FabSwingers.com forum: Men can't get it up

By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

So ladies,

I have a historic problem. Every man I have been with has had a problem, all of them (apart from my current partner) has has a problem getting a boner. As you can imagine this has dented my confidence so much and as I seem to be the common denominator how can I not believe it's not me that is the problem. We recently went to a Black Man Fan Club and the same happened! What is wrong with me?

Does anyone else have this problem?

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

it is far more common than many would admit, i have posted on the forums about ot before, ive written on my blog about ot as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

It has nothing to do with you (a) because you are stunning

Sometimes us guys get a bit gun shy, especially if we are unexpectedly approached by a women of your beauty

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By *he ass man 666Man
over a year ago

paradise city

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

Definitely nothing wrong here looking at your profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think nerves play a big factor in it, especially if your partner is present with you as it can feel like there's two of you and one of him so it's easy to get in your own head.

May I ask what your expectations of single men are are how you approach them because you do look amazing, but it's easy for them as a result to feel the pressure to perform.

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

I didn't mean for this to be a "give me a compliment" post. That's not what I'm looking for, genuinely my confidence is so rock bottom that I see you all having fun swinging yet I can't do that because I turn men off so much that they can't get hard.

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By *ncore un FoisMan
over a year ago

Bowdon

There’s a little blue pill for that lol

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

My last partner couldn't get a boner unless he'd taken a pill beforehand. Literally nothing.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

Men aren't machines, we don't just click our fingers and our cocks get hard lol! We all get 'stage fright' at some point (myself included), mostly because we put too much pressure on ourselves to 'perform', but also if we're not feeling comfortable in the situation? It's no biggy (no pun intended

), perhaps try some other form of play to defuse the awkwardness, and see what 'arises' from there.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I have the opposite problem Im constantly hard but have trouble emptying. Can cum whilst playing with myself but if playing with another woman or couple just can't seem to release

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By *eeds fun guyMan
over a year ago

yorkshire

"I didn't mean for this to be a "give me a compliment" post. That's not what I'm looking for, genuinely my confidence is so rock bottom that I see you all having fun swinging yet I can't do that because I turn men off so much that they can't get hard. "

I am being honest now, I’m 55, no blue pill has been taken in fact I’m in bed ready to sleep but I got a definite twitch when I looked at your gorgeous profile picks and one touch and I will be hard so from what I can see it’s not you xx

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By *on manMan
over a year ago

N West

Not having that, nothing to do with you whatsoever

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By *ittlelad69Man
over a year ago

clay cross

It’s more common that people think, your stunning so maybe intimidating men. My little 5” would be rock solid in your company xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's 100% not you. How old are the guys that it's affecting?

As many have stated before, it is very very common for it to happen to men. Many don't want to admit it or acknowledge it but truth be told it's a topic most men avoid yet it's a glaringly big topic that needs addressing.

I'm sorry to hear your confidence has taken a bashing but try keep positive!

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

Erections and sexual arousal aren't always one and the same thing. I can be horny as anything but can and have, failed to launch for a hundred reasons. Performance pressure is probably the biggest killer.

I (Rob) wound up in the dream situation at a club where Steph had found another woman to blow me with her. I was so excited! My tip had barely touched this lasses lips before I deflated like the Hindenberg.

A lot of guys go to clubs dreaming of some playtime but know it's an outside chance at best. So when the opportunity does present itself, the gravity of the moment can be overwhelming.

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

"I think nerves play a big factor in it, especially if your partner is present with you as it can feel like there's two of you and one of him so it's easy to get in your own head.

May I ask what your expectations of single men are are how you approach them because you do look amazing, but it's easy for them as a result to feel the pressure to perform."

So in the BMFC, we went to a club together, we caught the attention of a guy and he approached us, things got steamy but then soon after penetration he just went limp saying he had.. "Performance issues"

See if it was a one off I could understand. Apart from my partner who thinks I am the sexiest person on earth and stands to attention all the time I don't want to ruin a swinging experience because I repulse the man.

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem?

), perhaps try some other form of play to defuse the awkwardness, and see what 'arises' from there.....

What he said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think nerves play a big factor in it, especially if your partner is present with you as it can feel like there's two of you and one of him so it's easy to get in your own head.

May I ask what your expectations of single men are are how you approach them because you do look amazing, but it's easy for them as a result to feel the pressure to perform.

When you say steamy do you mean got d*unk?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I went to a club with my playfriend. I wasnt so sure in the situation i was put in. Now that knocked my congidence on the night. Why i havent got a dam clue. Ive been swinging for almost 8 years. It happens. Back at our hotel we was at it till we fell asleep. Opp sometimes for us men it happens.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

OP, it is not you at all. It might be a physical problem, for the guy. More likely, it's a psychological problem.

Even more likely, it is a contextual problem. Some of those guys who couldn't get it up, would have done if you had been single and meeting them traditionally 1-2-1.

But meeting you in an exceptional context, with or without another guy, is a different matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think nerves play a big factor in it, especially if your partner is present with you as it can feel like there's two of you and one of him so it's easy to get in your own head.

May I ask what your expectations of single men are are how you approach them because you do look amazing, but it's easy for them as a result to feel the pressure to perform.

Without blowing smoke, I really don't think you repulse them. The idea of being with a couple/talking a big game and getting down to it are two different things from my (limited) experience. Have you thought of ways you could make things more comfortable for him? Maybe more foreplay without the immediate need for penetration?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem?

It has nothing to do with you (a) because you are stunning

Sometimes us guys get a bit gun shy, especially if we are unexpectedly approached by a women of your beauty "

Stage fright of punching above my weight, it's a real thing.

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By *akey2somCouple
over a year ago

wakefield

Happens to us all and don’t let any guy say it doesn’t. I find the main issue it’s always the stunning ones where it sometimes happens. It’s not you, if you get to know the guys or couples you will find it relaxes the guy more. Hope this helps. The true stunners put us guys under more pressure. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Erections and sexual arousal aren't always one and the same thing. I can be horny as anything but can and have, failed to launch for a hundred reasons. Performance pressure is probably the biggest killer.

A lot of guys go to clubs dreaming of some playtime but know it's an outside chance at best. So when the opportunity does present itself, the gravity of the moment can be overwhelming. "

I think that last paragraph really hit the nail on the head!

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

"It's 100% not you. How old are the guys that it's affecting?

I'm sorry to hear your confidence has taken a bashing but try keep positive! "

My partner is 55, my last one 30, one before that 55. The only one who doesn't have a problem is my current man.

I've explained my problem to him and twice I've been able to make a dick limp as anything in his company.

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

You look fine to.me. it's probably more to do with the h

Guys state of mind

I very much h doubt it has anything to do with you.

