FabSwingers.com forum: Women- how do you be ok with your partner having sex with others?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

When I was with my last partner we were into sharing (her) and we talked openly about it and I enjoyed it with her and seeing her enjoy herself was my kick.

For me it was just sex where as we were making love together x

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

"
I guess coz you love your husband and maybe he wants you to do this and you're not bothered?

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By *hors fantasyCouple
over a year ago

Blackpool

You either are ok with it or your not, you can’t force it it might just not be for you it isn’t for everyone

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

It is quite normal in the begining to feel a bit uneasy or slightly jealous when you see your partner having sex with someone else but if you stick with it those feelings do subside. But i will say if you are feeling very bad jealousy you should not be swinging. I feel pride and highly turned on watching john with others and he feels the same the other way around. If you are feeling this way you should sit snd talk it through with your partner as communication is key when it comes to swinging. Hope you can sort through things together. Joanne.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

When I was with my last partner we were into sharing (her) and we talked openly about it and I enjoyed it with her and seeing her enjoy herself was my kick.

For me it was just sex where as we were making love together x"

And the gentleman above said it is just sex. You and your partner make love. It's important for you to keep that in mind lovely ok. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you see it as a turn on, rather than a threat, then it could affect you differently.

To him, it’s most likely just sex but his feelings and emotions belong to you.

But if your doing things for him, that don’t sit right for you, that’s not a good situation at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

Exactly this…. It will fade over time and change into something else but as Jo said if you are feeling really negative emotions maybe swinging isn’t for you and you really do need to have an open discussion with your partner as continuing with swinging while feeling that way could ruin your relationship hope you find an even footing and continue on your journey together as it can be a whole heap of fun if not please don’t feel bad as there are plenty who have tried swinging and it’s not been for them…. Bex.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

Because it’s just sex, it’s a bit of fun like going out for a meal or watching a film. We get pleasure from watching each other enjoying themselves and we have a very sound relationship where we communicate about everything.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

We started out him watching me have sex with men as that’s what turned him on. Unfortunately it’s not a want for me but as it didn’t hurt my emotions then I did that for him.

Now he has been with a woman last week, not probably done in the best of ways it has brought up a lot of feelings that I am struggling to deal with. And he isn’t even giving me time to deal with it as he wants to go and do It again this week.

He is struggling to see why I have any issues with it. I’ve explained all my feelings but he says it’s just a bit of excitement and nothing else.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

But how do I get to the point of being happy that he is enjoying himself when all I feel is hurt.

I do not want to feel this way. I want to be able to give him everything he wants. I just don’t know how to get to that point

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If its hurting you ask him to stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We started out him watching me have sex with men as that’s what turned him on. Unfortunately it’s not a want for me but as it didn’t hurt my emotions then I did that for him.

He is struggling to see why I have any issues with it. I’ve explained all my feelings but he says it’s just a bit of excitement and nothing else. "

It sounds very much like he’s the driving force behind this and that’s not good …. You need time to process your feelings I would say put a stop to it for the time being or until you are comfortable with the situation… if you continue just because he wants to it’s likely the resentment will start to happen that’s going to cause all kinds of issues.x

Ps swinging as a couple should be exactly that something that both partners want to enjoy not just one…. You should never do it for him it should be for the both of you and bring enjoyment and extra fun to your relationship otherwise it really isn’t worth doing in my opinion… x

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"We started out him watching me have sex with men as that’s what turned him on. Unfortunately it’s not a want for me but as it didn’t hurt my emotions then I did that for him.

He is struggling to see why I have any issues with it. I’ve explained all my feelings but he says it’s just a bit of excitement and nothing else. "

Sorry but you need to stop doing this. You started on the wrong footing "just doing it for him" he is basically selfishly making you do this for his own kink.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

But how do I get to the point of being happy that he is enjoying himself when all I feel is hurt.

I do not want to feel this way. I want to be able to give him everything he wants. I just don’t know how to get to that point"

Unfortunately you can’t make yourself ok with this if it hurts you really should stop as your partner he should be stopping things knowing you aren’t enjoy things

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By *dging-In-EssexMan
over a year ago

Southend

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

But how do I get to the point of being happy that he is enjoying himself when all I feel is hurt.

