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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So my oh and I have a rule that wherever possible we will keep chats with other swingers on fab and that we won't do private chatting via txt or email etc.

This was mostly a rule to suit her as she's new to the scene and we are still going quite slowly.

Recently the fem of a couple and my lady have been getting on and started txting. From the tone of previous mails between them and the fact we had not heard any thing from him I grew concerned and was also feeling left out....... I asked P to keep to the site, which she was happy to do, but the other went nuts and canceled all contact and the meet we had planned. We want to swing together only and were not happy. Though I've swung for a good few years, it's never been as part of a couple......

What do people think? Was I wrong to feel left out? Have others experienced similar?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i wouldnt say you was wrong, you cant help how you feel

Cant say as i understand it tho, personally i wouldnt have anyone tell me who i could and couldnt text and if my partner told me he didnt like the fact i was texting someone id tell him to go do one

I also couldnt see me ever in a situation where my partner texting a meet would bother me, but then ive never been a jealous person

but that probably explains why im single

i think your problem is you have swung as a single and have never had to be used to sharing or worrying about what someone else is doing, you just need to ajust

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

I would have been more concerned if she was having one to one texts with the male of the couple and to be honest whether the contact is through fab or text does its really matter as long as she was sharing it with you!!

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By *atalie..Woman
over a year ago

Bolton

Curious..but how do you know it was the fem that was texting

And what can be said via text that can not be said via this site...sounds a little off if you ask me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think you were perfectly right to be honest. I got upset about something similar with another woman. It was all meant to be in a format that I could read too. But texts are easy to be deleted

Discuss your boundaries often. And make sure they meet. Communication is the key to everything.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Curious..but how do you know it was the fem that was texting

And what can be said via text that can not be said via this site...sounds a little off if you ask me "

i think the point hes making is if its on fab he can read the messages where as if shes got her phone on her he cant check her text

Which dont work really because you can delete both mail on here and texts if you have something you dont want anyone else to read

you need trust

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire


"Curious..but how do you know it was the fem that was texting

And what can be said via text that can not be said via this site...sounds a little off if you ask me

i think the point hes making is if its on fab he can read the messages where as if shes got her phone on her he cant check her text

Which dont work really because you can delete both mail on here and texts if you have something you dont want anyone else to read

you need trust "

Exactly how can you swing together when there's no trust

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It wasn't XP much not trusting her (my girl) as the stuff that was said in the mails b4 it went to txt was quite disrespectful to me Tbh and I was asked of I was ok for them to txt, which I was.

We are allowed to ask to look at each others phones, of we want, neither of us having anything to hide, but P was getting v nervous of letting me know what was being said (when normally she used txt flirts to turn me on and actively shows me stuff).

What was concerning was after the other couple had canceled everything, p revealed she was told to "show g what he can have then dump him and play with" .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

im so glad im single

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow


"the stuff that was said in the mails b4 it went to txt was quite disrespectful to me Tbh."

To be honest it's at that point I'd have ended all communication with someone.

I wouldn't continue chatting and / or arranging to meet anyone who was being disrespectful (to me or to a partner)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the stuff that was said in the mails b4 it went to txt was quite disrespectful to me Tbh.

To be honest it's at that point I'd have ended all communication with someone.

I wouldn't continue chatting and / or arranging to meet anyone who was being disrespectful (to me or to a partner) "

I used to get told off all the time for blocking people because I thought what they said was disrespectful to my former master. I would have cut contact instantly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So my oh and I have a rule that wherever possible we will keep chats with other swingers on fab and that we won't do private chatting via txt or email etc.

This was mostly a rule to suit her as she's new to the scene and we are still going quite slowly.

Recently the fem of a couple and my lady have been getting on and started txting. From the tone of previous mails between them and the fact we had not heard any thing from him I grew concerned and was also feeling left out....... I asked P to keep to the site, which she was happy to do, but the other went nuts and canceled all contact and the meet we had planned. We want to swing together only and were not happy. Though I've swung for a good few years, it's never been as part of a couple......

What do people think? Was I wrong to feel left out? Have others experienced similar?"

Sounds like jealousy big time if its only over texting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Curious..but how do you know it was the fem that was texting

And what can be said via text that can not be said via this site...sounds a little off if you ask me

i think the point hes making is if its on fab he can read the messages where as if shes got her phone on her he cant check her text

Which dont work really because you can delete both mail on here and texts if you have something you dont want anyone else to read

you need trust "

Completely agree.

We have a swinging phone, I receive and text people off it, M just reads it when we are both together.

OP it has never caused us a problem, my OH will read mail on here and I keep him informed of texts or he will read them himself.

It does sound like jealously to me.

However the other fem of the couple, seemed to behave very irrationally and I would question whether it was the fem texting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blimey if yr jealous of her texting another woman how u gonna feel when another guys got his cock in her? Are u sure swinging is for you :-/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So my oh and I have a rule that wherever possible we will keep chats with other swingers on fab and that we won't do private chatting via txt or email etc.

