FabSwingers.com forum: "is SHE TOO GREEDY?

By *ion2012 OP Couple
over a year ago

London

we been swinging with other guys joining us as a coupel for years now..but we recently joined fab swingers site, which has really open the doors to meet some intresting opened minded people but mostly all men...dont get me wrong its a real turn on for me watching guys fuck my wife..in front of me,but recently i'v met some great M/F coupels on this sit which i would love to have fun with BUT SHE DONT WANT TO SEE ME FUCKING ANOTHER WOMEN, & she not Bi-is that fare? or is it my fault for introducing her to swinging?and now she a greedy women"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah mate that's quite selfish of her to be honest if you can let her fuck other guys and watch then she should do the same for you. But then again she might just be insecure about herself... but have you talked to her about this issue though

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By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

I had this with a girl I was seeing I found out she was on fab and she wanted more cocks one minute and just mine the next........ Women

I suggested making a couples profile and she said I dont want to see you with another woman..... I suggested meeting couples but she wunt have it. I said she was greedy and she agreed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A relationship whether its a swinging one or not is about compromise BUT you can't force someone into compromising especially when it comes to sex if u get off on seeing her with others but she doesn't like it the other way its kinda tough luck I'm afraid!! we play with couples but only he gets to play with the female a lot of the time I just don't wish to play with other men he has tried to encourage me but I just don't want to so that does limit us in finding meets but when we do find a couple or female who suits us its great fun if she's a greedy girl you have to either accept that or take a step back from swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does your oh know that your posting a thread about her? Did you discuss your expectations before you both decided to swing? It's not really selfish of her as its all about our own individual boundaries and what we are comfortable with, there are plenty of couples that only meet single men but I expect that was agreed upon before they started this adventure!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's down to you whether you are happy to continue the way it is or not?

As a couple we wouldn't play with others unless we are both happy.

I (mrS)don't play with single men UNLESS at a party because we BOTH feel it's unfair on Mr.

Mind you i've been known to make up for it

I'd say she's being selfish if your not happy with just the extra men side of it.

Then again if your happy with it that way then it would be she's just greedy.

Either way you need to talk and set out rules.

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By *H.coupleCouple
over a year ago

edinburgh

"we been swinging with other guys joining us as a coupel for years now..but we recently joined fab swingers site, which has really open the doors to meet some intresting opened minded people but mostly all men...dont get me wrong its a real turn on for me watching guys fuck my wife..in front of me,but recently i'v met some great M/F coupels on this sit which i would love to have fun with BUT SHE DONT WANT TO SEE ME FUCKING ANOTHER WOMEN, & she not Bi-is that fare? or is it my fault for introducing her to swinging?and now she a greedy women" "

Thats how we play. however, its my (mr)choice to only want to sleep with mrs, some people say its weird but i know what i like and wont compromise with others.

Have you spoke to her about it?

i personally dont think shes selfish, shes told you what she is and isnt happy with and if you want to do this with her then you need to respect her wishes

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By *eminiman61Man
over a year ago

mansfield

Of course he's not happy or he wouldnt be having a moan/rant

As others have said you need to sit down and have a chat. Youve both enjoyed having guys join you NOW you want to involve couples..... If she doesnt want to see you fucking other women and shes not bi so she doesnt want to play with the woman...... Why not swap partners and do it in different rooms or meet and swing with other couples as a single guy....... However you do things talk about what you BOTH want. Compromise and have fun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thought I'd add an opinion.....sometimes people are in a relationship without realising that their thoughts, feelings and opinions are not taken into consideration....sadly the downside to swinging is that everyone can easily become very selfish.."I'm having a good time attitude"...when you were meeting with single guys, it wasn't an issue...but now that you've met some lovely couples... with ladies that you find attractive...YOU have choices and that scares her....separate rooms may be the answer....but it's seems to be more about her control over you!...I would tentatively suggest that you make sure that you don't "sleepwalk" into a sub/dom situation, and you find yourself not only watching...but trussed up, and gagged!...I'm sorry to be brutal, but we've come across couples like that before....you both seem lovely though...xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I was first introduced by my ex I was young naive and wanting to try new things and he had the fantasy to see another man fuck me while I didn't feel comfortable with it I went along with it but told him I couldn't watch him with another woman, after a few meets with guys I decided I wasn't enjoying it and felt cheap and worthless how could the man I loved enjoy watching another man being intimate with me so when I decided to call it quits I was boring selfish frigid no fun anymore needless to say that was the beginning of the end for us, swinging is not for me In a relationship I'm monogamous and expect the same as my partner when I'm single I'm free to do as I want xx