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

[Removed by poster at 28/11/22 23:02:13]

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

"I think nerves play a big factor in it, especially if your partner is present with you as it can feel like there's two of you and one of him so it's easy to get in your own head.

May I ask what your expectations of single men are are how you approach them because you do look amazing, but it's easy for them as a result to feel the pressure to perform.

When you say steamy do you mean got d*unk?

No, we had one drink each. I mean we started to play as a threesome. We kissed, he penetrated me then went limp and couldn't get hard again. I tried to give him a blow job but got no response. In the end he just left. "

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle

I can imagine a lot of guys might get a bit of stagefright in a club or group setting?

I think it probably happens to most guys at one stage or another. You may have just been unfortunate.

Perhaps some of them have used gym ‘supplements’ or other things? (Trying to be selective with my words here). This can definitely have an affect on performance.

One thing’s for certain babe, it isn’t you! You’re stunning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think nerves play a big factor in it, especially if your partner is present with you as it can feel like there's two of you and one of him so it's easy to get in your own head.

May I ask what your expectations of single men are are how you approach them because you do look amazing, but it's easy for them as a result to feel the pressure to perform.

I know why you are having this issue. Its not you and it is you. So fact 1. You are stunning, really stunning. Fact 2 you are real and can prove it. But, fact 3. Up to 70% of men experience erectile dysfunction, 70%.... fact 4. A lot of men would look at you and think "she won't want me, she is out of my class" so when you show interest and want sex, they immediately put immense pressure on themselves to prove worthy. All the above will definitely lead to occurrences of ED. I have diabetes that fucks me up, kidney issues that fucks me up. Medication, age. And of course once it happens once the fear that it will happen again creates a self forfiling issue.

It's not you. Interestingly. There is a solution for men, a real solution not tablets, injections, bull shit home medicines etc. I know about this because I have had it done. Not cheap.

Anybody want to know about it pm us. Not going to discuss my body in open like that. Xxx

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

its defo not you,, had peek at your profile your sexy lady you look great,, just one of those things connection too big part its being able to relax

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

And saying that you so look stunning and as said many men probably put far too much pressure on themselves.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

Their previous partners may have wanted them to last longer, to the point where the non-repeaters got to the point of not coming.

Another reason is this; premature ejaculation is the fear that young men have to find a solution as they get older. This stamina can backfire and reduce sensitivity, aka the saftey catch jams and stays on. Flicking the switch is frustrating.

Age is factor too, with declining T-levels, did you know that too much lube, from saliva vagina juices or even bottle based ones is great for the woman, but has been known to remove the vital friction to stimulate the glans, maintain a sense of urgency downstairs and keeping the blood flow going.

Try scrathing an itch when you're in a jacuzzi or bath: it doesn't work.

Maybe, having a the lights on might help, as we are visual creatures and I love sex in the sun, and seeing everything : the eyes are a non tactile erogenous zone too.

If I'm giving a lot of foreplay, say 10 or more orgasms, then my hands are very busy and my cock falls asleep. Despite having the best intentions the cock can actually feel lonely and sulk. Men need foreplay too.

This is a balancing act, here pleasure vs his

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have also had the issue and it did made me feel like something was wrong, but then after meeting a couple more people I found out it was just my partner at the time that had the issue but it is common apparently, but it sure isn't your fault x

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I’ve seen this before at parties with couples and when doing full swap with partners.

It’s definitely not about you physically because most men here will be hard at the chance of a fuck with anyone , they generally don’t even need attraction. It could be lots of things alcohol, c*ke, nerves, ED.

Also sex offered up without any seduction or effort , in presence of a partner can be a big turn off even if the woman is hot

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By *ornyltlfkrMan
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

They have probablycracked one off shortly before meeting you in fear of coming too quick. I struggle to get as hard for round 2 without about 20mins downtime.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There could be multiple issues.

1. In a club there are multiple ppl around. If not im a private room theres the whole potentisl of people.wstching putting pressure on to perform.

2. If it is a private room and you have the noise of someone throughly having fun nearby. You get the pressure of having to match that.

3. Your stunning so there the pressure on feeling the need to perform because you have given them the chance.

4. If they have ever suffered from ed before it can be in the back if their mind, please not again and its a self fulfilling prohecy.

5. Nerves... nerves are terrible for errections.

Its very psycological for a guy and judt because he loses an errection it doesnt mean he doesnt want to, or he doesnt find you attractive or there is anything your doing wrong. Its just something has gotten into their head and knocked their confidence and as soon as the mental battle begins its a losing fight

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

A lack of swinging partners or a run of bad luck can cause a bit of insecurities to rear their ugly heads.

Being Wonky or ND might be a factor too.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

All you people saying 'youre stunning' etc, how do you know this?

2 or 3 shots of her standing up, no face pics. Maybe she is, maybe she isnt, but how do you know? Just leave it out.

If its been happening to most of the men shes been with, then it obviously is something to do with her or what she's doing. Either that or she always fucks guys who have been drinking a lot.

Youre doing the girl no favours blowing smoke up her arse

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Never had an issue, even with alcohol. but I would suggest doing pelvic floor muscle exercises. as it will help with the circulation.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Never had an issue, even with alcohol. but I would suggest doing pelvic floor muscle exercises. as it will help with the circulation. "

Good advice, medication can impede performance too. all need taking into consideration.

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

I really appreciate everyone's input, thank you so much.

So what can I do to help the situation?

I've tried to get them hard again via oral, but it doesn't seem to work and when you're sucking on a limp penis and there is no movement it's so upsetting (as I said, it happens ALL the time) is there anything else I can do to take the pressure off?

If this happens to you, what can the woman do to get things going again?

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

"Never had an issue, even with alcohol. but I would suggest doing pelvic floor muscle exercises. as it will help with the circulation. "

My pelvic floor isn't the problem. Men have trouble entering my vagina to begin with.

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By *urvyBi-84Man
over a year ago

Lancs

As has been said before, it’s not you. Many many things can cause a guy’s little guy to not want to stay up.

Nerves are a big thing. I’ve had ‘stage fright’ before in a club. Nothing to do with her, I was just feeling a bit nervous.

Tiredness. Even if a guy doesn’t look tired, if their body is fatigued they’re going to struggle to get it up.

Performance anxiety is a huge one. Men sometimes worry so much about whether or not their partner is enjoying themselves that they get anxious and lose their hard-on. Especially in clubs.

Another one in clubs - they may have already played and cum already. Some men aren’t repeaters, no matter what they say or think, and struggle to get up again if they’ve already shot their bolt.

Medication, alcohol etc. can all play a big role too.

