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GHOSTING… why?

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By *aytie0 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Seaham

For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue

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By *hatChattyGuyMan
over a year ago

folkestone

I couldn't agree more!!!! Its savage getting ghosted, and I'm epic at blaming/doubting myself. You get left wondering why, what happend? Chasing an answer feels pathetic, but not knowing has you blaming yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue "

I personally wouldn't call that Ghosting more like playing you

It's normal on all dating apps for people to go ghost .. without meeting or swapping fluids

Unfortunately it's cancel culture and unscrupulous people just stringing someone along until the next best thing

Throw away society Inc feelings respect morals decency backbone etc etc

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By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

London

I have a theory on this subject.

I put it down to there ghosters (not sure if that’s an actual word) lack of self confidence. Having gone as far as they dare, fear of the next step prompts then to disappear but subconsciously they want to leave a door open so giving no reason is a way to conjure up a lie as to why they went MIA.

Interested to hear others views on this.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Whyyyyyyyyyyy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it’s the worst , happened to myself recently, the woman made all the running, led the changing of a friendship into something more, very suddenly and very full on, then just as quickly and suddenly total silence and a don’t contact me anymore message .

Racked my brains for a couple of weeks wondering what I’d done wrong. But realised I’ve done nothing wrong except believed she was genuine

I feel bad for everyone that has been ghosted, but worse for the Empty soulless people who ghost

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By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

I think you can use the term at any point if someone just cuts contact, you don’t have to have met them. But it’s particularly awful if you have met them.

If I get ghosted before I’ve met them, I think it’s probably ok, they didn’t owe me anything, I don’t let it bother me. But I’ve met them, or worse if I’ve slept with them and it happens then it’s inexcusable. You just don’t treat people like that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I've had chats on here which have been all the fun and then out of blue they go distant and ghost until they block. One in particular knows who she is if she reads this and I still love ya!

You just have to move on. I would never do it personally intentionally and think it's a little rude BUT each to their own and they clearly don't want any dealings with you so you just need to accept it, chat to others, and move on with the disco we call life!

No ifs and buts, just crack on and don't think about why they may have done it cause whatever reason they give won't ever make sense to you anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue "

Unfortunately it's the easy out option in today's society...rather then discuss it and potentially creating equal hurt.

BTW, its them, not you..I'm sure there are lots of men who would be very flattered to have your attention.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Sorry to hear from your experience, it's just one of those things when we pick the wrong ones not every guy or woman would be like this is something to remember. I've only ever been through it once and once was enough I'm a ride or get rid of it doesn't seem right it does knock the confidence but why let it when you're losing the opportunity to fulfill your dreams time is precious don't waste it x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had it done to me a couple of times.

When it's someone you genuinely like it's heart wrenching. I can handle someone telling me they don't like me, what i can't handle is someone telling me they do like me and then just fucking off.

I was ignored on and off for years by my ex so it does really hurt when you think you've found someone different and they do the same.

It doesn't take long to talk to someone, pick up the phone and just tell them why. It's a few minutes compared to weeks/months of hating yourself, crying yourself to sleep, forever checking your phone, it does drive you a little crazy and it's horrible.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

What you have to remember is that it is not about you but them.

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

I dunno, i learned very early on to stop caring so much about things outside of my control. We go on about how people aren’t obliged to respond or keep replying to messages on here; that the lack of a response should be message enough.

In the same vein, ghosting says more about the person who cuts off contact, than it does about the person being ghosted.

Ultimately if i get ghosted, i immediately think that the person i was chatting to didn’t vibe with me, for any multitude of reasons. It isn’t my job to dissect why, nor do i care, cos to them, the reason was valid.

We are all adults, if you get ghosted, dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and get back on the horse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I dunno, i learned very early on to stop caring so much about things outside of my control. We go on about how people aren’t obliged to respond or keep replying to messages on here; that the lack of a response should be message enough.

In the same vein, ghosting says more about the person who cuts off contact, than it does about the person being ghosted.

