and not able to defend themselves.... my gut reaction to this type of thread is "well pick better"... and I have gotten to that over time, from working out if there was anything I could change, to see if there were any "giveaway" tales, to make sure I learn from it... calling others "timewasters" is too easy an out because it lays all the blame at them.. and none on you...... there is empathy.. however i don't base it on hearing one side of a story... | |||
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"i would say in that scenario they are the ones at fault and deserve to be stood up... " No-one deserves to be stood up. It's a horrible feeling. | |||
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"I would say treat people as you would like to be treated, but if the other person doesnt think the same what can you do but move on. Etiquette is a distant behaviour and "old fashioned" nowadays I,m afraid. " Treating others as you would like to be treated is a good way to start, but don't think etiquette has a place in swinging, it let's people assume too much, and its based on snobery! I love animalistic, primal passionate sex, ye just don't get that with etiquette!
It would just be easier if people would stop making up their own reasons for why someone didn't show.
I don't get why folk get so hung up on the negative aspect of no show, I bet op still got wet n horny at the prospect! So not a waste!  | |||
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"The attitude of some to timewasters - as in 'tough' - suggests a real hardening of the way society works and a total lack of empathy. Wonder if any of those have actually done what people on here complain of? "I have let someone down twice On the first occasion, my mum fell down the stairs and was taken to hospital a couple of hours before the meet was due to go ahead and I advised my meet of such and postponed the meet for another date. On the second occasion, I was showered and ready to go and received a call that my friend had terminal cancer which knocked me for six. A meet was the last thing on my mind. On the first occasion, the meet was perfectly understanding, the second, however (a guy) completely saw his arse and blocked me instantly. Both completely genuine reasons, yet two completely different responses. I have, however, been let down more times than I would care to mention, mainly through my own poor lack of judgement and planning. I allowed those situations to arise and as such I have only myself to blame. The fact that the other persons didn't show is, with hindsight, something I could have managed better. That is what I meant in my earlier statement where I said 'they only waste my time if I allow them to and I have time to waste' | |||
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"Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on!
When I am sat in the pub waiting for someone to turn up, I reckon it is a waste of my time when they do not. Time that could have been used in other ways.
Sure, the only way to never be disappointed is to never meet, but then why would we be on here?"Maybe you should have spent you're time more wisely when chattin to the guy who let you down, its defo not nice but not a waste of your time sweetheart, you learned a pretty massive lesson. | |||
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" Just a thought but.. Consider this scenario.... You have arranged a meet exchanged face pics prior to said meet.. then you turn up at the allotted place and time and person you thought you were meeting has been clearly more than dishonest with their photos and you are not actually meeting who you thought you were meeting.. So you do a runner before you are spotted.. so who in the scenario is in the wrong.. yes they think you didn't show up and call you a timewaster.. but they lied and sent very old photos that look a hell of alot different and even alot cleaner than they actually were when you saw the arrive.. i would say in that scenario they are the ones at fault and deserve to be stood up... " Well I think you behaved poorly, you could have met your meet and said "due to you not looking like yer pics i'm no longer interested..c'ya!" No reason to leave folk fkn sittin, that's shockin! | |||
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"The attitude of some to timewasters - as in 'tough' - suggests a real hardening of the way society works and a total lack of empathy. Wonder if any of those have actually done what people on here complain of?
I have let someone down twice
On the first occasion, my mum fell down the stairs and was taken to hospital a couple of hours before the meet was due to go ahead and I advised my meet of such and postponed the meet for another date.
On the second occasion, I was showered and ready to go and received a call that my friend had terminal cancer which knocked me for six. A meet was the last thing on my mind.
On the first occasion, the meet was perfectly understanding, the second, however (a guy) completely saw his arse and blocked me instantly.
Both completely genuine reasons, yet two completely different responses.
I have, however, been let down more times than I would care to mention, mainly through my own poor lack of judgement and planning.
I allowed those situations to arise and as such I have only myself to blame.
The fact that the other persons didn't show is, with hindsight, something I could have managed better.