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By *mp411Man
over a year ago

chester

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

Op have you tried meeting on your own? It could be nerves/confidence or it could be physical but it's not you

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"I really appreciate everyone's input, thank you so much.

So what can I do to help the situation?

If this happens to you, what can the woman do to get things going again?

Once it's gone it's gone. Have a cuppa and try again a little later. Adding more pressure to a floppy cock just makes it worse.

As others have said.

. You look lovely. But if everyone gets it... Then perhaps its your selection process? Or the scenarios that they are being put into? Maybe best ask some of the guys who have struggled they will have a better idea...condom issues?

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"I really appreciate everyone's input, thank you so much.

So what can I do to help the situation?

If this happens to you, what can the woman do to get things going again?

Talk. We have feelings too, so they only people who can explain this are the ones you'd been with. It might be difficult, but nothing ventured....

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"I really appreciate everyone's input, thank you so much.

So what can I do to help the situation?

If this happens to you, what can the woman do to get things going again?

Once it's gone it's gone. Have a cuppa and try again a little later. Adding more pressure to a floppy cock just makes it worse.

As others have said.

Stop focusing on the penis, try to find another erogenous zone, maybe give a sensual massage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it’s happened with every man you’ve been with, then there is the possibility it is her. The OP is looking for advice for the scenario; That it is her and what she can do about it…

I’d completely change your approach to however you start your meets

It might be how you or husband acts around the people you meet.

An example - I know if I’m being pressured and directed by the husband it turns me off.

Change your approach and see what happens.

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By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

I've met several ladies in couples with a similar story to yourself ...it's most certainly not you.

I'm generally ok in the errection department...but for me the brain is without doubt the biggest sexual organ , good chat , eye contact, being relaxed , flirting , smelling lovely, kissing and touching are all massive catalysts.

I wouldn't over think it (that's certainly a disaster for me if I'm worried I won't perform )

Just be relaxed have a laugh with the gent , no magical solution...you will meet lots of gents that stand to attention...that I'm sure of...

Ps I'm at chameleons this Friday

H x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like every one has basically said. It happens. We aren't machines and sometimes our mental game isn't on point.

You look great, so that isn't it.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

You might find as someone has rouched on before, nerves or anxiety from the bloke can play a big part with this.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"I really appreciate everyone's input, thank you so much.

So what can I do to help the situation?

If this happens to you, what can the woman do to get things going again?

Try some ice might help to bring it back to life afterwards once you continue

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Like every one has basically said. It happens. We aren't machines and sometimes our mental game isn't on point.

You look great, so that isn't it."

I feel like a machine with all cylinders pumping. But mentally triggered as some can feel over excited so self control is important

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

I don’t fit the ‘lady’ criterion, but here’s my 2p….

I can see how you might feel you’re a common denominator, but you need to factor in the complexities of we mortal hoooomans.

A significant percentage of the guys you’ve been with who’ve had this problem have most likely had it for different reasons, even if only subtly different, and such nuances would be more than likely to do with their own psyche than you.

What you need to avoid is entrenching the idea that it’s you, otherwise you might start giving off counterproductive vibes or hold yourself back…..and that won’t help others get in the mood.

You look amazing in your pics and your fella appears to be in fine shape too……being honest, if you approached me in a club right now I’d probably go from chuffed AF to terrifyingly self-conscious in just under 2 seconds……but that’s a ‘me problem’, not a ‘you problem’.

Give yourself a break; “The worst lies we tell are the lies we tell ourselves”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The performance pressure that most feel can be absolutely crippling Ann's very often it's a catch 22 as waiting for it to happen can be the very thing that brings it on especially with a new partner.

I myself have always in the past been very much affected by confidence issues in so much as after a really good experience I'm on top of the world and could poke a hole in a brick wall...but a bad moment especially with someone new and potentially embarrassing means my confidence is on the floor next time and I'm dreading being let down at the crucial moment..and disappointing her..

These days i seem to be very much past these issues and have my new girlfriend very much to thank.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"Never had an issue, even with alcohol. but I would suggest doing pelvic floor muscle exercises. as it will help with the circulation.

My pelvic floor isn't the problem. Men have trouble entering my vagina to begin with. "

Then it could be something that needs to be checked medically as you don't always need to suffer pain and not have a medical issue

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

If you want your confidence boosting or need to practice some moves, invite a 20 yr old round let him be the dom, it'll be over in a min, but he'll be raring to go again just as quick.

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By *ongueFkYouMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "
just because they can't get a boner doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you or that you are putting them off or anything from what I can see in your pics you look perfectly fine so don't think that you are the problem because you are not the problem its them

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By *ongueFkYouMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Never had an issue, even with alcohol. but I would suggest doing pelvic floor muscle exercises. as it will help with the circulation.

My pelvic floor isn't the problem. Men have trouble entering my vagina to begin with. "
their limp cock is not going to enter your vagina if not hard! Stop thinking that's it got something to do with you

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By *rjamesMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

For me it's about pressure versus comfort, echoing most of the comments on here.

5 years ago I had two partners in quick succession: I had ED of some form about 30-40% of the time I had sex with the first (and more attractive) partner, but less than 5% of the time with the second one.

The difference was attitude when things didn't go exactly to plan or to time. Rather than laugh it off, switch it up, rotate etc, partner 1 would just act disappointed. On the other hand partner 2 would not be phased and kept the sex positive, and as a result I performed better than with anyone prior.

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By *ornyltlfkrMan
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I really appreciate everyone's input, thank you so much.

So what can I do to help the situation?

If this happens to you, what can the woman do to get things going again?

You are so much better than this. If someone goes limp on you move on. Believe me there will be no shortage of attention in your direction. It is not your problem tell them to go sort themselves out.

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

"I really appreciate everyone's input, thank you so much.

So what can I do to help the situation?

If this happens to you, what can the woman do to get things going again?

Focus on literally anything else. Don’t touch it, don’t talk about it, don’t stare disapprovingly at it like it is broken. And don’t mske it about you.

Trying to jumpstart a man’s arousal when his penis isn’t playing ball is futile, as then all parties involved are more focused on it than is necessary.

Kiss or caress some other part of his body, if you know his erogenous zones, then play with those. Have him focus on your pleasure for a bit.

Unless it is explicitly a medical condition, a man losing his erection is more often than not, a mental thing. And maybe you are part of the stimuli affecting him mentally at the time. Maybe not. What is certain is that it is an issue for him to get over.

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

It’s not you as you are stunning all I can think of it’s down to the bloke thinking how the hell did he pull a stunner and will I be able to satisfied her

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's 100% not you. How old are the guys that it's affecting?

I'm sorry to hear your confidence has taken a bashing but try keep positive!

My partner is 55, my last one 30, one before that 55. The only one who doesn't have a problem is my current man.