Ultimately if i get ghosted, i immediately think that the person i was chatting to didn’t vibe with me, for any multitude of reasons. It isn’t my job to dissect why, nor do i care, cos to them, the reason was valid.

We are all adults, if you get ghosted, dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and get back on the horse."

Very well put and exactly what my lazy ass was trying to say!

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By *akeanyoneMan
over a year ago

LH

You come to expect it in today's dating world, then you teach yourself to not give a shit, think there loss and move on. Be thankful they revealed what sort of person they are so early on.

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

"

the first part id say you have given them what they want and now theyve moved onto the next lady.

The date side of it I can see why ladies dont want to say to the man there not interested in them, so wont say a thing and just block or ignore them.

It would be the same for the men I can see the point in not doing so.

The ones who send pms from users with all the promises and giving the user what they really want with there messages and then there gone.

The ones that get there kicks from waisting users time.( you havent lost much with them sort of people )

The worst ones are the ones that make a meeting arangement then dont turn up ignoring phonecalls and pms to there account.

I always make the best of this and just finish off the night instead sometimes on an off chance you may get to meet someone else.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

There's only one man I would care about being ghosted by.

No one from here would register on my care-o-meter.

I forgot people very quickly.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

[Removed by poster at 02/12/22 21:20:56]

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire


"There's only one man I would care about being ghosted by.

No one from here would register on my care-o-meter.

I forgot people very quickly. "

You’re talking about the big man himself aren’t you nanna?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"There's only one man I would care about being ghosted by.

No one from here would register on my care-o-meter.

I forgot people very quickly.

You’re talking about the big man himself aren’t you nanna? "

He's a submariner. Pops up once a year to empty his sack then disappears up my chimney

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto


"There's only one man I would care about being ghosted by.

No one from here would register on my care-o-meter.

I forgot people very quickly.

You’re talking about the big man himself aren’t you nanna?

He's a submariner. Pops up once a year to empty his sack then disappears up my chimney "

Namor?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"There's only one man I would care about being ghosted by.

No one from here would register on my care-o-meter.

I forgot people very quickly.

You’re talking about the big man himself aren’t you nanna?

He's a submariner. Pops up once a year to empty his sack then disappears up my chimney

Namor? "

Had to Google that. Thought it was a footballer

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

It happens, it's shit. This is why I don't get invested in people anymore.

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto


"There's only one man I would care about being ghosted by.

No one from here would register on my care-o-meter.

I forgot people very quickly.

You’re talking about the big man himself aren’t you nanna?

He's a submariner. Pops up once a year to empty his sack then disappears up my chimney

Namor?

Had to Google that. Thought it was a footballer "

Sorry couldn’t resist

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Before anyone asks, it wasn’t me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Before anyone asks, it wasn’t me "

But you never replied to my poem about how I felt that time you, you know, did that thing!

Monster!

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Ghosting is simply a lack of respect and honesty .happen to both men and women .just bad form

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Before anyone asks, it wasn’t me

But you never replied to my poem about how I felt that time you, you know, did that thing!

Monster!"

I am writing an essay about it, so bear with me !

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"Before anyone asks, it wasn’t me "

Ok, Jacob Marley.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

They've got what they want. You're now disposable. A somewhat annoying habit of people, both on here (expected), and in vanilla dating. Don't sweat it, it sucks, but move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

"

You’re an option. This is something you have to get used to wether you like it or not. It’s sad when you want to feel like you are there number one thought if that’s how you view them. But that’s how I see each and every girl that’s acted the same to me, I was just an option and someone better came along.

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By *reason69Couple
over a year ago

Blackburn

If I was single I would never cut you off , you are beautiful in every way xxx

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester

Had it lots with people. What amuses my mind is they always crawl back out their arsehole a few years later as if nothing happened

That’s the point I enjoy giving them the harsh good cold logical news .

Thankfully for myself I am not an emotionally driven human being so I don’t really get compromised as such over things like this.

