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Exhausted

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

This definitely isn’t one of those ‘woe is me, it’s not fair’ posts… more of an objective assessment

I’ve had realistic (i.e. low) expectations about what would happen, I’ve been selective in who I’ve messaged, by reading profiles closely and not approaching anyone who’d be incompatible

Any messages have been relevant to the profile concerned, no one liners, and included a face pic… the majority were deleted or read and got no response, either because I’m an uggo, or bi, or there are just so many of us single men the recipients are overwhelmed

Some replied, messages were exchanged and then they’d stop replying, so I’d not hassle them

So I think I’ve exhausted my options! Luckily I’ve got plenty of stuff in the real world to do, so it’ll be forum lurking for me

Unless by some stroke of good fortune someone views my profile and finds me irresistible (but with 2 views a day that’s unlikely )

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"This definitely isn’t one of those ‘woe is me, it’s not fair’ posts… more of an objective assessment

I’ve had realistic (i.e. low) expectations about what would happen, I’ve been selective in who I’ve messaged, by reading profiles closely and not approaching anyone who’d be incompatible

Any messages have been relevant to the profile concerned, no one liners, and included a face pic… the majority were deleted or read and got no response, either because I’m an uggo, or bi, or there are just so many of us single men the recipients are overwhelmed

Some replied, messages were exchanged and then they’d stop replying, so I’d not hassle them

So I think I’ve exhausted my options! Luckily I’ve got plenty of stuff in the real world to do, so it’ll be forum lurking for me

Unless by some stroke of good fortune someone views my profile and finds me irresistible (but with 2 views a day that’s unlikely )"

Hey Unfortunately it appears to be a numbers game online...and in real life when it comes to men accessing sex and relationships with women ( I can't speak for gay/bisexual matters)

I had a social meet last night with what some people would call an average guy in terms of height and status...um..and maybe cock size?(we didn't have a sexual play, it was a family-orientated restaurant)

So he showed me his search results in a 5-mile radius and I showed him mine. He got 134 women and I got over 300 men which confirms that these online sites and apps for seeking a mate/partner are skewed against men.

Which I find odd and possibly exploitative. I wish I could say that there are more women in the clubs but there really aren't. there are more men in the clubs than women.

But when you look at the population, there are generally more women than men from age 25 up.

The only solution I see forward for the "average" man is to build his social skills in order to be more attractive to women.

Few men understand what psychologically makes a woman tick. In my experience, Continental European men are more in tune with what women want than British/American men. Certainly, every French guy I've been with knew exactly how to get me into bed and they were average guys. Not the stereotypical tall, dark, 6pack abs and wealthy with a 9-inch cock. Their edge was that they were French in seduction style.

Besides that and being social with a couple at a club, I have no idea what else an average single guy can do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Purely speaking from experience, a lot of my friends went to single sex schools, while I was at a mixed one… I found that those were the ones who tended to objectify women, as girls were seen as ‘others’ and outside their comfort zone

Whereas I and my friends from the mixed school had grown up with girls and saw them as mates and consequently found it easier to socialise with them

I can’t help feeling that the advent of the internet and sites like this and more vanilla dating sites have led to a certain subset of men think that they’re instantly entitled to hookups/relationships, because everything else in the world is immediate

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Purely speaking from experience, a lot of my friends went to single sex schools, while I was at a mixed one… I found that those were the ones who tended to objectify women, as girls were seen as ‘others’ and outside their comfort zone

Whereas I and my friends from the mixed school had grown up with girls and saw them as mates and consequently found it easier to socialise with them

I can’t help feeling that the advent of the internet and sites like this and more vanilla dating sites have led to a certain subset of men think that they’re instantly entitled to hookups/relationships, because everything else in the world is immediate "

It's more than that...it's also how men/boys are socialized.

To be more competitive. To be less emotional. To be more aggressive. To be more of a lone wolf. To be an adrenaline junkie. To be overly ambitious and goal orientated. To defend and attack but never to yield and negotiate.

