FabSwingers.com forum: Too eager after meeting

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Has anyone here experienced someone being too keen after a meet? Or have you been the one that’s become too eager?

I’ve had a few people I’ve met become demanding and pushy after just one meet. Some act possessively, but the most frequent behaviour is contacting me nearly every day asking to meet again. It scares me a bit and I’ve found that I’ve become really cautious about meeting due to this.

I want to know how to avoid these quick attachments? I’m keen to hear others experiences and how to deal with it. I don’t know if I’m subconsciously giving the wrong signals?

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

Wherever I lay my hat

RUN

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Choose your partners more carefully

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just tell them it's great to hear from them, glad they had a good time. You're really busy with work/life and will catch up when you can

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

"Has anyone here experienced someone being too keen after a meet? Or have you been the one that’s become too eager?

I want to know how to avoid these quick attachments? I’m keen to hear others experiences and how to deal with it. I don’t know if I’m subconsciously giving the wrong signals? "

I can't help but can very much empathise. I told someone from here recently I genuinely had a 3 year,living in the country with cats relationship that began with a one-night stand which I never had the courage/honesty/heart to tell her was such.

It's flattering AND potentially a problem, but the only definite way of avoiding it is to be awful when you meet, and I doubt you are prepared to do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did once, yes

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By *ull English with teaMan
over a year ago

London

Play it cool Trig, play it cool son..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be honest and upfront with people about how much time and energy you have to invest in them.

If someone needs more attention than you can give, you're going to feel overwhelmed and they're going to feel neglected.

Time and effort is just another compatibility to negotiate.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"I’ve had a few people I’ve met become demanding and pushy after just one meet. Some act possessively, but the most frequent behaviour is contacting me nearly every day asking to meet again. It scares me a bit and I’ve found that I’ve become really cautious about meeting due to this."

I think you're right to be cautious. We don't meet again with people who are like that.

Firstly, it's a massive turn-off. Secondly, it's a warning of hassle down the road.

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

Wherever I lay my hat

"Just tell them it's great to hear from them, glad they had a good time. You're really busy with work/life and will catch up when you can "

I am a bit more direct. If I know - for whatever reason - that I definitely don't want to hook up again then I will tell them that I enjoyed meeting them but I think that we should leave it as a one off. I wouldn't want there to be any ambiguity and keep them dangling when I have firmly shut the door.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most of the time the men I meet can't wait to leave, so I never message first after a meeting.

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

We tell them before we meet they we only meet once.

We have experienced these issues once or twice though. Mrs needed a very direct conversation with someone in a club who she'd played with to stop him literally following her about every time we went to the club.

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By *mwirralMan
over a year ago

wirral

"Just tell them it's great to hear from them, glad they had a good time. You're really busy with work/life and will catch up when you can

Think that is the best approach, no ambiguity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone here experienced someone being too keen after a meet? Or have you been the one that’s become too eager?

I want to know how to avoid these quick attachments? I’m keen to hear others experiences and how to deal with it. I don’t know if I’m subconsciously giving the wrong signals? "

Just hide the rabbit?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Are you very clear before and after about how far you're prepared to commit?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We haven't had a situation particularly like this but we did feel a bit awkward with a guy who had come to ours a few times pre-pandemic.

We are a chilled & friendly couple & he was too, which is probably why the 3 of us became quite adventurous with no uncomfortableness afterwards.

Obviously there were also times when we wanted to have meets with different people so if he saw we wrote something on Fab to that effect, he would message us straight away suggesting the 3 of us again.

We tried to explain that we were keen to meet new people or more people etc..he said things like "am i not good enough then"

Since lockdowns we haven't heard as much from him.

It occurred to us that a single person there's that risk of feeling like he did.

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By *ull English with teaMan
over a year ago

London

"Most of the time the men I meet can't wait to leave, so I never message first after a meeting."

Haha!