As others have said people are selfish or motivated differently and well the majority are just in it for themselves until something else takes their interest

Trying to reason the why is a waste of time , the action applied is the reality of what you seek to answer and can’t be changed. Easier just view it as they have no spine and you saved yourself from a weak witted person down the line .

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By *aytie0 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Seaham

Thanks everyone I feel slightly better x

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue "

This happens to me after I have chatted to someone exchanged WhatsApp emails ect and them I get nothing from them whatsoever or get blocked for simply saying hello.

It's such a cruel and unnecessary way to behave.

Butokm at it this way they have done you a favour a d shown their real colours and you are better off without them.

Yiu sound like a genuine and lovely person so hold on to that.

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By *ust Passing ThroughMan
over a year ago

poole

Because they are not interested and it's easier to do than explaining. Not ideal but it's human nature. Don't over think it and move on

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By *ndiiiMan
over a year ago

Paisley Scotland


"I think you can use the term at any point if someone just cuts contact, you don’t have to have met them. But it’s particularly awful if you have met them.

If I get ghosted before I’ve met them, I think it’s probably ok, they didn’t owe me anything, I don’t let it bother me. But I’ve met them, or worse if I’ve slept with them and it happens then it’s inexcusable. You just don’t treat people like that."

Couldnt agree more.

After being with someone for a while its a terrible thing to happen. Totally inexcusable!!!!

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

ghost·ing

['g??st??]

NOUN

the appearance of a ghost or secondary image on a television or other display screen:

"the display is sharper and less prone to ghosting"

or

the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication:

"I thought ghosting was a horrible dating habit reserved for casual flings" · "a victim of ghosting herself, Dani also admitted that she will ghost guys she’s been dating"

ghoasting is not however a one night stand or meeting someonce once is people you really know not strangers that want a fuck or talk about wanting a fuck big big difference

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By *illingdon_ladMan
over a year ago

Bicester

I have never ghosted or been ghosted until a couple years ago. A friend of mine had a massive crush on me since we worked together, over the last 10+ years she'd made it obvious she wanted sex but had never taken the chance when presented itself. Anyway fast forward and she starts messaginge that to try arrange a 3some with myself and my wife, the 3way never happened but my wife gave me permission to play with her alone, 2 meets later she has let me do plenty to her including anal. Then suddenly sheessages to say not to contact her for a bit and she'll contact me then she deletes and blocks me from Facebook. I'm not gutted because she was a bit of a pain but I'm gutted as she was a decent fuck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fact is, there are many people who only care for themselves and not an ounce of though or compassion for anyone else. At the start, it's like a hunt. You are the prey.... your conversations intensify feeding there ego, boosting there sense of self importance. Then ultimately they bed their prey. Done, enjoyed, Ego boosted and satisfied. Your usefulness has just expired. Your not needed so your ghosted.

This is not a male thing. This is a people thing. Some people are simply vile users of people feeding on there emotions. There ultimate display of the dominance is to cut you dead with no explanation. There parting gift before moving on to there next hunt.

There ARE people who do this reading my message. We can't stop you being vile but..... it will come back to you in the end, somehow karma will get you.

To the rest of us. Try and realise it is not you, you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. Stay strong. Your a wonderful beautiful person who deserves better and it will come xxxxx

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By *illingdon_ladMan
over a year ago

Bicester

Another I suppose ghosting experience was a lady on here posting a similar question on ghosting and why do guys/couples disappear when she talks to them and how rude they are. I messaged her as she was reasonably local to me and the wife we spoke for a.bit then she asked for a face photo the just ghosted us.

Dont do to others what you don't want done to you.

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By *izandpaulCouple
over a year ago

merseyside


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue "

For us, meeting people from a swinging site is for recreational sex so quite happy not to see them again.

This isn't meant in a nasty way but how we want our meets to progress.

For us it's the excitement of a new meet.

If we were looking for long term relationships it would be a different story but then we wouldn't use a sex site.

