FabSwingers.com forum: Being Safe

By *ristinapink OP Woman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

Being a single woman, Safety is paramount for me. Specially when swinging.

I started being a little naive and a bit driven by the excitement, and ended up in some complicated situations, where I didn’t feel safe at all.

Luckily nothing really bad ever happened. But I made considerable changes to how I approach swinging. I now only meet people at clubs. I don’t demand that whoever meets me go to a club to meet me, but I only meet whoever is at the club, in the club.

What has your experience been?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Being a single woman, Safety is paramount for me. Specially when swinging.

I started being a little naive and a bit driven by the excitement, and ended up in some complicated situations, where I didn’t feel safe at all.

What has your experience been?"

Varied.

As a single male I suspect I'm in a different position to most single females but for anyone there's always a risk meeting a total stranger, even if you've been conversing online for weeks.

When I was on here alone I met singles and couples at their houses, in hotels and outdoors. Often as the first time we'd ever physically met. I never worried about the potential to be attacked in any way. My biggest concern was turning up to find the address or hotel room was being occupied by someone else and that false details had been given. But that never happened. I'd always speak on the phone or video chat first and often met people I'd encountered in the forums who had good verifications from long standing site users, so I was able to do some 'research' in advance to reduce any chance of them being fakes to almost zero.

As a couple we've mainly met in a hotel we've booked or at clubs. So we're always in a safe space and in control.

The more 'due diligence' you do before a meet the less likely you'll ever be at risk, but there's never a guarantee. You can only do what you can do and make your own choices re personal safety.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I only meet socially in public first & I'm fortunate in having a partner who would know where I am and who with.

I've been pretty lucky with meets in the past and never had a dangerous situation etc .

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By *ristinapink OP Woman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

I am single, no partner. And been in a few situations that made me feel very uncomfortable. Some of them with guys I already thought I knew well. Made me a bit disappointed and fearful

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By *ortherner81Man
over a year ago

Lancashire

"I am single, no partner. And been in a few situations that made me feel very uncomfortable. Some of them with guys I already thought I knew well. Made me a bit disappointed and fearful "

When you look back - were there any red flags in their online behaviour that stood out?

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

OP you basically do the same as me, only meet people in the clubs, but I have an added layer of safety with my couple giving approval and being in the room to play or just watch. If you strike up a friendship with someone at a club, you might find safety in numbers too. They don't have to watch or join in, but you could look out for each other to help your radar.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

in nearly 30 years of swinging ive had 2 really bad case's both stalkers both police sorted ..

but being married ive alway had my hubs as my eyes n ears ive always planned meet so that i have the safety side with me at all times ... i would rather not meet than put myself at risk i have walked away from a few meets too where things dont feel right ... being safe is 100% the number one thing

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"I am single, no partner. And been in a few situations that made me feel very uncomfortable. Some of them with guys I already thought I knew well. Made me a bit disappointed and fearful "

Sorry to read that

That makes it hard to know who to trust now I imagine.

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By *ristinapink OP Woman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

"I am single, no partner. And been in a few situations that made me feel very uncomfortable. Some of them with guys I already thought I knew well. Made me a bit disappointed and fearful

When you look back - were there any red flags in their online behaviour that stood out? "

No red flags per se. Seemed lovely and friendly. One of them was (so I thought) quite a good friend. One day we went to a club together (my first time at a club) and I didn’t feel like playing, was more into socialising that night. Started a big ugly argument. I left by myself and never met him again. But had other situations where the person all of the sudden turns the table.

Maybe common trait is the sense of entitlement, that comes up when things don’t go to what they imagined.

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By *arry monk40Man
over a year ago

Telford

Social first meet is a must

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By *ristinapink OP Woman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

"OP you basically do the same as me, only meet people in the clubs, but I have an added layer of safety with my couple giving approval and being in the room to play or just watch. If you strike up a friendship with someone at a club, you might find safety in numbers too. They don't have to watch or join in, but you could look out for each other to help your radar. "

I always feel safe at clubs, even if most times go alone, so I can play with whoever without dramas

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By *ristinapink OP Woman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

"Social first meet is a must"

Most times I would always have a social first. And chat. And have a phone call. And meet in a public place.

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

I always feel safe at clubs, even if most times go alone, so I can play with whoever without dramas "

But you are concerned about meets outside of clubs. Rightly so, it's a jungle out there.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I always feel safe at clubs, even if most times go alone, so I can play with whoever without dramas

But you are concerned about meets outside of clubs. Rightly so, it's a jungle out there."

Tbf, clubs are often made to sound like places where it's necessary to have someone watching out for nefarious happenings.

Meeting a man in a public place is hardly a jungle

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

I always feel safe at clubs, even if most times go alone, so I can play with whoever without dramas

But you are concerned about meets outside of clubs. Rightly so, it's a jungle out there.

Tbf, clubs are often made to sound like places where it's necessary to have someone watching out for nefarious happenings.

Meeting a man in a public place is hardly a jungle "

you have to havew eyes in the back of your head in clubs someone will always be trying it on for me cuck is my eyes n ears ...

