FabSwingers.com forum: Dom/sub or manipulative nonsense?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Im sure theres people "very into it","clued up on it" indeed experts on it.

Twice in all my years swinging i have watched lovely fun contacts suddenly stop being lovely fun contacts due to, "i have a master now".

Would you actually opt for a swinging site to declare yourself "a master"? And likewise a sub,"do all he says" woman?

Or is it quite gullable of her and manipulative of him?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im sure theres people "very into it","clued up on it" indeed experts on it.

Twice in all my years swinging i have watched lovely fun contacts suddenly stop being lovely fun contacts due to, "i have a master now".

Would you actually opt for a swinging site to declare yourself "a master"? And likewise a sub,"do all he says" woman?

Or is it quite gullable of her and manipulative of him?"

Goes other way round to though with Mistresses and subs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not manipulative really. Subs actually hold all the power in a DS relationship and its about far more than a Sub doing everything the Dom wants.

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

"It's not manipulative really. Subs actually hold all the power in a DS relationship and its about far more than a Sub doing everything the Dom wants."
spot on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people do it because they read some books.

Some people are very serious about it.

Some people just have fun with it.

Some people are jealous of it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's not manipulative really. Subs actually hold all the power in a DS relationship and its about far more than a Sub doing everything the Dom wants."

Yes, i realise that part,, she acts sub yet still has the power to to say, wohhh stop etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It runs far deeper than that. But yes, in a nutshell.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not manipulative really. Subs actually hold all the power in a DS relationship and its about far more than a Sub doing everything the Dom wants."

See now I kind of find that difficult to understand; if a Dom/Master decided he wanted to leave the relationship, he could just as easily as the sub can

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It runs far deeper than that. But yes, in a nutshell."

Ok, certainly thats the bit i dont realise/understand.

And i have kinda dared myself to both ask and show my lack of understanding of it by pinging my opinion of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not manipulative really. Subs actually hold all the power in a DS relationship and its about far more than a Sub doing everything the Dom wants.

See now I kind of find that difficult to understand; if a Dom/Master decided he wanted to leave the relationship, he could just as easily as the sub can"

Same as any relationship. A D/S relationship isn't all that different in that respect. There's a different dynamic, certainly, but it similar to a regular relationship. Often they're more solid.

It's difficult and lengthy to explain and there are a lot of misconceptions and myths.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not manipulative really. Subs actually hold all the power in a DS relationship and its about far more than a Sub doing everything the Dom wants.

See now I kind of find that difficult to understand; if a Dom/Master decided he wanted to leave the relationship, he could just as easily as the sub can

Same as any relationship. A D/S relationship isn't all that different in that respect. There's a different dynamic, certainly, but it similar to a regular relationship. Often they're more solid.

It's difficult and lengthy to explain and there are a lot of misconceptions and myths. "

Actually I came to the conclusion that they are not as solid as any non d/s relationship because I have seen normal relationships that are solid, so I cannot agree there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not saying that a normal relationship can't be solid, I wouldn't dare suggest that. There's often a deeper respect and trust in a DS relationship, if there isn't it can't survive, same with any relationship.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm not saying that a normal relationship can't be solid, I wouldn't dare suggest that. There's often a deeper respect and trust in a DS relationship, if there isn't it can't survive, same with any relationship."

True I suppose but surely there is no point in any relationship if there isn't trust and respect?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't do it for me and I've lost countless meets because I won't play along.

I am of course talking sub/dom roleplay as opposed to an actual sub/dom relationship.

I don't dismiss it as claptrap just because it doesn't work for me though.

If it works for them, be happy for them !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

True I suppose but surely there is no point in any relationship if there isn't trust and respect?"

It's a different dynamic thats all. Same basic principle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It doesn't do it for me and I've lost countless meets because I won't play along.

I am of course talking sub/dom roleplay as opposed to an actual sub/dom relationship.

I don't dismiss it as claptrap just because it doesn't work for me though.

If it works for them, be happy for them !"

I totally agree entirely.

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By *EXY50ishWoman
over a year ago

Anywhere and nowhere

I'm sub to my lover, he isn't my master. In fact he tells me he's the slave in our relationship. I have a job and a role in life where I'm in control, when I'm with him I lose that control. He collars me, he "loans" me to other men, but I'm not manipulated in anyway, its all about MY pleasure. When I'm wearing his collar and he's dire ting other men how to pleasure me, I'm not down trodden or used, I'm empowered, because the minute I say no it would stop. The whole point is that the sub, does it willingly and submits she's not forced.