Think it's also fair to say a good percentage of guys on here are in a relationship or married but again we don't find this an issue unless they slag them off, that's a no no.

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By *akieplumMan
over a year ago

blandford

Yes had this happen far to often. For me it seams to happen after the intial messages and you exchange numbers then bam nothing.

For me I believe I end up being a stop gap till someone better comes along or it elveates 10 minutes of bordom for them. Also had it happen after a couple photo exchanges. Think this a case of photos to set up other profile for scamming reasons.

It can de devastating and your left wondering why, is it me? Left worrying about your apperance or image and self confidence is out the window.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue "

I've not been in the same situation as you OP, but I feel you. I have had virtual and real conversations with some people that have stopped chatting with me. Yes it does get a bit confusing and leaves you in the dark so to speak, but I guess you just get to the point where you just accept that it's either their not interested, potentially something you've done that's put them off (but that still doesn't justify ghosting), etc. Even if it's a little message saying their not interested, at least you know where you stand.

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By *ellyanddave547Couple
over a year ago

Midlands


"Fact is, there are many people who only care for themselves and not an ounce of though or compassion for anyone else. At the start, it's like a hunt. You are the prey.... your conversations intensify feeding there ego, boosting there sense of self importance. Then ultimately they bed their prey. Done, enjoyed, Ego boosted and satisfied. Your usefulness has just expired. Your not needed so your ghosted.

This is not a male thing. This is a people thing. Some people are simply vile users of people feeding on there emotions. There ultimate display of the dominance is to cut you dead with no explanation. There parting gift before moving on to there next hunt.

There ARE people who do this reading my message. We can't stop you being vile but..... it will come back to you in the end, somehow karma will get you.

To the rest of us. Try and realise it is not you, you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. Stay strong. Your a wonderful beautiful person who deserves better and it will come xxxxx"

Couldn't agree more, sums it up.

The strange thing is, even on this site, the dropped feeling is horrendous, so when I see the sign, I would fade them first, not hang around for more breadbrumbs bull shit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s happened to us a few times…. We’ve been accused of doing it a few times also…. It’s horrible so when we don’t feel a particular chat is going well or after a meet we like to do something we call a de brief and if the meet just wasn’t right we go back to that person or as is most of the time lately that couple and just be honest with them…. We’ve had times we had to take a break due to surgery ect and always been upfront about it and taken a step back but been accused of ghosting by a few people dispute the fact we had explained and the retort is always the same you can still chat and message but let’s be honest while recovering from spinal surgery you don’t really feel very sexy and you gain weight due to the lack of physical exercise it’s hard to chat with people who only want to talk about sex lol so we just tell them we are taking a break but would never ghost it’s makes you feel like crap when it happens so we would never do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue

I've not been in the same situation as you OP, but I feel you. I have had virtual and real conversations with some people that have stopped chatting with me. Yes it does get a bit confusing and leaves you in the dark so to speak, but I guess you just get to the point where you just accept that it's either their not interested, potentially something you've done that's put them off (but that still doesn't justify ghosting), etc. Even if it's a little message saying their not interested, at least you know where you stand."

But no messages IS THE SIGN remember!

Even if their last message before was 4 paragraphs long and all the sexy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are just disposable holes. Keep it till a better one comes along then move on.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue "

I've been ghosted many times.

I no longer tie my emotions, beliefs, dreams and life to people. I may appear aloof but I'm not. I'm highly sensitve.

I've been let down, neglected, abused and traumatises so much by people that I no longer fully engage with them.

My conscience won't let me ghost but most people ( over 50%) have no capacity not to ghost. I understand it psychologically.

It's easier for them to just bury their head in the sand than to acutally confront their own painful feelings about why they no longer want to engage in the interaction. I'd say about half do not even know the reason why they dont' want the interaction anymore.

The best thing that you can do for yourself is not to get attached to people too quickly. It's not about them proving who they are but it's about you learning who they are and how to protect yourself from their ability to destroy your sense of self.