I do not want to feel this way. I want to be able to give him everything he wants. I just don’t know how to get to that point

Unfortunately you can’t make yourself ok with this if it hurts you really should stop as your partner he should be stopping things knowing you aren’t enjoy things "

Exactly this ^

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This is why I need to change how I see things. How I feel towards this.

I just need to find out how I can just get over it.

At this point I don’t think he would want the relationship any other way. It’s not going to go back to just us two. He says he could but I know him better than that. We have opened up the can of worms.

I just need to know how I can get to it not bothering me

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"We started out him watching me have sex with men as that’s what turned him on. Unfortunately it’s not a want for me but as it didn’t hurt my emotions then I did that for him.

He is struggling to see why I have any issues with it. I’ve explained all my feelings but he says it’s just a bit of excitement and nothing else. "

Very rarely in a relationship an ultimatum needs to be issued. This is one of those times in my opinion. Obviously I don't know his side of this but you need to make it *very* clear that this is not happening until and unless you feel ready.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"This is why I need to change how I see things. How I feel towards this.

I just need to find out how I can just get over it.

I just need to know how I can get to it not bothering me

So you're prepared to change yourself so he can fuck someone with impunity?

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By *dging-In-EssexMan
over a year ago

Southend

"This is why I need to change how I see things. How I feel towards this.

I just need to find out how I can just get over it.

I just need to know how I can get to it not bothering me

Then ditch him.

This is basically emotional abuse.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yes we both know that and he knows he is selfish and I know I am a pushover to do it.

Unfortunately it wasn’t just a normal situation.

I was his first. He wasn’t mine. He had lots of issues with my past and he dealt with them. That sort of flipped the switch in that he then wanted this kink and then wanted to try other women.

I can see it from his point to want other women. I even know a lot of this has to do with my own insecurities. And I even see that sex can just be sex but I need to get to the point of being happy for him without it effecting me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"This is why I need to change how I see things. How I feel towards this.

I just need to find out how I can just get over it.

I just need to know how I can get to it not bothering me

So you're prepared to change yourself so he can fuck someone with impunity? "

He changed things for me in how he felt about my past. He’s now asking I do the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot depends on how you view sex. If you believe that sex defines your true relationship then you will feel bad and it won't get better, it will get worse. Our relationship is based at a much deeper level. Sex does not define our love for each other at all. We are emotional soul mates. Sex is a very basic, instinctively normal need. It is physically rewarding and stimulating. If he enjoys it and it is all done above board then that's great. If he enjoys you experiencing sexual orgasmic pleasure does that make the man, woman, couple you have sex with become a threat? No. It enhances your relationship. The same goes for him from you watching him.

One thing I know is swinging is great fun, sexual freedom is amazing and and shared freedom in a truly loving relationship is to us, the ultimate pleasure. But.... if you don't feel like that, if you feel bad, you should think again. Those emotions and feelings of pain will build and grow. No good can come from that. Have you asked yourself, honestly why you feel the way you do? Give it some deep thought. Look at all aspects of your life. Understand your own feelings and reasons. Then when you are clearer, sit him down to talk.

If you ever want to chat, I would be happy to? G xx

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

Wherever I lay my hat

"This is why I need to change how I see things. How I feel towards this.

I just need to find out how I can just get over it.

I just need to know how I can get to it not bothering me

Then ditch him.

This is basically emotional abuse."

This. If he doesn't value you, your feelings and your relationship more highly then fucking strangers then he is not worthy of you

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"This is why I need to change how I see things. How I feel towards this.

I just need to find out how I can just get over it.

I just need to know how I can get to it not bothering me

So you're prepared to change yourself so he can fuck someone with impunity?

He changed things for me in how he felt about my past. He’s now asking I do the same "

And if you can't?

Feelings aren't a reciprocal arrangement in the sense that if one person has come to feel a certain way about something they can expect the other to do the same. It doesn't work like that.

You're going to either have to accept that it will always affect you but you'll eventually get used to it or he's going to have to stop until you have time to come to terms with it. But pushing your real feelings down so that someone else can be happy isn't good for a person.