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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago

carrbrook stalybridge

"I'm sub to my lover, he isn't my master. In fact he tells me he's the slave in our relationship. I have a job and a role in life where I'm in control, when I'm with him I lose that control. He collars me, he "loans" me to other men, but I'm not manipulated in anyway, its all about MY pleasure. When I'm wearing his collar and he's dire ting other men how to pleasure me, I'm not down trodden or used, I'm empowered, because the minute I say no it would stop. The whole point is that the sub, does it willingly and submits she's not forced.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not manipulative really. Subs actually hold all the power in a DS relationship and its about far more than a Sub doing everything the Dom wants.

See now I kind of find that difficult to understand; if a Dom/Master decided he wanted to leave the relationship, he could just as easily as the sub can"

The sub sets the limits, which is why many consider the sub to have the power. The Dom decides what to do within those limits and may also encourage the sub to stretch them.

I've found in D/s that subs are more likely to be manipulative to get the Dom to do what they want. It's not all subs though.

A good D/s relationship isn't manipulative, it's trusting and if not based on love (which many aren't), it's built on a desire to please (from the sub) and a sense of responsibility and caring (from the Dom), along with mutual trust and respect.

I disagree that the sub has all the power but they certainly define the limits and have an equal right to say "no" or "stop".

Saying "no" might end the relationship though, so it's not always clear cut.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I should also point out that D/s roleplay is very different to lifestyle D/s, (which is sometimes not sexual at all).

Lifestyle D/s is more about service and being served than about being in charge in the bedroom.

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By *ub bbwWoman
over a year ago

oldbury

I am not down trodden in anyway I get my pleasure from “kinky fuckery” but sexually am submissive. I am a dominant person in every day life and therefore relenquishing that role and giving control to Sir is a release that I crave. I was on this site as a single fem then I met Sir and the chemistry was there from day one. He looks after me and cares for me better than many vanilla partners I have had in the past. The trust in our relationship is vital due to the nature of our play and in the past with normal relationships I have not trusted them but carried on anyway. I can't do that in a dom sub relationship as it would be detrimental.

Dom sub relationships are not much different tho as its about pleasing your Dom and in doing so you get your own pleasure. How many people do that in vanilla relationships I know plenty that do that don't feel fulfilled in doing so.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Totally agree. We do participate in Sub/Dom activities, and for me it is because she enjoys the feeling. Therefore for me it ensuring that she gets what she's craving, whilst at all times keeping within our boundaries.

There is no manipulation taking place, as we are both equal when we're not in sub Dom role.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do not believe it is complete nonsense.

Each to their own at the end of the day.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"Some people do it because they read some books.

Some people are very serious about it.

Some people just have fun with it.

Some people are jealous of it."

I'll go with that if a few more are added:

Some people don't understand the first thing about it and toss around being a sub or Dom like cocks on cam in the chatroom.

Some people call themselves very Dom when what they really mean is 'selfish' or 'bossy' or 'inconsiderate'.

Some people call themselves very sub when they mean 'passive' or 'lazy' or 'like to be guided during sex'.

Some people.... sorry I've started thinking about breakfast.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am quite A happy sub to my Master. We are different in that he is not my hubby.

When I wanted to explore D/s I knew I could not be sub to Benz as we have been together many years and that's not the relationship we have. Benz would never have wanted the role either.

So I was lucky to find an understanding Master who I am happily sub to and who cares about me. I'm not abused or humiliated. My Master knows my submission is a gift and treats it as such.

I'm not someone who has been abused or mistreated in the past. I'm not into being beaten or treated like shit. My sub dude is an extension of my life.

Because Master is not my hubby he understands I can't and won't live the lifestyle 24/7 but Master does play a daily part of my life.

Not everyone will understand just like not everyone would understand other choices we make in swinging.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could never enter into a dom/sub relationship, I wouldn't ever allow myself to be dominated, I could not call anyone master or sir or mistress. I don't have the personality to even play at that. I'm quite opinionated, strong minded, and I find it patronising.

There are though plenty of very astute, intelligent, assertive, businessmen who love to lose control and it doesn't make them any less of a strong willed, intelligent man. I wouldn't try and explain it.

There are some people who are just wannabes, they think that if they call their partner master, get tied up and hget whipped with a whip bought from Ann Summers that they are subs. I think thesae people arfe just having a play at it and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, its just playful fun.