In therapy, I discovered attachment styles and fear of abandonment and co-dependency, I probably had these issues when I was younger but due to mistreatment I've swung the other way and the thought of a committed relationship makes me feel physically sick because I don't want anyone unqualified to interact with my emotions and my mental health and 90% of people are unqualified unfortunately as i'm a very complex person.

Most can't get their head around who/what I am aka The Maverick.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"It happens, it's shit. This is why I don't get invested in people anymore. "

Yup I no longer invest in other people. only in myself and I need a lot or care. More than the average person as I'm neurodivergent.

I've actually become philophobic. The thought of someone unqualified ( 90% of people) getting emotionally and mentally close to me makes me want to vomit.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

You’re an option. This is something you have to get used to wether you like it or not. It’s sad when you want to feel like you are there number one thought if that’s how you view them. But that’s how I see each and every girl that’s acted the same to me, I was just an option and someone better came along.

"

I don't view that someone better than me came along. I view that maybe someone easier came along or someone willing to put up with their crap came along.

I am not an easy person. Not intentionally but it comes from being neurodivergent and the fact that the majority of people ( including other neurodivergents) are not taught how to deal with complex people.

No put-downs on who I am as a person. I'm interesting and I love to enjoy life but that means I struggle to stroke people's egos and I'm too honest to a fault and often rub them the wrong way.

I make people uncomfortable with my brain but I'm not going to change that because it's built into being neurodivergent.

Until someone is willing to learn who and what I am without me prompting or pushing them, then nah forget it, I expect them to bounce when things get difficult.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Had it lots with people. What amuses my mind is they always crawl back out their arsehole a few years later as if nothing happened

That’s the point I enjoy giving them the harsh good cold logical news .

Thankfully for myself I am not an emotionally driven human being so I don’t really get compromised as such over things like this.

As others have said people are selfish or motivated differently and well the majority are just in it for themselves until something else takes their interest

Trying to reason the why is a waste of time , the action applied is the reality of what you seek to answer and can’t be changed. Easier just view it as they have no spine and you saved yourself from a weak witted person down the line .

"

I don't give them the opportunity to crawl back.

Court Order

Police interview

Blockedt

New phone who dis?

If you fuck off, then stay fucked off. Please and thanks.

I got enough shit in my headspace. I really don't need extra fucked off people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue

I've not been in the same situation as you OP, but I feel you. I have had virtual and real conversations with some people that have stopped chatting with me. Yes it does get a bit confusing and leaves you in the dark so to speak, but I guess you just get to the point where you just accept that it's either their not interested, potentially something you've done that's put them off (but that still doesn't justify ghosting), etc. Even if it's a little message saying their not interested, at least you know where you stand.

But no messages IS THE SIGN remember!

Even if their last message before was 4 paragraphs long and all the sexy! "

Yeah yeah, I know here we are talking about ghosting, but I was saying... even if it was a message saying no thanks or whatever, at least you know where you stand, rather than complete avoidance/neglect.

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By *ittle MonkeysCouple
over a year ago

Kimberley

Simple answer, men will often do or say anything to get in your knickers. Once done the thrill of the chase is gone and they move on. It’s shit behaviour.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Fact is, there are many people who only care for themselves and not an ounce of though or compassion for anyone else. At the start, it's like a hunt. You are the prey.... your conversations intensify feeding there ego, boosting there sense of self importance. Then ultimately they bed their prey. Done, enjoyed, Ego boosted and satisfied. Your usefulness has just expired. Your not needed so your ghosted.

This is not a male thing. This is a people thing. Some people are simply vile users of people feeding on there emotions. There ultimate display of the dominance is to cut you dead with no explanation. There parting gift before moving on to there next hunt.

There ARE people who do this reading my message. We can't stop you being vile but..... it will come back to you in the end, somehow karma will get you.

To the rest of us. Try and realise it is not you, you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. Stay strong. Your a wonderful beautiful person who deserves better and it will come xxxxx"

This is why I keep unqualified unprofessional people out of my head, heart, spirit and home. I don't need their bad juju. I have enough of my own. lol!