But when you put those traits across to most women, they do not want to be around that type of energy in their romantic, social and sexual interactions. Women might display that in their careers and jobs and sporting activities but in their personal lives they want more harmony, interdependence, inclusion, consideration and cooperation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think your be exhausted your options. Clubs and socials are where you meet people there and then. Online is difficult. If you want to meet people get out there…

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I don’t think your be exhausted your options. Clubs and socials are where you meet people there and then. Online is difficult. If you want to meet people get out there…"

There will be more men in the clubs always...so they have to have enough tact, courage and comfort to engage a couple to share the woman.

That's super daunting for many men that I've noticed in the swingers clubs.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I don’t think your be exhausted your options. Clubs and socials are where you meet people there and then. Online is difficult. If you want to meet people get out there…

There will be more men in the clubs always...so they have to have enough tact, courage and comfort to engage a couple to share the woman.

That's super daunting for many men that I've noticed in the swingers clubs."

This

Despite being a functioning adult with a career and responsibilities and a social life, I’m also a natural introvert, finding it a lot more comfortable in smaller gatherings with people I know

I’ll make friends easily enough, I’ll definitely socialise, but if it’s a situation that’s more ‘competitive’ i.e. solo in a club setting where either everyone already knows each other, or there are thousands of other men, who I’d consider to be taller/better looking/more desirable than me, I’m very reticent to approach people for fear of being seen as pestering

And the same holds true in my vanilla life… I’d not dream of approaching someone who would most likely not want to be approached… it’s absolutely fine, for example, during or after a gig, I’ll socialise quote happily with others, as I know we have similar interests/worries about performing/desire for praise etc and can converse quite naturally, as there are no ulterior motives

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Purely speaking from experience, a lot of my friends went to single sex schools, while I was at a mixed one… I found that those were the ones who tended to objectify women, as girls were seen as ‘others’ and outside their comfort zone

Whereas I and my friends from the mixed school had grown up with girls and saw them as mates and consequently found it easier to socialise with them

I can’t help feeling that the advent of the internet and sites like this and more vanilla dating sites have led to a certain subset of men think that they’re instantly entitled to hookups/relationships, because everything else in the world is immediate "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too many people make the obvious mistake of treating it like a battery farm for sex acting like its a numbers game when its really not if you treat people as a number you wont get anywhere

The trick to it as in most places is making things more personal to the person your wanting to connect with and not just being a generic number yourself

Acts of lust are not found in the number of people you send generalised crap to you have to spark excitement the advantage being most people here are here to be receptive to being seduced its not as hard as pulling in the post office queue

The only competition you have is the limits you put on yourself

Now go get em

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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire/Northwest


"I don’t think your be exhausted your options. Clubs and socials are where you meet people there and then. Online is difficult. If you want to meet people get out there…

There will be more men in the clubs always...so they have to have enough tact, courage and comfort to engage a couple to share the woman.

That's super daunting for many men that I've noticed in the swingers clubs.

This

Despite being a functioning adult with a career and responsibilities and a social life, I’m also a natural introvert, finding it a lot more comfortable in smaller gatherings with people I know

I’ll make friends easily enough, I’ll definitely socialise, but if it’s a situation that’s more ‘competitive’ i.e. solo in a club setting where either everyone already knows each other, or there are thousands of other men, who I’d consider to be taller/better looking/more desirable than me, I’m very reticent to approach people for fear of being seen as pestering

And the same holds true in my vanilla life… I’d not dream of approaching someone who would most likely not want to be approached… it’s absolutely fine, for example, during or after a gig, I’ll socialise quote happily with others, as I know we have similar interests/worries about performing/desire for praise etc and can converse quite naturally, as there are no ulterior motives "

I think you are wrong from my personal experience especially in clubs. I look for banter and rapport over Mr six-pack. I think confidence (not ego!) and humour is hot.

Maybe get yourself to a club/events to mingle and build your confidence with approaching people.

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

Get yourself to clubs

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By *iss KinkWoman
over a year ago

North West

But you have a recent veri which is more than a lot of men!