There are people who like dangerous extremes. Like to live in a dom/sub relationship where activities escalate to physical assault, grevious/actual bodily harm etc. This is the kind of relationship I could never understand. I wonder about previous life experiences, what makes the sadist the way they are and similarly the masochist. I have observed, in a professional capacity, the extremes which have led to criminal offence and I do feel this kind of relationship is dangerous and unhealthy.

I find some of it fascinating. I could not watch something extreme but I could observe a little up to the limits I'm comfortable with witnessing. I could listen to stories all day about it.

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By *EXY50ishWoman
over a year ago

Anywhere and nowhere

"I am not down trodden in anyway I get my pleasure from “kinky fuckery” but sexually am submissive. I am a dominant person in every day life and therefore relenquishing that role and giving control to Sir is a release that I crave. I was on this site as a single fem then I met Sir and the chemistry was there from day one. He looks after me and cares for me better than many vanilla partners I have had in the past. The trust in our relationship is vital due to the nature of our play and in the past with normal relationships I have not trusted them but carried on anyway. I can't do that in a dom sub relationship as it would be detrimental.

Well said x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can be very, very submissive with men, but would never consider entering a relationship with a Master.

In 'real life' I'm a very strong and independant woman, and the thought of having to obey every command, be available at his beck and call etc just doesn't do it for me.

The men I meet from here do tend to be the ones who claim to be dominant, although I won't let them do anything along those lines to me until I've got to know them in person a little. Once I'm happy that I'm safe with them and we have an element of trust between us, then bring it on! Yes, I love the whips and chains, but I also like being degraded, used, abused....mmmmm

But would I leave this site because somebody wanted me for themselves? No chance.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"It's not manipulative really. Subs actually hold all the power in a DS relationship and its about far more than a Sub doing everything the Dom wants."

Couldn't have put it better myself!

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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago

Midlothian

To the point of"declaring" ourselfes on a swingers site:

Kinksters who are not swingers are not on here.

Kinksters who swing as well as having a power exchange relationship are,and declaring ourselfes shows them that we understand the etiquette involved.

Our mix of pics shows that we enjoy BDSM as well as "just swinging" + happy to leave our flogger @ home

We are active on here as well as the fetish site + are having a fantastic time.

We found that most ppl who meet us @ a swinging party are very interessted to learn more,and many are more kinky than they realize!!!...

anyway this site is for having fun whatever your fun is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To the point of"declaring" ourselfes on a swingers site:

Kinksters who are not swingers are not on here.

Kinksters who swing as well as having a power exchange relationship are,and declaring ourselfes shows them that we understand the etiquette involved.

Our mix of pics shows that we enjoy BDSM as well as "just swinging" + happy to leave our flogger @ home

We are active on here as well as the fetish site + are having a fantastic time.

We found that most ppl who meet us @ a swinging party are very interessted to learn more,and many are more kinky than they realize!!!...

anyway this site is for having fun whatever your fun is

Couldn't agree more!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im sure theres people "very into it","clued up on it" indeed experts on it.

Twice in all my years swinging i have watched lovely fun contacts suddenly stop being lovely fun contacts due to, "i have a master now".

Would you actually opt for a swinging site to declare yourself "a master"? And likewise a sub,"do all he says" woman?

Or is it quite gullable of her and manipulative of him?"

Or is it quite lazy of one and demanding of the other?

Or .....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yay _ansusie :D

bdsm is so complex that on a site such as this you can only ever gloss over it.

Even within bdsm the definitions arnt set, so being a Master or a dom means something different to each couple.

submissive for someone, might be a slave,a bottom, to someone else.

Until you know the power exchange you wont know who is in control. Then there are 'switches' too.

It comes up so often on the bdsm sites.

No one tick box will work with real people,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would you actually opt for a swinging site to declare yourself "a master"? And likewise a sub,"do all he says" woman?

I joined fab because I'd been going to a club for a while and enjoyed it and wanted to further my experiences. I know class myself as a swinger. When I joined fab I knew I had enjoyed being sub before but not looking for a dom, not looking for someone to dom me and not looking to submit to someone.

I have never put on my profile that I am sub because of the amount of Mr Grey wannabes on here who've read the books and think anyone can do it.

I am NOT a do all he says kind of woman and there have been some occasions where I've been quite bratty to my dom and where the vanilla me has had a meltdown. I spend my work life being in control and since the death of my dad I've been in control of a lot of family stuff too so for me its such an amazing release when I am with my dom and I don't have to be in control.

So no I didn't come on here looking for it - I've never broadcast it either really and no I'm not a down trodden woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a bit of a how long is a piece of string question.