Good luck to you both

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By *dging-In-EssexMan
over a year ago

Southend

"Yes we both know that and he knows he is selfish and I know I am a pushover to do it.

Unfortunately it wasn’t just a normal situation.

I was his first. He wasn’t mine. He had lots of issues with my past and he dealt with them. That sort of flipped the switch in that he then wanted this kink and then wanted to try other women.

His issues are his issues.

The fact that he has issues with you not being his first his a huge red flag.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Yes we both know that and he knows he is selfish and I know I am a pushover to do it.

Unfortunately it wasn’t just a normal situation.

I was his first. He wasn’t mine. He had lots of issues with my past and he dealt with them. That sort of flipped the switch in that he then wanted this kink and then wanted to try other women.

His issues are his issues.

The fact that he has issues with you not being his first his a huge red flag."

In the sense of you fucked other people so now it's my turn?

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By *dging-In-EssexMan
over a year ago

Southend

"Yes we both know that and he knows he is selfish and I know I am a pushover to do it.

Unfortunately it wasn’t just a normal situation.

I was his first. He wasn’t mine. He had lots of issues with my past and he dealt with them. That sort of flipped the switch in that he then wanted this kink and then wanted to try other women.

His issues are his issues.

The fact that he has issues with you not being his first his a huge red flag.

In the sense of you fucked other people so now it's my turn?"

That or this toxic masculinity BS of "You're more experienced than me and I'm threatened by that."

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes we both know that and he knows he is selfish and I know I am a pushover to do it.

Unfortunately it wasn’t just a normal situation.

I was his first. He wasn’t mine. He had lots of issues with my past and he dealt with them. That sort of flipped the switch in that he then wanted this kink and then wanted to try other women.

Peoples past has absolutely nothing to do with the present when they meet somebody new.

He sounds like an under developed teenager who failed to launch into adulthood and is riddled with pathetic toxic masculinity that manifests in him been jealous of your previous sexual partners before you had ever met.

If that's the case then that's seriously fucked up and surely you know that Hun? He needs to speak with a professional.

I'm not even going to start on his manipulation how he brought swinging into your relationship.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative."

This pretty much sums it up.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"We started out him watching me have sex with men as that’s what turned him on. Unfortunately it’s not a want for me but as it didn’t hurt my emotions then I did that for him.

He is struggling to see why I have any issues with it. I’ve explained all my feelings but he says it’s just a bit of excitement and nothing else. "

In sorry your struggling with this, but your feelings are completely valid, if your going to continue this kind of relationship he needs to have some understanding, what turns him on (watching you with men) isn't necessarily what turns you on (him with others) you are both separate people with separate feelings, if he can't discuss and respect your feelings then I'd say this isn't for you guys.

Please don't let anyone make you feel that what your feeling isn't right, if your uncomfortable voice it, if he's decent enough he should respect that.

Hope your ok op.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative."

I’m probably not saying all in the most objective way right now cos I’m hurt.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

my personal oIpinion is that I don't think it's fair to assume things about the guy here. He's not here to defend himself and we only have one side of the story.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative.

I’m probably not saying all in the most objective way right now cos I’m hurt. "

He's the one who should be helping you through those unless the two of you sort it out together nothing will get resolved. You can't sort this alone or with people outside your relationship

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes we both know that and he knows he is selfish and I know I am a pushover to do it.

Unfortunately it wasn’t just a normal situation.

I was his first. He wasn’t mine. He had lots of issues with my past and he dealt with them. That sort of flipped the switch in that he then wanted this kink and then wanted to try other women.

Peoples past has absolutely nothing to do with the present when they meet somebody new.

If that's the case then that's seriously fucked up and surely you know that Hun? He needs to speak with a professional.

I'm not even going to start on his manipulation how he brought swinging into your relationship.

KJ"

And he does say that he understands it now that his feelings were wrong and that it effected so much. The problem is you can’t always change how you feel about something, if you could I would have already done so and wouldn’t be asking for your advices.

He definitely never wanted to think and feel like that. He just saw sex and love as how we have it rather than just the act itself.