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By *hil most chillMan
over a year ago

South East & Europe

The moment you start to relax, get yourself known on the forums and stop thinking about it, someone will appear in your inbox and things will happen. We all think it won't, but good things come to those who put a little work in and have patience

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"But you have a recent veri which is more than a lot of men! "

For which I’m very grateful hopefully it’ll mean people may consider interacting, I know all too well single men without that elusive green tick are waaay down the food chain!

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I don’t think your be exhausted your options. Clubs and socials are where you meet people there and then. Online is difficult. If you want to meet people get out there…

There will be more men in the clubs always...so they have to have enough tact, courage and comfort to engage a couple to share the woman.

That's super daunting for many men that I've noticed in the swingers clubs.

This

Despite being a functioning adult with a career and responsibilities and a social life, I’m also a natural introvert, finding it a lot more comfortable in smaller gatherings with people I know

I’ll make friends easily enough, I’ll definitely socialise, but if it’s a situation that’s more ‘competitive’ i.e. solo in a club setting where either everyone already knows each other, or there are thousands of other men, who I’d consider to be taller/better looking/more desirable than me, I’m very reticent to approach people for fear of being seen as pestering

And the same holds true in my vanilla life… I’d not dream of approaching someone who would most likely not want to be approached… it’s absolutely fine, for example, during or after a gig, I’ll socialise quote happily with others, as I know we have similar interests/worries about performing/desire for praise etc and can converse quite naturally, as there are no ulterior motives "

Sir if every time I have to socialize, I thought about the fact that I am not a supermodel or a porn star or compared myself with other women, I'd never leave the house.

Yes I know some women want this 6 foot, dark, 6 inch dick man but most women do not have that particular preference.

In fact, I'm more interested in the person and if I think there is something attractive in their personality, the physical, outward, materialistic stuff is a bonus. The person is the cake for me...all that other stuff is icing and sometimes I don't like icing. It just overcomplicates the cake.

May I suggest the book by Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

or better yet the book by Mark Manson

"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck"

I recommended the Mark Manson one to the sibling who was hyperventilating into an anxiety attack about some shitty lawyers who they wanted to impress but were clueless about how to actually train a protege fresh out of law school. The sibling is the smarter one between us.

When I work with people under 30, I try not to ruin them and crush their spirit! For fucks sake!

I suspect someone made too many comments about you not allegedly measuring up so you do that comparison thing.

I say fuck em, I create my own measurement and I measure up just fine.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Fab changes, with people coming and going, becoming free and changing their preferences. So nothing is a done deal.

In any event, most people are not mutually compatible with most other people, so it does take lots of interaction with many people, in order to filter out those where it wouldn't work. Sometimes it's about contact at the right time. Unless you are looking for an open swinging relationship, I'd encourage people to not expect to get all of their partners here, as it places enormous pressure, especially on single men

Get involved with lots of people and use more than a website

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This definitely isn’t one of those ‘woe is me, it’s not fair’ posts… more of an objective assessment

I’ve had realistic (i.e. low) expectations about what would happen, I’ve been selective in who I’ve messaged, by reading profiles closely and not approaching anyone who’d be incompatible

Any messages have been relevant to the profile concerned, no one liners, and included a face pic… the majority were deleted or read and got no response, either because I’m an uggo, or bi, or there are just so many of us single men the recipients are overwhelmed

Some replied, messages were exchanged and then they’d stop replying, so I’d not hassle them

So I think I’ve exhausted my options! Luckily I’ve got plenty of stuff in the real world to do, so it’ll be forum lurking for me

Unless by some stroke of good fortune someone views my profile and finds me irresistible (but with 2 views a day that’s unlikely )

Hey Unfortunately it appears to be a numbers game online...and in real life when it comes to men accessing sex and relationships with women ( I can't speak for gay/bisexual matters)

I had a social meet last night with what some people would call an average guy in terms of height and status...um..and maybe cock size?(we didn't have a sexual play, it was a family-orientated restaurant)

So he showed me his search results in a 5-mile radius and I showed him mine. He got 134 women and I got over 300 men which confirms that these online sites and apps for seeking a mate/partner are skewed against men.