If she doesn't want you with another woman then you have to respect that and if you're now thinking she's being selfish then you really shouldn't be doing this, sit down talk it through before it becomes resentment

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By *ion2012 OP Couple
over a year ago

London

thanks you all for your intresting comments back,been really usefull for the both of us to reflect on...and come to the conclusion "THAT I'M THE GREEDY ONE" REALLY" LION

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I stopped seeing a partner for this reason.If she gets what she wants great, but I like what I want too..if I can watch her being shagged, it should be the same.The normal excuse I've heard a few times is 'I should be enough for u'-afraid it doesnt work like that for me.I dont like 'controllers' of any sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For those who say it is a control thing, absolute nonsense!

What about the m or f NOT wanting to fuck anyone else...their choice and preference, not their partner/wife saying you WILL not touch anyone!

The majority of couples who swing, will do so in whatever manner they feel appropriate and they will set their own boundaries prior!

As for the OP..if you are not happy and she is not happy...swinging I fear is not for you.

You will do something you regret, or ones does without communication and the other will feel resentment and no relationship is worth sacrificing just for a shag.

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By *aughtywifeandhimCouple
over a year ago

bedford

My wife was like that to start I didn't and still don't mind I enjoy watching her and then joining in,now she has seen me with some woman she is ok,she realised she was Bering unfare ,so she said if I don't meet any women that I like at clubs or party's ,I should have some solo meets,I let her have a couple everynow and again but only with the guys we have met before,,it works well for us,we been together 25 yrs and our sex life is better than ever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you feel like this about the situation you need to talk to her. It sounds like you are getting frustrated and you need to let her know before it spoils your relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I smell divorce in the air.

Say she has 20 guys next year, you watched them all or maybe half of them as she fancied going solo.

Can your ego as a man take such double standards?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When I was first introduced by my ex I was young naive and wanting to try new things and he had the fantasy to see another man fuck me while I didn't feel comfortable with it I went along with it but told him I couldn't watch him with another woman, after a few meets with guys I decided I wasn't enjoying it and felt cheap and worthless how could the man I loved enjoy watching another man being intimate with me so when I decided to call it quits I was boring selfish frigid no fun anymore needless to say that was the beginning of the end for us, swinging is not for me In a relationship I'm monogamous and expect the same as my partner when I'm single I'm free to do as I want xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A relationship whether its a swinging one or not is about compromise BUT you can't force someone into compromising especially when it comes to sex if u get off on seeing her with others but she doesn't like it the other way its kinda tough luck I'm afraid!! we play with couples but only he gets to play with the female a lot of the time I just don't wish to play with other men he has tried to encourage me but I just don't want to so that does limit us in finding meets but when we do find a couple or female who suits us its great fun if she's a greedy girl you have to either accept that or take a step back from swinging "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of my ex girlfriends was a swinger before we got together for a wee while. Her and her boyfriend were the same situation. He let her have fun with other men but she wouldn't allow him to have fun with other women in front of her or without her being there. Total resentment on the guys part eventually leading to a messy divorce. This is the way the op relationship could go I'm afraid. You really need to talk to her. I know I could never be in a relationship and watch another man fuck my girlfriend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you feel like this about the situation you need to talk to her. It sounds like you are getting frustrated and you need to let her know before it spoils your relationship. "

Good point! To the op you need to talk with your partner and soon if you feel this way. Good luck with it and hope things work out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My tuppence - I play with others while my Mr watches. That's what he's into and he knows that he just says the word and I meet no more. I am not into the idea of seeing him with another woman - I don't think that's unfair, he isn't bullied or manipulated into anything, we just only get involved in activities we both feel happy being a part of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Selfish im afraid to say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"For those who say it is a control thing, absolute nonsense!

What about the m or f NOT wanting to fuck anyone else...their choice and preference, not their partner/wife saying you WILL not touch anyone!

The majority of couples who swing, will do so in whatever manner they feel appropriate and they will set their own boundaries prior!

As for the OP..if you are not happy and she is not happy...swinging I fear is not for you.

You will do something you regret, or ones does without communication and the other will feel resentment and no relationship is worth sacrificing just for a shag."