That is what I meant in my earlier statement where I said 'they only waste my time if I allow them to and I have time to waste'"My post was not directly addressed to you and the two scenarios you outline are not what I was considering. Those are genuine reasons. No one here is talking about that kind of thing - we all know it happens. Life gets in the way. I am talking about rudeness, pure and simple of those who timewaste and those who seem to think it is ok with the hard-faced responses of 'tough get over yourself'. I find that DEEPLY unpleasant attitude rather spoils elements of this site. | |||
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" *Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on!
see... if i had said that I would have been accused of being really harsh... up to a point I absolutely agree that the word "timewaster" is too easily thrown around....
see.. my definition of timewaster is different to a lot of people, in the sense that if i haven't confirmed with them just before I was due to leave, and i haven't left the house.... my time hasn't been wasted as there is time to do something else.....
real life does get in the way, so does cold feet.. and if they are now not on the site its not like they are doing it to other people... I've had people leave the site... you move on rather than making a song and dance of it....."but didnt u take time to send messages to them? that took time u could of been doing something else surely? | |||
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How do you know nothing was done about an abusive mail ? I will paste what Admin say they do with reports, as you can see you won't get told if any action has been taken or not. | |||
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"It was a no show and after plenty of messages sorting out times and places. When we looked for his profile later...'user no longer on site'....makes you reluctant to trust anyone..." wasn't a complete waste of time though was it ? you have a verification from last night ! some peeps are never satisfied ! | |||
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" *Nothing is a WASTE of time, timewaster is just a word thrown about when folks don't get what they want! Get a grip and move on!
So in short...tough!..the original posters fault for expecting them to actually turn up?
Got it in one, you're a quick one arn't ye? Those that have expectations sometimes get disappointed...a meet is a meet, if they don't show up, then its not a meet, just be more choosy! Fkn simple!
Just a thought but.. Consider this scenario.... You have arranged a meet exchanged face pics prior to said meet.. then you turn up at the allotted place and time and person you thought you were meeting has been clearly more than dishonest with their photos and you are not actually meeting who you thought you were meeting.. So you do a runner before you are spotted.. so who in the scenario is in the wrong.. yes they think you didn't show up and call you a timewaster.. but they lied and sent very old photos that look a hell of alot different and even alot cleaner than they actually were when you saw the arrive.. i would say in that scenario they are the ones at fault and deserve to be stood up...
"I have had this happen to me before. How did I deal with it? I didn't run, met them, has a coffee and politely explained why it would end at the coffee stage. People lying to you, not turning up - its part of the swinging lifestyle. Swinging is a daunting thing! It's not like everything else. You are literally, in most cases, sleeping with someone the first time you meet them and that with minimal contact ( one or two calls and texts)! Timewasters come with the territory. If I arrange to meet someone and the time between the arrangement and the meet, there's not much rapport, then it's likely it won't be good..it's all about attitude. Luckily for me, I am able to tell from the way someone writes as their general approach that they'd be warm and chilled, so possibly a good meet! Don't take it too seriously!! | |||
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" People lying to you, not turning up - its part of the swinging lifestyle. Swinging is a daunting thing! It's not like everything else. You are literally, in most cases, sleeping with someone the first time you meet them and that with minimal contact ( one or two calls and texts)! Timewasters come with the territory. If I arrange to meet someone and the time between the arrangement and the meet, there's not much rapport, then it's likely it won't be good..it's all about attitude. Luckily for me, I am able to tell from the way someone writes as their general approach that they'd be warm and chilled, so possibly a good meet! Don't take it too seriously!! " Well said... All about attitude and as another poster clearly said .. Either wait to change or you change your attitude not easy, yet you live and learn...  | |||
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"*Either wait for others to change, or you change* - In reference to above. "Well silly me going on about grammar mistakes - I read your post and didn't realize it didn't mean what I thought it meant. | |||
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"Its happened to me twice this week, the first guy said his profile was "hacked" and he couldnt get in touch and the other guy I was to meet tonight has now left the site.....I obviously am not a good judge of character.... "You cant judge someones character from a few emails and maybe a phone chat, you need to meet. So its nothing to do with you being a bad judge. Its simply that some people make arrangements then simply let nerves get the better of them or they never meant to meet in the first place. Carry on as normal, dont change what you are doing, its not you thats doing anything wrong, its them Good luck and stay safe x | |||
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"*Either wait for others to change, or you change* - In reference to above.
Well silly me going on about grammar mistakes - I read your post and didn't realize it didn't mean what I thought it meant. "No worries! | |||
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" You cant judge someones character from a few emails and maybe a phone chat, you need to meet. So its nothing to do with you being a bad judge. Its simply that some people make arrangements then simply let nerves get the better of them or they never meant to meet in the first place. Carry on as normal, dont change what you are doing, its not you thats doing anything wrong, its them Good luck and stay safe x" *Sake...!! That's some seriously fukd up advice sweetheart!
You can read a person's character BETTER straight from profile, without the complications of chat or mail, truth is most people lie constantly anyway, to folks they wanna meet, to hide insecurities, to get what they want, to get out of an awkward situation.
Keeping the lies at bay till you've had time to take an objective view of a profile, just makes sense to me, I won't say too much but the signs are always there, we simply choose not to read them when we want something for ourselves.  | |||
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