I've explained my problem to him and twice I've been able to make a dick limp as anything in his company. "

So 2 men had issues before your current partner? I reckon that's just unlucky. Stage fright, medicines can cause it. It happens.

2 men since your new partner? While he was there too? I'd say he is perhaps intimidating the men. Either on purpose or not.

Do you both want to swing or is one more keen than the other?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve never had an issue, but that said, the common factor is I’ve always felt comfortable who I am with. Sex is never really expected, maybe it’s anticipated because there’s that chemistry between us, but never on demand.

I can only imagine what it would be like if I was expected to do something at a specific time, that’s a bit of pressure, and if I’m not going with the flow, it might not happen at that specific time.

My advice would only be from my point of view, just try taking time and being in the moment and have attention all on me, because that hot and that gets me hard.

Your figure is amazing by the way, from what I see.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

Its happened twice to me . Hubby can always get hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It only has happened to me when she's not pressing the right buttons or when I've be going for so long that it's said that's enough lol I can usually go for a while before Cumming

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

"I really appreciate everyone's input, thank you so much.

So what can I do to help the situation?

If this happens to you, what can the woman do to get things going again?

Taking the performance pressure off can help but once it's gotten hold, it can be hard to shift. It's probably not what you're looking for but having him use his fingers or give oral whilst you play with your partner can help. Or ride his face.

Also, make a joke of it. He's probably feeling like shit so laughing it off can diffuse that a bit. Obviously don't laugh *at* him.

Ultimately, if it's happening regularly then having a plan B in mind is good. Maybe start a meet by saying you're not looking for penetration, just for an extra cock to enjoy whilst your partner does all the fucking. It you just want to be watched. Then, if he's rock hard for that, invite him in

Brains are tricky and you sometimes need to take them by surprise.

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By *razytimesinloveCouple
over a year ago

SW Scotland

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

It will have zero to do with you.

It happens very often and I’ve seen it everytime I’ve been at a club as well. The more that a guys tries to get hard again just seems to make them get more worked up when it doesn’t happen and it’s a viscous cycle to be stuck in.

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By *reenleavesCouple
over a year ago

North Wales

Another way of thinking about it is to reverse the situation. If you were about to play with this stunning guy and your fanny clamps shut involuntarily and won't let him in; how would you react?

You want to do it but your body won't play ball. How would that make you feel and what do you think would help in that situation? Do you think it would be on your mind going into your next playdate? What would help put your mind at ease? Is it something about him or is it just you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How many different guys are we talking about here?

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By *9Karm69Man
over a year ago

plymouth/chesterfield

I've been honest in my profile and stated that I am starting to get ED, its a fact, I also have mentioned that a bit of consideration and some fun play would help break the ice, not all women want big cocks and stretched, quite a few just love some tender touch and great foreplay

Maybe this is why some guy's don't turn up for meets, they've not got a boner before they meet, just be honest so if you don't get it up least they know before hand

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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago

Durham

Given that you’re asking ladies…

Yes, and it’s been worse since covid. There are a lot of men who aren’t used to fucking with condoms on and it shows, a lot of men who don’t like audiences and it shows, and a lot of men who need a LOT more foreplay than I expected. It’s worth planning repeat meets with the men you like and figuring out how to get past this, because I think unfamiliarity is definitely part of the problem.

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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

A few weeks ago I had performance issues - just wouldn’t and couldn’t get and stay hard. Don’t know why as the party had turned me on

Weekend befor me last was able to stay hard as well and the other party had turned me on

It happens sometimes

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By *hantelle-La-SlutTV/TS
over a year ago

South Birmingham

It is deffo not you, i get my fair share of men that can not perfom at club as well. like a lot have said before me, group situation/playing in front of others, nerves have a massive effect.

I would suggest you go in a private room and play 1-2-1 without your current partner present and see how it goes?

Is your partner well hung as well because if he is it will affect the other men present, it might be a cliche thing but men are very vain and the first thing they will think is how can i compete with him

Just keep trying and have fun darling

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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

It far more common than men will admit. There are times I haven’t got hard, gone soft mid-play, or not been able to cum.

For some guys once that happens, the worry about it happening again can become a vicious and reinforcing cycle. The worry gets in their head and then they can’t get hard at their next meet. Then repeat.

Sometimes it’s just stress, tiredness, etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m going to be devils advocate here and say, if it’s happening every time and not just here and there, maybe it is you.

From what I can see on your profile you look good so it’s clearly nothing to do with how you look. Could it be you are making them feel uncomfortable? Do you drink during meets?.

Perhaps it has something to do with your husband.

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By *ustamanMan
over a year ago

weymouth

Not yet, not going to say it would never happen just hasn't happened yet.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Only you know what happens durning the meets you've had so no one can say if it is something that is happening that causes this. I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you it's definitely not you nor am I going to point fingers at the men it has happened to and say it must be them who need to cop on and perform because neither of those things would help or be right.

I agree if it's happening a lot it must dent your confidence but try not to let it affect future meets. Maybe try and see what the common denominator is. Does something make them or you feel a bit uncomfortable.Or slow things down with some more foreplay and touching.

I hope things improve and you get your confidence back as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honestly, the current diet of the average man in the western world works against us. Deep fat fried foods, just passable water, genetic fruits (seedless or plastic packaged), amongst other things I could go on forever, all these and more make for a weaker less long lasting boner. Many don’t live as good as they should I.e not enough exercise or too much porn this is a biiiiig factor. I’d love to go on but it’s a lot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love sucking a nice soft cock

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By *m3232Man
over a year ago

maidenhead

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

Without being there with you it’s very difficult to give advice.

It could be you have been unlucky and always choosing the wrong guys that have the problem.

Myself in a mmf or mf situation never had a problem but also my mindset works I know where I am and what I am doing so don’t have the mindset that affects my ability to get hard and have the fun that’s on offer.

I would happily volunteer myself if you wanted. I know I am pushing my chances but thought I would give it a go lol.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"I’m going to be devils advocate here and say, if it’s happening every time and not just here and there, maybe it is you.

From what I can see on your profile you look good so it’s clearly nothing to do with how you look. Could it be you are making them feel uncomfortable? Do you drink during meets?.

Perhaps it has something to do with your husband."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Another way of thinking about it is to reverse the situation. If you were about to play with this stunning guy and your fanny clamps shut involuntarily and won't let him in; how would you react?

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

My dicks just broke is my excuse!

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

Perhaps you need a fluffer?

That’s not me volunteering

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP - sometimes it happens! When I've met couples I've always said it would be nice to spend some time with her alone (even 5 minutes) to get going.

Kissing and going down on each other helps I think. It won't be you, you've just been unlucky!