Which I find odd and possibly exploitative. I wish I could say that there are more women in the clubs but there really aren't. there are more men in the clubs than women.

But when you look at the population, there are generally more women than men from age 25 up.

The only solution I see forward for the "average" man is to build his social skills in order to be more attractive to women.

Few men understand what psychologically makes a woman tick. In my experience, Continental European men are more in tune with what women want than British/American men. Certainly, every French guy I've been with knew exactly how to get me into bed and they were average guys. Not the stereotypical tall, dark, 6pack abs and wealthy with a 9-inch cock. Their edge was that they were French in seduction style.

Besides that and being social with a couple at a club, I have no idea what else an average single guy can do."

Very very good honest reply!!

Uk men dont have seduction. As for uk women. No comment.

I appraoch in the flesh. Yes/no. Move on.

Fab is window shopping at best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Purely speaking from experience, a lot of my friends went to single sex schools, while I was at a mixed one… I found that those were the ones who tended to objectify women, as girls were seen as ‘others’ and outside

Whereas I and my friends from the mixed school had grown up with girls and saw them as mates and consequently found it easier to socialise with them

I can’t help feeling that the advent of the internet and sites like this and more vanilla dating sites have led to a certain subset of men think that they’re instantly entitled to hookups/relationships, because everything else in the world is immediate

It's more than that...it's also how men/boys are socialized.

To be more competitive. To be less emotional. To be more aggressive. To be more of a lone wolf. To be an adrenaline junkie. To be overly ambitious and goal orientated. To defend and attack but never to yield and negotiate.

But when you put those traits across to most women, they do not want to be around that type of energy in their romantic, social and sexual interactions. Women might display that in their careers and jobs and sporting activities but in their personal lives they want more harmony, interdependence, inclusion, consideration and cooperation. "

Bravo 110%

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Purely speaking from experience, a lot of my friends went to single sex schools, while I was at a mixed one… I found that those were the ones who tended to objectify women, as girls were seen as ‘others’ and outside

Whereas I and my friends from the mixed school had grown up with girls and saw them as mates and consequently found it easier to socialise with them

I can’t help feeling that the advent of the internet and sites like this and more vanilla dating sites have led to a certain subset of men think that they’re instantly entitled to hookups/relationships, because everything else in the world is immediate

It's more than that...it's also how men/boys are socialized.

To be more competitive. To be less emotional. To be more aggressive. To be more of a lone wolf. To be an adrenaline junkie. To be overly ambitious and goal orientated. To defend and attack but never to yield and negotiate.

But when you put those traits across to most women, they do not want to be around that type of energy in their romantic, social and sexual interactions. Women might display that in their careers and jobs and sporting activities but in their personal lives they want more harmony, interdependence, inclusion, consideration and cooperation.

Bravo 110% "

Thanks these are things I'm hearing from men about how they were raised and socialise. At all costs don't look weak. Whatever the f "looking weak" is?

And for the record the French guys were were short and bald. Lol! And you have men tall and with hair worrying about meets. smh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This definitely isn’t one of those ‘woe is me, it’s not fair’ posts… more of an objective assessment

I’ve had realistic (i.e. low) expectations about what would happen, I’ve been selective in who I’ve messaged, by reading profiles closely and not approaching anyone who’d be incompatible

Any messages have been relevant to the profile concerned, no one liners, and included a face pic… the majority were deleted or read and got no response, either because I’m an uggo, or bi, or there are just so many of us single men the recipients are overwhelmed

Some replied, messages were exchanged and then they’d stop replying, so I’d not hassle them

So I think I’ve exhausted my options! Luckily I’ve got plenty of stuff in the real world to do, so it’ll be forum lurking for me

Unless by some stroke of good fortune someone views my profile and finds me irresistible (but with 2 views a day that’s unlikely )"

Sounds like a woe is me post?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This definitely isn’t one of those ‘woe is me, it’s not fair’ posts… more of an objective assessment

