FabSwingers.com forum: Widowed husbands

By *oobyHotwife OP Woman
over a year ago

Thurrock

I feel like there's a con doing the rounds

A guys had sucess getting a meet by telling a woman, couple that his wife's recently passed away, not ready to move on to another relationship but missing intimacy

In 6 years I've never had a message like this before but I've had 3 this week all along the same lines, from different guys, all been here over a year, at least 2 were verified

It feels creepy rather than a coincidence

Anyone else had one of these messages

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By *empting TravelsMan
over a year ago

London

I am genuinly widowed but most of the time I've not bought it up until I've met someone and it has flowed into conversation naturally.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

There are some genuine widowed men on here of course there is. I find the ones who don't say it straight away in a message are usually the ones who are genuine and not trying for the poor me angle.

There have been and still are some who use it as their USP even though sometimes it's not even true and they keep the lie going for a long time until they get caught out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a widower but never mention it as feel it sounds like your looking for sympathy. Also women my feel that you are looking for more than a fun time and looking to replace the one who you have lost.

Bad taste to put another person in such a position.

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By *oobyHotwife OP Woman
over a year ago

Thurrock

I totally understand and expect their to be genuine widowers on here

It just seems an odd opening message & to have 3 almost identical messages in just a few days where I don't recall ever receiving a message mentioning that in the past even odder

Like you say it may come up in conversation further down the line but as an opening message it screams pity fuck and 3 messages in a week scream someone got lucky with this story & told their friends, which is really low

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By *empting TravelsMan
over a year ago

London

"I am a widower but never mention it as feel it sounds like your looking for sympathy. Also women my feel that you are looking for more than a fun time and looking to replace the one who you have lost.

Bad taste to put another person in such a position."

Good point. With me it tends to come up when conversations about kids and accomodation come up.

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By *empting TravelsMan
over a year ago

London

"I totally understand and expect their to be genuine widowers on here

It just seems an odd opening message & to have 3 almost identical messages in just a few days where I don't recall ever receiving a message mentioning that in the past even odder

Pitty fuck hell no. Lust filled fuck hell yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is not easy being a widower. Lost my wife 14 years younger than myself last November after being married for just 3 weeks and one day. Life has to go on, and quite frankly when people say so sorry for your loss it does not help.

Therefore by announcing the fact just escalates the feeling and is wrong to put that burden on someone else.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It is not easy being a widower. Lost my wife 14 years younger than myself last November after being married for just 3 weeks and one day. Life has to go on, and quite frankly when people say so sorry for your loss it does not help.

Therefore by announcing the fact just escalates the feeling and is wrong to put that burden on someone else."

I was speaking to my brother yesterday. Our mum died 1/3/22 and his wife died shortly afterwards. He's coping but finding it hard. He says he feels fragile and the smallest kindness can set him back. My dad says a similar thing.

I won't say anything in connection with your situation other than I understand

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By *orthyorkypairCouple
over a year ago

North Yorkshire

had a similar message few weeks back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Therefore by announcing the fact just escalates the feeling and is wrong to put that burden on someone else.

I won't say anything in connection with your situation other than I understand "

I found returning to dressing and this site has helped me, Yes I miss the company of a Lady but would rather meet a couple and not mention the fact. This site is for meeting and chatting. Guys should not use it to try and gain the attention of the fact. My wife was a Pagan witch as I am also and that helps x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Therefore by announcing the fact just escalates the feeling and is wrong to put that burden on someone else.

I won't say anything in connection with your situation other than I understand

I'm sure it does help. My father is a commited Christian (as was my mum) which has helped him. My brother has found solace at the bottom of a whiskey bottle which I don't think is helping

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The answer is not at the end of the bottle as I well know. But it dulls the feeling. Do not nag him about his drinking. Does not help. Just be there for your Brother x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"The answer is not at the end of the bottle as I well know. But it dulls the feeling. Do not nag him about his drinking. Does not help. Just be there for your Brother x"

I don't even mention it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I,m a widow, I prefer not to mention it.....

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

Lad famously tried it here a couple of years ago ... didnt end well for anyone concerned

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

A friend of ours in vanilla land is widowed he says he tries to avoid mentioning it when dating as he doesn't want pity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I,m a widow, I prefer not to mention it.....

Hi, I'm a genuine widower, sometimes I think it would be nice to meet someone on here who would like a permanent relationship

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By *nick52Man
over a year ago

Warrington

Iam a widower(1 year ago this week), and i mention it in my profile mainly to answer the usual un asked question of "are you a cheating husband ?". It shows my situation and the reason i can accommodate. Would it be better to put single in my profile instead or do you think , widower gives more clarity of being experienced ?.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Iam a widower(1 year ago this week), and i mention it in my profile mainly to answer the usual un asked question of "are you a cheating husband ?". It shows my situation and the reason i can accommodate. Would it be better to put single in my profile instead or do you think , widower gives more clarity of being experienced ?."

I think your wording is fine. It's a fact about you

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By *carletnsparksMan
over a year ago

halifax

Recently widowed here but not looking to meet again just yet, not would I use that fact to get a meet. I use the forum to escape my reality for a short time rather than turning to alcohol to forget

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was widowed 2 years ago ..I mention it on my profile ..not sure why ????but I guess im just stating the facts ..I came back to Fab a year after he died its honestly made me feel alive again ...I know he would be cheering me on .

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"I was widowed 2 years ago ..I mention it on my profile ..not sure why ????but I guess im just stating the facts ..I came back to Fab a year after he died its honestly made me feel alive again ...I know he would be cheering me on ."