I dont think its absolute nonsense , different cases for everything.I wasnt happy meeting random men coming for just a shag.I wanted to swing, go to parties have fun..and I think straight cpls can do that.I had/have no expectations of my straight partner becoming bisexual/bicurious so that wasnt the problem .I find it weird one partner saying its ok for them to have sex with others, but not for u to have sex with anyone but them?

thats controlling

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

If one half of the couple is making all the choices and doing so for their own pleasure it's selfish.

If the two have spoken about it and considered it and the other half is happy with that it's not selfish.

But from the sounds of the op one half has dictated and the other is going along with that and trying to work out if they're ok with it.

OP, you need to work out if you're ok with it before further play happens or you may be setting up resentment for the future.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disagree that the girlfriend of the OP is necessarily being selfish or controlling - full swap just isn't for some people, if he's been happy with watching (which he says he was) or having mmf or whatever, that's fine on it's own, it doesn't mean that automatically she has to be okay with him being with someone else, or to magically make herself bi (?!). In my eyes it is manipulative to take the stance of "but I let you do it" - everything should be agreed as a couple - no consensus, no play!

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By *ion2012 OP Couple
over a year ago

London

whilst all the replys are valued this last comments seem's to be spot on statement,and personally discrimed our situation at the TIME...since posting the TOPIC,& after talking it through with my partner we both concluded & agree 100% with your comments,and clearly i was trying to change the agreed rules between us both when we started swinging "tyipcal Man

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What a minefield and so many different opinions most of which have merit. Personally I couldn't put up with the inequality but many enjoy it so it has to be for the individuals involved to decide. Good luck OP hope it works out for you.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

if your a couple,swinging is not sexual freedom,unless everyone is free.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Of course he's not happy or he wouldnt be having a moan/rant

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By *an and wifeyCouple
over a year ago

n lincs

It was the misses that was more keen to have fun on fab than myself as i.m quite a jealous guy but we set a few rules and up to press we are both having fun. No jealousy its just horny horny fun

but its the rules that you set

but surely you can't have 1 rule for 1 then a totally opposite for the other

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There could be a number of reasons why she has taken this stance, but the most important thing is - YOU are clearly not happy with the situation, so it's time to have a proper, heart to heart talk and lay your cards on the table.

If you are swinging as a coup;e, what you do has to work for BOTH of you - even if that happens to be some kind of cuckold relationship, and yours sounds to be heading that way if it's not already there.

Talk. Simple as that.

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By *reelove1969Couple
over a year ago

bristol

dont agree that she is being greedy at all.

I think its important that both parties are happy with the set up from the word go and it seems that this was the situation .. however, some way down the road to change the rules and state that 'youve slept with other guys so its only fair that i sleep with other women' seems a little unfair. Had this been proposed from the outset then, in my opionion, its highly likely that your lady wud have opted out of going down this road at all as part of the set up makes her feel uneasy so I conclude that she is not being greedy but merely stating that the proposed situation is not something that she is comfortable with. which seems perfectly reasonable to me

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Totally agree this isn't the same as sharing a bag of sweets.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As many have said. Communication is the key.

You have to talk to her as otherwise resentment can build. I love to see a man I'm with enjoying another woman. Not all women do though

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our way of playing too,suits both our needs.

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By *ion2012 OP Couple
over a year ago

London

i agree with the previouse person comments,it clear if i had even mentioned when we started swinging i want to swing with other women my partner would of said your Dam crazy? and she would of never agreeed to swing at all...i confess i'm obviously trying to change goal post now? which is clearly not the right approach, so thanks all for your comments it really helped me to reflect

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Play with her M m f. Watch her shagging other guys if you like and discuss the chances of you shagging other women . She sounds like she is some sort of fun girl and I would concentrate on keeping her happy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would a couple only let one half of the couple swap anyway?? Surely you should both be able to play with other people??!!

Jealousy perhaps??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I GOT SAME PROBLEM..she happy to have threesome fun, as long as i dont have other woman..she lot younger than me,but she says she get jealous of thought of me with a woman..good job,i dont mind..enjoy another guy joining us and giving her double pleasure

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Surely you should discuss all issues and expectations well before your first meet? Before any kind of swinging happens!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're not happy with being a forced cuckold and believe yourself to have more alpha-male qualities it's upto you to do something about it.

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