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

very rare i meet a guy who cant get hard ? when meeting privately ..

however in clubs its very common and op its deffo not you

dunno how to say this without sounding horrible but there are alot of guys who have erection problems full stop and need to vist there drs to get help

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m going to be devils advocate here and say, if it’s happening every time and not just here and there, maybe it is you.

From what I can see on your profile you look good so it’s clearly nothing to do with how you look. Could it be you are making them feel uncomfortable? Do you drink during meets?.

Perhaps it has something to do with your husband."

I agree with this

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

also alot of men cant perform with others around they think they can until the deeds must be alot of pressure for some us women just need to be wet but guys need a erection ..

its another reason to meet guys who you know have already had good meets and its another reason to have regular's who you know can get hard ..

ill be honest id hate to be a man

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By *edplusoneCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

"also alot of men cant perform with others around they think they can until the deeds must be alot of pressure for some us women just need to be wet but guys need a erection ..

its another reason to meet guys who you know have already had good meets and its another reason to have regular's who you know can get hard ..

ill be honest id hate to be a man "

Amen to that, men can’t exactly fake that part of things!

Thankfully I seem to enjoy having people watching, it’s been a real confidence booster. But I can see how one or two bad experiences could spiral into problems.

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By *become1Couple
over a year ago

Burnley

I sometimes struggle when in a club,maybe it's the piped music or the fact that there's a dozen folk goping at us through the window lol. At home no problem rock hard.

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

Every guy has suffered this at some point but if its happening to everyone you're going with there's something not right somewhere.

I wonder if it's possible your bad experiences are subtly altered your body language or something similar and that's putting men off somewhere along the way?

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By *arko59Man
over a year ago

South Shields

Not all men are raring to go for sex, like an American Porn Star, and if there is difficulty, for a man to get an erection, it maybe a case of too much alcohol, or some medical issue, like diabetes, or possible neurological issues, preventing an erection forming- like spinal weakness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/11/22 18:45:05]

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By *aramel.desiresMan
over a year ago

Heathrow

"Happens to us all and don’t let any guy say it doesn’t. I find the main issue it’s always the stunning ones where it sometimes happens. It’s not you, if you get to know the guys or couples you will find it relaxes the guy more. Hope this helps. The true stunners put us guys under more pressure. xx"

Sometimes a emotional connection is needed contrary to what we might say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m going to be devils advocate here and say, if it’s happening every time and not just here and there, maybe it is you.

From what I can see on your profile you look good so it’s clearly nothing to do with how you look. Could it be you are making them feel uncomfortable? Do you drink during meets?.

Perhaps it has something to do with your husband."

Highlighted some good points here

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By *rluckyknightMan
over a year ago

marske by sea

Wish you live closer I never fail no matter who's watching x

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By *ampshirehotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

Perhaps look at the way you are approaching your meets.

My husband has this exact problem with 'performance' which is down to health issues and the medication but also the pressure to perform when in the swinging environment.

My advice would be not to make an issue out of it. Take things slowly.

It's more common than you think!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We've experienced guys who can't get a hard on and guys who can but can't cum.

We've just got used to it now. It is disappointing.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude."

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

"Not all men are raring to go for sex, like an American Porn Star, and if there is difficulty, for a man to get an erection, it maybe a case of too much alcohol, or some medical issue, like diabetes, or possible neurological issues, preventing an erection forming- like spinal weakness."

but if you have a medical problem you would say so before you meet surely ? if not thats just not fair on the person your meeting and just shows your willing to hide things in hope of a fumble ??? and its really not good ...

ive met guys who been honest and upfront and had great fun because they were honest and upfront ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once had a russian girl ask me

'why you not hard yet'

Don't do that

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

Sometimes a emotional connection is needed contrary to what we might say. "

but thats not swinging is it ? its a swinging site a high % of men can and do perform when having casual sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think about what is actually going on here.

There may be a lot of external stimuli such as lights, music, people talking other guys just being around. It's got very little to do with the female. All of these external factors interfere with the mind and body. All of the bravado is laid bare and the realisation that you have to perform is sometimes just too much.

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous."

I mean the op said its happened with (most or all cant remember) men except her husband so its a fair to question if its something her or hersuband are doing to put men off.

If it was just one or two men then I'd agree but if it's happening a lot then it's likely to be something the op or husband are doing probably unconsciously.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous."

It’s not ridiculous at all.

If it happens with in the OP quote “every man” then yes it probably is something she or her husband is doing. & she’s asking for advice on that situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous at all.

If it happens with in the OP quote “every man” then yes it probably is something she or her husband is doing. & she’s asking for advice on that situation."

It's hard to say without more context though isn't it. I think saying it's a them problem is not fair to say when we don't know what they're like but it's definitely a possibility.

She COULD have just been incredibly unlucky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous."

Why is it ridiculous?. We’ve been in situations before where mr just hasn’t felt comfortable. Too much drink being consumed by other people, pushy men , uncomfortable atmosphere where you just can’t relax. None of which was his fault. I think it’s unfair to pile all the blame on to men who “can’t get it up”. Most of the time there’s an underlying issue to cause it and the OP asked for advice. Everyone saying it isn’t her fault won’t help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous.

But theres nothing anyone can really contribute anyway so I think most are just trying to #bekind.

Be fun, flirty, and welcoming. That's all anyone could say if it is a them problem

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

What would Dr Ruth say?

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous."

No more ridiculous than saying its not your fault. Hence the best answer is probably to have a chat with the guys who haven't been able to maintain an erection.

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By *ee1967Man
over a year ago

watford

When me qnd wife used to meet guys, we let them watch us for 10 mins

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous at all.

If it happens with in the OP quote “every man” then yes it probably is something she or her husband is doing. & she’s asking for advice on that situation.

It's hard to say without more context though isn't it. I think saying it's a them problem is not fair to say when we don't know what they're like but it's definitely a possibility.

She COULD have just been incredibly unlucky"

Not really they’ve laid out the context and had lots of people on here tell them it’s not them, when they’ve wrote it is and what can they do about it…

Everyone saying it’s not you, isn’t helping her.

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By *itty9899Man
over a year ago

Craggy Island

Most men would try thumbing in a softy.

Sometime I wish I was younger, I use to walk around with a permanent hard on the number of vases I would knock over stop me from getting that job in the crystal glass shop. Now I'm lucky to get one decent one, it's probably down to all the self abuse during those teenage years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous at all.

If it happens with in the OP quote “every man” then yes it probably is something she or her husband is doing. & she’s asking for advice on that situation.

It's hard to say without more context though isn't it. I think saying it's a them problem is not fair to say when we don't know what they're like but it's definitely a possibility.