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By *hil most chillMan
over a year ago

South East & Europe

"Choose your partners more carefully"

Also, burner phone, fake name, don't host at yours until they've proven they're not a bunny boiler

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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire/Northwest

"Has anyone here experienced someone being too keen after a meet? Or have you been the one that’s become too eager?

I want to know how to avoid these quick attachments? I’m keen to hear others experiences and how to deal with it. I don’t know if I’m subconsciously giving the wrong signals? "

Was looking for your veris to see why your so popular but no clues to read... Darn

Wouldn't most men take it as an ego boost?

Only time I've had an issue was someone started sending me their mental health crisis letters- enough to make you run for the hills after 2 meets (wasn't fab)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone here experienced someone being too keen after a meet? Or have you been the one that’s become too eager?

I want to know how to avoid these quick attachments? I’m keen to hear others experiences and how to deal with it. I don’t know if I’m subconsciously giving the wrong signals? "

Are you reading too much into this just block the number and move house!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just tell them it's great to hear from them, glad they had a good time. You're really busy with work/life and will catch up when you can

Being direct seems a good way of doing things. I’d be afraid of hurting a persons feelings.

Also I’m totally cool with meeting people again, eventually. Buy i’m more of a once or twice a year kind of person, whereas it seems some people want to hang out more regularly than that.

I’m struggling with how to communicate “I want to see you again but I don’t want to see you any time soon” - it just comes off rude doesn’t it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Are you reading too much into this just block the number and move house!"

Haha

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Just tell them it's great to hear from them, glad they had a good time. You're really busy with work/life and will catch up when you can

Being direct seems a good way of doing things. I’d be afraid of hurting a persons feelings.

Also I’m totally cool with meeting people again, eventually. Buy i’m more of a once or twice a year kind of person, whereas it seems some people want to hang out more regularly than that.

I’m struggling with how to communicate “I want to see you again but I don’t want to see you any time soon” - it just comes off rude doesn’t it?"

You don't need to say it like that. Just be unambiguous in what you want. Being afraid to hurt people's feelings often leads to hurting them more.

"I've enjoyed meeting you. I'll be in touch in a month or so" it might not go down well at the time but knowing where you stand prevents wondering.

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By *ady CurvaceousWoman
over a year ago

Kent

Yes, 3 black-mail attempts and a stalker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes, 3 black-mail attempts and a stalker "

Then report those idiots to the police?

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

Wherever I lay my hat

"Just tell them it's great to hear from them, glad they had a good time. You're really busy with work/life and will catch up when you can

Being direct seems a good way of doing things. I’d be afraid of hurting a persons feelings.

Also I’m totally cool with meeting people again, eventually. Buy i’m more of a once or twice a year kind of person, whereas it seems some people want to hang out more regularly than that.

I’m struggling with how to communicate “I want to see you again but I don’t want to see you any time soon” - it just comes off rude doesn’t it?"

It doesn't come across as rude at all. Just be respectful and honest. Most people respond well to that and are happy to see you on your terms if you are upfront about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just tell them it's great to hear from them, glad they had a good time. You're really busy with work/life and will catch up when you can

Being direct seems a good way of doing things. I’d be afraid of hurting a persons feelings.

Also I’m totally cool with meeting people again, eventually. Buy i’m more of a once or twice a year kind of person, whereas it seems some people want to hang out more regularly than that.

I’m struggling with how to communicate “I want to see you again but I don’t want to see you any time soon” - it just comes off rude doesn’t it?

It doesn't come across as rude at all. Just be respectful and honest. Most people respond well to that and are happy to see you on your terms if you are upfront about it."

The op needs to grow a pair and just say it as it is......

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just tell them it's great to hear from them, glad they had a good time. You're really busy with work/life and will catch up when you can

Being direct seems a good way of doing things. I’d be afraid of hurting a persons feelings.

Also I’m totally cool with meeting people again, eventually. Buy i’m more of a once or twice a year kind of person, whereas it seems some people want to hang out more regularly than that.