I’ve had realistic (i.e. low) expectations about what would happen, I’ve been selective in who I’ve messaged, by reading profiles closely and not approaching anyone who’d be incompatible

Any messages have been relevant to the profile concerned, no one liners, and included a face pic… the majority were deleted or read and got no response, either because I’m an uggo, or bi, or there are just so many of us single men the recipients are overwhelmed

Some replied, messages were exchanged and then they’d stop replying, so I’d not hassle them

So I think I’ve exhausted my options! Luckily I’ve got plenty of stuff in the real world to do, so it’ll be forum lurking for me

Unless by some stroke of good fortune someone views my profile and finds me irresistible (but with 2 views a day that’s unlikely )"

The picture of a cock took away my interest straight away, as a woman it’s refreshing to read a message from someone with a brain, after all it’s your biggest organ

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This definitely isn’t one of those ‘woe is me, it’s not fair’ posts… more of an objective assessment

I’ve had realistic (i.e. low) expectations about what would happen, I’ve been selective in who I’ve messaged, by reading profiles closely and not approaching anyone who’d be incompatible

Any messages have been relevant to the profile concerned, no one liners, and included a face pic… the majority were deleted or read and got no response, either because I’m an uggo, or bi, or there are just so many of us single men the recipients are overwhelmed

Some replied, messages were exchanged and then they’d stop replying, so I’d not hassle them

So I think I’ve exhausted my options! Luckily I’ve got plenty of stuff in the real world to do, so it’ll be forum lurking for me

Unless by some stroke of good fortune someone views my profile and finds me irresistible (but with 2 views a day that’s unlikely )

The picture of a cock took away my interest straight away, as a woman it’s refreshing to read a message from someone with a brain, after all it’s your biggest organ "

But what about the guitar picture. That’s got to count for something?

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By *ose and her beastCouple
over a year ago

Watford


"I don’t think your be exhausted your options. Clubs and socials are where you meet people there and then. Online is difficult. If you want to meet people get out there…

There will be more men in the clubs always...so they have to have enough tact, courage and comfort to engage a couple to share the woman.

That's super daunting for many men that I've noticed in the swingers clubs.

This

Despite being a functioning adult with a career and responsibilities and a social life, I’m also a natural introvert, finding it a lot more comfortable in smaller gatherings with people I know

I’ll make friends easily enough, I’ll definitely socialise, but if it’s a situation that’s more ‘competitive’ i.e. solo in a club setting where either everyone already knows each other, or there are thousands of other men, who I’d consider to be taller/better looking/more desirable than me, I’m very reticent to approach people for fear of being seen as pestering

And the same holds true in my vanilla life… I’d not dream of approaching someone who would most likely not want to be approached… it’s absolutely fine, for example, during or after a gig, I’ll socialise quote happily with others, as I know we have similar interests/worries about performing/desire for praise etc and can converse quite naturally, as there are no ulterior motives

Sir if every time I have to socialize, I thought about the fact that I am not a supermodel or a porn star or compared myself with other women, I'd never leave the house.

Yes I know some women want this 6 foot, dark, 6 inch dick man but most women do not have that particular preference.

In fact, I'm more interested in the person and if I think there is something attractive in their personality, the physical, outward, materialistic stuff is a bonus. The person is the cake for me...all that other stuff is icing and sometimes I don't like icing. It just overcomplicates the cake.

May I suggest the book by Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People"

or better yet the book by Mark Manson

"The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck"

I recommended the Mark Manson one to the sibling who was hyperventilating into an anxiety attack about some shitty lawyers who they wanted to impress but were clueless about how to actually train a protege fresh out of law school. The sibling is the smarter one between us.

When I work with people under 30, I try not to ruin them and crush their spirit! For fucks sake!

I suspect someone made too many comments about you not allegedly measuring up so you do that comparison thing.

I say fuck em, I create my own measurement and I measure up just fine."

Amen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I open a profile and the first picture is a cock I shut it down and probably never revisit it.

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