It’s not that I can’t see where he is coming from. Sex with other people means nothing and I know that cos I’ve done that. But even though it means nothing it still

Triggers all this emotions for me- which is the bit I want to deal with.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative.

I’m probably not saying all in the most objective way right now cos I’m hurt.

He's the one who should be helping you through those unless the two of you sort it out together nothing will get resolved. You can't sort this alone or with people outside your relationship "

Very true. If you cannot sit as adults in a loving relationship and talk through your feeling and emotions about this swinging journey of yours it will never work and could irreparably damage your relationship. You need to tell him you need a honest and frank discussion even if you have to give a ultimatum to get it if he is reluctant to do so. Carryimg on as you are is not good for your own mindset. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative.

I’m probably not saying all in the most objective way right now cos I’m hurt.

He's the one who should be helping you through those unless the two of you sort it out together nothing will get resolved. You can't sort this alone or with people outside your relationship

I don’t know what else I can say. I’ve said what my emotions are to which bits and how that makes me feel and he just says he doesn’t understand. I try to give ultimatum and he gets defensive and try’s to put the same on me. I try to give him rules etc but he didn’t want them.

Like he wants this at least once a month. I thought I was being fair in saying could we do couple of times a year and see how I feel after each one. Apparently that’s the wrong answer as he wants to do it again this week.

Then I get anxious thinking that he will do it when I’m at work. I don’t have enough trust currently and I have explained this to him cos little things keep breaking it but it all seems to boil down to “I want sex with people so it’s the end of the world”

I feel like I am trying and not get anything back.

Also I agree in that this is all my side and how I see it. He obviously sees things very differently.

I just need to know how everyone else got to this point or is it just one of those things like some roll

Their tongue and others don’t and that it’s just how it is you either like it or you don’t. It’s not about changing your midset

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

"Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative.

I’m probably not saying all in the most objective way right now cos I’m hurt.

He's the one who should be helping you through those unless the two of you sort it out together nothing will get resolved. You can't sort this alone or with people outside your relationship

I feel like I am trying and not get anything back.

Also I agree in that this is all my side and how I see it. He obviously sees things very differently.

I just need to know how everyone else got to this point or is it just one of those things like some roll

Their tongue and others don’t and that it’s just how it is you either like it or you don’t. It’s not about changing your midset"

Oh, I'm sure he has no problem understanding how you feel, it just doesn't get him what he wants so he's choosing to ignore it.

You are never going to feel okay about this because you aren't in a healthy, loving relationship where this is a mutual choice. You're being manipulated by a cruel, selfish man who doesn't care about your feelings and it's only going to get worse as he learns he can get what he wants by wearing you down and treating you awfully.

Don't let this be the rest of your life, please. It's so damaging.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative.

I’m probably not saying all in the most objective way right now cos I’m hurt.

He's the one who should be helping you through those unless the two of you sort it out together nothing will get resolved. You can't sort this alone or with people outside your relationship

I feel like I am trying and not get anything back.

Also I agree in that this is all my side and how I see it. He obviously sees things very differently.

I just need to know how everyone else got to this point or is it just one of those things like some roll

Their tongue and others don’t and that it’s just how it is you either like it or you don’t. It’s not about changing your midset"

As I said before the only way you're going to be at peace with this is by stopping caring about him and what he does or living a lie.

Does he understand or not. You said he did now you're saying he doesn't

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

But how do I get to the point of being happy that he is enjoying himself when all I feel is hurt.

I do not want to feel this way. I want to be able to give him everything he wants. I just don’t know how to get to that point"

It’s not for you

your brain is telling you this is not comfortable for you. You should be everything he wants

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative.

I’m probably not saying all in the most objective way right now cos I’m hurt.

He's the one who should be helping you through those unless the two of you sort it out together nothing will get resolved. You can't sort this alone or with people outside your relationship

I feel like I am trying and not get anything back.

Also I agree in that this is all my side and how I see it. He obviously sees things very differently.

I just need to know how everyone else got to this point or is it just one of those things like some roll

Their tongue and others don’t and that it’s just how it is you either like it or you don’t. It’s not about changing your midset

As I said before the only way you're going to be at peace with this is by stopping caring about him and what he does or living a lie.