I’m struggling with how to communicate “I want to see you again but I don’t want to see you any time soon” - it just comes off rude doesn’t it?

It doesn't come across as rude at all. Just be respectful and honest. Most people respond well to that and are happy to see you on your terms if you are upfront about it.

The op needs to grow a pair and just say it as it is......"

Knew this comment was coming. I do say it as it is, I don’t meet them again. Though unfortunately that results in people being hurt.

Anyway that’s beside the point. Read my post - it’s about PREVENTING people getting attached in the first place

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just tell them it's great to hear from them, glad they had a good time. You're really busy with work/life and will catch up when you can

Being direct seems a good way of doing things. I’d be afraid of hurting a persons feelings.

Also I’m totally cool with meeting people again, eventually. Buy i’m more of a once or twice a year kind of person, whereas it seems some people want to hang out more regularly than that.

I’m struggling with how to communicate “I want to see you again but I don’t want to see you any time soon” - it just comes off rude doesn’t it?

It doesn't come across as rude at all. Just be respectful and honest. Most people respond well to that and are happy to see you on your terms if you are upfront about it.

The op needs to grow a pair and just say it as it is......

Knew this comment was coming. I do say it as it is, I don’t meet them again. Though unfortunately that results in people being hurt.

Anyway that’s beside the point. Read my post - it’s about PREVENTING people getting attached in the first place "

Yep whatever?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone here experienced someone being too keen after a meet? Or have you been the one that’s become too eager?

I want to know how to avoid these quick attachments? I’m keen to hear others experiences and how to deal with it. I don’t know if I’m subconsciously giving the wrong signals? "

The thing is we don't know what signals you are giving? Are you meeting singles who state they are potentially looking for a relationship? Are you saying you'd be open to that with the right person perhaps? Have you said you like to build a friendship with someone vs one off fun? Lay your cards out on the table first and see if they match the other person's wants

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find this happens often and it's really annoying. I'm always very clear up front that I'm not offering anything more than casual, occasional hook ups. And they say they're great with that then start suffocating me with texts and overstaying their welcome. I'd have thought that what I'm looking for is most guys ideal setup, but they all seem to actually want a girlfriend.

Many times I've got fed up with being monitored on here and just deleted my profile then used a new name when I came back. This time I've not even built a profile to try stay under the radar a bit more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/11/22 00:36:15]

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Most of the time the men I meet can't wait to leave, so I never message first after a meeting."
awww

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"The op needs to grow a pair and just say it as it is......"

Oh, wow. That's quite special!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's put me off someone a few times now, neediness isn't attractive. Boundaries are important so you just need to be clear about how much communication is preferred between meets, they might not know until you say something. If they still don't respect that, then that person isn't the regular for you.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've had this on a previous profile and it was the reason I left the site.

She lives over 3 hours away but insisted after our first meet that I should be exclusive to her and visit weekly.

I was straight with her from the start and told her that wasn't something I was interested in for any number of reasons.

I wasn't looking to be exclusive with anyone and didn't have the time or inclination for a 6 hour round trip every week.

There was also the other issue which was the exclusivity was not going to be two way.

She already had 2 long term fbs and was adamant she would continue to meet them as and when she felt like it.

We were in a chatgroup together and she told other members how I was being hurtful and stringing her along.

Fortunately for me they all knew exactly what was going on and didn't take her side.

She created so much drama over it though that I hid my profile and didn't log in for a year.

I then deleted it because she continued to have the odd dig now and again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone here experienced someone being too keen after a meet? Or have you been the one that’s become too eager?

I want to know how to avoid these quick attachments? I’m keen to hear others experiences and how to deal with it. I don’t know if I’m subconsciously giving the wrong signals? "

Yup

And it's the main reason I no longer meet one to one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had someone being too eager BEFORE a meet

Didn't want to meet me as I didn't say I would date them before even meeting u person

Was very weird

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By *ady CurvaceousWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Yes, 3 black-mail attempts and a stalker

Then report those idiots to the police?"

I did.

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