My body is a useless vessel that will be eventually turn to dust and forgotten.

But people will always remember how you treated them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Simple answer, men will often do or say anything to get in your knickers. Once done the thrill of the chase is gone and they move on. It’s shit behaviour."

I know men are more assertive, but I'm sure there are women out there who do this too (but probably a lot less). But I agree, the behaviour in general is crap.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Another I suppose ghosting experience was a lady on here posting a similar question on ghosting and why do guys/couples disappear when she talks to them and how rude they are. I messaged her as she was reasonably local to me and the wife we spoke for a.bit then she asked for a face photo the just ghosted us.

Dont do to others what you don't want done to you. "

Lol! she's already for got her own behaviour or she's decided that if you can't beat them join them.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Yes had this happen far to often. For me it seams to happen after the intial messages and you exchange numbers then bam nothing.

For me I believe I end up being a stop gap till someone better comes along or it elveates 10 minutes of bordom for them. Also had it happen after a couple photo exchanges. Think this a case of photos to set up other profile for scamming reasons.

It can de devastating and your left wondering why, is it me? Left worrying about your apperance or image and self confidence is out the window."

Hugs.

As I've gotten older, every birthday I give away worry fucks and I stay grateful just to be alive. Hopefully by the time I'm 80, I will have zero fucks and be running around naked in the nursing home and pinching the male nurses' bollocks and bums.

I care less what people think about me and I care more about how I treat people. I also protect myself physically and psychologically from people.

I'm tough but fair. That toughness scares people so I expect them to ghost out of fear too.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone sleeps with someone or goes on a date etc then cuts them off, blocks their number, suddenly stops replying without an explanation.

It’s happened to me before and it’s completely crushed my self-confidence, spend days and weeks wondering what I did wrong after seeming to have a great time, being fed promises of future plans, having intense conversations getting to know someone then just like a switch… they’ve went cold on me without any kind of reasoning.

I’m Curious to know whether it’s happened to you, how you got over it, did you find out the reason or alternatively have you ever done it to someone and what was the reason you couldn’t provide a reason?

I just think I’d be able to chat to someone over a text or in person, on a call etc and just be polite and rationally explain why I was no longer interested but seems it’s quite common? Especially for men to do to women.

I can’t begin to explain how damaging and empty that can leave someone feeling. It’s one of most upsetting and painful things go go through. I wonder what your thoughts and experiences are on this issue

I've not been in the same situation as you OP, but I feel you. I have had virtual and real conversations with some people that have stopped chatting with me. Yes it does get a bit confusing and leaves you in the dark so to speak, but I guess you just get to the point where you just accept that it's either their not interested, potentially something you've done that's put them off (but that still doesn't justify ghosting), etc. Even if it's a little message saying their not interested, at least you know where you stand.

But no messages IS THE SIGN remember!

Even if their last message before was 4 paragraphs long and all the sexy! "

The reason I prefer actions instead of talk....I no longer get roped into the talk.

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By *issMBWoman
over a year ago

North

I'm going through this at the moment and damn, it hurts. I don't usually let many people in, but I let my guard down for the first time in a long time and it appears I've been ghosted yet again. I'm usually a fairly resilient type but this one really stings.

I hope you're feeling better now, OP.

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By *lJay82Man
over a year ago

Sussex/Surrey

The thing that I have cone to learn is that the majority of the type human race are just utter c**ts and generally have no regard for anyone but themselves.

I have just about had it with the utter coldness of some people . I've had 3 in 1 week and I feel utterly destroyed to the very core of my soul.

Number 1 - We chatted for a few days on here, then whatsap, agreed a social in a coffee shop near to where she lives. We were both a tad late and it had the early warning of a no show, but we made it. We then decided that we would go to a spa thats 20 minutes away from where I live and hour from her. Being a gent, I offered a lift there and back to her car after. All going well, flirting in spa, light brushes under water etc. She suggested we go up stairs. Problem is that I never ever play on first date so I'm now in a dilemma because I was lacking PPE but luckily this was spotted by a couple there who stealthy supplied me with what was needed. We didnt play for much over half hour if that due to closing.