Only here the once. Nice pics by the way. John.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have also been messaged a number of times by women that have unfortunately lost their husbands.

Generally they certainly not looking for a relationship but just have needs they need fulfilling. More than happy to help of course !

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By *romagefraisWoman
over a year ago

Sunderland

Nah, but people say all kind of bollocks on here. That would put me right off, especially if it was true, are they looking for a sympathy fuck?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lad famously tried it here a couple of years ago ... didnt end well for anyone concerned"

It was claimed he tried it there was no proof.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just feel that men can't do right for doing wrong.

If they are honest about their situation they are wrong and if they are not honest about their situation they are wrong.

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

i think if they are real then it would not be in the first message it would be something further down the line maybe if a regular thing ..

however there are a group on here to will throw everything at you yo try and pull the heart strings ... about 8 years ago i had a friends husband do just that on another site saying his wife had died but he soon deleted the profile when i said thats funny i saw her in work today ...thing some say just to try and get a wet willie

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

"I just feel that men can't do right for doing wrong.

If they are honest about their situation they are wrong and if they are not honest about their situation they are wrong. "

men do have it very hard that i do agree i would not want to be a single guy on any site swing or date

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very open and honest of you Respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just cannot imagine it's something anyone would lie about , although accept it coukd happen.

Agreed it definitely wouldn't be in the first message though and the ladies we have me tit certainly was true regarding their husbands.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

It’s sad that people would try to manipulate others like that and play on sympathies to deceive others for sex. Anyone doing that is an appalling human.

The only thing that I can say is if a message rings alarm bells, block them and move on. You can’t always tell who’s genuine and who isn’t, grief presents in different ways for different people. Sometimes people share hard feelings to try to normalise them, it doesn’t make the situation fake. All you can do is go with your gut.

There was a guy on here that was lying about being a widower and got caught, his (very alive) wife found out and he ended up with the whole situation blowing up so sadly it does happen.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

Known a couple of widows and widowers on scene over the years. Some who were active before with their late partners, some who found it post their loss. However on Fab you do need to take random Internet strangers with a pinch of salt and use your spidy senses. I sadly wouldn't put it passed some and that is a rapid increase in frequency.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Lad famously tried it here a couple of years ago ... didnt end well for anyone concerned

It was claimed he tried it there was no proof. "

Oh...was it just some witches brewing a salacious tale in their cauldron?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a widower of 5 years now, my wife and I were on here as a couple from 2012. I lost her in 2017, I have shared a story on the forums about us playing together with a friend which was genuine and plenty more along the way when I get round to it.

I now dress more which she was aware of hence my single profile, I can’t see the point in looking for a sympathy shag with a couple/female by stating the obvious. If it happens and comes up in conversation then fine, that’s not a problem x

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By *oobyHotwife OP Woman
over a year ago

Thurrock

"I just feel that men can't do right for doing wrong.

If they are honest about their situation they are wrong and if they are not honest about their situation they are wrong. "

Usually I agree and usually I'm championing the single guys but after being here 6yrs and never having any conversations about a deceased partner let alone in an opening message to then receive 3 in less than a week rings alarm bells and is a real low point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a widow, always try and mention it asap. Be up front

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By *olden_Road_to_SamarkandMan
over a year ago

North Wessex Downs

Not sure a real widower would mention it, even if just to reassure as a single guy - personal pride is important, and waving a 'widower' flag just to score on Fabs (with people that, if they need that reassurance, probably aren't worth it) is a little sad.

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By *olden_Road_to_SamarkandMan
over a year ago

North Wessex Downs

"I am a widower of 5 years now, my wife and I were on here as a couple from 2012. I lost her in 2017, I have shared a story on the forums about us playing together with a friend which was genuine and plenty more along the way when I get round to it.

Completely get that.

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By *olden_Road_to_SamarkandMan
over a year ago

North Wessex Downs

"i think if they are real then it would not be in the first message it would be something further down the line maybe if a regular thing ..

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By *olden_Road_to_SamarkandMan
over a year ago

North Wessex Downs

"We have also been messaged a number of times by women that have unfortunately lost their husbands.

Generally they certainly not looking for a relationship but just have needs they need fulfilling. More than happy to help of course !"

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By *olden_Road_to_SamarkandMan
over a year ago

North Wessex Downs

A dead wife as a 'marketing tool'

...... saddest thing ever.

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By *nbhir Air DuineMan
over a year ago

Ayr

Interesting to see how others are handling widowhood. I'm 2 years in and it's not getting any easier. Escapism on here passes the time, last thing I'd want to do is use it as a status update for a sympathy shag.

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By *exyD68Man
over a year ago

Nuneaton

I'm a widower of just of a year me and my wife had a couples profile on here so have mentioned it on my profile just to stopping people asking why I'm single now

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By *ain and sortedMan
over a year ago

Old Harlow Essex

For me it's not something I would mention in a 1st message, or even mention it unless asked, my sympothy Ofcourse goes out to others. I started swinging many years ago as a its always something I was interested in exploring, never did until I learnt lifes to short not to do the things you wanted to x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a widower as well. Lost my wife 11 years ago. I do mention it on my profile but only as information.

I can’t accommodate as I live in close proximity to other family members so not being able to accommodate doesn’t necessarily mean a man is cheating. I also still wear my wedding ring in addition to having my wife’s wedding ring on a chain around my neck. Whenever I have met anybody on here I have explained that before meeting and it hasn’t been a problem.

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