Does he understand or not. You said he did now you're saying he doesn't

It’s more like he says he understands but I don’t think he does. And to me his actions don’t show me that.

To me if I had done something I knew would purposely hurt someone I wouldn’t want to immediately go and do it again.

So we can’t change our feelings on it? It’s just love him less and then I’ll not give a monkeys or smile and hurt inside. I was hoping I could find something that just changed how I feel.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester

I would sack him off. Sounds completely self absorbed and dismissive of your feelings.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing. "

I don't have negative emotions around it. In the early days, the thought of it made me feel a bit jealous, but the sight of it blew me away. Even then, I wouldn't say the jealousy was negative. I think it may even have added to the excitement at first.

The key for me was learning to find pleasure in his pleasure. And as I love him, that became a natural thing to do.

I don't get jealous if he has an amazing massage and comes home knot-free and floating on air. I'm happy for him.

Jack often recommends a book called 'The Jealousy Workbook.' It's full of practical exercises. It's written more for poly couples, but apparently swingers find it useful too.

A x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Oh god, this is awful OP. It sounds like you'd be a million times better off without him. He sounds emotionally abusive and manipulative.

I’m probably not saying all in the most objective way right now cos I’m hurt.

He's the one who should be helping you through those unless the two of you sort it out together nothing will get resolved. You can't sort this alone or with people outside your relationship

I feel like I am trying and not get anything back.

Also I agree in that this is all my side and how I see it. He obviously sees things very differently.

I just need to know how everyone else got to this point or is it just one of those things like some roll

Their tongue and others don’t and that it’s just how it is you either like it or you don’t. It’s not about changing your midset

As I said before the only way you're going to be at peace with this is by stopping caring about him and what he does or living a lie.

Does he understand or not. You said he did now you're saying he doesn't

It’s more like he says he understands but I don’t think he does. And to me his actions don’t show me that.

To me if I had done something I knew would purposely hurt someone I wouldn’t want to immediately go and do it again.

So we can’t change our feelings on it? It’s just love him less and then I’ll not give a monkeys or smile and hurt inside. I was hoping I could find something that just changed how I feel. "

Do you genuinely believe it's a good thing to change yourself so that a hurtful action by a loved one no longer hurts? Does he find that acceptable?

My first husband lied. He lied about every, damn thing. It hurt but over time it hurt less because I emotionally distanced myself from him to prevent the pain and finally left him without a backward glance. Suddenly he understood but it was too damn late, I was completely indifferent to him, which is worse than hatred.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

If it’s not what you want you need to stop going along with it.

If your partner doesn’t respect that then he’s not respecting you and I’d be questioning why you’d want to be with someone who doesn’t respect you.

You two aren’t swinging, it’s basically one person enjoying it and one not.

You also shouldn’t be involving other people in your drama…they meet thinking everything is ok with the two of you, you have a stable relationship and this is an additional enjoyment for the two of you.

You both sound anything but stable and it’s not fair to involve others.

If it’s not fun for you then close the profile down and work on you both.

I’m sorry you are having to go through this but please stop involving others until you two are stable!

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"He changed things for me in how he felt about my past. He’s now asking I do the same "

But he doesn't get to dictate how, if or when you do that. He can ask all he wants, but if it makes you feel bad what loving partner would keep pushing the point?

How he felt about your past is on him. That doesn't mean he gets to dictate your current and future actions.

I wrote my last post not having read the rest of the thread. Now I really don't think you should be doing this. You've told him how you feel and he's still wanting to rush forward and do it again. That's not healthy or respectful.

My honest feeling is that swinging, at this point, would destroy your relationship.

A x

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

I think your relationship was unstable before you began swinging as he sounds quite selfish and very manipulative and also demanding to. This as it stands is very one sided. You be better off alone and when ready finding a loving partner lovely. Jo xx

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

"So we can’t change our feelings on it? It’s just love him less and then I’ll not give a monkeys or smile and hurt inside. I was hoping I could find something that just changed how I feel. "

What you need to do is love him a whole lot less, and love yourself a whole lot more, and gtfo of there.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"He changed things for me in how he felt about my past. He’s now asking I do the same

But he doesn't get to dictate how, if or when you do that. He can ask all he wants, but if it makes you feel bad what loving partner would keep pushing the point?