Every d/s relationship will be different. There does seem to be a weird scale of d/s assessment by others though. If you're not extreme enough you're a wanabee if you're too extreme you're weird. For me it's a discussion between both and an understanding of what you both want. Finding the right person who pushes all your buttons is often a lifelong search. The main thing is that it should be based on trust.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I have never been in a total power exchange relationship and don't think I ever could to be fair. I do have sub tendencies and, as said above I have them tended to very well

For us it's about exploring boundaries, trying new things and seeing what we like. We can only do this because we trust each other. I know that if I say stop he will and he knows of I feel uncomfortable I will say so.

If anything the sub can be more manipulative at times, doing certain things that they know will get them a punishment....

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By *witch mix vanillaCouple
over a year ago

Bolton

"It's not manipulative really. Subs actually hold all the power in a DS relationship and its about far more than a Sub doing everything the Dom wants.spot on

yep spot on, I should know I am the sub in our relationship

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I have never been in a total power exchange relationship and don't think I ever could to be fair. I do have sub tendencies and, as said above I have them tended to very well

If anything the sub can be more manipulative at times, doing certain things that they know will get them a punishment....

Totally agree with you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I have never been in a total power exchange relationship and don't think I ever could to be fair. I do have sub tendencies and, as said above I have them tended to very well

If anything the sub can be more manipulative at times, doing certain things that they know will get them a punishment....

Yes you do. And I make sure you learn your lesson.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Im sure theres people "very into it","clued up on it" indeed experts on it.

Twice in all my years swinging i have watched lovely fun contacts suddenly stop being lovely fun contacts due to, "i have a master now".

Would you actually opt for a swinging site to declare yourself "a master"? And likewise a sub,"do all he says" woman?

Or is it quite gullable of her and manipulative of him?"

I think the many aspects of this sort of relationship have been covered in other replies but I wanted to answer this question direct

The fact is that maybe they didn't stop becoming fun because they found a master. But because they found a new relationship and wanted to concentrate on that

A power exchange relationship is a relationship after all. I am finding that now I'm without my master that I am far less fun now. Because I lack the motivation.

I've lost plenty of fun playmates because they have met some one.

I do think that sometimes people see it as manipulative relationships but I think that happens more when it's playing at it and normally the sub.

Yes there are some guys who have no idea about this or pray on the vulnerable but subs can normally spot them a mile off.

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh can I add I didn't have if power in my relationship and couldn't accept a Dom that let me either.

For me it had to be total control given to my former master. But that worked for me

Cali

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sub to my Master & only to him. I trust him completely & know that while he will push my boundaries he will not abuse them.

When we are with others we don't expect them to be into to D/s or BDSM like we are so it's not the be all & end all. In saying that there are things I will not do with others that I will do with my Master.

I adore looking after my Master & will gladly do things (non sexual) that I wouldn't do for others.

I always think what would A ( my Master) think before I do anything in my life.

My biggest turn on is pleasing him

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By *reedy_for_funCouple
over a year ago

My House

Im a sub and I suppose you could say my husband is therefore my master but it isnt that straightforward. Im only sub in the bedroom and nowhere else. I like to be ordered, controlled, abused and used BUT only in the bedroom. When I first told 'him' I liked bondage he was shocked and really didnt want to partake. He's always treated me as an equal, always listened to my point of view, didnt like to see me hurt etc but I needed something different in the bed. So he learnt bondage techniques to please me. Then I told I wanted to be a sub and all the things I want to go with it. Again, 'he' accepted and took on the mantel of 'master' in the bedroom even though, at first, it was obviously uncomfortable for him to treat me that way. Now though, hes totally perfect at pleasing me in this way (which isnt a lifestyle choice for us, neither is it something that we do every time we have sex etc but for those times when it I have a burning desire for it)

While swinging, I do like to meet very dom men, I love being told what to do, how to do it, letting the man use me as he sees fit but only if my man is there too. Not only for my safety but also because it excites me to be had by others while my man joins in (and luckily for me, he likes to watch and join in while other guys use me).

We never do this sort of thing when meeting couples or single fems though (unless thats their thing too), we save that for single guy meets.

G xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to their own! ..... i love to dominate ladies its just my thing and the ladies i've met over the years never complain

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I adore looking after my Master & will gladly do things (non sexual) that I wouldn't do for others.

I always think what would A ( my Master) think before I do anything in my life.

My biggest turn on is pleasing him"

Slightly off topic but reading this you just made me realise why I've lost my mojo. I am no longer playing to please my master and without serving it just seems pointless.x

Btw it's been very nice reading some of these devoted tales from subs.

Cali

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