This was mostly a rule to suit her as she's new to the scene and we are still going quite slowly.

Recently the fem of a couple and my lady have been getting on and started txting. From the tone of previous mails between them and the fact we had not heard any thing from him I grew concerned and was also feeling left out....... I asked P to keep to the site, which she was happy to do, but the other went nuts and canceled all contact and the meet we had planned. We want to swing together only and were not happy. Though I've swung for a good few years, it's never been as part of a couple......

What do people think? Was I wrong to feel left out? Have others experienced similar?"

This does sound like a big case if jealousy,

I ( Lucy) do most if not all of the chatting in this site, we have a play phone that we text and call from, I too do most of the texting and chatting on that... Luke will from time to time read the messages on here and if we have recieved a text he will read that too...

It doesn't cause any problems what's so ever, why? Because we trust each other!

However, you said that the other fem was saying disrespectful things about you, so why wasn't the contact stopped as soon as that happened?

To us it sounds like you may need to discuss your boundaries and the way you keep in contact with potential meets again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a good job they did sever contact as it seems like the other woman wanted her to herself and when you swing together it should stay like that - even with texts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always best to keep it to fab then there is no miscommunication.

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By *coobyroo218Couple
over a year ago

Guernsey

When we get in touch with a couple its always done on here, if we contact a single guy i get J to text him as its her that has to feel most comfortable with him.

Single females??? we will find out the next time we contact one ha ha

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

All sounds very suspect to me for a cpl to be soo disrespectful toward you are u sure they were a bonafide cpl sounds more like a guy pretending tbh... if either myself or wifey were to come across someone like that they wouldnt get the chance to break contact ....they'd be blocked instantly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It wasn't XP much not trusting her (my girl) as the stuff that was said in the mails b4 it went to txt was quite disrespectful to me Tbh and I was asked of I was ok for them to txt, which I was.

We are allowed to ask to look at each others phones, of we want, neither of us having anything to hide, but P was getting v nervous of letting me know what was being said (when normally she used txt flirts to turn me on and actively shows me stuff).

What was concerning was after the other couple had canceled everything, p revealed she was told to "show g what he can have then dump him and play with" ....."

Sounds dodgy as hell. Has she said why she wouldn't show you the texts? I'd agree with the others that said it sounds like it was actually the bloke texting and not the woman. There's no reason (from what you've said) for them to disappear and block you etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"the stuff that was said in the mails b4 it went to txt was quite disrespectful to me Tbh.

To be honest it's at that point I'd have ended all communication with someone.

I wouldn't continue chatting and / or arranging to meet anyone who was being disrespectful (to me or to a partner) "

Same here. It wouldn't have even got to txting if someone started to disrespect my partner.

We don't msn etc.

If we do get as far as giving numbers out it's always my husbands(my choice) at which point i will take the fone and speak to the lady.

Then if we have got on with a couple after a meet the lady is then given my number xx

It's my own rules so that i feel safe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Going from being a swingle to being part of a swinging couple takes much more consideration than just getting into a regular vanilla relationship. It's vitally important that you keep communication between you paramount. Maybe slow down on the swinging a bit, and work out between you what your boundaries as a couple are. One person becoming secretive needs to be nipped in the bud before it becomes a major problem. Unfortunately jealousy is a normal human emotion that most people experience to one degree or another. It's how we deal with this emotion that makes the difference.

G&P I wish you both all the best and hope you manage to sort it out.

Sarah Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What was concerning was after the other couple had canceled everything, p revealed she was told to "show g what he can have then dump him and play with" ....."

This sounds like the typical controlling couple's trick of wanting to play with one partner and the other can go whistle. They went ballistic because they didn't get their own way of secretly working on the other partner and to be honest if it's brought the whole arrangement crashing down then it was probably not a very good one in the first place.

I would call into the question of who it was who was actually texting your girl, and advocate one central point of contact in the future for the pair of you to use between you (playfone) until you've sorted yourselves out over who does what and all the whatifs when it comes to dealing with couples - it is far more complex than meets the eye.

Good luck and stay happy

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Cheers all. This was in no way a snipe at p btw, I trust her implicitly and nor was I feeling jealous, just a bit left out. My query was has any one come across that situation b4.......

A playphone sounds a good idea, however we don't live with one another.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

A playphone sounds a good idea, however we don't live with one another......."

Just use it when you're both together - simples. Take turns at who has it if neccessary.

Be totally open with each other, discuss *everything* and it'll all work just fine.

What you two have made let no twunt put asunder

Wolf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, best advice is keep on discussing everything. Never let anything simmer under the surface, no matter how small or insignificant you might think it is.

Have learnt from personal experience.

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By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

Twice I have cut contact with someone when i have suspected it was a male rather than female who was texting me.

As you get more 'contacts' you will develop a gut feeling for those who are genuine.

Dont dwell too long on what has gone on, just learn from it and enjoy yourselves together.

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