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By *ristinapink OP Woman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

I always feel safe at clubs, even if most times go alone, so I can play with whoever without dramas

But you are concerned about meets outside of clubs. Rightly so, it's a jungle out there.

Tbf, clubs are often made to sound like places where it's necessary to have someone watching out for nefarious happenings.

Meeting a man in a public place is hardly a jungle

you have to havew eyes in the back of your head in clubs someone will always be trying it on for me cuck is my eyes n ears ... "

Never had any issue in clubs. And I had a few gangbangs in there, always very nice & polite guys.

I usually socialise first and get to know people and then if it feels right, we play

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

I always feel safe at clubs, even if most times go alone, so I can play with whoever without dramas

But you are concerned about meets outside of clubs. Rightly so, it's a jungle out there.

Tbf, clubs are often made to sound like places where it's necessary to have someone watching out for nefarious happenings.

Meeting a man in a public place is hardly a jungle "

At my regular club there's a whole team of security guys on radios, on the rare occasion someone gets handsy or does something stupid, they get bounced pretty quickly.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I always feel safe at clubs, even if most times go alone, so I can play with whoever without dramas

But you are concerned about meets outside of clubs. Rightly so, it's a jungle out there.

Tbf, clubs are often made to sound like places where it's necessary to have someone watching out for nefarious happenings.

Meeting a man in a public place is hardly a jungle

At my regular club there's a whole team of security guys on radios, on the rare occasion someone gets handsy or does something stupid, they get bounced pretty quickly. "

I don't go to clubs

Or have I ever needed a team of security guys when I meet a man

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

I don't go to clubs

Or have I ever needed a team of security guys when I meet a man "

Not a lot of men will admit to being victims of dating or domestic violence, it has changed my outlook on life and the scene. Is it an irrational fear? Probably, but one that I can't seem to shift.

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By *ristinapink OP Woman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

I always feel safe at clubs, even if most times go alone, so I can play with whoever without dramas

But you are concerned about meets outside of clubs. Rightly so, it's a jungle out there.

Tbf, clubs are often made to sound like places where it's necessary to have someone watching out for nefarious happenings.

Meeting a man in a public place is hardly a jungle

At my regular club there's a whole team of security guys on radios, on the rare occasion someone gets handsy or does something stupid, they get bounced pretty quickly.

I don't go to clubs

Or have I ever needed a team of security guys when I meet a man "

That’s not the experience of most women, particularly single women.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I don't go to clubs

Or have I ever needed a team of security guys when I meet a man

That’s not the experience of most women, particularly single women. "

That's a really bold statement

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

I don't go to clubs

Or have I ever needed a team of security guys when I meet a man

That’s not the experience of most women, particularly single women.

That's a really bold statement "

One of my mottos is "its better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it"

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I don't meet without a social in a public place. That's a deal breaker.

A number of women insisted they only met in their own home so I didn't meet any of them because I could never understand how they had so little concern for their own personal safety that they would invite me as a complete stranger into their home.

My very first fab hotel meet was after 2 socials and the woman punched me in the face and drove her knee into my balls because she wanted me to retaliate as part of her unspoken kink.

I was much bigger than her and didn't feel physically threatened but I left her in the room and walked out.

That situation had the potential to go so badly wrong and would have been even worse if it had been in her home.

As a result I don't do quick meets under any circumstances regardless of who asks or insists.

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By *ristinapink OP Woman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

"I don't meet without a social in a public place. That's a deal breaker.

My very first fab hotel meet was after 2 socials and the woman punched me in the face and drove her knee into my balls because she wanted me to retaliate as part of her unspoken kink.

I was much bigger than her and didn't feel physically threatened but I left her in the room and walked out.

That situation had the potential to go so badly wrong and would have been even worse if it had been in her home.

As a result I don't do quick meets under any circumstances regardless of who asks or insists."

Sorry you have experienced that

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By *i_guy_sloughMan
over a year ago

Langley

On several occasions I’ve arranged to meet someone and they have had no thought about safety. They are meeting a complete stranger from the internet and often they are quite happy for you to just meet at their place. I usually suggest a meet in a public place first and that they have someone who is aware of where they will be. I have no issue with a random well-being checkin from a friend during meets. To be honest, I’m quite happy to go along with whatever makes the other person feel more secure.

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By *ristinapink OP Woman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

"On several occasions I’ve arranged to meet someone and they have had no thought about safety. They are meeting a complete stranger from the internet and often they are quite happy for you to just meet at their place. I usually suggest a meet in a public place first and that they have someone who is aware of where they will be. I have no issue with a random well-being checkin from a friend during meets. To be honest, I’m quite happy to go along with whatever makes the other person feel more secure. "

That is really considerate of you.

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By *anted by NightMan
over a year ago

Shangri-La

"Being a single woman, Safety is paramount for me. Specially when swinging.

I started being a little naive and a bit driven by the excitement, and ended up in some complicated situations, where I didn’t feel safe at all.

What has your experience been?"

It’s not just for ladies. As a male for my own safety I always meet at clubs unless I have met them previously and trust them. Twice with my fuck buddy arranged to meet with a couple and ended up in a situation where only single man was waiting for us. We were very disappointed and left straight away. We learnt from our mistake and now meet at clubs only.

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