Drove her an hour back, started to drive home and I had to pull over after a few of those delayed blinks. Woke up 4 hours later with engine stil running and now sunrise.

We chatted over xmas etc and was all going brilliantly arranging next meet and then vanished like a fart in the wind. Blocked on here, whatsap etc. I am now questioning everything and had only just started to get back into the world and meeting people again without constant fear and doubt.

But all is well because I have been chatting to another stunning lass with exactly the personality and humour I love and we for on like a house on fire for a few weeks and then last night for no reason, blocked litterally half way through a conversation with no warning signs. Yet again real kick in the balls.

But all was not lost because I had arranged a social with someone else I have been on and off chatting with for a few months. She had had "forced" sexual issues in past and I respected that and there was no pressure of talk of sex because she felt comfortable taking it slow. I got a text 3 hours befor due to meet just saying sorry, somethings come up and then blocked. I looked a few hours later at updates and she posted along the lines of "a few messages swapped and spontaneous meet arranged soni can be stuffed with his monster cock.

All of that in 1 week. But now comes the part that really really cuts deep and makes me give up on humanity. I am terminally Ill with sever liver damage and a rare heart condition that's terminal and meaning that I won't see my 50th and probably only have 2 or 3 years of normal ish life left.

All 3 of them were told this really early on. I totally get the people that make their early excuses coz they dont like to deal with shit like that, but what sort of person does what those 3 done

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By *lJay82Man
over a year ago

Sussex/Surrey

[Removed by poster at 30/12/22 04:37:25]

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

to be ghosted is by people you know a long term friend or relationship that stop all contacts its people you know well that ghost not strangers or one night stands or a couple shags on a swingers site thats not ghosting that just not interested anymore ... its swinging and unless its a regular set up thats been agreed the nobody owes anybody anything

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By *lJay82Man
over a year ago

Sussex/Surrey

The name of the act is irrelevant as is the time that youve known that person. The whole point is that whilst people loose interest or just moved on, there is way of doing things and having thought for others feelings.

If this was real life and you were approached in a bar or club by a gent who has the hots for, buys you a drink but after 10 minutes you realise he isn't your type. Would you just turn round and ignore him mid sentence or would you say, thanks but I dont think your my type etc. Manner cost nothing

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset


"The name of the act is irrelevant as is the time that youve known that person. The whole point is that whilst people loose interest or just moved on, there is way of doing things and having thought for others feelings.

If this was real life and you were approached in a bar or club by a gent who has the hots for, buys you a drink but after 10 minutes you realise he isn't your type. Would you just turn round and ignore him mid sentence or would you say, thanks but I dont think your my type etc. Manner cost nothing "

?? but it still not ghosting ..ive said nothing about manners or anything else just that ghosting is done by some one you know ...thats all i said nothing else

#justmyopinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ghosting someone you have an invested relationship with is different to one night sex things. The way I see it, they have no obligation to message you afterwards if it's just about sex. Although it shows their character if they do or not. It would be nice to live in a world where everyone is honest and upfront about what they are feeling but most people will take the cowards way out. You kinda need to detatch your feelings in this lifestyle, easier say than do I know.

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By *lJay82Man
over a year ago

Sussex/Surrey


"Ghosting someone you have an invested relationship with is different to one night sex things. The way I see it, they have no obligation to message you afterwards if it's just about sex. Although it shows their character if they do or not. It would be nice to live in a world where everyone is honest and upfront about what they are feeling but most people will take the cowards way out. You kinda need to detatch your feelings in this lifestyle, easier say than do I know."
it's not feelings for the person, it's the feeling of being rejected and made to feel worthless, being lied to and thinking there must be something wrong with me. It's not easy when the clock is ticking for me. Time is precious to me and to have it wasted when they know the stakes.

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