She COULD have just been incredibly unlucky

Not really they’ve laid out the context and had lots of people on here tell them it’s not them, when they’ve wrote it is and what can they do about it…

Everyone saying it’s not you, isn’t helping her."

Agreed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous at all.

If it happens with in the OP quote “every man” then yes it probably is something she or her husband is doing. & she’s asking for advice on that situation.

It's hard to say without more context though isn't it. I think saying it's a them problem is not fair to say when we don't know what they're like but it's definitely a possibility.

She COULD have just been incredibly unlucky

Not really they’ve laid out the context and had lots of people on here tell them it’s not them, when they’ve wrote it is and what can they do about it…

Everyone saying it’s not you, isn’t helping her."

But no one here can help her is my point. Which is kinda back on the OP for making the message I guess in the first place. Either way it's shit for her whatever the situation so if it's a point we can't help on it's worth at least trying to not make them feel worse about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You’ve been seriously unlucky

Amazing figure and as long as your partner keeps getting hard for you, worry less about strangers suffering stage fright in your presence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous at all.

If it happens with in the OP quote “every man” then yes it probably is something she or her husband is doing. & she’s asking for advice on that situation.

It's hard to say without more context though isn't it. I think saying it's a them problem is not fair to say when we don't know what they're like but it's definitely a possibility.

She COULD have just been incredibly unlucky

Not really they’ve laid out the context and had lots of people on here tell them it’s not them, when they’ve wrote it is and what can they do about it…

Everyone saying it’s not you, isn’t helping her.

You’re a cool dude so I don’t want to sound like I’m arguing about it with you

I do think people can help her and some have with suggesting it could be how they act around their meets; Is the husband pushy/directing the male & do they drink before? body language can turn people off…

There are a few factors that people have mentioned that might help them think what it could be…

I don’t see anyone making them feel bad. They’ve asked the question and some people are giving honest answers…

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By *aturedWithAgeMan
over a year ago

Ashton

Looking at your pictures they are propably intimidated by you. Your ‘too good looking’.

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous."

Why is it demonstrably ridiculous?

The OP has literally said it happens to every guy she meets. Of course its down to her ffs!

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

The amount of simping in this thread is truly pathetic.

If there's one thread on here that sums up the pitiful desperation of men in here, this is truly it.

Lads, shes not going to fuck you ok. So just be honest, for once in yer pathetic lives.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous at all.

If it happens with in the OP quote “every man” then yes it probably is something she or her husband is doing. & she’s asking for advice on that situation.

It's hard to say without more context though isn't it. I think saying it's a them problem is not fair to say when we don't know what they're like but it's definitely a possibility.

She COULD have just been incredibly unlucky

Not really they’ve laid out the context and had lots of people on here tell them it’s not them, when they’ve wrote it is and what can they do about it…

Everyone saying it’s not you, isn’t helping her.

You’re a cool dude so I don’t want to sound like I’m arguing about it with you

There are a few factors that people have mentioned that might help them think what it could be…

I don’t see anyone making them feel bad. They’ve asked the question and some people are giving honest answers…

I absolutely get your points but am also just reasoning as to why some people are being a little more delicate.

Maybe it's just that I think the OP has probably already thought about whether it was their attitude as a pair because it's quite clearly the obvious go to. But if it's happened in clubs as well than I doubt it is just that?

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Clearly you are going wrong somewhere!?

There are so many questions to ask?

Op your pictures are very attractive but looks alone do not make a person sexy. It's an attitude.

This reads a lot like you blaming the OP for men not getting erections.

That is demonstrably ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous at all.

If it happens with in the OP quote “every man” then yes it probably is something she or her husband is doing. & she’s asking for advice on that situation.

It's hard to say without more context though isn't it. I think saying it's a them problem is not fair to say when we don't know what they're like but it's definitely a possibility.

She COULD have just been incredibly unlucky

Not really they’ve laid out the context and had lots of people on here tell them it’s not them, when they’ve wrote it is and what can they do about it…

Everyone saying it’s not you, isn’t helping her.

You’re a cool dude so I don’t want to sound like I’m arguing about it with you

There are a few factors that people have mentioned that might help them think what it could be…

I don’t see anyone making them feel bad. They’ve asked the question and some people are giving honest answers…

I absolutely get your points but am also just reasoning as to why some people are being a little more delicate.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah really like a bloke wouldn't get a boner with the OP

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

"Yeah really like a bloke wouldn't get a boner with the OP

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By *ldbutable1Man
over a year ago

hewish

I love eye contact , when once with a couple the woman turned her head away and closed her eyes , this was enough to make me droop as i thought she was just there for the guy, even a simple act even if not really a negative or deliberate from the lady can put someone off. minor actions can have big effects on our peckers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah really like a bloke wouldn't get a boner with the OP

what next someone local should give her a good seeing to?

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

"Yeah really like a bloke wouldn't get a boner with the OP

Exactly there's more to attraction than looks.

Society loves to stereotype about men that they will fuck anything with a pussy and a pulse but the reality is its much more complicated than that.

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By *ornyltlfkrMan
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

perhaps fuck on cam - sounds like tgere are plenty of expdrts on here to let you know if they spot an issue

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

Thanks to all for your replies.

C here (male side of partnership)

Special thanks to the ladies who replied.

Firstly if there were any doubts whatsoever. P is stunning we won't post face picks. But take my word for it.

As for how I behave on meets..There have been only four.

I am, as our latest verification states, verY laid back and relaxed. Certainly no directing or controlling whatsoever. Infact at the BMFC meet it was the guy who spoke to us at the bar and took everything at his own pace went to his selected private room with no input from Me whatsoever.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with P downstairs again stunning.

So that leaves the Stage Fright and self induced pressure to perform that We all feel as a man.

We're grateful for the honest feedback given which highlights this is a real issue for many men.

Yep there will be methods by which the pressure caN be taken off..

But that for me raises the question of a totally separate Forum topic.."Is intimacy important in a swing meet?"

I will pose that question now.

PS for the single guys who have used the forum response basically to proposition P. No thanks.

Regards C

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks to all for your replies.

C here (male side of partnership)

Special thanks to the ladies who replied.

Firstly if there were any doubts whatsoever. P is stunning we won't post face picks. But take my word for it.

As for how I behave on meets..There have been only four.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with P downstairs again stunning.

So that leaves the Stage Fright and self induced pressure to perform that We all feel as a man.

We're grateful for the honest feedback given which highlights this is a real issue for many men.

Yep there will be methods by which the pressure caN be taken off..

But that for me raises the question of a totally separate Forum topic.."Is intimacy important in a swing meet?"

I will pose that question now.

PS for the single guys who have used the forum response basically to proposition P. No thanks.