How he felt about your past is on him. That doesn't mean he gets to dictate your current and future actions.

My honest feeling is that swinging, at this point, would destroy your relationship.

A x"

I think he has already destroyed it.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

How would you respond if a friend said to you:

"My husband wants to have sex with other women, because I slept with people before we were together. And I've told him that it hurts me and makes me anxious, but he is insisting."

I don't think you would tell her she will just have to learn to get over the emotions, would you?

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

It's very tricky, because if Mr is happy and even gets off watching Miss get railed by and endless line of younger, fitter men. Then if they suddenly get the green eyed monster when Mr has his turn, then maybe it's time for a real conversation. Trust has to happen both ways.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"He changed things for me in how he felt about my past. He’s now asking I do the same

But he doesn't get to dictate how, if or when you do that. He can ask all he wants, but if it makes you feel bad what loving partner would keep pushing the point?

How he felt about your past is on him. That doesn't mean he gets to dictate your current and future actions.

My honest feeling is that swinging, at this point, would destroy your relationship.

A x

I think he has already destroyed it. "

Agreed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn’t have to feel like a good thing.

Dora hates the idea and I respect that so we don’t go there.

It’s not for everyone and unless you are able to mentally reset some deep feelings, instincts and firmly held beliefs then you’ll probably just end up feeling unhappy.

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By *uriousVoyeurMan
over a year ago

Northside

OP...I'm not a swinger so can't comment on how that dynamic works but I most certainly know about relationships. They involve give and take from both sides in equal measure to work. What your partner is doing is upsetting you and he appears not to care about that. If it continues like this then you're going to resent him and his behaviour,to the point that it will ruin the relationship. It's already starting to sour based on your comments above. You want to change your feelings to suit his behaviour which will only lead to a toxic partnership, unless he actually listens to you and accepts he needs to put the brakes on meeting others. If not, you're heading for a lot more heartache and I would worry that by the time you break up ,your self esteem will be on the floor. Sit him down and explain in simple terms what you need...if he can't or won't accommodate that then you have a decision to make! Leave for you're own peace of mind or stay and fight a losing battle. Whatever happens,I truly wish you well!

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I met my other half here 7 years ago and I love seeing him with other women.He has had solo meets and told me all the details,I have never felt jealous about it .

Its not for all though ,I've seen many posts where the woman doesnt want her hubby to play with other women & do wonder if this is the right thing for them .

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Having read through all this op one thing is clear ,you need to sit and have an honest conversation with him.

If it's making you feel this way,it's not right for you & is only going to lead to heartache.I think he needs to decide between you and meeting other women & you need to be brave enough to give him the ultimatum op

Wishing you luck x

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

I like knowing he is enjoying himself with someone and they are finding out why I enjoy him so much

but it wouldn't work if I didn't trust him

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All too easy to have opinions but they mean little when only one side of the story is heard.

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By *ouAndKisses.Woman
over a year ago

Crewe

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

Don't forget who ever he plays with isn't a replacement for you. It's just a bit of fun. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

Does your partner know your on here?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Try and remember that what you have isn't invalidated because they stick their willy in another person. It doesn't change things. In a mature relationship you should be able to openly discuss your worries and doubts and they can tell you why they're silly.

Sometimes it's just not going to work for you. And that's okay you know. You don't have to feel compersion or love it. But getting to a place where you feel okay with it, you'll need that open and honest communication. If they can't provide that, and you're in a romantic relationship, maybe it's not got quite the maturity that's needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s all about the trust and bond you have in the relationship. Sometimes it can enhance things.

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By *atcoupleCouple
over a year ago

Suffolk - East Anglia

"How do you not feel all the negative emotions around your partner having sex with someone else.

I want to feel like it’s a good thing.

Don't forget who ever he plays with isn't a replacement for you. It's just a bit of fun. Xx

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By *reyeyesesMan
over a year ago

leics

It's about separating love and sex, sex can involve love, but it doesn't have to, it can just be for fun and giggles, and nothing beats it for that.

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