Regards C

Maybe it's your killer dick intimidating them?!

This is what I mean, this thread has been interesting because I assumed you both would have evaluated your hospitality before posting. Good luck with future erections!

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Thanks to all for your replies.

C here (male side of partnership)

Special thanks to the ladies who replied.

Firstly if there were any doubts whatsoever. P is stunning we won't post face picks. But take my word for it.

As for how I behave on meets..There have been only four.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with P downstairs again stunning.

So that leaves the Stage Fright and self induced pressure to perform that We all feel as a man.

We're grateful for the honest feedback given which highlights this is a real issue for many men.

Yep there will be methods by which the pressure caN be taken off..

But that for me raises the question of a totally separate Forum topic.."Is intimacy important in a swing meet?"

I will pose that question now.

PS for the single guys who have used the forum response basically to proposition P. No thanks.

Regards C

Is intimacy important? For me personally it's a sliding scale and yes a level of intimacy is important and makes the experience more satisfying. But too much intimacy can cross boundaries. And of course its different for every situation. The physical act is a small part of the whole (for me) but appreciate everyone has different wants and needs.

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By *ackbydemandMan
over a year ago

Leicester

It's not you.

I don't know how many times this has to be said.

But it's not you.

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By *ory_xWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way Syndey

I've had the same happen to me hun and it really knocked my confidence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I once had a russian girl ask me

'why you not hard yet'

Don't do that

Why you not Put in ?

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

This if anything shows the difference between women and men - a guy can’t get hard and the woman says what’s wrong with me? Lots if guys here have been very frank about how common it is to have performance issues. Clubs especially - guys as we all know are full of confidence…. Until it gets to playtime and Your insecurities are met with his insecurities of - jeez her fella is a big lad - how am i going to satisfy her- whoa .. im losing my boner - they’re all watching me - look at her she’s out of my league she’s stunning - shit what’s happening… ohhhhh no!!! He goes soft and you think - whats wrong with me? From what I can see - nothing at all - except failing confidence thats none of your fault xx

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By *edplusoneCouple
over a year ago

West Midlands

""Is intimacy important in a swing meet?"

I will pose that question now.

I’d say yes definitely!

We are both pleasers and the intimacy is very important, my (Mr) best memories of meets are when the woman runs her hands through my hair, kisses my chest, nice eye contact etc.. it feels amazing to get that response.

Some people confuse this with love and get freaked out, for us it’s just the shared experience of intimacy with another person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not you.

I don't know how many times this has to be said.

But it's not you."

It might be.

Saying it’s not you doesn’t help, no matter how many times you say it.

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By *hogun300Man
over a year ago

Dundee

But plenty like to crawl and hope you notice.

On the issue, it certainly isn't you, I understand how it feels that way but like others have said it's way more common than many would like to admit. It can happen for many reasons like stress, pressure, health, nerves, negative thoughts and many more. It can happen no matter how turned on you are and want to play. It's a shame that it's happened so much with you but everyone will have some experience of a situation where similar has happened. Try not to beat yourself up bout it, the guys will also be doing this and undoubtedly doesn't help. It won't always be like this.

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By *ornyltlfkrMan
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I think intimacy in the form of a mutual connection is important to elevate the experience. As a single guy you have to be respectful of the relationship that you are being allowed to join. I hope that makes sense. you ar enit falling in love just making the most of an intimate situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

after reading your thread I had a look at your profile pics, I can say from a mans opinion that you have nothing to worry about. You're pics look absolutely stunning, if they have problems with getting it up its to do with them and not you. it can happen to any man for any number of reasons (nerves is a big one. also alcohol can give a man problems. try not to take it personally, understandably thats easier said than done but its just a case of bad luck rather than anything to do with you x

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By *ornyltlfkrMan
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

[Removed by poster at 30/11/22 22:44:21]

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By *ornyltlfkrMan
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Just seen your pictures Cream you are not standing behind them with that bloody big hammer are you? lol

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

Not at all..

Genuinely No pressure from me whatsoever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

Looking at your pics can only think nerves get the best of them.

Alot of guys at clubs seem to get hard then go soft. Some men go flop with condoms. But no glove no love.

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By *eductiveEyesKillerThighsWoman
over a year ago

Nowhere & Everywhere

It happens. As previous posters have said, humans are not machines. There are so many factors as to why this happens. But try not to take it personally.

Maybe your expectations are too high?

If it happens again in the moment, try not to make a big deal about it, as that only makes things worse. There are plenty of things to do other than just fucking.

I would suggest if you can't take the lows along with the highs, then maybe swinging is not the game for you?!

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

I would say its not your fault some guys cant get hard while playing with you.

They need medical advice and possibly to try different kinds of cock ring or cock pumps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your man is also a specimen and you're gorgeous. No idea how you interact before a meet with someone, but if I arrived to you and him (especially wielding his massive hammer) I may be a tad intimidated.

Also I had an interaction from work the day before pop into my head and kill my hard on the other week, took a while to get going again. Losing a bone when with anyone it's natural for them to think it's them. I'm 35 with years experience playing with my cock and I still have little to no control over it.

I don't think I've been helpful. But don't give up! I don't think I'd have that issue myself!

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By *ornyltlfkrMan
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Just out of interest. Has any advice on here been helpful?

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By *tevecabra7Man
over a year ago

cabra

Minute u start kissing I'm.hard and stay hard

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

"Minute u start kissing I'm.hard and stay hard "

Well that's definitely going to solve her problem. Close the thread guys, we're all done here.

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By *eachesWithCream OP Couple
over a year ago

Chester

"Just out of interest. Has any advice on here been helpful? "

Yes it has, plus the private messages I've had from women. Every time it happens I've tried to switch it about a bit, give oral and put on a brave face because I'm sucking on a limp penis... again... and it killed me inside that there is no reaction.

I just took it personally and thought it was me but you've all made me realise that it's a lot more common than I originally thought.

The stereotypical opinion is that there is a hole there and any man should just be able to fill it, but I've not experienced that at all and then when it happens I've felt that it's my job to ramp up the horniness and turn him on when in reality that's probably the worst thing I could do.

At the end of the day, swinging is just an extra curricular activity for myself and my Cream. He has never had a problem getting hard for me and if any third party has problems then I'm happy just sitting on my own man and giving the other party the show of their lives.

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By *ebwizMan
over a year ago

Clevedon

"Thanks to all for your replies.

C here (male side of partnership)

Special thanks to the ladies who replied.

Firstly if there were any doubts whatsoever. P is stunning we won't post face picks. But take my word for it.

As for how I behave on meets..There have been only four.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with P downstairs again stunning.

So that leaves the Stage Fright and self induced pressure to perform that We all feel as a man.

We're grateful for the honest feedback given which highlights this is a real issue for many men.

Yep there will be methods by which the pressure caN be taken off..

But that for me raises the question of a totally separate Forum topic.."Is intimacy important in a swing meet?"

I will pose that question now.

PS for the single guys who have used the forum response basically to proposition P. No thanks.

Regards C

"
i think intimacy and knowing someone is a biggy for great sex. I have amazing sex with my wife and super intense orgasms. In a club ive lost erections a couple of times, once in a privatr room with a pretty lady, but for whatever reason my cock said no. The other was in a play room with i can best describe a victoria secret model, sexy underwear and a body to compliment. Her husbsnd said have a play, i got hard got inside and then started to go to more of a semi hard. I couldn't finish. Think it was external goings on around me, but think you need that emotional connection to be at your best. At home I'm capable of giving more than she wants easily.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just out of interest. Has any advice on here been helpful?

I just took it personally and thought it was me but you've all made me realise that it's a lot more common than I originally thought.

Sounds like you've been incredibly unlucky. If I was a guy in those shoes I would just excuse myself to the bathroom and watch porn a little - and/or if you were happy with it, have it on while you go down.

Never had an issue this extreme though thankfully. Hope it works out soon for you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The wife completely understands where you're coming from, I think the first 3 meets we had this happened to her and her confidence dropped like a lead balloon but after that touch wood it hasn't been a problem.

We do understand and try not to put any pressure of the other man as it's happened to me also and it's bloody embarrassing and the more I worried about it the worst it got..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitley not you.

I've had a fair few have this problem too and more often than not is down to stage fright or being overwhelmed particularly in a group situation.

If it happens I'll just focus on lots of kissing touching, them going down on me to take the focues off and more often than not thats enough to make them relax

You are very beautiful so please don't think it's because you're repulsive x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's certainly not your fault, you're a stunning girl so it can only be performance anxiety on the mans part

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Id also consider the last time they blew their load. If they wank a lot and then meet someone unexpectidly they might not have much left in the tank. The never go out with a loaded gun thing doesnt really work in this situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Id also consider the last time they blew their load. If they wank a lot and then meet someone unexpectidly they might not have much left in the tank. The never go out with a loaded gun thing doesnt really work in this situation"

+1 that. Lots of men still have the idea that having a wank 30 minutes before a shag will stop them prem ejaculating but that's a young mans game. If I shoot my load I'm not good to go for at least another 4 hours these days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem?

), perhaps try some other form of play to defuse the awkwardness, and see what 'arises' from there.....

This, not ashamed to admit I have had to turn to the blue pill a few times. I have had it with women I class as worldies but it just didn’t happen for me. As much as your confidence is knocked, it also has the same effect on the guy and it escalates the next time. Bit of a viscous circle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

It's happened to me before and I defo took it personal when I probably shouldn't have

I tried to act like it wasn't a big deal cause the guy was obviously annoyed but I never saw I'm again after that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's quite a thing that happens to almost everyone. You're not alone so don't worry about it.

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By *ixenandhoundCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth, South west

Loving the kindness and advice on this thread... its hard to not take it personally as a woman, but then it's also a really difficult situation for a man, a sense of humour and conversation can go a long way to help on both parts x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find that sometimes the expectation of going straight into it rushed can result in not the greatest erection. If it's relaxed and the expectation builds even just a little then I'm rock hard and keen as mustard

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"Just out of interest. Has any advice on here been helpful?

I just took it personally and thought it was me but you've all made me realise that it's a lot more common than I originally thought.

For me personally, when it has happened to me, it was because I didn’t feel comfortable with the situation. The first time I played with a couple in a club, everything was going well, we were in an open play area, and then I just turned my head at a sound behind me, to see 6 people looking on. And that was it; boom! Down he went! I’d never been in that situation before, and the pressure felt like a brick wall on me. She was a gorgeous lady, the guys stood watching would have killed to be where I was, yet Mr Floppy was not cooperating….?? It gave me a complex for a while after, I stuck to 121’s in private meets to get my confidence back, and have met other couples since, both in clubs (open areas and private rooms), and hotels/private homes.

It’s not you OP, remember we’re all just human at the end of the day, and whatever fun you share with someone, it’s all just that, a bit of fun

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By *illynillyCouple
over a year ago

Wiltshire

"I think nerves play a big factor in it, especially if your partner is present with you as it can feel like there's two of you and one of him so it's easy to get in your own head.

May I ask what your expectations of single men are are how you approach them because you do look amazing, but it's easy for them as a result to feel the pressure to perform.

We played with a couple for a while...the male in the other half would go limp as soon as he put the condom on....maybe that?

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By *pslad99Man
over a year ago

colchester

I am one of these men you are talking about it’s a nervous thing.

This one time I met this stunning sex worker and nothing my cock was dead that’s with a blue pill and she was sucking and playing with it and nothing.

I went to see her again with no blue pill and it was one of the best sex times I have had. I put this down to knowing her(see her before).

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By *hocolatedesire69Man
over a year ago

Northampton

I'll be honest, some girls think they're too good, they also think simply rubbing a man's groin is enough to excite him. Ask your self are you doing enough? When getting intimate, you have to listen with your hands ears mouth.

Lastly watching some porn will probably help. Good luck

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By *lknhungMan
over a year ago

Luton

There’s lots of factors that affect men’s boners such as stress, diet, performance anxiety, it’s very rarely due to the woman at all

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By *anted by NightMan
over a year ago

Shangri-La

"So ladies,

Does anyone else have this problem? "

Maybe your partner is very good in bed and you are spoil by him and have high expectations from others. Must be unlucky and looking in wrong places. From my experience in clubs not all black man can perform and some of them are very good but that goes for any other race. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Looking at your photo's I can't see any problems with response

. Sometimes if a man is nervous, it affects him. It can be medical. I take medication for high blood pressure, and it effects my erections. Can get one but needs working to keep it. I went to the doctor and asked for Sildenafil (Viagra). Well its amazing get an erection I could smash a sink with

. I cum and hardly loose my erection and continue. https://www.fabswingers.com/profile/freestyle2000/display/7d31a8b9-383f-4301-b0bb-d0be547dffd1

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By *valanche1001Man
over a year ago

Leeds

I suspect it’s him standing over you with that massive hammer, I’d find that slightly off putting

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

It is not always just down to the man, it could be various reasons

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By *un-n-frolicsMan
over a year ago

London

As people have said, I assume nerves have something to do with it. But I think it’s more complex than that. I suspect that the number of people involved makes it hard to focus on one thing. One then distances themselves from the moment. It all becomes scientific. We think swinging seems so exciting, but in practice often it’s not.

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Men can't get it up - your opinion needed